STANDARD DISCLAIMERS APPLIED: I don't own any of the Gundam Wing characters mentioned.
Title: Love Breeds Misery, but Patience Breeds Love (part 1)
Date written: 23092000 (Sat)
Warnings: yaoi, 4x3, angst plus Sap
Time zone of setting: AC 200 (November)
Part1: Love Breeds Misery
Trowa stared out of the window blindly, deep in thoughts...
Its coming to two years since we're married... but how often do we actually see each other, Quatre? In a total only around 6 months, am I right, Quatre? I know that you're very busy being heir to the large Winners' fortune and businesses, and I really wish to share your burden, but you never allow me to... Quatre, you've always been willingly to care and help me... but...but why don't you let me do the same? You claim that your only wish is for me to be free from any extra burden and be happy, but... can't you see? You're only making me feel so worthless, so useless... Quatre, I really want to help, to share your joys and depressions, to see you through your ups and down, but you never let me... always only sharing the happy side with me and leaving out all the unhappy moments. But, Quatre doesn't you realise that by doing this, you've in fact starved our relationship? Stopping it from coming a full circle? Our relationship is no longer whole, unlike in the past, during the wartime, when we join forces to survive the toughest challenge, you protecting me and I shielding you. But now... Quatre, our relationship is left only with a fake front of happiness... I'm scared, awfully scared that one day... one day every thing will just crumble...
"Dong! Dong!" The sound broke Trowa out from the haze of thoughts, he turned around and looked at the time.
Its already two O'clock, way past mid-night... and tomorrow is our second wedding-anniversary... will you be back in time? You've promise to find time and come back on this special day, our special day. But... Quatre, its alright, I understand that you are really busy... maybe...maybe I should just mail you your present, ne? I'm not complaining all what Quatre, I never does, not even when I was young in the hands of those mercenaries, and I never will, but... but I really wish for you to understand how I feel. I been through a lot since I was young. However, never something like this... I don't really know how to handles matters of the heart well, and you know this to, and you've said that you'll never blame me for it, and its not my fault, but scarring left behind from the past. Quatre... can you understand... do you understand how hard is it for me to accept my love for you and learn to accept your family as well... a large family, whom I know many form it doesn't really accept me or wishes for a poor nobody like me to be around... a poor nobody who worst of all happened to be a guy. Most of the times, I really feel like an intruder, and outsider trying to force his way in... Quatre, can you feel how uncomfortable I'm with this life? But, I choose to stay on, because of you, Quatre, for our love. Yet, we hardly ever meet, the last time I see you was around 4 months back in late-July... I really miss you Quatre, why don't you let me be by your side, be with you... that's all I want, that's all is needed to make me really happy. But... but I'll not allow you to see how I really feel, if... if you comes back... I'll put on a mask for you and pretend to be happy and satisfy... after all I've been wearing a mask for most of my life... Quatre, I wish for you to understand, but...but I'll never tell you, never reveal to you and just play my role, the role you assigned me, like an actor, following the director's instructions blindly...
------End of Part 1-----
