A/N Hello again dear followers. Apologies for my long departure. I've been planning a wedding and in the middle of some deadlines with work. But I wanted to write something for Froggattcoyles and Sillybeggar's birthdays this week. I would have written you one each, but time wouldn't allow for it. I tried to incorporate something that I knew each of you would love. Happy Birthday my lovely friends.
"Alright," she announced as she entered the sitting room in a black dress. After multiple outfits being tried on and discarded, only to be switched out for another one that proved to be less flattering than the last. "This is as good as it's going to get," Anna said sounding defeated.
John's eyes had raised to look in her direction the moment he heard her shuffling down the stairs. A smile gracing his face at the sight of his breathtaking wife. "I think you look absolutely wonderful."
"I don't feel wonderful. I look huge no matter what color or fabric I try on. This is the only thing I feel remotely comfortable in." She rubbed at her swollen belly and leaned back in an effort to stretch her spine where it ached.
"You're not huge, my darling," John replied back. He removed his reading glasses and placed a bookmark on the page he'd been staring at. "You are full with child and you are glowing," John corrected her as he set his book down on the side table. He really hadn't been able to pay much attention to it. His wife was due to give birth in less than two weeks to their first child. It was only natural that every little sound or action that was out of the ordinary would trigger him to spring into action.
"That's not a glow. I'm perspiring from being cooped up in that bathroom while curling my hair."
John rose to his feet and crossed the room to place a kiss on her forehead. "Well you look lovely all the same. We don't have to go if you don't want. They'll understand if we can't make Edith's wedding, given your condition."
Anna rolled her eyes. She loved her man madly, but Anna couldn't wait until their baby arrived so he could shift his attentions to their child instead of her. In all fairness, he was simply being the devoted husband she had always known him to be, and soon he would be the father she always knew he was meant to be. After the first few miscarriages they had thought there would never be a baby Bates to dote on or care for. Now it was only a matter of days before their little one would be with them in the flesh, a miracle that had been long wished and prayed for. It scared and thrilled them in equal measure. They had read every parenting book they could get their hands on, the house had been baby proofed months ago, the final touches placed on the nursery a few days before. One last hurdle awaited them, the birth of their baby.
Anna hoped the night out with the Crawleys would be a nice distraction from the waiting game. A last hurrah of sorts before they took the plunge into parenthood and their lives turned upside down in the best way possible. "I want to go. I've been under house arrest for the last few weeks," she joked. "I finally have some energy and I need some social interaction before I go crazy."
"You don't like socializing with me?" he teased with a waggle of his eyebrows.
"I love socializing with you," she responded before pressing a kiss to her husband's cheek. He looked simply divine in his suit and her hormones were working overtime. Anna had heard of women craving their husbands affections more than usual during pregnancy, but she not expected it to be so intense. He could literally walk into a room with a stain covered shirt and his hair a haphazard mess, and she'd have wanted to jump his bones, for lack of a better word. She hoped he understood he'd been more than she could have hoped for when it came to supporting her during this time in their lives. "I just need to socialize in a different way with my girlfriends." She wiped the spot where her lipstick had left a mark. "And besides the change of scenery would be nice," Anna added when she noticed he wasn't fully convinced. They lived in a simple townhouse in the city and Anna always loved going to the countryside estate for a bit of fresh air to recharge her batteries and unwind.
"I don't know...it's not as close to the hospital as I'd prefer to be," he confessed.
"It's not that far, besides the doctor said I was still on schedule for my due date in January. And even if I do go into labor Dr. Clarkson will be there."
While that wasn't his prefered method of bringing their child into the world, he supposed it wasn't the worst alternative. Anna had already had her cervical cerclage removed two weeks before and it appeared that their baby was quite content staying where it was for now.
"Well you just thought of everything now didn't you?" John said with a grin.
"I anticipated there would be some resistance from you," she answered back.
John let his hand rest on her stomach, a resounding kick followed soon after against his palm. "You're sure this is what you want?"
"Please," she begged. Anna stuck out her bottom lip in a pout and John knew there would be no arguing with her after that.
"Alright, I give in. But the moment you feel tired we are coming home," he insisted.
"How about I agree to sit down and take it easy?" Anna negotiated.
He let out a sigh. "Fine. Just promise me you will listen to your body. I don't want you wearing yourself out."
"I promise," she responded. Anna threw her arms around his neck and kissed him once more before they collected their things and loaded up the car.
"You were awfully quiet on the drive up," John commented as they pulled into the driveway of the Crawley mansion. "Penny for your thoughts."
"I'm just thinking." Her hand was rubbing circles over her stomach.
"Anything I can help with? You seem very pensive." He noted the way her brow furrowed like she was deep in concentration.
"Hmmm? No, just…"
He waited patiently. "Just what?"
"What?"
Whatever the matter, she was very distracted. "That's it, we're going home," he concluded. John's instinct already told him this wasn't a good idea, and Anna's behavior wasn't doing anything to abate that feeling.
"No."
"Then talk to me."
"I just thought I felt something different than before."
His eyes widened at that confession. He put the key back into the ignition ready to drive her to the nearest hospital, John was about to throw it in reverse when he felt Anna's hand on his arm.
"I'm fine. It passed. I think it was just indigestion," she ventured a guess.
John let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding in as he slumped back against the seat. He was more than grateful that their child was taking it's time to arrive, but sometimes he wished their child had arrived at Christmas as Anna had originally hoped for. At least then they could put this anxiety behind them. "Maybe we should wait out here for a moment, in case you change your mind," he offered.
"Well we could, but I'm likely to have an accident if I don't get to the loo soon. The baby has been kicking my bladder the whole way here." Anna smiled, hoping to reassure him.
"Alright. Stay there though. I'll come to help you out of the car. There's ice everywhere and I don't need you slipping and falling." With his lame leg, John knew if she were to take a spill he wouldn't be of much use getting her back up.
Anna nodded and smiled gratefully at the gesture; she could barely get out of the car on her own anymore anyway.
"John. Anna. We didn't think you'd make it," Cora commented. She greeted each of them with a kiss on the cheek as they came through the foyer.
"Oh?" Anna replied. "Were we not invited?"
"No. Of course you were. It's just with you being due so soon… I thought you'd want to skip the nuptials and stay home," Cora clarified.
Anna was beginning to regret her decision to attend. She was dreading the curious eyes that would be staring at her like a time bomb ready to explode at any minute. There were going to be so many comments about her size (even if they were meant with the best intentions), and the birth (which she really didn't want to dwell on right now). It wasn't as if they hadn't done their due diligence and attended a Lamaze class. But talking about it and doing it were two very different things. The more Anna considered the size of her growing belly and her petite frame the more daunting the task became in her mind.
"I wish she had," John expressed as he helped his wife out of her coat. "Not that we didn't want to be here for Edith's big day, but she should be taking it easy."
Anna paused at the sudden twinge in her lower belly.
"Darling? Are you quite well?"
"Yes, quite. But I need to excuse myself to use the restroom," Anna said.
"Of course. You know where it is," Cora responded. "We'll be in the dining room. Our cook, Mrs. Patmore, is putting out a spread for the guests. Should I have her whip up something special for you Anna?"
"No. I wouldn't want to be a bother. I can eat what everyone else is eating," she replied.
"She wasn't feeling well on the way over," John noted.
"Perhaps some ginger ale then to settle your stomach?" Cora asked.
"I'll get that", John quickly volunteered.
"Don't fuss," Anna playfully insisted.
John couldn't help himself. He wanted to be of use to Anna in her time of need. He felt bad enough as it was that she wasn't sleeping well, her back ached, and her feet were swollen. It wasn't as if she didn't want to have a baby, but he couldn't help feeling guilty for putting her in that position. "I want to fuss," he replied with a boyish smile.
Having been to the Crawleys' house many times before, Anna saw herself to the powder room as John put their coats away and saw to her drink. After relieving herself she went to check her hair in the mirror and stopped to brace herself against the counter as she felt a pain overtake her. She let out a breath of air as it passed and paused as her hand ran across the length of her belly. That couldn't be what she thought it was. She supposed it was possible her labor was starting, but as she waited awhile to see if the pain would return Anna convinced herself it was all in her head. It was probably just their baby moving into position to get ready to be born as Dr. Ryder told her would happen. Just then a knock on the door interrupted her thoughts.
"Anna?"
She immediately recognized Mary's voice. "Yes," she answered between gritted teeth.
"They are nearly ready to start the service. Are you alright in there?"
"I'm fine. I'll be right out." Anna splashed some cool water on the back of her neck and tried to appear calm and collected. She opened the door with a smile.
"Oh my goodness. You look so…"
"Huge," Anna filled in.
"I was going to say gorgeous," Mary corrected her. "I don't think I looked nearly as happy or was glowing as much as you are so far into my pregnancy with George."
"That's ridiculous," Anna argued. "You looked incredible. I should know, I was there with you the day you went into labor."
"Should you be on your feet right now?" Mary fretted.
"I think John would have me under house arrest if he could. He hasn't let me do much the past two weeks. It's been nice to stretch my legs," Anna reported.
"Well, that comes with the territory. Matthew wasn't much different. Just take it as a reassurance that he loves you and the baby. He only means to help," Mary said as she gave Anna's arm a reassuring squeeze.
They made their way into the dining room where Anna was nearly swarmed by all the women attending the nuptials, including their long time friends: Phyllis, Elsie, Rose, Sybil, and Daisy.
"Anna!" Rose said with unbridled excitement. "Oh, look at you!" The younger Crawley cousin had grown to love Anna like a sister. She had spent just as much time with her having grown up with the Crawley girls while her parents were away in India.
Anna stopped to strike a pose and put her profile on display. It was a gesture that made John prouder than he could ever imagine. He already felt lucky enough to be able to call her his wife, but to be able to call her the mother of his child was something he was very much relishing. It was a role she was destined to play; she was already such a natural.
"When's it due?" Rose asked.
"In about ten days," Anna replied. Her eyes sought out John's within the circle of women and they shared a knowing smile. Anticipation had been building for months now, but as of tomorrow they would be in the single digits of their countdown. A milestone they had been very much looking forward to.
Having just become a new mother herself a few months before, Rose couldn't be happier for Anna. Though they weren't as close friends as Anna and Mary were, the younger woman knew that John and Anna had been married longer than she had been to Atticus. Rose was sure that motherhood had been something on Anna's wish list for some time after she saw the way the expectant mother had swooned over pictures of her newborn only a few months before.
"Oh, I don't envy you, but it's such fun after. That's what you've got to keep telling yourself while it's going on," Rose shared her wisdom.
Anna's eyes widened a little at the comment, but she put on a brave face that even managed to fool her husband. As much as she wanted to meet her baby, Anna had just gotten used to the idea of being pregnant. After their failed attempts to stay pregnant before, she hadn't really allowed herself to celebrate fully in case something should go wrong. The idea of giving birth-after the difficult delivery Sybil had-consumed Anna with fear; even after all the classes she and John had attended. It probably sounded foolish, but Anna wanted to avoid it just a little longer if she could help it. At least with their baby growing inside her, she knew it was safe.
Everyone temporarily dispersed to take their places for the wedding in the library. Anna tried to get comfortable as she sat towards the back, next to John.
"Do you ever regret it?" He asked in a low voice.
"No," she answered. Even without speaking the words Anna knew exactly what her husband was referring to.
"Not even a little bit whenever we attend one of these grand affairs?"
"No. I meant what I said all those years ago. I'd rather have the right man than the right wedding."
He leaned over and kissed her chastely on the cheek. "Thank you for picking me," John said as he smiled sheepishly.
"We picked each other," she declared.
Thomas Barrow came to stand on the other side of her. "Are these two taken?" He gestures towards the empty seats beside her.
"You managed to get away then?" She greeted her old friend with fondness.
"Don't worry," Thomas said, "they are awaiting my return."
John let his eyes travel over to the man who has tried to oust him from his job many times before when he first began working with Robert. He let a friendly smirk settle on his face before feigning interest in the wedding program. They had agreed to part as friends when Thomas resigned, but years of bad blood had taken its toll. Were it not for his wife's request to make amends, John Bates would never interact with the likes of Thomas Barrow ever again.
"It's so good to see you." Her husband may not have thought much of him, but Anna had known Thomas for quite some time. The dark haired man had struggled to keep any healthy relationships over the years, in part due to his upbringing and being in the closet about his sexuality most of his life. When he'd finally come out he did not receive the warmest reception and had attempted to take his own life after losing his job over it. Anna had helped him keep his suicide attempt a secret along with their co-workers Phyllis and Andy. John eventually found out through Anna of course, and despite the bitter history between the two men, her husband offered his sympathies. "So how's it going?"
The pale, thin man with steely eyes offered her a grin as he took his place beside her and placed a kiss on her cheek. "I'm well," he said genuinely while sounding somewhat exhausted. "I can't believe how much you've grown since I last saw you," he marvelled.
"Well, it's been awhile," she commented. Anna let her hand cradle her belly, the pains had stopped and she allowed herself to relax. Thankful that she hadn't worried John for nothing and asked to leave. She would have felt horrible stealing Edith's thunder over a false alarm. "How are you enjoying your new job? Are the people treating you well?"
"You mean am I playing nice?" He inquired with a raised eyebrow.
Anna blushed in embarrassment. "I only meant…"
Thomas gave her knee a reassuring pat. "I know what you meant, and yes I'm being a good boy. Though there aren't many people to interact with so I suppose my chances of screwing up are slim. There has been a lot to learn and play catch up on, which has led to a lot of late nights at the office. But the company has improved."
"Oh?" She noted the way his eyes lit up though, surely he wouldn't seem so over the moon about the change if he were unhappy. "I'm glad for you. I had hoped the change of scenery would do you good. I know it's not the same without you at the company after so many years. But you look...well…" she couldn't quite put her finger on it. "Like a man in love," she whispered.
"Actually…" Thomas began to say.
"Sorry I took so long," a tall, young, blond man spoke. "A client called and I had to take the call. I promise the phone is going off for the rest of the day."
Anna's eyes looked over the bloke who appeared more than chummy with Thomas as he unbuttoned his morning suit and took a seat. Even John ventured a sideway glance his way out of curiosity.
The man looked familiar, she recalled seeing him once before at Grantham Enterprise. Though only in passing and he may have only been employed with them a year.
"Anna, I believe you've met James before," Thomas introduced the two politely.
"That's right, I have seen you before. But you went by Jimmy at the time. You worked in the mail room. My apologies for not recognizing you sooner. Pregnancy has meddled with my memory among other things," she quipped.
"It's quite alright I hardly poked my head up for air there. It wasn't a good fit for me; I've moved on to other ventures," James said beaming towards Thomas.
"James has broken into acting," Thomas reported proudly with a wink thrown in James direction.
"It's really not that big a deal," Jimmy stated.
"He's being modest, it's a very big deal. In a few weeks he'll be filming in London."
"That's wonderful," Anna said. Suddenly she felt as though she were having a hot flash. Anna's eyes blinked shut as she fought the urge to pass out. She let out a long breath of air and began using the wedding program as a fan to cool herself. The action may not have gained John's attention, but it had caught Thomas's eye.
"What's the matter?" He asked.
"Nothing. It's just a bit hot in here," she answered back.
Thomas eyed her, looking somewhat confused. He didn't think it that hot, but she was full with child. He had felt horrible for all the years he had pushed her away when all she had ever offered him was friendship. And then she had gone out of her way to keep his secret from others when she could have easily turned against him. The least he could do was return the favor in some way, and that's exactly what he intended to do.
The service was lovely and thankfully this time Edith managed to make it through without her groom running out on her. John was watching Anna more closely than usual, she'd barely touched her food or drink as they began to eat the lovely lunch spread.
"You two must be excited," Robert commented as he poured himself a glass of wine. He'd already dubbed himself the baby's godfather even before John has officially asked him. And having never had a son himself, he was pulling for a boy. "Any names picked out yet? You know Robert is a good, strong name if you haven't decided yet." This garnered a laugh from everyone at the table and a patronizing pat on the hand from Cora.
John waited for Anna to respond, but when she didn't he nudged her playfully under the table as his hand grazed her thigh. "We are. Anna had rather hoped the baby would be here in time to celebrate its first christmas with us this year, but I guess we'll just have to wait until next year."
"Would it have been alright for the baby to arrive that early?" Daisy asked.
"Well, it's not ideal, but it wouldn't have been problematic for the baby," John answered.
"And what of a name? Are you still set on being surprised about the sex of the baby? Or do you two secretly know and just refuse to share it with us?" Mary inquired.
"I've wanted to know for some time now, but Anna insists she wants to keep it a surprise," he said.
"Any preferences?" Sybil asked.
"I think we'll be happy either way so long as our baby is healthy. But we do have names picked out."
"Let's hear them then," Elsie prompted.
"William if it's a boy and Ailsa if it's a girl," John said as he took his wife's hand in his own. His thumb stroked the top of her wedding ring.
Anna smiled at him, her body responding to his touch as it so easily did. She'd never tire of the feel of his fingertips or the look on his face whenever he stared at her. Anna still secretly hoped they would have a boy that would take after her husband in every way, shape, and form. "I wanted to name it Jack if it was a boy, but John insisted our child deserved it's own unique identity," Anna added.
"I think William is a good, strong name," Daisy added. She suspected that the choice of name had much to do with her late husband, a brave man that had given his life to save Mary's husband.
"We do too," John and Anna answered in unison.
"Ailsa is a lovely choice too," Elsie chimed in. "I take it that's a nod to your Scottish heritage, John."
"It is. Anna said if we had a girl she wanted to honor my mother's side of the family since my mother wasn't going to be able to meet our child. My mother's mother was a Keith."
"That's a lovely gesture, Anna," Cora spoke up.
Anna smiled in response, but this time it didn't quite reach her eyes. Her face was somewhat contorted and the pain that shot through her lower half was nearly blinding. She squeezed her fork so tightly as she fought her way through the contraction she hadn't even noticed she dropped the utensil on the floor when the discomfort subsided. Thomas leaned over to pick it up and noticed Anna grimace as her hand clenched the side of her chair.
"Anna?" John asked.
"I'm fine," she was quick to say. "I just need to excuse myself and get something to settle my stomach."
"We have some Tums above the kitchen sink," Cora filled in. "But you probably won't be able to reach them, I can hardly reach them myself."
"I'll do it," Thomas insisted.
"Thank you," Anna replied gratefully to Thomas. He pulled her chair out to help her up and led the way to the kitchen. "I'll be right back, you enjoy your lunch," she instructed John before giving her husband a gentle squeeze on his shoulder.
Once they were alone in the kitchen Thomas began rummaging through the medicine cupboard above the sink. He quickly found some Tums and went to pour her a glass of water. By the time he returned to where she was sat at the kitchen counter he could tell Anna was distressed. "Tell me...tell me what I can do to help. Should I call someone?"
She shook her head in response. "No. It will pass. The doctor said I'd be alright as long as I could talk through the contraction."
"You're having contractions?" Thomas awaited confirmation with wide eyes.
"I wasn't sure earlier. I thought my stomach was just off...but I'm sure now."
"We should call the doctor," Thomas suggested as he began to walk back into the dining room.
"No. No. No. I can't ruin Edith's wedding. Can you just put me in another room and let John know? We can leave quietly. No one has to know," Anna said in a low voice, not wanting to make a fuss.
Thomas didn't like her plan, but he wanted to help in anyway he could. If what she said was true, they still had time to make it to the hospital without any problems. "Alright," he conceded. "Can you walk on your own?"
"I can."
"Then you just hold onto my arm and we'll put you in the sitting room for now. I'll go get Mr. Bates and the two of you can be off," he said calmly, though Anna suspected he was saying it more for himself than he was for her.
She nodded in silent agreement, Anna felt another contraction and squeezed Thomas's arm harder than she intended.
"You gonna make it?"
"I hope so," she said sounding unsure now. The intensity and frequency of the pain told her she may have misestimated her timing. And now they might be too late to get her to the hospital.
They had paused in the hallway until she was able to continue to walk further. The sound of footsteps was quickly approaching and suddenly Joseph Molesley was descending upon them. "Anna. Mr. Barrow. What are you both doing here instead of in the dining room?"
"Just old friends catching up," Thomas answered. He kept a straight face and was gesturing for Joseph to get out of the way so they could continue their journey.
Anna let out an audible gasp of excruciating torture. She thought her legs might give way beneath her and Thomas had to brace himself to hold her up right.
"Can I help?" Joseph asked. The older man always came across as a bumbling fool, but in that moment he was as calm and collected as she had ever seen him.
"No." Anna said trying to wave him off.
The two men looked at each other in surprise. "Go get Bates," Thomas instructed Joseph. "Fetch Dr. Clarkson and standby to call 911."
Mr. Molesley nodded in agreement and headed off in the opposite direction.
"Anna, wrap your arms around my neck," he said. "I've got you and I'm not going to let anything happen to you."
"John," she managed to say between moans.
"He's coming. I'm going to pick you up now and we are going to lay you down in Mary's room. It's not far, and I won't leave you until the doctor arrives."
Even if Anna had wanted to protest, the overwhelming fear of delivering her baby outside of a hospital, given her medical history, had taken hold of her. She clutched at her stomach as the pain subsided but had left her somewhat out of breath.
He moved with caution, not wanting to jostle her more than necessary. "You still with me?"
Anna let out a small groan.
Thomas hitched her up in his arms, his grip on her slipping as he wasn't used to carrying such a load. They finally reached Mary's bedroom, it was the only one available on the ground floor. He sat her down gently on the bed and attempted to make her as comfortable as possible. Thomas stared at her helplessly, he'd had some experience as a commanding officer at an army hospital, but all his patients had been men. This was the first time he'd experienced a woman in labor. He began to remove her shoes and was abruptly interrupted by Anna's protests.
"What are you doing? I have to go to the hospital."
"Anna, I don't know much about birthing a baby, but I don't think you'll be making it to the hospital today."
"No. I can't have my baby here," she said quickly.
"Anna," Mary said as she knocked and let herself into the room. "I ran into Joseph in the hall, is it true?" The look on Thomas's face along with the way Anna was hunched over told her all she needed to know.
"Will you please talk some sense into her," Thomas requested.
Mary rushed to her friend's side and held her hand.
"I should have listened to John. We shouldn't have left the house today," Anna said.
"We'll get you to the hospital just as soon as John is here," Mary said.
Anna began to stand and the sound of trickling water filled the silent room. "Oh god," she said with a tinge of embarrassment as she stared at the small puddle beneath her legs.
Mary sat there with her mouth slightly agape. "Ah...your waters have broken. No need to panic."
Anna simply stood there like a deer caught in the headlights. Marybegan digging through her closet and handed her an old nightgown for her to change into. She then bent over to help Thomas remove Anna's other shoe.
A knock at the door brought the commotion to a standstill. The handle turned slowly to reveal Dr. Clarkson with John standing behind him.
"Thank god," Anna muttered as she clung onto Thomas.
"Anna. My darling," John said as he brushed past Dr. Clarkson and walked over to receive his wife in his arms.
"John...I…ooohhh," her grip tightened on his arm.
John wrapped his arms around her instinctively, letting his hand caress her back as he kissed her temple.
"I'd like everyone to clear out so I can evaluate Anna," Dr. Clarkson said.
Mary and Thomas did so reluctantly.
"Even me?" John asked. He was already formulating a plan in his head, trying to determine the fastest route to the hospital from there.
"It will only take a moment," Dr. Clarkson assured him. "She's in excellent hands, Mr. Bates."
John and Anna had one of their silent conversations that was conveyed solely through glances. He needed confirmation she would be well enough to endure this without him if only for a moment more. "I'll just be outside the door," John said in a calming voice. He hoped it masked the anxiety that was welling up in his chest.
Dr. Clarkson emerged from the bedroom a few moments later to find that a very eager crowd had assembled in the hallway in his absence.
"Well?" John asked. "Should we call Dr. Ryder and let him know we are on our way?" It wasn't as if he had no faith in Dr. Clarkson, but he would prefer someone who was more familiar with Anna's condition examine her.
"We can contact him to come here, if that's what you and Mrs. Bates would prefer. But she is beyond moving at this point," Dr. Clarkson concluded.
"I thought labor would take much longer than this," John thought aloud.
"I'd say Anna has been in labor for the better part of the day, possibly even last night without her being aware. It's not uncommon for first time mothers who don't know what to expect or be aware of."
John chided himself for not listening to his gut when it told him to stay put. "Can she deliver here safely?" Of course he was concerned for their child, but above all else his thoughts lay with Anna. If there was a chance of complications for her, John was not going to waste time sitting around.
"There's always a bit of risk involved when it comes to delivering a child. But she's in excellent health, and she spoke of the cerclage already being removed. I don't see any cause for concern," he stated trying to put the father-to-be at ease.
John hoped he didn't seem as though he were ignoring the good doctor, but his heart was tearing in two at the thought that he was being kept away from his wife longer than he preferred. "Can I see her?" John asked.
"Of course. I'll need to fetch my bag from the car and Isobel to help. You two can have a moment of privacy before the rest of your family arrives," Dr. Clarkson said with a smile.
Before John went into the room he stopped to face Thomas and extended an open hand towards him. "I owe you a debt of gratitude. You helped her when I wasn't able. Thank you."
Thomas took John's hand in his own and shook it. "There's no debt. I owe her. Although, I would have done it even if I hadn't," he could admit that now without hesitation. "She's my friend. Just one of a few, but a friend nonetheless."
John could tell the younger man's statement was genuine and if the situation wasn't so pressing he probably would have taken more time to bury the hatchet.
"Well, don't dawdle," Thomas teased. "Get in there and take care of your wife."
"Of course. Thanks again," John said before excusing himself.
John came back into the room with his suit jacket removed and sleeves rolled up. His poor wife was attempting to breathe through the pain and looked up at him with tears in her eyes. His bad leg moved faster than it ever had. Until their baby arrived, John knew his place would be right at Anna's side. She still seemed so composed, somehow, and he was in awe of her strength. Their fingers laced together and he kissed the back of her hand softly as she fastened her hold on him.
"I'm sorry," she apologized as she rested between contractions.
"For what, my darling?" John brushed away a loose strand of her hair and let his free hand rest on her belly.
"We could have been closer to the hospital if I would have listened to you."
"You weren't to know it would happen," he said, remembering Doctor Clarkson's words about her being a first time mother. "There is no fault in this."
"But I did," she said with a hint of guilt. "Or at least I had an inkling." Her eyes screwed shut as her body worked to make way for their baby. She squeezed his hand tighter than before.
He let his forehead come to rest against hers. John coached her to take slow, steady breaths as they had been told in their birthing classes. Her grip on his hand slackened as the pain subsided. "Why didn't you tell me?" he begged softly, wishing he could take on some of the agony she was feeling.
"I wasn't sure at first, then when I thought I really might be in labor...I was frightened," between strangled breaths.
"Frightened? Of what?" He asked curiously. Now he had to wonder if there was more complications to be expected that she had yet to divulge.
"Of having our baby," she confessed.
"But you'll make a wonderful mother," he praised.
"No. Not that. Actually, having our baby. I can't do it, John. I'm not able," she was almost frantic as she spoke.
It reminded John of the last time she had uttered similar words, back when they thought having a baby was not in the cards for them. Those words had nearly broken him. Not because he worried they would never have a baby, but because he hated that she had been so hard on herself. That his poor Anna had convinced herself they could never achieve happiness without a baby in their lives. He had done his best to assure her that she would always be enough for him. A few months later they would learn that a baby was possible. It wasn't long after that, in this very house, when Anna returned from a business trip with Mary that his wife announced that baby Bates was on the way. He couldn't have been happier or prouder of her in that moment.
He only wished now that she would have told him sooner about her fears. It might not have changed their current predicament, but at least she could have leaned on him and gotten it off her chest. He would have worked to build her confidence and reminded her that all that stood between them and actually holding their baby was this last hurdle. "You are more than able. You can do this, I have no doubts about that. If there is one thing I have always had faith in, it's you," he said honestly. "I'm going to be with you every step of the way. You just lean on me when you have to, you can even call me every horrible thing in the book if that helps."
She managed to laugh through her tears. "I love you," Anna said sweetly, her hand stroking his cheek gently.
"I love you more."
"Well, if things continue at this rate, we'll be ringing in the new year with our little boy," she said.
"Or girl," John pointed out with a broad smile.
"I knew you were lying when you said you didn't have a preference," she said playfully.
"I didn't lie," he shot back. "I just want a happy, healthy baby. I will be just as ecstatic with a boy as I will be with a girl."
"Hmmm…"
"I guess I just have a hard time picturing a smaller version of me, when a tiny version of you is so much more appealing."
"You are a charmer, John Bates. I will give you that. I'm hoping our little version of you is just as sweet.
"How could she not be?"
They had done it, or rather, she had done it. Their baby had arrived just after eleven that night. There were a few moments where uncertainty and doubts had begun to creep into his mind. Anna's labor had come to a crawl just after seven in the evening. Nurse Crawley warned them that due to their baby's size Anna would have a difficult delivery, but not an impossible one. She was beyond exhausted, and he wasn't sure how much more Anna could take. But once their baby's head emerged the rest seem to come out much easier.
"You did it my darling," he praised in a soft bur. His fingertips gently pulled back the blankets to get a better look at the little lad. His downy, blonde hair peaked above the brim of the white blanket he'd been swaddled in. John had already scanned him over at least six times, and he would have done it a thousand more if time would allow. But John didn't dare disturb their son's slumber so that his wife might rest a bit.
It was odd how one minute they were a family of two and the next thing he knew there were three of them. His friend, Robert, had been correct when he warned him nothing could prepare him for how quickly or fiercely he would fall in love with his child. It was something that John was still trying to wrap his head around. He knew of course he would care for their baby. John loved his wife, so it only stood to reason that he would love their baby. But John was hopelessly devoted and head over heels in love with William the moment he laid eyes on him. All doubts about his shortcomings as a father were pushed away the minute he heard his baby cry for the first time.
John allowed the boy's feet to spill out of the blanket and let them rest in the palm of a single hand. How? He asked himself. How am I partly responsible for creating something so indescribably perfect? Their sweet boy slept soundly in his arms, as though they had been designed with him in mind. Always meant to love, comfort, and protect William. The tiny chap gurgled in his sleep followed by a content sigh, but never woke, and John felt fresh tears slide down his cheeks. He was beyond blessed to have Anna in his life, and now they had a son; a child they could call their own.
"What are you thinking about?" Her voice was lighter than air, a tad tired, but her excitement was palpable all the same.
John still couldn't tear his eyes away from William. "I am thinking a great many things. So many I can't put them into words." His large index finger grazed their baby's cheek and traced his profile. William had barely noticeable eyebrows, but they were there, composed of the finest hair he had ever seen and they framed a rather serious brow. John raised one of their child's small hands up to his lips to count his fingers once more and placed a kiss on each tiny digit. "Mostly I can't get over the fact that he's finally here," John marvelled aloud. He looked up to stare at his wife; the vessel that had carried their baby all these months and brought William into being. She had always been something to admire, but tonight she had left him in awe. If it were possible to put her on a higher pedestal he would have. "And to think it was all because of you," John didn't think he'd ever be able to praise her enough, but it wouldn't stop him from trying. "You were brilliant tonight."
Anna propped herself up on her elbow and forearm to be able to face John more directly. The sight of him holding their first born. A son. Her mind was still reeling. She almost forgot what a life before William was like, and he hadn't even been there for an hour yet. But he was already making himself at home in his father's arms and that pleased her to no end. Her boys. A smile crept across her tired face. It was an image she had pictured a thousand times before, but to see it in person was almost too much to comprehend. "Well, I could say the same of you. You were so calm and supportive when I needed it the most."
"I'm glad I gave you that impression...I felt utterly useless." John had done everything the books suggested and anything she asked. He rubbed her back, massaged her legs, held her hand, and fed her ice chips. It never seemed to be enough in comparison to what she was trying to accomplish. When she'd begun to push he only felt worse; John was introduced to a whole orchestra of sounds he'd never heard come out of his wife. He could only pray that it would be over sooner rather than later as they had nothing to give her for the pain. When their baby fully emerged they were flooded with relief and gratitude that their son had arrived safely; almost instantly the anguish his wife had been put through seemed to be forgotten.
John returned his attentions to his son. There were so many things John wanted to say to him. That he'd always be there, that he would be quick to listen and never judge, that his love for him would never cease no matter what William did. He'd promise to protect him at all costs and try to give William a better life than he had growing up. He wanted to apologize for not being able to do all the things that other fathers could because of his leg, but let William know that he'd always do his best and put his family's needs first. He wanted to tell his boy that he could be whatever he wanted to be so long as he was happy and did right by others. John bit back tears as he gazed at his gorgeous son in wonder, laughing silently to himself as he realized the meaning of his words would be lost on an infant. Instead he vowed to show William instead through his actions daily. The first of many lessons being that his Mummy was something to be admired and cherished.
"Have I told you yet what an incredible woman your Mummy is, Will?" John spoke softly, but loud enough for Anna to hear.
William let out a muffled groan, having been disturbed from his slumber. One tiny hand broke free of his blanket cocoon and waved erratically in the air, searching for contact. John caught the small limb within his hand. His large, gentle thumb swept back and forth to soothe the boy before Will broke into tears.
Anna chuckled gently.
"Well, I'm speaking from experience. No one will love you more, believe in you as much, or fight harder for you than your Mummy," John said. He could have sworn he saw the boy smile even though he had read that babies couldn't smile so soon. "We are ever so lucky to have her in our lives. And we must do everything we can to show her how much she is appreciated."
His wife smiled fondly at her boys. The two most important men in her life. She knew John always had the makings of a wonderful father, and now she was able to see that dream come to life before her very eyes. Her heart was running over with love for her husband as he gently rocked William back and forth.
Soon after the child began to whimper, his bottom lip quivered. John laughed softly. Their boy looked just like his mother when he pouted. He'd have to bear that in mind. John was going to have one hell of a time refusing him. Although his knee protested, he rose to hand off their son to Anna. "Don't worry little man. I'll take you to Mummy and she'll make everything right as rain."
There it was again. Mummy. A word she had begun to think might never be directed at her. Of course John had called her this many times while she was pregnant and spoke to their baby. But she had worried. It would be too much for her heart to bear if she became too attached. For this reason she had been reluctant to think up names or find out the gender of their baby. John had finally convinced her in her third trimester to at least give the names some consideration, but he never pushed her for more than that.
Her baby boy stretched out his arms already as if understanding his father's words that he was about to be handed off. She did the same, eager to hold him once more. It seemed so natural to have the tiny bundle of joy in her arms. Her heart seemed to be crying out for him even though he was just across the room. It would take some getting used to, but she wouldn't mind it. William had always been tethered to her heart, even before they knew of his existence. To have him with them in person only made her desire to be nearer grow stronger.
"I am ever so sorry for being here," Anna said apologetically. Even though Mary had all but ushered Anna into her old bed and loaned her some clothes, it still felt as if she were intruding on sacred ground. If Anna had her way, she would have given birth at home, though she knew John would have objected to that. In an odd twist of fate, their child wasn't born in a hospital, but in the very place where she had met her husband more than ten years before.
"Don't be," John said. "You couldn't help it. Besides it's not as if Mary lives here anymore. Cora and Robert have plenty of space to spare and they are all going about their New Year's celebrations now that Edith and Bertie have departed."
"Still. I wish we were home," Anna said. Her eyes were memorizing every one of Will's features, trying to predict who he'd turn out to look like more. She had hoped for a son and John had wanted a child that took after her, their son proved to be the perfect compromise. It seemed their son was going to follow in his mother's footsteps, except for maybe his size. In that respect, he was truly his father's son.
"We can go as soon as you are able. Don't push yourself. Yours and Will's health are my main concern right now."
After months of being coddled her natural reaction would have been to roll her eyes by now. But not today. Today she could not fault him for being overly cautious. "I won't," she said simply.
"How are you feeling?" John asked as he sat beside her on the bed.
"I'm sore, but I'm over the moon right now." The baby she had always dreamed of was finally here and resting soundly against her chest. "And I love you madly."
John smirked at her looking like the cat who caught a canary.
"We have a son, John," Anna said, her voice nearly cut off from the happy tears that threatened to spill over.
John bent down to give her a kiss. One that left her wanting more. Somehow their bond had grown stronger in the last few hours, and their love for one another increased exponentially. "I love you. I've loved you since I first laid eyes on you and I continue to fall deeper with each passing day," he said with emotion building up in his voice. "Today is no exception. You gave me a family."
They shared another chaste kiss before William gurgled to gain their attention; his head tilting up as if he wanted to join in their conversation. Then the clock struck midnight and cheers could be heard from the living room of people wishing one another. A chorus of Auld Lang Syne drifted down the corridor. Together the new parents stared at the addition to their family and in unison wished him a happy new year.
A/N I wanted to try to add Thomas in there a bit given how long he knew both John and Anna. It seemed like Fellowes had planned to do more with Thomas when he showed him noticing Anna going into labor at the church so I had hoped for more. This was my way of remedying that.
