"Dean, it's not important!"

"The hell is isn't? Ruby has got you tied around her little finger, and you depend on her!"

"Maybe because I trust her!"

"Why?!"

"Because-," Sam immediatly became silent. His eyes became dark and sad. "What?" Dean asked. Sam snapped back to the present. "It's nothing." Dean put a hand on the retreating Sam's shoulder and jerked him around. "Don't you dare," he said. Sam looked confused. "Don't do what?"

"Don't shrug it off. What are you not telling me?"

"Dean-," Sam bagan.

"Don't Dean me! What are you not telling me?"

Sam's jaw stiffened, and he averted Dean's gaze.

Then he came clean. He confessed to the relationship, the use of his power, and all that.

He told Dean about how she saved his life. Twice.

When he started talking about the second time, his whole demeanor seemed to wither.

Sam was drunk, but frankly, he didn't care. He could feel his guilt crawling up his spine, eating away at him. He drove around for an hour, before pulling over abruptly, and the rain pattered against the windsheild. He stumbled out, beginning to cry. He just collapsed into the mud, sitting against the car with his face in his arms.

Sam looked at Dean. "I could, like, feel my guilt killing me," he said, his eyes getting watery. He blinked the tears back. Dean expression softened, but he stayed quiet, waiting for Sam to continue.

Sam swallowed his tears for a moment, his vision blurry. He took a knife and felt the smooth blade up and down, and he abruptly pulled up his sleeve, bringing the knife down on it. He cut again and again, more and more blood streaming down his arms. He gasped, feeling light-headed. He dropped the knife, his arms to weak and hurting to lift it anymore.

His phone rang and he could barely push the talk button. "Sam? Where are you?" Ruby demanded. He panted. "Sam, answer me. Are you okay?" His lips quiver. "I'm not okay," he said hoarsely.

Ruby arrived only minutes later to find Sam. The fact that he was also drenched didn't help things. She quickly checked for a pulse. He had a weak one. She slapped his. Hard. "Hey, stay awake," she said, a hint of worry in her voice. He opened his eyes a bit and inhaled sharply. He exhaled shakily, ready to pass out. She shook him while trying to wrap his forearms.

"Sam, stay awake okay? Just stay awake."

He couldn't. He woke up later in his bed with a massive headache and burning forearms. He sat up slowly, barely registering the spots of red bleeding through his bandages.

"Sam? Oh thank god," Ruby said. He clenched his jaw and wrapped his head in his arms. "Hey," she said softly, sitting next to him. "I know you're hurting. But remember, I'm here for you, okay?"

Sam looked at Dean, his insides aching. Dean looked down for a moment. "Let me see," he murmured. "Dean-" He looked at Sam. Sam sighed and slowly pulled up his sleeves. White, deep scars were all over his forearms." Dean bit his bottom lip. "Dammit." He hung his head. Sam pulled his sleeves down.

"Dean, I was drunk, but it's still my fault. I made the decision."

Dean looked at him.

"You wouldn't have done it if I was there."

"Don't turn all the sadness on me. You were in hell, and I should be talking about you."

Dean shook his head, and hugged Sam, which took him a little by surprise.

"Sammy, don't you dare leave me, you understand?"