IT'S TOO HARD
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
AN: Thanks to Lisa0316!
Max quietly walked into Logan's apartment. She hadn't spoken with him for a few days, and he hadn't been taking her phone calls, so she decided to check up on him. Max figured he was angry, she just wasn't sure if he was angry at her. She understood why Logan was angry. Hell, she was angry too, but she wasn't going to take it out on him; she wasn't going to blame him. It wasn't his fault that the time they had together was wasted saving the world. But she understood.
Max searched the apartment and found him in his usual brooding spot in front of the window. She walked up and stood next to him, and he tensed at her presence. Together they just stared out the window, looking into the night, both struggling to find something to say to each other.
"I'm sorry I haven't been returning your calls. I've just needed…I needed time Max." Logan finally said to her, never taking his eyes away from the view outside of his window.
Max nodded her head in understanding, not looking at him. After all, she knew how to relate, she was going though the exact same turmoil that he was. "I was just checking in on you, wanted to make sure you were okay." Max told him.
Logan sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He finally turned to look at her.
"Max..." he started but she continued to talk, not letting him finish.
"You know, at first I was beating myself up, thinking that I shouldn't have tried to find a cure at all. But then I found one. I found one and all I wanted to do was run to you. So I did. I ran to you and… I don't know if I regret it or not. I mean, I hurt too, Logan. I…" Max stopped and turned her brown teary eyes to look into his.
"You told me that you love me." Her voice quivered as she continued to watch him watch her. She saw him catch and hold his breath. "You told me you love me and now you won't talk to me." Max whispered in an almost defeated voice.
Logan just stared at her "Did you think I didn't mean it?" Logan saw the distress from that question register on Max's face, and his voice softened as he tried to explain. It wasn't as if he didn't want to talk to her, he just didn't know what to say to her "Max, I wanted to give you some breathing room, I'm having a hard time with this and I know you are too. I needed to collect my thoughts. That doesn't mean I feel differently. I…I was just upset." Logan finally admitted.
She wanted to go to him right then and put her arms around him. She wanted to tell him over and over that she loved him, that she loved him so much it hurt. But she couldn't do that because he would die, courtesy of Manticore's damned virus, so all she said was, "I'm sorry, Logan."
Logan let out a harsh sigh at that. Well, what did he expect her to say? He had thought for sure that she loved him. Funny how when the words went unspoken they could pretend everything was alright, but when he finally told her how much he really loved her they ended up in this mess.
"Max, me telling you that I love you shouldn't have come as a surprise."
"I know, I just… " Max didn't know how to finish. She didn't want him to think that she didn't want him, that she didn't love him. She did say it; he just walked away before she could be sure he had heard her. But she couldn't bring herself to face his pain of rejection and bitter words. It was too hard. She couldn't deal with this, so she started for the door.
Logan watched her start to leave, his mouth hanging open in disbelief. She was just going to walk out on him?
"Max…" Logan called out to her. She stopped at the door, her hand on the knob, and she looked up at him with tears in her eyes.
"This is too hard," was all she offered him before she walked out of his door.
He felt numb. He couldn't believe she walked out on him. Logan stood there staring at the door. It was all he could do.
Thats all for this chapter! Please let me know what you think!
