CHAPTER ONE- HOW?

Ever since the fall of the violence, I was happy to finally have peace in forks. Or at least somewhat…

"Bella, your being ridiculous again. I love you, and this is what I want" his velvet voice soothed my worries away, but I had to remain planted in my argument.

"Edward I told you how I feel about marriage right out of high school!" I was practically screaming, "Its not right, Renee will hate me". My eyes drifted out the window so I could compose myself. The thought of leaving Renee forever entered my mind as I remembered that my humanity was not all that I would lose. But with so much to gain, forever with Edward, it seemed worth it. Seeing my tears stream down my face, he looked away from the road to wipe my tears with his thumb. His golden eyes burned into mine and I felt my face flush. He grinned and faced the road again, both hands on the wheel.

"Besides, It won't matter anyway. When I am a vampire" I mumbled, arms crossed over my chest. I bit my lower lip as I saw his body tense and his hands become fists on the wheel.

"Isabella Marie Swan!" His spoke through clenched teeth, furious yet still soft, "There are too many things that I want for you. I won't damn you for eternity. I've lived this life for a hundred plus years, It's not the fairy tale you imagine.." I cut him off

"I don't want a fairytale! Edward, I just want to be with you. Why do I have to marry you first? What is the appeal?" my blood was hammering through my veins and I felt my heart rate increase with every passing second. It confused me when he smiled his crooked smile and faced me, one hand cradling my cheek. " I have waited so long for you to come into my life, while I watched my brothers and sisters blissfully happy with their partners. Do you know how long it has haunted me that I may never find somebody to fill the space in my life? Is it so much to ask for a little commitment? A little reminder that you won't be running off anytime soon?" His voice was pleadingly soft and his eyes scanned my face for 

the slightest reaction. All I could do was stare back, finally understanding his constant obsession with human commitment ceremonies.

"B-b-but Edward, you know I love you. I would never.." My thoughts drifted to Jacob. Sure, I loved him, but could it compare to my adoration for Edward? I wasn't sure. Edward was my prince, my happily ever after, but what about Jacob? Would my feeling for him strengthen if Edward didn't swoop me off my feet and marry me away, closing that window of opportunity? Was this what he was so worried about?

"I-is is this about Jacob Black?" I questioned, my eyes settling on his golden eyes. A flicker of pain shuddered through his body and I realized this was exactly the problem.

"Bella, you have to understand that I wanted to marry you before I knew about Jacob, need I remind you of that night I proposed to you?" a faint smile tugged at his lips, but did not touch his eyes. My mind brought up the memory. His mother's golden ring, how it had fit perfectly on my ring finger. He took my silence as a signal to continue. "However now there is a new problem. I don't want you to be forced into this kind of commitment. It is very serious, you must understand that." His cool hand wrapped around my waist and pulled me to his side so that I could rest my head on his marble chest.

"I respect Jacob, greatly actually. When I left you, he was the one who picked you back up off your feet and helped you live again. I can never take back what I did" he whispered slowly as his eyes focused on the road, a precaution I knew he never needed to take. "But this brings up a new problem. I cannot change you until you are ready to say goodbye to Jacob, to commit to me and leave your life behind. If you can't even marry me, how can I be expected to convert you to this life? With no promise of loyalty to only me. Jacob will be beyond angry, as will the rest of the pack; you will never see him again after the change. Can you honestly deal with that, love?" his words were quiet and soft and not the least bit condescending. As I considered his words, I wondered if I was rushing into this decision. But how could I fall OUT of love with Jacob? It would be impossible.