"Sins of the father"
1. 'Took what I hated and made it apart of me'
"Put all the pain you gave to me on displayBut didn't realize, instead of setting it free
I took what I hated and made it apart of me.
And now you've become a part of me,
You'll always be right here.
You've become a part of me
You'll always be my fear.
I can't separate myself from what I've done.
I've given up a part of me
I've let myself become you."
'Figure.09' Linkin Park
Kouen stepped forward, her feet numb against the burning ambers she was standing on. She had seen him, she was sure she had. She took another careful step forward and smelt Osamu's sent on the air. He was here after all. But he was dead, how could this be possible?
She looked up at the cave like ceiling and then looked down. As she crossed the stone arch she saw that hot lava flowed beneath it like a deadly river. She took another cautious step forward and kicked a pebble by accident. It bounced a few paces in front of her and then fell into the lava, where it exploded in a large angry flame. She flinched at the heat from it; it was close enough to lick her cheek.
She looked up again and saw him for the first time. He was dressed in jeans, a green sweatshirt and his gold-rimmed glasses. As usual his hair was spiked but something was missing from his face that she always equated him with, his smile. He looked angry with her.
She frowned and called out to him, "Osamu? Osamu? What's wrong?"
"Follow me, Kouen and I'll show you."
His voice sounded constricted by anger and disappointment and it made her insides squirm.
She ran forward, abandoning all care for crossing the bridge and followed him. He went around a dark corner and she felt she had to sprint to catch up, but when she rounded the corner all she could see was pitch black. It was so dark that when she closed her eyes and opened them again, she could not tell the difference.
"Osamu!" she called out and heard her voice echo and drown in the darkness.
"Kouen!" he called back, a slight edge to his tone, "This way!"
She carelessly ran forward and miraculously did not stumble over anything. But she stopped suddenly when the light filled the area once more and found her self, standing on the very edge of a cliff. The light, she noticed was coming from the flames below. She turned to her right and saw Osamu standing in the shadows.
"Osamu? What did you want to show me?"
"I wanted to show you what happens to people who betray those they love."
He grabbed her shoulder and forced her to look down.
A scream died in her throat at the site. Three hideous beats as large as houses were growling up at her. The one in the middle however was grinning. They were covered in scales and hair. They stood on two legs and their hands, like their feet were edged with menacing looking claws. The oddest thing about them was their mouths. They were huge, with far too many teeth. She gasped and looked quizzically at Osamu.
"Osamu, why are you showing me these creatures?" she asked quietly.
"You betrayed me Kouen. The worst seat in hell is saved for those who betray."
And with that said, he pushed her forward off the cliff, where she screamed till she felt her throat tear and landed into the third monsters' mouth where darkness consumed her and she woke up from the sound of her own screaming.
She sat up in bed, panting and wiped the sweat from her face. When she realized that she was in her own bed in her own apartment, she dissolved into tears.
Yamato opened her bedroom door and looked in on her with a glass of water in his hand. He stepped into the room and sat down on the edge of her bed and handed her the glass of water. She looked up and took it from him gratefully.
"Thanks Yamato."
She took a large gulp of water and set it down on her bedside table.
"Same nightmare?" he asked quietly.
She nodded, "It's been months since…since…you would think I would be a bit past it wouldn't you?"
"Your problem is that you just carry around this unnecessary guilt. Ken told you it's how Osamu wanted it."
At Ken's name she looked down again and sighed, "I not only let Osamu down, I let Ken down too. What kind of mother am I going to be?"
Yamato held her shoulder and forced her to look at him.
"It's not your fault. Stop blaming yourself, Kouen. We will help Ken, no matter what, so don't worry. And you will be a great mother."
She smiled at him, "Thanks Yamato. Thank you for looking after me these last couple of months and for helping me get through Osamu's death. I don't know what I would have done without you."
"I'd do anything for you Kouen, you know that."
Her unborn child kicked inside of her, reminding her that he was there, or protesting his mother's worrisome dream. Kouen ran a hand over her round belly and felt tears spring to her eyes again.
"I just want Ken to be himself again before his nephew is born."
"We still have a couple of weeks left before that. Now, you need to get some sleep. I'll be in the next room if you need me."
He got up and closed the door quietly behind him. Instead of putting her head back down on her pillow, she threw back her covers and stood up. She adjusted her white nightgown because it was twisted from thrashing about during her dream and walked into the bathroom. She opened the tap and let the cold water run for a moment before cupping her hands under the running water. She ran her damp hands through her long red hair and then splashed some cool water onto her face. She looked up into the mirror and nearly fell backwards. Instead of seeing just her reflection, she saw her reflection surrounded by a glowing, burning red/orange aura. She stepped back and looked down at her hands, but they were not glowing at all. She looked back up at the mirror and she was still glowing. She frowned and watched as the aura faded as if it were never there.
"What are you trying to tell me?" she growled at the mirror, not talking to her reflection, but to something that was deep inside of her.
"I need to talk to Ryo, he'll know."
She walked back into her room and sat down on her bed. She stretched out to pick up the phone but then glanced at the time. It was nearly three thirty in the morning, too early to call anyone. She sighed and lay back down, "It will have to wait until morning.'
"You betrayed me brother! You stuck a blade in my gut and killed me and then, if the insult is not enough, you impersonate me!"
"I'm not impersonating you!" Ken protested, though his voice was small and seemed far away.
"Really? Look at yourself."
Osamu in his Kaiser uniform let his violet eyes drift from Ken's toes to the very spiky hair on his head.
Ken glanced down at himself. He was indeed dressed in a similar garb, save for the fact that the area of black in the Kaiser uniform was blue.
"This is who I am now."
The world around Ken faded from view and was replaced by the dim light of his room. He blinked his eyes and sat up in bed, groaning at the throbbing pain in his head.
Wormmon was sitting at the foot of his bed, which was situated in the bedroom of his Base.
"Ken," Wormmon breathed, "It looked like you were having another nightmare."
Ken said nothing but got up and walked to his mirror. He studied his face and eyes. His cold and distant eyes were surrounded by dark rings, which made him look as if he hadn't slept well in months. Which, he hadn't.
He lifted a shaking hand to his face and touched his cheek. He felt cold, not like a person should feel. He brought his other hand up to his face and ran his fingers through his dark hair and then bent over his bathroom counter to lean his elbows on it, sighing heavily as he did so.
He felt so detached from everything. At first that's exactly how he wanted to feel, but now, now he missed the warmth of Miyako's touch. He missed the laughter of his best friend Daisuke. And he missed his 'big-sister'. There were moments where Ken wished that the Kaiser inside him would just take over completely, make him forget everything and everyone. He wanted to be numb; he wanted to just not care about anything anymore.
The Base was cold and dark, exactly how Osamu had built it and no matter how much Ken tried to escape everything, especially the memory of killing Osamu, it was always there, surrounding him. It was in every wall, floor and door, just like it was in every muscle, vein and breath of Ken's.
Wormmon scuttled to the bathroom door and hesitated before speaking.
"Ken, are you okay?"
"Get out." He said absently.
"But Ken, what about your breakfast…?"
"I said GET OUT!" he spun on the poor Digimon with such speed and force that he jumped back and scuttled out the room as fast as his legs would allow.
Ken sighed heavily and fell to his knees.
"Is this what I've become? A cold person, trying to push everyone away? It's easier isn't it? To have no one to look at you as if you were a killer? A dirty person, a…a monster?"
He pushed himself off the floor and as he made his way to the door, data flew to him, creating the Kaiser garb, which had attached itself to him as if it were skin. His hair was spiked and violet visors covered his cold blue eyes. This is who he was now…the Kaiser.
He walked down the passage to the monitor room and scowled when he saw four faces on the monitor: Miyako, Takeru, Daisuke and Hikari. He turned up the volume on his invisible keypad and listened to what they had to say about him this time.
He sat back on his throne and placed the tips of his fingers together.
"I still don't get it. He knew what the Dark Seed did. So why would he let it take over?" Takeru ground out.
Hikari sighed, "I don't think it's a case of letting it take over, so much as it taking over him. I think there was just too much for his soul to carry, too much darkness that he had seen and kept bottled up. It just took advantage of that and turned him into the Kaiser."
The Kaiser huffed and folded his arms, muttering to himself, "You really think that Hikari? You have no idea."
"But he's not completely bad." Miyako reasoned.
Ken felt himself grin.
"I mean, he hasn't gone completely insane and tried to take over both worlds. And he hasn't killed any Digimon for sport."
"But he still captured them and forced them to do his dirty work of putting up Dark Towers. And who knows what else he is doing." Takeru argued.
Ken sighed and turned off the monitor, only to have a new image form on it. Each monitor depicted a part of a Digimon and in the center was a concoction of all the pieces together to form the most horrible Digimon ever made: Chimeramon.
Wormmon scuttled cautiously into the room.
"Ken?" he asked.
Ken sighed again and spoke to Wormmon though he did not rest his eyes on the creature.
"Why is it, that no matter how many times I tell them that I want to be left alone here, they just won't listen?"
"Ken, you don't have to do this."
"It seems I must, maybe then they'll listen and let me be alone…like I deserve, like I want…like I need! They think the Kaiser took over, but the truth is, I let him in. I welcomed the darkness to take over." He added the last part to himself. "But it's not working how I thought it would. I'm still feeling everything, maybe soon, I won't feel anything anymore."
"Ken…" Wormmon pleaded but there was no real argument that he had.
Ken typed away on a keyboard that was not there and from the Base flew a deadly monster ready to attack his friends.
Fire flew at them and burned up most of the forest they were walking in. They only just had time to dive for cover when another attack came flying at them. Each one of them seemed ready for this and called out for their digimons to armor digivolve. They flew or ran to their powerful opponent but were beaten far too easily. Though the battle went on for almost an hour, and they fought as hard as they could, it just wasn't enough.
Ken watched and bowed his head in defeat as if it were something he did not wish to do but felt it was necessary and so had to go through with it. He watched as each digimon fell and each partner fell to their side to help them. Chimeramon had won and the Chosen Children were forced to retreat and regroup.
"You won Ken." Wormmon stated timidly.
"Not yet. She'll come, soon I suppose."
He rose from his seat and went out to the forest for a walk by himself. Wormmon left him to it; he had been doing this everyday for the past two months.
Kouen rolled over onto her side and stared at the clock next to her bed, right next to the glass of water Yamato had given her. She hadn't really slept much since he'd given it to her; instead she spent the time thinking. Her thoughts were filled with Osamu, Ken, her father, her mother and her unborn son. By this point she was feeling very insecure about her future and did the one thing all daughters do, no matter how old they are. She called her mother.
She picked up the phone and hit speed-dial. She waited as the phone rang on the other end and finally someone picked it up, but it was not her mother. She recognized the voice to belong to the housekeeper.
"Um," she hesitated, "It's Kouen, is my mother home?"
"I'm afraid not ma'am. She's away on a cruise and will be back in a few days. Shall I leave a message?"
"Uh, no, no that's all right. Thank you."
Kouen hung up the phone and pulled her sheets close to her, biting her lip and trying not to cry. This was the most alone she had ever felt in her entire life.
Ken walked slowly through the forest, leaves crunching under his feet as he took each step. Here he was completely alone. The air was clear and sweet. The breeze was cool and comforting. He came to a cliff and sat down, his legs hanging over the edge.
He stared out at the see of trees before him, running all the way to the horizon. In the distance he could see something else. Another world, gray and torturous. The world of the Dark Ocean. This was the only place he could see that world and every day he came here to be closer to it for a reason he wasn't sure of. He wanted to reach out and touch it but the world was like a rainbow. The closer he tried to get to it, the more elusive it became.
"It's not the same." He thought miserably to himself. "It's not the same as Osamu. When the Kaiser took over, he took over completely and I couldn't see any part of my brother in his eyes, but when I look in the mirror, all I see is me. I don't understand. I just want to escape."
Ken waited hopefully for an answer, but he should have known that today would have been no different. There was no one there to reply, just a small cold pocketknife. He pulled it out from his pocket and fiddled with it for a while before rolling up his sleeve. He sighed and ignored the other scars up his arm. He flicked the knife open and dragged the cool blade over his skin before pressing just a little bit harder. It was strange how the endorphins rushed through his brain and his body and numbed his pain and silenced any thoughts he had had in his head. There was nothing. No sound, no feeling, just a small amount of blood oozing it's way out of his body. He dragged it over his wrist and prayed for the courage to press just a little bit harder there, but Daisuke was the bearer of courage, not him. That's why he was counting on someone else doing it for him.
Kouen found that she was trying to distract herself for the rest of the morning, while she waited for Ryo to come by. She had put on some music and was 'baby-proofing' her apartment. However at that very moment she was having some trouble with a draw in the bathroom and couldn't get it to open again. She cursed, she tugged, she yelled and then just as Ryo came to investigate, she started sobbing in frustration.
"Kouen?" he asked gently, "What are you doing?"
"I'm 'baby-proofing' the apartment." She replied distractedly.
He smirked, "Kouen, you still have a while to do things like that. The baby won't even be crawling for-"
"I'm getting a head-start okay!" she snapped back and began tugging on the draw again, growling in frustration.
"What's wrong?" he finally asked after watching her cautiously.
She didn't turn to him, but continued to tug at the draw. "I can't…open…this…freaking…draw!" she wailed and then gave up and turned to him, sobbing with an expression of utter distress.
"Let me help you." He offered, but he could tell this wasn't the actual problem.
"You can't help me Ryo! No one can help me! I can't have this baby!"
"It's a bit late for that Kouen." He half-jokingly replied.
"This isn't funny, Ryo! I'm serious! What kind of mother am I going to be? My own mother didn't even want me anymore, I'm not married, I'm all alone, I couldn't save Osamu and I couldn't even save Ken! I'm not ready, I can't, I can't do it. Please Ryo, tell me it's a dream and that none of it's real and I'll wake up. Please!"
She fell to her knees and sobbed uncontrollably.
Ryo couldn't hide his expression of apprehension. He wasn't good at this sort of thing, but he bent down and comforted her none-the-less.
"Kouen, you're just scared right now. It's okay. Everything will be okay and you'll be a great mother, don't worry."
Kouen started taking deep, calming breaths and nodded at Ryo, wiping away her tears.
"I'm sorry. Hormones…"
Ryo helped her to her feet.
"No, you've been through a lot Kouen. I'm surprised it took you this long to break down; you've been really strong. You're a fighter and you'll do anything for the people you love. That's what makes me think that you'll be a great mother and you'll be able to save Ken."
She swallowed and walked with Ryo to the kitchen, "Thanks Ryo, I just hope you're right."
He nodded and sat down at the table with her.
"Now, what did you want to discuss with me?"
"Oh right." She hesitated for a moment, trying to find the right way to phrase this.
"You told me about my beast spirit and my human spirit, but I think I need to know more about the fusion evolution."
Kouen put her elbows on the table and looked seriously at Ryo across from her.
"Like I said, it uses both spirits to form a new Digimon which is more powerful. Why do you ask Kouen?" he asked frowning.
She sighed, "Something weird is going on with my spirit. I keep getting this glow around me."
He looked sharply at her, "When did that start happening?"
"About a week ago I think. Thing is, I can only see it in my reflection sometimes."
"It hasn't been a week."
A cool, distant voice said from behind Kouen. Shinsei placed a cup of tea in front of Kouen and sat at the table.
"What do you mean?" Kouen asked after taking a sip of her tea.
"The glow has been around you ever since the fight with Osamu."
"You can see it?" Ryo asked incredulously.
Shinsei nodded.
Her piercing pale blue eyes stared at Kouen, "It's just gotten brighter lately."
"What do you know about the aura Shinsei?" Ryo asked quickly.
The young girl shrugged, "Only that the spirit is getting restless. Your feelings and emotions are connected to her Kouen. Her instinct is to fight and protect. You are denying her and so she is getting stronger and fighting to get out."
Kouen stared at the girl. "I can't fight Ken."
"It's not Ken you must fight, Kouen."
"Then who…?"
At that moment Hikari, Takeru, Daisuke and Miyako burst into Kouen's apartment, along with their beaten digimon.
"What happened?" she asked quickly.
"He made a digimon called Chimeramon, it kicked our butts and then some." Daisuke growled.
Something stirred in Kouen's memory.
"Ken, Ken from the other world, he mentioned a digimon called Chimeramon, that it was his experiment. We should have known this was coming!"
"Well, he's a really strong digimon and I don't know how we are going to beat him." Takeru huffed and took a seat.
"I'll have to fight it." Kouen stated quietly.
"Are you crazy?" Ryo yelled, "You're eight months pregnant! Evolving alone may hurt the baby, never mind about fighting!"
"Ryo, I have a feeling we'll be okay." She glanced at Shinsei, "It's time Ken came home to us."
"There's nothing I can say that will change your mind is there?" he asked defeated.
She shook her head and looked to Daisuke.
"I'll need some help getting to the Digital world."
He folded his arms and shook his head; "I'm not putting you or your baby in danger Kouen."
"Daisuke," Shinsei called, "Take her."
The goggle-head looked at the girl with long black hair and knowing that it was pointless in arguing the subject sighed.
"Fine."
Once they were in the Digital world, Kouen took a deep breath and evolved to her Beast spirit form. She glowed white and when the light faded, she was taller, wearing her gold body suit and thigh high bronze boots. There was no evidence that she was heavily pregnant.
Fiery orange wings were attached to her arms and a gold helmet the shape of an eagle's beak rested on her head and cast her eyes in shadow. Chimeramon came to fight her. They fought, though it was very brief. As Kouen was a much more powerful opponent, he did not stand much of a chance. After two of Chimeramon's attacks being thrown back at him, the digimon went down and was deleted.
She flew down and landed by Daisuke. She glowed white again and was now in her human form. Instead of her white Vietnamese dress that she usually wore, she was wearing a white gypsy dress. She was also sporting a slight sweat on her brow and she was shaking, but she ignored this.
"Do you want me to go with you?" Daisuke asked, concerned about her.
She shook her head, "I have to do this alone. I think it would be better that way."
Ken stood in his monitor room, not surprised at all. He sat at his throne and waited. And then he heard her voice at the door.
"Hello Ken."
"Have you come to tell me what a bad boy I've been?" he asked coolly without looking at her.
"I've come to take you home. I know you want to."
She stepped forward and felt a twinge in her stomach.
"It's not that easy. They all look at me as if I were something that did not deserve to live…and they're right."
"No they aren't. And they don't Ken. You don't need this. You don't want it."
"I don't want to feel guilty anymore! I don't want to feel responsible anymore! I don't want to feel!" he yelled out.
"You don't want to feel Ken? You don't want to feel your nephew in your arms? Or his love? Or my love for you?"
He turned slowly to her, "It's a boy?"
She nodded, "I found out last week. I'm going to call him Sam."
She felt another twinge and tried to ignore it but it went all the way up her back and down her legs.
"Kouen, I never meant for it to go this far. It felt good in the beginning, not caring, but now…now I want to go home, but it's too late."
"It's never too late Ken."
This time she grunted with pain and doubled up.
"What's wrong?" he asked stepping toward her, "Is it the baby?"
"Oh, God. Something's wrong." She gasped and fell to her knees in agony, "Something's very wrong, Ken."
(AN)
First off, just to clarify so you don't think I'm writing a soap opera here, Kouen's love for Ken is a sisterly love and his for her is a brotherly love, nothing more.
Right, well if you haven't read "Doppelgangland" you must be really confused. This is the sequel to that and it's a short little bridge between the crossover fic that Akino Ame and I are writing, called, "Cruel Angel's Thesis". That story is a crossover using "Doppelgangland", this story, her stories, "With Broken Wings", "Echo's of Angel's who won't return" and "Black Wings". So if you want to know where all this is going, I highly suggest you read those stories (you won't be disappointed) and then wait for "Cruel Angel's Thesis".
Right okay and as for updates, I'm not sure how often I'll be updating this one. It's all finished but I think I'm going to try and spread it out with "Black Wings" so you'll get a sense of both worlds. I hope you enjoy this and Akino's stories.
Man, I still hate that last line of Kouen's but it's the only thing that she could say really. Ah well.
Until the next time…
Nic.
