"Stop it!" Hermione shouted as she whispered to the boys. "You're going to fail this potions assignment, you know you are, and then you'll do nothing but whine about your craptastic grades."

Harry and Ron simply blinked at her for a moment, then began giggling in that mannish, masculine way that boys do and girls don't.

"Come on, Hermione," said Ron. "Snape can't fail us for tasting our potion. There's nowhere it says that you can't."

Hermione sighed. "It's a bad idea! Didn't you watch the safety video at the beginning of the year? The one with the bad 80s haircuts and the girl that caught on fire?"

"You're talking jibberish!" exclaimed Harry as he gleefully clapped his hands in a manner in which he never did.

"It's a DARE, Hermione. His honour's at stake. He can't back out, even if the extremely acidic content of the potion might eat a hole through his stomach and cause him to die by internal bleeding. Why can't you understand that?" Ron explained patiently.

"I give up! I'm going to back to my room to tease my hair until I calm down," snapped Hermione, who grabbed her books and flounced out of the classroom.

"Do it! Do it!" chanted Seamus, Dean, Ron and a whole bunch of other Gryffindors.

"What's going on here?" asked Snape, who could not help but notice the circle of pubescent boys surrounding the Boy-Who-Lived and chanting "do it!" over and over.

"Nothing, sir," said Seamus. Snape raised an eyebrow and decided to just go with it and not deduct points from Gryffindor.

"Okay, then," Snape said cheerfully. "I have papers to grade. Holla."

Then Harry lifted the vat of potion to his lips and started to chug.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!" cried Snape. "Didn't you watch the safety video at the beginning of the year? The one with the bad 80s haircuts and the girl that caught on fire!"

"He's talking jibberish," whispered Seamus, and the other boys whispered their agreement.

"Hello! I can hear you!" said Snape with exasperation. "You know what, forget it. Let's get Mr. Potter to the hospital because the potion surely caused some sort of harm to him."

Snape was right. Harry lay slumped on the floor, glasses askew, eyes half-lidded and cloudy like a half-lidded cloudy day. Ron rushed over to feel his pulse.

"I think he may be dead, sir," Ron said. The potions master paled.

"Out, all of you!" the Death Eater turned Good Guy demanded. So they did.

Harry opened one eye. "It worked!" he exclaimed cheerfully. "They totally bought it. Now we have the dungeons all to ourselves. I'm going to skive off class."

"You did well, my boy," Snape said proudly.

Snape smiled. "I love you, Harry Potter. I love that we do things together that violate federal law in at least 72 countries. I love that your skin tastes like Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans."

"You're just saying that because I let you get to third base," blushed Harry.

Then they started getting it on.

The End.