An Imperfect Perfectionist

Chapter One

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I don't own any of the characters and am making no implications about any of the actors. Just felt I should throw that out there with this one….

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"Bear in mind, people with eating disorders tend to be both competitive and intelligent. We are incredibly perfectionistic. We often excel in school, athletics, artistic pursuits. We also tend to quit without warning.... We get sick of being impressive. Rather, we tire of having to seem impressive. As a rule, most of us never really believed we were any good in the first place."

--Marya Hornbacher Wasted

Monica took a deep breath, taking in her own reflection in the bathroom mirror, her piercingly blue eyes appearing even bluer beneath the dark rings that encircled them. She had told herself this would never happen again, that she wouldn't allow this to happen again.

In high school, when she was overweight, no one said a word, other than compliments, when she lost nearly one hundred pounds in a littler more than a summer. No one worried, or said that was too much too fast. When she didn't eat anything but apples, grapes, and lettuce for weeks, her mother complimented her on her willpower. When she ran or worked out multiple times a day, she received nothing but praise. No one voiced any sort of concern, not even her doctor. And it was just so easy to take control of that part of her life. And she knew, that as much as she had felt in control at the time, that it had been a grueling year, internally, following that summer, and that it was a road she had sworn to herself she would never go down again.

But it was so easy once she started. She couldn't not get sucked into it again.

It was the feeling. The feeling of hunger, emptiness. The feeling of control. It was terrifyingly addicting.

When she woke up that morning, it had been the first time that she had allowed herself to think of anything other than the hurt in her heart over breaking up with Richard. And while that pain was starting to numb, another feeling took over: hunger. She hadn't eaten since Barry and Mindy's wedding, and even then, she had barely eaten because she was so nervous about the conversation with Richard that was knew was imminent. She couldn't even remember what she had to eat that evening since all of her energy had been focused on the end of their relationship.

And now, she had woken up hungry, starving--empty. She knew better than to let herself feel that. Because after years of struggling with over-eating, and then over-compensating by not really eating for months, and paying meticulous attention to everything she ate since then…

She knew better.

Because that feeling was terrifyingly addicting, and as she looked in the mirror, picking apart ever aspect of her appearance, every aspect of her life, she knew exactly where she was heading.

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Um…we're gonna go with the Thumper rule on this one (ya know, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all…oh, that's right, I just quoted Bambi). I'm planning this to be a not-too-long series, but we shall see. I also have a Randler series in the planning stages…as soon as I get it all sorted out plot-wise, I'll start posting that, as well (and, ya know, finally wrap up IBTFY…)! Anyway, review, please and thanks :)