The Phantom of the Opera vs. Raoul de Chaney

Disclaimer: Whereas Gaston Leroux had written, made up, and in all other ways imagined the characters, places, events, and circumstances mentioned in yonder fic, I beg the court's indulgence to state without bias that I cannot, have not, and will not own Phantom of the Operam hitherto referred to as POTO.

Case:

The Plaintiff, Mr. Erik Phantom, charges Mr. Raoul de Chaney in the Fanfiction Court for alleged crimes of trespassing, breaking and entering, distraction of property, attempted assault, threatened bodily harm, violation of the privacy laws, violation of the anti-discrimination laws (i.e. hate crimes) eavesdropping, stalking, womanizing, and the carrying of a concealed weapon without a license.

Plaintiff: Erik Phantom

Defendant: Raoul de Chaney

Judge: Maidenhair Draver

Defense Attorney: A. Crapper

Prosecutor: Donald Retaniar

Jury: Jean Valjean, Dr. Watson, Horratio Hornblower, Mr. Poe, Monsieur Darsac, Will Turner, Frodo Baggins, Charles Wallis, Morgan le fay, Napoleon Dynamite, Luke Skywalker, Mistress Mary Quite Contrary, Brian Boru, Cosmo, Jane Eyre

Prosecutor's testimony

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen of the jury. I, representing Plaintiff Erik Phantom, do now lay before you the charges alleged to Mr. Raoul de Chaney. First, on January the third, 1880, In the Year of Our Lord, Mr. de Chaney trespassed on private property belonging to the Paris Opera after hours. He then allegedly proceeded to beak into the residence, home, and here referred to as lair of Mr. Phantom. In doing so he allegedly ruined, wrecked, and otherwise rendered dysfunctional the back entrance to the 'lair', causing the plaintiff excessive property damage and loss in estate value. The defendant then violated privacy laws by entering the plaintiff's 'lair' without a legal warrant and eavesdropped on private conversations causing the plaintiff extreme embarrassment and humiliation. The defendant was at that time armed with a concealed weapon, a pistol. The defendant had no license to carry such a weapon and the investigators have concluded that is was indeed loaded at that time. Besides these alleged offences, the defendant has harassed the plaintiff on other occasions. The defendant has been witnessed stalking, and threatening the plaintiff –with alleged intent of homicide. The defendant has also allegedly attempted to assault the plaintiff in the graveyard of the churchyard of Perros. The defendant has also been witnessed violating the anti-discrimination laws by referring to the plaintiff with phrases such as 'freak', 'monster', and 'ghost' that have slandered the plaintiff publicly –resulting is serious physiological turmoil and financial loss- and could also instigate hate crimes. Lastly, the plaintiff alleges that the defendant has been imprudent in his affairs with women, and has, on more that one occasion, entered the dressing room of singer Christine Daae without a pass, or checking to be sure that said singer was fully clothed. Because of these alleged misdemeanors and felonies, Mr. de Chaney faces a fine of up to one million, (1,000,000) franks and five years jail time. To determine the facts in said charge I call my first witness: Christine Daae.

Christine walks up to the podium and takes her oath. The she sits nervously.

"I don't want to testify against Raoul!" she says.

"Do you then wish to perjure yourself in the presence of the court?" the Prosecutor asks.

"I beg leave on the basis that I am engaged to marry the defendant." She replies.

"Granted." Judge says.

"Then I call forward Madame Giri." The Prosecutor says.

Madame Giri comes to the stand and is sworn in.

"Madame Giri, you witnessed some of the crime that the defendant is charged with. Please state the for the court in your own words without bias."

Madame Giri's testimony

Well, I work in the opera, and naturally see and hear a lot. I must admit that on several different occasions, Mr. de Chaney had used various offensive phrases to describe the plaintiff. He also seemed very interested in plaintiff's past, and had me tell him all I knew. I had no idea that there was any malicious intent involved until I had reached the end of my tale and Mr. Chaney called the plaintiff a madman –right after I had just told him that Erik had grown up in a freak show, too. Not very nice I'd say! What's that Mr. Retaniar? Oh, alright, I will refrain from personal opinion. Where was I? Oh yes. Well, after that I noticed that Mr. Chaney seemed to be following Erik around. He had, before then. Followed Erik through a trap door, but this seemed different. I saw him, myself, follow Erik and Miss Daae on a horse. What? Oh, Mr. Chaney was on a horse, the other two were in a carriage. Well, after he followed Erik that time, he started to rally the opera staff to work with him in a violent effort to imprison or even kill Erik. What's that? Oh, he doesn't have a last name. Shall I continue? Well, then the plot was to lure Erik onto the stage by performing the opera Don Juan Triumphant. Then Erik would be shot. That's all? Thank you, I must go teach ballet.

"We have heard from this witness's own mouth that the defendant had, indeed, instigated hate crimes, stalked, and plotted to kill the plaintiff." Says the prosecutor, "I now call Lieutenant Ferfi, who was involved on the Don Juan plot."

Lieutenant Ferfi's testimony

You see, I'm new on the force, all the police who were in on the Don Juan plot were. We were told that we were to help Mr. Chaney catch a monster. He told us that we would be helping society. Gosh, I had no idea I was doing something illegal! Chaney's a Viscount. I just assumed he had a warrant. We all did.

"You may step down, Ferfi." Says the prosecutor, "You see, ladies and gentleman of the jury, none of the defendant's compatriots had any idea of the illegal nature of said plot. This incriminates the defendant not only with hate crimes, but with the deceiving of officers of the law. I now call my third witness, Inspector Javert."

Javert's testimony

I strive to uphold the law in all cases, and I shall do so here. I was called to investigate the scenes of the Viscount de Chaney's alleged crimes. In the graveyard of Perros, I found footprints that correspond to the prints of the shoes that the plaintiff and defendant were allegedly wearing. I also have found proof, both in eyewitnesses and written documents, that the defendant had intended to kill the plaintiff. He also was indeed carrying both a pistol and a sword without a license.

The court adjourns for a recess.