May 2007Echoes/Aftershocks
Today I killed the demon. I shot its face in as it smiled and taunted. I heard its loud and piercing wails of fury and defeat. I felt my brother's blood on my hands-still warm and fresh. Felt the weight of my father's death heavy on my shoulders. Heard the resounding whisper of my mother's "I'm sorry." I feel like an outsider in my own skin.
Bobby keeps hovering around as if he expects me to break down. And maybe I will, in time. It's as if I'm a painting torn apart by so many cracks that the vast emptiness beyond is clearly visible. I know I should be crying, or sobbing brokenly, but the darkness lurking has kept me far too busy.
We're going to have to slat and burn the bodies. I'm tempted to bury them, just so that I can see him again and kill those sons of bitches myself. There's something to be said when my intentions become transparent enough for Bobby to not let me out of his sight.
I watch his face as the fire burns his flesh, as if I'm expecting him to wake up from the best, most tranquil sleep he's ever had. My hands are itching to brush away his unruly locks one last time. The last time I will ever see his face, never to see the gleam in his eyes, never to hear his laughter. I first held him when he was born. The last time I ever held my little brother was in death. Fitting, isn't it? I'm the one meant to be long-gone, yet somehow I'm the only one left standing. The whole fight-my whole life-has been about vengeance and justice.
What does that leave me with?
Where do I go from here?
Sam believed that he was cursed. Cursed to become someone-something-evil. He was wrong. I was-am-the cursed one. He was doomed to die as I was cursed to live. So I will keep on living and killing all the evil sons of bitches that dare to cross my path.
As I grow older, my memories of hunting, the creatures, and all the glamorous one-night stands will fade away to nothing. But I will never forget those who have fallen.
And I will never-for as long as I live and not in any lifetime-forget how it felt to hold my little brother-my Sammy-as his life's blood seeped away.
