So, I've been sucked into the cliché plot of someone from our world goes to the ninjaverse and shit. Sue me.
I'm totally making my person awesome though. You should be happy, for she will kick ass (spoiler alert!)
Hn.
Disclaimer- yadda yadda yadda Me no own da epicness that is Naruto or the Sexiness that is the Akatsuki. I do own any OCs I may (will) bring in though. May the fires of hell consume you if you steal them.
Dedication- To Jashin. And Vampire Jesus (Me, bitches. And don't you forget it.)
And to all you lovely people who I KNOW will read and review my story that I put so much effort and love into.
Yes, all you good people deserve a little lovin' too.
BEGIN!
Chapter One- Swiss Cheese
Kumori's P.O.V.
Tap Tap Tap. My pencil made against my desk as I sat there blankly. I shot a death-glare to my EVIL chemistry homework. "God DAMN thee to Hell."I muttered.
When He did no such thing, I growled ferociously at it. THE DAMN THING DIDN'T COWER IN FEAR!
"DIEEEEE!" I screamed as I started stabbing it with my (sharp sharp) pen.
This, in retrospect, was a Bad Idea.
Shit.
When I calmed down, I looked at the remains of my homework.
It resembled Swiss cheese.
Not good.
"MOOOOOOMMYYYYYY!" I screamed as I ran out of my room and down to the living room. My mom glared at me in annoyance (she was watching her show). "WHAT?" she yelled back.
I held my homework behind my back and looked down sheepishly. "Uh… My homework's… dead." I said after a long and tense pause.
Awkward silence.
"… WHAT does that MEAN?" my mom asked exasperatedly.
I didn't say anything for a while (to the great annoyance of my mother). Then, when she growled warningly, I held up the corpse of my homework. She looked, unblinkingly, and turned from red to crimson to blue to purple.
Oops. My mom began unbuckling her belt. I took that as my cue to start running.
"KUMORI KUROI MITSUNE! GET YOUR FUCKING ASS BACK HERE!" she screamed as she scrambled after me. Nuh uh.
I ran out the back door and into the woods behind our house, flying through the trees and bushes.
My mom couldn't keep up with me, and soon stopped. "KUMORI! WHEN YOU COME BACK YOU ARE DEAD! DO YOU HEAR ME? DEAD!"
"Let's see.." I mumbled as I flipped through my purse. "Wallet… check… phone… check… minutes… OUCH… lap top… check." I walked on, satisfied that I had all my necessities. I ignored the branches and thorns that snagged me. I didn't even notice that the trees were getting bigger, or that the birds and animals were suddenly VERY loud.
"Damn Swiss cheese homework. Fucking bitch" I cursed in a low voice as I continued walking, with No Idea where I was going.
After a while of walking, I faintly noticed that Hey, I hadn't run into the road yet! NOT GOOD!
I sat down and fumed. "Fuck you God. Fuck you life. And a great big FUCK YOU CHEMISTRY!" I screamed. Eerily, my voice echoed in the woods (forest?), and I got a sense of how SOL I was.
"I blame God.
And life.
And oh, do I blame Chemistry.
Fuck you Rina-Sensei.
Child-molesting hoe.
You should die."
I rambled on and on about whom I blamed and hated and was generally pissed about how alone and fucked I was.
Unbeknownst to me, however, I WASN'T alone. It turns out that two people were actually there, watching me intently with curiosity and amusement.
The jackasses.
"Do you think she's a ninja?" a voice said from behind me. I stopped mid-rant and froze.
"I doubt it very much. I don't even detect any chakra from her." A velvety voice said from the same area.
I got up and whipped around. No one was there.
"She could be a ninja. She's got muscles. And a nice ass." The first of the two voices was now coming from above.
I blushed furiously and decided it was a good idea to start walking. So I did.
While I walked, I dimly noticed the sound of rustling above me. This urged me to walk faster.
"She must not be a very good ninja then. She appears scared and useless." the velvety voice spoke out again. I fumed.
"HEY ASSHOLES!" I screamed up at the trees. I got no response, so kept shouting. "I MAY BE LOST AND ALONE AND WALKING AT A PITIFUL SPEED, BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME SCARED AND USELESS! YOU GODDAMN CHILD MOLESTERS AND YOUR SCARY RAPIST WAYS!" This time, when I stopped screaming, there was a chuckle from behind me. Quickly, I turned around, prepared for anything.
Well, almost anything. A sexy man with pretty red spinning eyes and a kinda-sexy-in-his-own-way blue shark guy were apparently the exceptions. Ha. Ha. Life.
"We're not rapists." The (sexy sexy oh my god I'm gonna totally tie him to my bed) black haired man said. I just stared at him.
"I don't know, Itachi, I wouldn't mind doing her." The blue guy chuckled. I blushed furiously at his comment, earning a laugh from him.
I noticed that they were both wearing identical cloaks. "Hey, are you guys in some gang or something? Because I warn you, I'm totally part of the Mafia." I said with as much seriousness as I could muster.
It wasn't much.
"We're in an organization of sorts, yes." The man Sharky had called Itachi said, smirking a little as I blushed again. I, again, didn't say anything.
"Wanna join? You could be my VERY good friend." The blue guy teased. I glared at him and turned away. "You're an asshole. I'm walking away from you, pervert." I said as I started moving away from them with my arms crossed and eyes closed.
This was another Not Very Good idea.
A stupid vine got in my way, and I tripped. Into a sticker bush. Where I got stuck. In an Ass-Out-You'll-Have-No-Problem-Raping-Me position.
Life.
"HOLY FUCKING CHRIST! IM STUCK!" I screeched. The two guys chuckled behind me.
"That's a very nice view of you. I think I like this." The blue guy's voice said amusedly from behind me. "Enough Kisame." Itachi's voice scolded him. He chuckled unapologetically but stopped talking.
I was beyond pissed. I was enraged. Here I was, stuck in this stupid bush in this stupid forest with these stupid men and THEY WERE JUST CHECKING ME OUT.
God hates me.
"LISTEN, FUCKTARDS! I KNOW THIS LOOKS FUN AND ALL, BUT IT REALLY SUCKS! PLEASE GET ME OUT!" I shouted desperately as I tried to wiggle out of the DAMNED sticker bush.
Soon as I got out, I was gonna set it on fire.
"Personally, I think we should leave her there." Kisame said sadistically. I growled. "Bastard."
"No, Kisame, I'll help her." Itachi's sexy voice said. I felt two hands on my hips, and then he Heaved me out of the bush.
RRRRIIIIIIIP!
I flinched and looked down. The bush had taken the whole front of my shirt. I glared at it.
It didn't do anything.
Itachi chuckled. "Perhaps it would be better, miss, if you came with us." He said in a mildly seductive voice. I turned my head and glared.
"No. Ya'll are mean." I said as I tried to walk away.
Tried being the key word.
Two strong hands were still on my hips, and they were keeping me from moving.
I turned again and looked at the still amused Itachi. "You know, you can let go of me now." I said pointedly.
He smirked. "I could. Or you could come with us. You're in the middle of the Great Forest, and I doubt you'd make it to the nearest village." He said superiorly. I glared.
"I could too."
Kisame chuckled from behind him. "Kid, just come with us." He said in a sorta nice way.
I didn't buy it.
"You'll rape me." I said matter of factly.
He laughed and held up his right hand. "I promise I won't."
"I don't believe you." I said bluntly.
He laughed again. "Smart girl."
"Either way, you're coming with us." Itachi said very seriously.
I pouted. "You're an asshole."
He smiled sexily. "And you're an annoying crazy lost girl with a ripped shirt that I'm bestowing my pity on."
Blushing furiously, I covered my front with my arms. Kisame laughed, but I ignored him.
I sighed. "Well, my choice is wander aimlessly in a scary forest for God knows how long or follow two sexy guys to civilization. What a difficult choice." I said sarcastically.
Itachi laughed. "You couldn't keep up; I'm going to have to carry you."
I glared at him. "Asshole."
He just nodded slightly. The bastard.
I sighed and relaxed a bit. "Where are ya'll taking me again?" I asked boredly.
Wow, I just consented to my kidnapping and/or possible rape. Aren't I a genius?
"You'll be coming with us to our organization's hideout" Itachi said as he picked me up bridal style.
I held on to him as he suddenly and inhumanly leaped into the treetops and started jumping from branch to branch. "And what organization is that?" I demanded shrilly.
Kisame laughed from next to us. "We're in the Akatsuki, my soon-to-be best friend."
So, that's that! What do you lovely people think of the first chapter? Please tell me! Or I'll set Kisame on you and He Will Rape you!
