A/N~ Oh sweet baby Jesus. So this is obviously not a new chapter for IM nor does it having anything to do with that story other than they are both ShinRan. It came about cause someone*cough* hislips *cough started talking about drunk Shinichi and it got me thinking! What about semi-drunk Ran ;) And now here we are! :D This will also take place in a canon world that is a few years after the BO case and Shinichi is now himself again and very much together with Ran, cause we only like happy ships here ;) This is going to be a twoshot though so only one more part and then it's done! It was originally going to be a oneshot but it was just way too freaking long for that! All that being said, hope you guy's enjoy! :D
Like Father Like Daughter
It bothers her more than it should. After all it should be looked as a noble thing to do- turning her away when she's drunk.
But then why did it bother her so much?
It bothered her because he was her boyfriend so of course he was allowed to touch her like that. It meant he just didn't want to. It bothered her because it had made so many insecurities come to light that she hadn't even been aware she had.
Did he not like it when she drank? Did it . . turn him off? Did she look like her dad when he had too much to drink?
She didn't know and in the coming days, she doesn't get drunk again but she does drink to test or prove a point. And she's right. He's reluctant to be around her. He's reluctant to even let her stay the night at his house when she's like that. And they've been intimate before- quite often actually, so it's not like she's pushing the boundaries on something new entirely. He just simply doesn't want to be around her- and that hurt.
He never said anything before. He never said that her drinking bothered him. He's never said that he'd rather her not and that it disgusts him- but's that how he was making her feel. Like she was gross or should be ashamed. She never thought she drank too much. After all, her father had been a borderline alcoholic so rightfully it had been something she did sparingly.
After noticing this new discovery however, she started doing it more often. Not enough to do any real lasting damage or to make it a habit- but just enough to test him. Or to push him would be more accurate.
Of course the more reasonable thing to do would've been to just talk to him. Just asking him about it would've been fine. Shinichi would've told her the truth. After the whole Conan incident, he never really hid anything from her especially in regards to his feelings. When he 'came back', he was very open on how he felt about her. Usually for him, it was with words but she noticed it in his actions as well. In the way he would always hold her hand when they walked side by side, how he'd give her kisses even in public- though those did change in varying degrees when they were indeed in private. She could even see it in the way he looked at her, which like their kisses, changed when they weren't in the presence of others. To this day, he still would push her behind him when certain crime scenes got a bit too dangerous though of course he should know by now that when it came to physical strength, sometimes she could even surpass him. All these things he did just to show her how much he cared about her- even if he was usually blushing while he did it, there was never a time she didn't feel cherished by him.
But if a drop of alcohol touched her lips- that all went away.
She was usually so well in-tuned with Shinichi that she was amazed she had never saw it before. If she got excited or a little too extravagant and pulled him close, he'd always steady her before holding her a small distance away. That was usually by a grip on on her hips or sometimes, and if she got too rambunctious, by her shoulders. It wasn't the usual comforting hold he used on her either. When she hadn't been drinking it was actually a grip he used to pull her closer, not hold her further away.
The only feasible reason Ran could come up with for why she didn't notice it before was that- she probably had been drunk. That or on the very cusp of becoming that. She could be honest with herself. She knew she didn't exactly have the most impressive tolerance when it came to alcohol. She could admit that. They couldn't all be like Hattori and Kazuha who could spend a whole night bar hopping and then wake up the next morning for work like it was nothing.
At first, thinking about it made her feel guilty. She didn't want Shinichi to have some aversion to her because she was drinking. She didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable and she was beginning to think that was how she made him feel every time they went out to a bar. Of course she didn't mean to be so . . touchy. She couldn't help how pushy she got when she had a little liquid courage.
Shinichi was her boyfriend after all. It would be unnatural for her not to want to touch him. Meaning it would also be unnatural for him not to want her to touch him. . . right? Not only had they been friends since cherry blossom class which laid the foundation for a strong companionship that lasted them all the way to high school and now- they had been in a relationship for three years. Two of those which they had actually been intimate.
She was in love with him. She cared about him very much. And he was attractive. So of course every once in awhile she'd feel the . . . urge to touch him. She couldn't really help that that mostly showed after she drank a little but she also couldn't help she didn't have the confidence to do so sober. It wasn't like she had to drink to have those cravings. She had them well enough when she was just spending her day with him casually. She probably had them too often and sometimes when it became too much to ignore- he'd actually catch her staring.
And she'd be mortified. That was the worse feeling; the embarrassment of being caught. If anything, she assumed he liked it based off how he reacted. Which- that would depend on where they were. He was never angry or upset with her but let's just say, when they were in private, he reacted a little differently than when they were on the train. When they were surrounded by people, some small teasing would do. But when they were alone, just the two of them at his house or maybe hers. . .
Ran's face got red just thinking about it.
That in mind, it was hard for her to understand or come up with a logical reason for why he refused to touch her like that. If it wasn't cause he was disgusted with her- which she was hoping was not the case; the only other idea she had was that in some way. . . he must've felt like it was taking advantage of her.
Which was ridiculous.
Yes the alcohol gave her guts and it made her susceptible to certain emotions and needs, but she wasn't a fool. She knew what would come of her touching and brushing against him like that. Hadn't he ever heard the saying drunk actions were sober thoughts?
This had all come to light for her one night when they met up with Hattori and Kazuha for drinks. They weren't doing anything crazy. Just having a casual dinner where she happened to get a margarita. It was one drink but she always forgot how much liquor they could dump in those and that one drink was enough to have her thoughts racing. . . and her hands wandering.
He had been completely fine with his one beer and though they were in a booth and there was plenty of room, she suddenly felt as if there were a magnet pulling her and she was pressed to his side before she even really knew how. She must've slowly gravitated towards him as she took swigs of her drink which she paused on her sipping when she heard him suddenly cut off in his story. She had been listening intently and hadn't yet caught on that she was the cause for his stumble.
The first thing to clue her in was the briefest exchange that happened between him and Hattori right before her eyes. It had been an almost jeering grin on the Osakan's part and the slightest glare from Shinichi that actually made her refocus. Kazuha was still waiting patiently for her boyfriend to continue his story- not at all noticing the small interaction but Ran felt like a whole silent conversation just happened.
She saw the interaction but it didn't mean she understood it, and with a margarita in her system, she didn't much care about it either. If anything, she internally shrugged it off and leaned closer into Shinichi's side.
If she was paying more attention, it would've been obvious to her that the brush of her breast against his arm and her close proximity was doing things to him. She hadn't been though and instead she was feeling slightly lethargic. The alcohol had gone through her pretty quickly and she suddenly rested her head against his shoulder. Completely done with her drink for now and not really wanting another, she let her hands slide up his bicep that was beside her and she wrapped her arm around it gently- hugging it to herself.
She didn't notice how he ended up stuttering again. She didn't notice the rapid flush that took over his face or how tense he became. She had gotten distracted by something else entirely.
She had never noticed how muscled Shinichi actually was. He wasn't out of shape by any means and she knew he worked out occasionally, but she hadn't known it was enough to actually give him any real definition. When had that happened?
A bit absentmindedly, she was sliding her hands up and down his arm slowly, caressing and feeling the tautness of his muscle. Admittedly, that was unusual of her to do and if it hadn't been for that margarita- she would've never dared to do it. To be fair, she hadn't touched him with any sexual meaning behind it. She had been genuinely curious and surprised and intrigued.
She didn't think anything of it when he suddenly requested to go to the restroom. Not hearing how strained the request was, she simply slid out of the booth to let him out. The entire time he wouldn't look at her which she had thought was weird but she didn't say anything. Even when he seemed to run out of there as if someone had screamed there was a murder.
Settling back in her seat, she grabbed her drink again and began drinking from the straw absentmindedly. She thought she had been getting drowsy earlier but Shinichi not being there, suddenly woke her up. It was probably because she couldn't lay on him anymore.
Suddenly feeling eyes on her, she looked up and it was to a Cheshire grin from Hattori and as she looked at Kazuha, she seemed to be gaining a healthy shade to her cheeks- which she didn't understand why. They were both looking right at her though and she was a bit perturbed.
"Keepin' him on his toes, eh Nee-chan?"
His words had an instantaneous reaction and she choked on her drink in her mouth while Kazuha used the back of her hand to wack her boyfriend in his chest.
"Aho! Shut up!" Kazuha yelled and Ran blushed to the roots of her hair.
What Hattori said wasn't even that bad. It was the tone of voice he used. She could just tell by the lilting tone he used that he meant it with some sexual connotation. The bad thing was. . . she didn't even know what she did to deserve it.
So she paid closer attention.
When Shinichi came back, she easily could tell he was still avoiding her gaze. It got worse when Hattori cracked another devious smirk.
"Had a long enough breather, buddy?"
Ran's eyes widened but she didn't say anything and watched intently how her boyfriend easily gained a few shades.
"Shut up," he grumbled while still looking anywhere but at her.
And that's when it clicked.
He was getting . . . affected by her touches.
She should've been embarrassed. She should've been mortified that Hattori and Kazuha had even been able to pick it up. She should've felt guilty that she did that to him in public.
Ran was none of those. A clearer-headed version of herself would've asked him discreetly if he was okay and apologize. A sober her would've been just as humiliated for being the cause.
An intoxicated her though. . . she was excited. She was thrilled by the idea that such small and simple touches from her could have him so bothered. She wanted to tease him like he did to her. She wanted to touch him again. She wanted to leave.
So they did.
She feigned forgetfulness and said she just remembered she actually had to work early tomorrow- that she had promised her boss she'd come in early.
"You never told me you had to go in early tomorrow," Shinichi said simply but with a curious frown, probably as to why she didn't tell him. After the Conan incident, they usually told each other everything. It was so the other would at least have an idea where he or she was and when to expect them back by.
This time was different however. She hadn't forgot to tell him anything.
A shy smiled pulled at the corners of her lips and she couldn't tell if she was blushing or maybe the alcohol had given her some more color. "Because I don't have to go in early tomorrow," she said sweetly and almost on their own her hands went to the opening of his coat, grabbing it by the edges. She tugged him closer and when he jerked into her suddenly she realized she used more force than she meant to. Only looking surprised she figured it was fine and she gave him an indulgent grin. "I lied."
Probably not used to her doing anything like that he gave her a small, "Oh," before realizing and actually understanding what that entailed. "O-Oh," he said more firmly and his eyes went wide, his face bleeding red.
She couldn't help but giggle at his reaction. She wasn't used to seeing him so rattled. It was usually the other way around and she had to admit, it was thrilling to be on the opposite end. Ran couldn't really explain what came over her anyway. All she knew was that she had this sudden urge to just be near Shinichi and she had to remind herself multiple times that she was already pressed against him and to stop tugging on his jacket. It was a shame she wasn't paying attention to his face anymore or she would've seen a treat.
Shinichi started sputtering. "I-I would, R-Ran, but-" He had to cut himself off when she hummed at him to keep going and she let her hands press against his chest, sliding them up till she was wrapping her arms around his neck. "I-I have work tomorrow a-and I-"
"You can stay the night here," she suggested sweetly and in a much more calmer voice than his.
"I-I really would but with work in the morning and I didn't bring a change of clothes- I need a change of clothes! A-and if I have to go home in the morning I-I could run the risk of being late and there's always traffic in the morning-!" He was rambling and slowly she settled her racing heart. She felt that shy excitement that had been building slowly taper off.
He looked like he was panicking and Ran was actually starting to get worried. She didn't want to force him to do something he didn't want to. She couldn't lie and say she wasn't disappointed but the last thing she wanted to do was make him uncomfortable with her.
He was still rambling about why he couldn't stay the night and not really having the energy to talk over him, she used her grip around his neck and forced him to lean down closer to her. She was right though and it successfully silenced him.
"Shinichi," she said softly and she could practically feel the heat coming off his blushing face. "It's okay. You don't have to stay if you don't want to," she said with a gentle smile.
His eyes were still huge as he stared at her but he finally calmed down some and he swallowed nervously. "O-okay," he mumbled slowly and she felt a bit of hurt when that's all he said. He basically just confirmed that he didn't want to stay with her.
She didn't tell him that though and since he was already close, she just pulled him that little bit closer and gave him a kiss.
She meant it to be quick; a brief goodnight kiss. But the moment she felt his breath in her mouth, she felt her tongue slide easily against his. She knew Shinichi said he had to go. She knew he didn't want to stay. But it was like her body had not yet admitted defeat and instead she felt herself pulling him in. Her hands had moved into his hair and she felt her fingers tangling in it. Her mouth was still moving fiercely against his but to her surprise, she wasn't the only participant in this embrace.
She had very clearly initiated it but he was pushing against her almost just as passionately and she had to wonder if he really didn't want to stay. He wouldn't be responding to her like this if he didn't have any interest.
When she felt his hands come to her waist, she thought he would pull her closer. That's what he usually did when they were alone like this. Granted, they were in the hallway of her apartment building but it was close to midnight and nobody else was around.
Instead though, she felt him straighten, separating their lips and when she went to follow she realized that's what his hands had been there for. To hold her away.
His eyes had been closed for a second and he seemed to be taking a deep breath. "I- uh. . . I have to go," he said before he must've realized his eyes were still shut and he looked at her. It made her wonder if he was maybe talking to himself.
The disappointment was back but this time she didn't fight him. She hadn't even meant to cause all that she did but a large part of her had hoped he would change his mind.
When he went to leave for real this time, she was expecting another peck on the lips or something. He didn't though and she was a bit thrown when he actually just walked away. Well, ran was more like it. That's what it had felt like anyway. That he had run away from her. And she had to ask herself as she laid in bed that night- what had she done wrong?
It was almost spoiled and extremely self-centered of her to think but . . . Shinichi had never denied her before. It wasn't often she ever had the confidence to initiate anything intimate but when she did, he usually couldn't contain himself. When he hadn't said anything in response to her and quite literally left her standing outside her apartment. . . it hurt. She felt like he didn't want her. It's basically what he said.
What did she do bad?
Of course there was always the possibility that he was actually telling the truth and he indeed did have to leave because of all of those excuses he gave. She still felt like it was unlikely though. Shinichi had stayed at her place quite often- even if he had to work early in the morning. In fact, she was usually the one saying it wasn't a good idea and that he would be tired in the morning and he was always brushing her off telling her not to worry and that she stressed too much.
She had done something wrong- Ran just knew it and she had to rack her brain to try and deduce what that thing was. It was actually a bit sad how long it took her to suspect it was her drinking. But after running it through her head multiple times, it actually made sense.
That night was when she decided she needed to test her theory. So that's when she started asking to go out more. She didn't want him to catch on to what she was doing so each time she would vary how much she drank. Silly as it was, Ran felt like she couldn't confront him about this directly- not without evidence anyway. And so each time, she would try to push him in some way and each time- he would shut her down. Over a span of a few weeks, she finally decided she'd had enough.
She would get Shinichi to touch her yet. Though she never really paid attention to it, she knew what made him tick- what drove him crazy. She never actively acknowledged it. It was merely something she did all the time cause she knew subconsciously that he liked it. There were small things she always did because she knew he liked it that she never actively had to do on purpose.
This time was different.
When they went out with Hattori and Kazuha that night, she went with the intention of seducing him. She had maybe two or three drinks to give her the courage but nothing over that. She didn't want to get too crazy to the point she wasn't actually aware. The liquid courage was nice though even if it was essential for her test. She never had to actively think about seducing Shinichi while she did it. She never had to try. From what she could tell, it happened naturally.
Since she was actively trying tonight though, she donned an outfit she knew for a fact he liked or appreciated based off the way he couldn't stop touching her when she wore it. It was a pair of dark, blue denim skinny jeans coupled with a dressy black spaghetti strapped top that also happened to be bordering on being a crop top. It showed the barest bit of her midriff and her white creamy skin provided the perfect contrast with the dark colors. She wore some black strappy sandals to finish it off but knew his gaze wouldn't really stray past her chest and hips- which was the goal.
She knew she had done right when he met her at her door and his face instantly went a shade darker. He had taken a second to assess how she looked before he actually greeted her properly. Normally, she might've scolded him for that but right now, she took it as a good introduction into the rest of the night.
Smiling, she held the door open wider and told him to wait for her inside. Usually, this would be where he complained about her not being ready on time but when he said nothing and she took notice of the still dazed look on his face she understood why.
It felt like a small victory but she could already feel a blush forming on her face so she immediately walked back into her apartment leaving him to follow her. Ran didn't want him to see how anxious he was making her. She just knew that if he did, he would use it later to enforce that when she was drinking, she wasn't in control.
Ran would almost argue it was the other way around. It was when she was sober that she wasn't in control at all and actually a prisoner to her own thoughts and insecurities. But when she wasn't completely sober- it was so much more freeing. The burdens of her own mind were gone along with any other inhibitions. She felt like she could say anything and do anything she wanted around him. Even now, as she walked around her apartment for her things- she could feel his eyes following her. And it was making her nervous. She liked it but it was hard to make eye contact with him when she had a pretty good idea about what he was thinking.
Walking back to him with keys in hand, she smiled letting him know she was ready to go. He was oddly quiet and she was beginning to think her early assumption was incorrect.
It hadn't been.
The moment she was in front of him, he tugged her closer and the red she was trying to keep down started to spread up her neck. To brace herself, she placed her hands against his chest.
She wasn't sure what he was doing until he said, "Did I tell you how good you look tonight?"
It felt like her throat dried up in a second. "No." She swallowed and smirking he pulled her even tighter against him.
"Well, you do. It distracted me from greeting you properly," he said simply and behind the amusement in his eyes she could see something more intense. She could tell that even though her reaction was obviously humoring him, that he was being very serious about his compliment.
"T-thanks," she squeaked out deciding not to say anything about his honesty. Her breathing hitched when she felt his hands start caressing her waist and she gripped his shirt tightly when she felt them slide closer to her lower back- fingers splayed dangerously low.
"You're welcome," he said so lowly and the teasing glint he had earlier was gone. Though she had time to prepare, she couldn't help the gasp that escaped her when he leaned in to give her a kiss. Usually she would whine about him ruining her hair and makeup but this time she stayed silent. She didn't want him to have any excuse for pushing her away tonight or claim she was only interested because she was drinking. And also, she actually enjoyed kissing him so she really didn't have a good reason to stop him anyway.
The night was already off to a good start and she had high hopes it would continue this way.
She should've known it wouldn't though. She should've known he would've easily figured she was up to something.
Maybe her pushing it was what made him think she had too much already. Of course he didn't know the thoughts that had been running through her head for the past week. So to him, this was unnatural for her. But the times she wasn't drunk- maybe a little tipsy, and didn't act this forward, he still wouldn't touch her.
It was starting to go south for her plan and it was also proving to be very difficult to do anything in front of Hattori and Kazuha, whom both were visiting Tokyo and joined them tonight. It was making it difficult to push the limits of how brazen she could be but that wasn't all. What was proving to be annoying was watching the Osakan couple's interactions with each other.
Seeing the way, Kazuha would snuggle against Hattori and instead of pushing her away he'd pull her closer; it bothered Ran. It made her jealous. Of course not because she wanted Hattori to hold her but because Kazuha was already five drinks in herself and Hattori didn't push her away. He didn't look disgusted. He looked amused if anything.
Yet here she was, with less drinks, and she couldn't even get her boyfriend to look at her properly. She'd admit, she was pushing it but she wasn't being too over the top. Unlike the other time, she made sure she was discreet and not even their Osakan friends noticed her touches. As they sat, she'd place her hand on his leg under the table. If he stumbled in his speech- which he did practically every time she touched him, she'd rub his leg soothingly. If he leaned close to her as they spoke just to be heard, she'd make sure her lips brushed his skin with every response and her chest rubbed against his. Even when they were standing and waiting for their drinks at the bar, she'd let her hand slide into the back pocket of his jeans. She didn't want there to be any confusion of her intentions.
That last action of hers proved to be too bold and just like that first night he declared he needed to use the restroom and took off. It made her glare at his back. Was he really using Conan-kun tactics on her now? Just to get her to stop touching him? That seemed to be a breaking point for Ran.
She was doing everything she could to get a reaction from him and he just wasn't biting. If anything he made her worried by how he looked to be on the brink of an anxiety attack.
It was frustrating. She'd have to push harder. There was only so many times he could use the toilet as an excuse.
When Kazuha mentioned wanting to get another drink and Ran didn't volunteer to join her, Hattori moved to follow her into the crowd. So Ran took that as her chance.
Throwing her arms around his neck, she tugged his head down so his ear was by her lips. "Let's go to your house tonight," she whispered to him with her lips brushing against his ear. It was a miracle he heard her over the loud blaring of the music but she knew he had when his head shot up and his face turned so red she could see it in the dimmed lights of the club. Unlike when those words came from a sober her, he didn't look excited nor did he push them to just leave now.
He looked nervous.
He looked like he was going to be sick.
Not the expressions you want to see on your boyfriend's face when you're trying to seduce him.
"You have breakfast with your mom in the morning. Wouldn't it be easier to leave from your house?" It wasn't a flat out refusal but that was him telling her he'd rather her stay at her own place- separate.
Biting her lip and not thinking about the disappointment that was settling in her chest; trying not to let it get to her, she shook her head. "It'll be fine. You'll wake me up anyway," she said and tried to brush kisses along his jaw. He was trying to straighten to his full height and she wouldn't let him. Instead, her arms tightened and she almost pouted. He wasn't make this easy. She really was going to have to take it up another notch.
His eyes went wide when her tongue peaked out and brushed against his lip and that seemed to be his breaking point. Pupils dilating, that annoying hold she was quickly learning to dread, came up to her hips and pulled her away, holding her firmly in place when she tried to move back.
"Maybe we should go."
His suggestion had her heart racing and hope fluttering her chest. . . until he finished his thought.
"I think you've had enough to drink."
And her excitement shattered. Her mood dropped and she was sure he could feel the iciness surrounding her.
"Fine," she said curtly and her arms dropped from around his neck. Taking a step away from him, the disappointment and frustration she was trying to suppress all night came crashing down on her to the point it was almost overwhelming how upset and just hurt she was. Nothing was more scathing on her heart though when he immediately took a step back once she released him- making it very obvious to her that he wanted some distance.
He had to of been able to tell that something was wrong. There was no way he couldn't tell that she was upset. She didn't even bother trying to hide it. Hattori and Kazuha picked up the tension fast and instead of them just leaving, they decided to as well. That was honestly the only thing she felt guilty about. They only ever came to Tokyo to see them but she was in no mood after her talk with Shinichi and if he hadn't already suggested it, she would've been giving an excuse of her own to leave.
Walking in, he had been holding her tight. Walking out- he wouldn't even hold her hand.
She had barely made it outside before she finally had enough and just walked away. She had grown frustrated with him and when he turned to Hattori and Kazuha to say his goodbyes, she was already walking down the street. Admittedly, Ran would've never done that with a level head but in the moment she just made a mental note to call Kazuha and apologize. All she wanted to do right then was to not only get away from Shinichi, but everybody.
The double take he had sent her when he realized she wasn't at his side almost made her laugh but then he was running towards her not even finishing what he had been saying to Hattori.
"R-Ran! Wait!" He chased after her and before she could take one step into the crosswalk, he was putting an arm around her waist. "Let me help you," he said softly and she shoved his prying hands away.
She wanted him to touch her but not like this. She knew all he was trying to do was make sure she got home safely. She understood that. But she wasn't drunk and she didn't need him treating her like she was completely inept and unaware. He was acting like she had too much to drink and was tripping over her own two feet- which she wasn't. She was a bit louder and saying things she wouldn't have the gumption to say sober, but it didn't matter to her because it was all true. It allowed her to be honest without the unsettling feeling of regret that she was being too brave- that she was being too honest.
"I'm fine, Shinichi," she complained when he tried reaching for her again. "I don't need help," she tried to argue but it sounded more like a whine. Finally just not having the energy to deal with it, she let him walk her across the street as if she were a child but the moment they stepped on the sidewalk she was shaking him off.
The apartment she had gotten was closer to the city. It also happened to be in the opposite direction of his house so when she started walking like she was going home- as in her apartment, he sort of stumbled when instead of taking a left towards his neighborhood she took a right.
"I thought you were staying at my house," he reminded and she had to bite her tongue to hold down her snide remark.
Instead of pointing out that he had been the one to speak against that, she shook her head. "It's alright. I'll just go home. You were right anyway. It's closer to my mom's and would be easier to meet her this way," she said simply and without looking at him. She could hear him chasing after her however.
It was almost amusing to her when she noticed he was struggling to keep up with her pace. She hadn't meant to walk so fast and a few times he'd get cut off by another person on the sidewalk and have to hurry behind her.
"Oh, well that's okay. I can give you a ride tomorrow that way you don't have to walk," he tried.
"I don't mind walking," she said easily.
"Are you sure? It would make it easier on both of us and I wouldn't have to make the walk back to my house tonight."
Finally having enough of his pestering, she actually stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and he almost ran right into her. It was starting to sound like he was trying to guilt her into changing her mind and that did not sit well with her. If she felt how she did at the start of the night, it probably would've worked, but right now she had no patience for it.
"If you want to go home- then just go, Shinichi. I didn't ask you to walk me home." Her firm tone clearly caught him off guard but she didn't care. At this point she really did just want to go home and she began walking whether he was following her or not. She couldn't help herself though and said almost snidely, "I'm not trying to make you do something you don't want to do."
Clearly she was thinking about their last conversation at the club.
It got so quiet she thought he actually did decide to just go home. If he did, she didn't really have the right to be angry over that. After all, she told him to go. If he chose to listen, it would her fault.
Suddenly Ran heard him quicken his pace again and he was walking in stride next to her. "I want to walk you home," he said and the way he so casually put his hands in pockets and continued walking with her annoyed her greatly. How could he act like everything was fine right now? She was borderline furious with him. Couldn't he tell? Yet he was acting like there was nothing wrong.
She understood then it was because he wasn't taking her seriously. He was thinking this was some drunk overreaction and the thought made her blood boil.
The walk to her apartment wasn't that long thankfully. Ran could ever remember it being like this except for the first few weeks after he told her he was Conan-kun. The tension around them was suffocating her so she was glad it was a quick trek.
When Shinichi still stood behind her as she started unlocking her door, she gave him an almost confused look. He looked like he was expecting something but if it was a goodbye kiss- she wasn't even going to bother trying. If all he was going to do was dodge her or hold her an arm's length away, she'd save herself from that disappointment.
She was sick of putting herself out there and dealing with his rejections. It was exhausting.
He was still watching her though and finally he said, "Are you okay?"
The question would've aggravated her more if it wasn't for the obvious concern he was feeling for her. It was making it difficult for her to be angry with him.
"I'm fine," Ran said. "You can go home now." She tried not to make her words sound like a dismissal but she could tell by his expression that that's how he took them.
"O-oh, well uh. . I'll see you tomorrow?" he asked almost unsure like he thought that actually might not happen now. When she nodded, he still stood there almost confused. He was probably expecting more of an affectionate goodbye from her but she wasn't about to initiate that only to have him shut her down again. If she tried and he pushed her away during that, she just knew she would cry and she didn't exactly want him to see that.
Finally understanding that she wasn't about to deliver on whatever he was expecting, he gave her one last goodnight but not before asking her if she was sure she was okay. When she said again that nothing was wrong he nodded a bit dejectedly and began to make his way towards the elevator.
When he first left, she had started trying to unlock her door again. But after only a few seconds, the guilt started to weigh on her and she looked down the hall where he went.
He was still in sight and she could see how his shoulders seemed a bit sagged and his hands were shoved deep in his pockets.
Sighing at how softhearted she was, she walked after him. She didn't like the way their night was leaving off and all she could think about was the BO case and Tropical Land. If something that crazy or even worse were to happen, she didn't want that to be the last things she said to Shinichi.
Sometimes she really hated how sensitive she was.
"Ran?" He was surprised when she caught up to him and called his name. The way his eyes brightened and blossomed with hope though made her chest flutter and she knew deep down she did the right thing.
"I'm sorry," she apologized. "It's really late so if you want to stay the night, you can." She was wishing she had decided to grow up sooner when they were walking home. Shinichi had been right as usual. It would've been easier on both of them if he could just use his car tomorrow. She chose to be spiteful though and now it was making her feel worse. She'd have even more regrets if she made him walk all the way home too.
He looked like he wanted to accept but also like he wasn't sure if this was a test or not.
"Are you sure that's alright?"
Ran wanted to be angry with him but it was just too hard. Especially when he looked so happy that she came back for him.
She nodded. "I want you to," she added just so he knew for sure that she was not doing this just for his benefit. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep if they left their night off like this.
When they started walking back to her door, she let her hand slide down and tangled her fingers with his own. He didn't pull away like she feared he would and instead, she felt his grab hers more firmly back. That small reassurance was enough to lift her spirits a little more.
When he normally slept over- and it wasn't a lot since she was usually at his house, he slept in the bed next to her. This time was no different even if she almost expected him to nobly proclaim he would sleep on the couch.
She didn't know what made her do it but when she started grabbing her night clothes, she just stripped her shirt off in one go tossing it into the hamper as she went. Admittedly, when she stayed at his house or if it was another rare occasion that he was here- even after how long they've been together and what they've done together, she still tried to up keep a certain level of modesty. She often changed in the bathroom or at the very least would use her arm to conceal herself. That or just face the other way giving him her back.
This time she did none of those things and she figured it was because when he wasn't here, this was what she usually did. She was in her own bedroom so Ran didn't really think twice about undressing in the open. It wasn't till she stripped off her jeans that she noticed he was oddly silent.
Straightening slowly, she noticed how his gaze wasn't exactly reaching her face and she began to think he hadn't even realized he'd been caught staring. His mouth had fell open ever so slightly and there was a glazed over look in his eyes. A look that made her heart stutter and a familiar feeling from earlier that settled in the pit of her stomach.
"You know you're allowed to touch, right?" At her words his eyes snapped to her face and he turned a slight red. She had been right. He hadn't known that she caught him and if anything he looked more ashamed than embarrassed.
Again she felt that surge of annoyance. He didn't have to be ashamed. They were dating after all and he'd seen her in the nude numerous times. Honestly, he was averting his gaze more than he did as Conan-kun.
He was still silent and at this point she wasn't sure if that was because he didn't have anything to say or if he was still a bit dazed. She'd like to think it was the latter since his eyes seemed to have drifted again.
Suddenly she felt brave again.
"You don't only have to look," she reiterated and let her tone dip lower.
This time when his eyes snapped away, it wasn't to her face. He was looking towards her wall, turning so she could only see his back and acting like he was only undressing for bed. Nothing else.
Ran wasn't about to let him ignore her. Not after she caught him staring at her like that- like she was something of a goddess.
By the time she reached him, he had taken his shirt off but was still facing the other way. She wasn't sure if that was to give her more privacy or if it was to help him control his thoughts. In the moment, she didn't care and her feet padded against the carpet silently.
He actually jumped slightly when she wrapped her arms around him from behind. Letting her hands lock in front of him, she used her grip to press herself to him- hugging him and letting her cheek come down to rest against his smooth, warm skin. He must've been trying to keep his reaction under control but when she started laying small kisses along his skin he tensed with every peck.
"I-I thought you were going to bed." His words sounded choked and she couldn't help the impish grin that he no doubt felt on his back.
Embracing him tighter she whispered, "I'm not tired anymore."
"You have to wake up early tomorrow. It's late," he reminded but to her, that's not what it sounded like. To her, it sounded like an excuse.
Finally, she had enough. She had enough of this shy back and forth game. This game of not saying what they really meant. She knew the real reason and it had jack all to do with her having to wake up early. She knew from experience that he didn't care about that.
"You don't want me?" she flat out asked and this time she wasn't being coy. She meant the question seriously. Obviously her touching him wasn't going to make him cave so they'd have to do this probably the way she should've handled this from the start.
With a long and painfully awkward conversation.
"I-it's not-" Voice sounding tight he just cut himself off before pulling away from her completely. Unlike earlier in the night, she didn't fight him and let her arms drop to her sides. Seeing his face, she tried not to get offended. She knew he only did it because it was hard for him to get a word out unstrained with her pressed up against him like that. She knew that but since he had been shying away all night, it still cut her deeply.
"You've been drinking. It's not right," he shook his head and almost as if forgetting she was only in her underwear, his eyes snapped away. She really had forgot she was half naked but she didn't let that affect her now.
"Hattori-kun doesn't mind touching Kazuha-chan while she drinks."
Shinichi was clearly thrown by her statement and it was enough to have him forgetting about her state of undress and looking at her again. He went another shade again but this time he didn't glance away. He must've felt that this was something she seriously wanted to address. Whether she was blowing something out of proportion and it was small to him- it was a big deal to her.
But he clearly hadn't expected her response and it was easy for her to assume that he hadn't been assessing their friends relationship all night like she had. When they were going through this problem though, it was hard for her not to scrutinize the other two. It was hard not to compare.
Getting his bearings again, he said simply and honestly, "Toyama-san can also hold her drink better than you can."
She was sure it wasn't his intention but his words made her flush brightly. His comment was enough to have her embarrassed even when she wasn't completely sober. Her mind instantly raced with insecurities.
Was she all over the place when she drank? Did she embarrass him?
All of sudden every time there had been an open bar and her father made a ruckus flew through her mind. The mortification and humiliation she felt any time her dad caused a scene. Is that how she made him feel? Was she just like her father? Did she pick up all her father's bad habits? The last thought to stick with her was the one that worried her the most though.
My mother left my father over this.
Maybe the fear that he was taking advantage of her really wasn't the issue. Maybe the issue was something deeper. Something she might've dismissed too soon.
All of sudden her throat felt tight and she had to stop her bottom lip from trembling.
He didn't want her.
And she didn't think she could bear it.
A/N~ Thanks to anybody that read! I already have the next part pretty much done except for a few minor changes I need to straighten. A little warning though, the next part is a lemon! Hopefully I can post it soon but I really want to update IM before doing so but we'll see! Let me know what you think! I love the feedback and just friendly messages people send me! They make me smile so don't be shy! :D
~PurpleLlamanator
