So I'm sad (I don't do sad) bc I miss my best friend Sarah and my bf...growing up sucks butt...so I decided to write.
"I'm miles from where you are I lay down on the cold ground and I pray that something picks me up and sets me down in your warm arms..." Snow Patrol
I lay in bed curled up on my side alone and for some reason nostalgia and a hollow sadness washes throughout me. My chest feels heavy, my eyes are glossy with unshed tears, my cheeks flushed pink, and my breathing fast and unsteady.
The sniper had scared a lot of people and was still out there, he had killed one of ours and our small family. You told Hannah to leave for her own safety, you told me to leave, Cam, and the others. They needed to leave it was dangerous and they did. Though, I couldn't do it I couldn't leave you bad things had happened people we knew well died.
I heard you walk in my pitch black room and I didn't say a word. I was empty inside and felt that if I uttered anything, took my mind off of anything besides trying not to cry then the dam of tears would break. Damn tears.
Though, I needed you tonight and I thanked the God I didn't believe in that you knew it. For, you pull the comforter back and slide in next to me gathering me in your arms. I take your arm which draped around my midsection and grab your hand intertwining mine with it. I bring our clasped hands to my chest and kiss it. You have engulfed me totally an arm underneath me and one draped over my midsection you pull me as close as you can toward you and I inhale.
My back to you we fit perfect our legs even bend perfectly together and in that moment I feel the warmth, smell you, feel the soft cotton of your shirt and it's too much and not enough so I flip over facing you. You smile at me a bittersweet smile. "Hey you."
I drape my arm over your shoulder rubbing it a moment then let it come to rest on your neck. You pull me close again squeezing me tight against you and I close my eyes burying my head into your chest and let the tears fall. We are holding each other tight now I feel you looking at me as I cry silent tears letting them fall on you and I exhale shaky breaths and inhale deep ones as the water continue to slide down my cheeks like rain as I brush it away by rubbing my head deep into your shirt.
You kiss my hair then my forehead and I bite my lip because I don't want to cry loud. Right now I just want to lay right here forever. You squeeze me close again and I kiss your neck just a small kiss an "I love you-see I told you-kiss."
We awake a couple of hours later he has rolled over one arm remain underneath me the other spread across the bed. He is beautiful asleep he seems to be dreaming a happy dream, but I wake him from his dreams. "Booth? Booth?"
"What's wrong Bones?"
I look at him hesitantly I knew my eyes were large. "Hold me." there was silence as what I said register and he quickly gather me in his arms again. "Just don't let me go, Okay?" I feel him gather me closer to him pulling me onto him a bit and I smile.
His hand that lay under me has been repositioned and I lay my cheek into his palm using his hand as a pillow. His arm gets a kiss and I feel his other arm run through my hair. I nuzzle him and he reposition his arms again wrapping them around me engulfing my body as I clasp my hands together behind his neck and whisper his name looking in his eyes. "Booth?"
"Hhmm?"
"Thank you."
"Always Bones, you're my girl."
I don't have the strength to explain to him that I'm not a girl and I am no one's property. Instead I snuggle into him closer and he feels me nuzzling him and pulls me close again I bury my head in his shoulder and inhale.
The tears still stream down my face from the raw emotion of the long day but in the stillness of Booth's arms all the chaos seems to vanish as I close my eyes and relax into him. I couldn't explain my emotions right now or why I shed the tears I did- I just needed him. I needed to rest in the silence of his embrace for I found peace lying in his arms. "Just hold me Booth." Let me rest here for it's all I need.
Weekend get here pronto! This week is proving hard!
