i didn't believe at first,

i had no reason to.

my brother killed himself because kids called him a "faggot".

he cried out to god in his sleep,

"why am i gay?"

he demanded.

and then one wednesday night,

he took the pistol that dad always hid under the kitchen sink

and took a bullet to the brain.

if god was real,

and angels did exist and sing in people's dreams,

why did they let my brother die?