I watched from across the great hall. She knew I was. She smirked because she loves it when I watched her and I love to watch. She begins to fidget under the table, constantly crossing and uncrossing her legs. She was staring straight at me, biting her lip in the sexy way she does.
Someone at her table called her name and she looked away, her chest rising and falling rapidly. She smiles at them and bites her lip again, this time she's looking at her plate. As the bell rings she looks at me through thick eyelashes and smirks, staring with her eyes dark.
She passes me on the corridor later in the day, just a little to close. Brushing against me, it looks like we're pushing past each other but we know better. My hand rubs against her thigh and I know her pulse quickened. I'm making her antsy.
We've never been together, We can't be. She's his. He treats her like property and there's nothing I can do about it. She should be mine. We flirt constantly it's all we have. I think of myself as her release, her escape.
I seat across from her, she's more in front of me though. I can see her but she can't see me, but she knows when I'm watching her. She rubs the back of her neck and bites her lips. I love to watch her. Hermione hits me to get me to pay attention to the subject and not Clarissa. She swears that Draco is going to physically kick my ass for the amount of staring I do.
I shrug her off but spend the rest of potions working and trying not to look at her.
When the last bell of the day rings and potion class ends, she walks past me. Doesn't look at me, she's arm in arm with him. She throws her head back though sending a fan of her long ink blue hair over her shoulder. The scent catches me.
When I leave, there she is pressed between a wall a Draco. It's painful to watch. I don't doubt that she likes Draco. She probably even loves him but she shouldn't. I'm so much better for her. Ron and Hermione pull me away from the spectacle
I can't get her out of my head.
"Harry, you have to be more careful with your little infatuation. Draco's not going take kindly to you staring at his girlfriend all the time." Hermione warns for the umpteenth.
"I know Mione, it's just. . ." right then they push past us. Her hand brushes mine and I'm frozen inside. She looks back over her shoulder at me and there's a smile in her eyes, they disappear around the corner on their way to the dungeons.
" Let her go harry your playing with fire." this time it's Ron talking. I take a deep breath but remain silent. We walk the other way.
I see him enter the great hall for dinner but she's not with him.
I can no longer concentrate on my food where is she? Is she alright? Mione tells me not to worry and reminds me to stay out of it.
She walks in half an hour late for dinner, and takes her place next to him. She's not as chirpy as this morning and she does look at anybody or me for that matter. She's looks down at her plate but doesn't eat. She doesn't touch a thing.
He's preoccupied talking to Blaise Zabini, I notice his eyes flick from Blaise to the Gryffindor table to her and back it does this couple of times.
She hasn't looked up from her plate; I hear a snicker next to me, its Ginny. "What's so funny?" I ask.
"The Slytherins." she answers, "Clarissa's probably afraid she'll gain some weight If she eats anything"
Hermione chimes in, "No Gin, she actually looks like something's wrong. I heard she found him cheating again"
Ginny shrugs, "You have your theories and I have mine." she said simply before returning her attention to her plate.
I turn my attention back to the other table and watch as Draco turns to Clarissa, she looks up at him. He runs a hand under her chin and kisses her. Ginny made a sound next to me, which I ignore. When they break away Clarissa bites her lip and smiles. He kisses her cheek and whispers in her ear. She nods and kisses him again.
They were doing it again. He was staring at her and she was staring back. I know because she was fidgeting next to me. I know she hasn't done anything, but she's flaunting herself in front of him of all people.
"Clarissa, You look really Pretty today," Zandra compliments her.
Clarissa looks over at Zandra and smiles in thanks. She catches my eye and then gazes at her plate biting her lip. She's irresistible when she does that, if we weren't in the great hall I'd take her right here.
The bell rings, she gives him one last look then leaves with me. I brush her hair behind her ear and lean down. I kiss her cheek then her earlobe, "Stop it" I whisper. She drops her head and we leave.
The day passes pretty quickly Clarissa stays on my arm the entire day, Potter's eye fixed on her for the majority. He touches her as they pass each other in the hall, I can feel her pulse quicken under my hand.
She's scared, she doesn't know if I saw. I did, but I pretend I didn't. Her pulse slows and she looks at me. I look back, she knows I know. She looks sad. I take a deep breath and then kiss her. Potter's obsession isn't her fault.
I try and ignore him staring at her during potions, I don't have to see him to know he is. She won't stop touching her neck. She's not paying attention to her work. He stops at some point and she gets to concentrate on her work. When the bell rings I keep her close as we leave class.
A few meters outside I lean into her and she ends up with her back against the wall, and I kiss her. I love to kiss her. She has the perfect lips. She gives you all the right responses. She moans when you want a moan, she squirms when you want her to squirm. But I pull away.
I have my reasons, I turn around and there is one of them. She's scowling daggers at Clarissa before continuing to her own class. Clarissa didn't notice. I take her hand and lead her to the dorms. We'll finish this in private.
We pass Potter and his gang she's turns and smiles at him before we turn the corner. I say nothing.
We get to my dorm and she lets go of my hand and steps away from me. She's knows what coming.
"Right in front of me Clarissa," she looks at the floor. There's nothing for her to say. "Of all of the people on the school, Potter. Why?"
Her lips part but no sound comes out. She lost her voice two days ago, I remember. I keep yelling, I'm furious that she does this and she knows it. She sits on the bed and listens. When I'm done there are tears streaming down her face and I can't take it. I leave.
I walk down the hall, I'm furious. At Clarissa for crying, At myself for making her cry, at Potter for making me make her cry. I stop. My feet have brought me back. I can't keep doing this. I ended it. I promised I'd stop.
I turn to leave. I hear a door open behind me; I'm too late.
"Your back, I knew you would be."
I grit my teeth, "It was a mistake, I took a wrong turn. It's over between us."
She comes up behind me and her hands encircle my waist, she presses herself against me roughly, "Come on, for old times sake?"
I pull her hands apart and step away, I refuse to hurt Clarissa any more. That's all I seem to do. "No. I don't want to have to beat up your brother again."
She grins, she loved it. She's twisted and I know it. That's what first attracted me to her, she was the total opposite of Clarissa and at the time that's what I thought I wanted. She flicks her red hair over her shoulder and gives me the smoldering look I fell for the first time…not happening again.
She huffs when I don't react the way she wants and takes a more direct approach. She throws her arms around me and smashes her lips to mine. I'm taken aback by her abruptness, this makes me hesitate to push her off. When I finally pry her lips from mine it's too late.
Clarissa is at the end of the hall watching us, her face unmoving but I bet if she could talk, that she would scream. I push Ginny away roughly, she has a wicked smile on her face. This was her plan all along. I start toward Clarissa.
She doesn't run from me as most girls would if they had just caught their boyfriends doing the one thing they had promise never to do again. She's not even looking at me, her eyes are on Ginny. I'm almost to her when her lips move, of course there's no sound, so she mouths the word to Ginny, 'Bitch'
I look back to see Ginny smirking triumphantly. Bitch, I think. Clarissa's looking at me now. She simply rolls her eyes and turns to walk away. I go after her.
"I didn't- she just…" I begin and Clarissa nods in a way that's telling me I was to be quiet because she already knew. I fall silent.
She takes a deep breath. I watch her chest rise and fall and then she looks at me shakes her head and walks off. I end up going to dinner alone, and I talk to Blaise as I pretend nothing is wrong. I pretend I don't notice harry staring at her empty place. I pretend, I know where she is. . . I don't.
As if on cue Clarissa enters the great hall. She walks straight over to the table, she doesn't look at him or me. She doesn't even spare Zandra a passing glance. She sits and stares at her plate, she doesn't touch her food. She's not here to eat.
I can't keep my eyes on Blaise anymore no matter how I try, my eyes keep roaming from her to Ginny back to her, hardly ever stopping on Blaise. Finally I turn and look at her. She looks up at me, I run my hand down her cheek and under her chin. I kiss her.
She let's me. She forgives me. I don't know why, I put her through hell and she always forgives me. I don't deserve her but I'm too selfish to give her to someone who does. When we break apart I whisper I'm sorry in her ear. She nods, smiles and mouths, 'I know'
I forgave him. I always do. I always will.
I'm in love with him.
Unfortunately that isn't enough, my mind keeps wondering to Harry. I just want to know. I just wonder what it would be like to be with someone else. I slip my hands around Draco's waist. There's no point in wondering. I shouldn't. It hurts Draco when I play those games with Harry. I should stop.
When dinner is over I leave with Draco, I don't look at Harry but I know he's watching me. In the entrance hall I make a decision. Never again, I'll stop. I grab Draco so quickly he's caught off guard and stumbles a little as I push him against I wall. My lips are against his.
He kisses me back without hesitation but looks slightly confused when I pull away, I simply smile. He'll figure it out in a minute, and figure it out he does. His eyes drift over my shoulder. He's seem him.
I allow Draco to drape his arm around my shoulder and hold me a little too close to his side. I don't mind. I keep my eyes away from Harry's. . .he gets the message and I know it. The change between us was quick. It went from carefree flirtation to icy cold resentment in a nanosecond, but it had to be done. I have to get him out of my head. I just have too.
It doesn't work.
My preoccupation with Harry grows the less we communicate. Draco notices my mind is else where and he knows where. I even think he knows why which is why he doesn't say anything. We're still in love. My thoughts of Harry hasn't affected that. He knows it and so do I, but the thoughts still remain.
What would it be like?
It's my birthday. The entire Slytherin table has broken out into a very disjointed chorus of happy birthday. I laugh openly, until it happens. He's looking at me. I avoid his gaze at all costs but it doesn't let up.
I decide to focus on dray. He's been awfully quite all morning, I run my hand through his hair. He looks at me and I smile, 'You ok?' I mouth. My voice hasn't come back. The nurse doesn't know why. . .a lot of help she was. Maybe it'll never come back and I'll be mute. . .that would be interesting.
I stroke his hair and he nods. I don't believe him, he knows it. I kiss his cheek and keep playing with his hair. He takes a deep breath and takes my other hand in his. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small box.
He doesn't need to say anything and he knows it. My eyes tear and I hug him, "I love you." He whispers I nod into his shoulder. I wish my voice was back so I could tell him back. I know he already know but I want to be able to say it.
He slips the purple diamond onto my finger and I kiss him. The great hall is watching us wondering why I'm crying, so is the Slytherin table. Zandra catches site of my finger and squeals. She tells everyone what I can't. I don't mind because my mouth is still a bit preoccupied at the moment.
I can't stop kissing him the whole day, we can't wait till it's over. Unfortunately our impatience gets us detention with Snape. The meanie. He congratulates us as we mark some over due course work. Strange meanie. I'm still thinking about Harry.
I look at my ring and think of Harry. It may never happen, but what would it. . .could it. . .be like.
Finally we leave, we're hardly out of Snape's office and Draco is kissing me. I'm definitely not complaining though. 1My back pressed against the cold cut stone of the castle wall. I allow myself to moan and he kisses me and presses himself against me, this is what he wants and I know it. So I'm giving it to him. My eyes open as his kisses trail down my shoulder, they fall on Harry. The only other occupant of the hall, I stiffen and grasp his robe so he knows to stop and he does, giving me a confused look. I nod in Harry's direction.
He turns, "This a private moment Potter, do you mind?"
"You're in the middle of the hall, why don't you take you moment somewhere else."
Draco grabs my hand and pulls me toward his dorm, I smile at Harry, I can't help it, and allow myself to be pulled, there's envy in his eyes. He's upset that I'm not with him. He'll get his. I get pulled into Draco's dark dorm, we don't even bother turn on the lights. We don't even make it to the bed, my robes are ripped from my body, my shirt unbuttoned enough so he can get to my breasts and my underwear removed from under my skirt.
I'm up against the cloth tapestry on the wall of his room. That means the bed's right in front of us and the fireplace is too our left. I hear Draco unzip himself and press my lips to his. I love the frenzy we're in. He wraps my legs around his waist, I'm completely off the ground my back being supported by the wall. He enters me hard and I moan in ecstasy.
It's hot, Hard and full of some unnamable passion. I love it.
We finish just as hard. Panting. He carries me to his bed and we lie with each other until his breathing evens out. He's asleep. My Prince. I love him so but there's something else I need to do tonight. I won't let it interfere with my feelings for Draco, we're getting married this summer anyway. As I think about it I run my thumb along my band and smile.
Then taking a deep breath I slide it off my finger. Placing it on the side table I rise out of the bed, not bothering to even pull back on my underwear I straighten my shirt and pull on my robe. I leave Dray's room and start down the hall. I know where he is.
I push open the door to the old potions room, he's pouring over a book. His shaggy black hair obscuring his face. As the door click's shut he looks up but doesn't say anything, I lock the door and walk closer. He says silent and watches me cross the room...he always watched me.
I make my way to where he's sitting, standing over him. I say nothing. He pushes away from the desk and turns his chair so it's facing me. I let my robe drop to the floor, and he takes a deep breath, "What are you doing?" he asks keeping his voice level.
I unbutton the first two buttons on my blouse as I step closer to him. He doesn't repeat his question, because he won't get an answer. I step up him and then straddle his lap. My lips brush his softly and we end up kissing. We kiss for awhile, it's wonderful, softer than Draco but I like it all the same. He continues where I stopped with my blouse unbuttoning the remaining buttons on my blouse.
I slide my hand between our bodies and slowly unzip his trousers but he grabs my hand, "If we're going to do this we're going to do it right. We're going to do it my way or not at all."
This is where he and Draco are alike, they love control. It's why they love me. . .because I let them have it. I smile and nod placing my hand back around his neck. We kiss.
Harry is slow, steady and calculated. . .Draco was like this once, but that's long over with. Harry took his time. We ended up laying on a workbench, it was different but definitely good. He strokes my hair and kisses me gently.
We stay laying next to each other for a long time, I think we fall asleep, because when I open my eyes again it's time to go to breakfast. I pull back on my uniform, Harry's eyes on my back watching my every move.
He's a legend now and nobody can ever know. He's just bedded Draco Malfoy's fiancé and I know he'll never tell a living soul. When I'm dressed I kiss his forehead and leave. I don't look behind me. I know he's watching.
I go back to Dray's dorm. It's empty. I don't have enough energy to worry about how pissed he'll be I take a shower and change into a clean uniform. I lace up my boots, all the way up to my knee and head out to the great hall. On entering I can feel his eyes on me, I turn the other way and find my seat on Draco's right.
He's silent eating his eggs. He slips his hand into his pocket and pulls out my ring placing It on the bench between us, he keeps eating his eggs, I can feel the smile on my face, no I haven't escaped his anger but I'll survive it. I place the ring back in his place and lean up to Draco's ear.
My voice is back.
"I know your upset, and you have all the right to scream, or give me the silent treatment, but I love you. I'm yours, and I'll be yours forever. First, last and always." I kiss his ear and sit back properly. He turns to me and I look at him, expecting to be yelled at or shunned but neither comes, he leans down and kisses me. . .I cry.
I love him too much. He's too forgiving. I don't deserve him.
Ok, Don't lynch me!
i know i have strawberry Blonde to do, but i have writers block, exams and i'm recovering from a car accident. I do on the other hand have this. Now i can honestly tell you, strawberry blonde has NOT been abandoned, i wouldn't do that and would come along faster if someone could read it over and tell me, if a mentioned the relationship between Blaise and his father any at all because i can't remember and i can't read it over due to lack of time and the inability to read my own work.
So yeah, my exams start monday and finish the 15th of june. so no more computer for me.
Wondering how i did this. . .well i'd love to tell you but i don't know. started it yesterday arouns 11pm and picked it back up today at around 8pm. . .it's 11:47pm now...thats all i know and that i really like this story i don't know why.
Okay. Hope you enjoyed it and i hope my reviewers won't lynch about SB.
Ireally do love all of you.
Flutterby
