Chapter 1.
Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate Atlantis or any of its original characters.
I took a break from writing Artifact and I thought of this one. I have to warn you first……this is set in the somewhat distant future and in this first chapter, there are a lot of details missing but don't worry, they will be revealed. Also, Shep is a little, actually a lot OOC but there is a reason for that to but I'm going to delve into that more in the later chapters.
There is some Shep whumpage but its not physical, its mental……if that makes any sense at all. So, I hope that you like it and im looking foreward to knowing what people think. Constructive criticism welcome but please don't be mean.
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"John….you are still awake?" Teyla asked with a puzzled look on her face as she sat down next to him by the campfire.
"Can't sleep." John said. He looked over at Teyla and sighed. "I cant stop thinking about what happened." He had a helpless look on his face. Something she had never seen before and it had her concerned.
"John…..it is not your fault." Teyla said trying to reassure him but knowing that she would be unsuccessful. "You should not blame yourself for what happened."
John had a disappointed look on his face as he looked to the ground and shook his head. "I should have done more." He said just before stifling a yawn.
Teyla gently put a hand on his shoulder and looked at him with concerned eyes. "How long has it been since you've slept?"
"About three days." John said in a tired voice as he stared at the fire with unfocused eyes still thinking about what had happened on Atlantis.
"You should get some sleep." Teyla said as she stood up. "Dr. Weir is trying to get things straitened out so you should not worry about it."
"I'll sleep when I'm dead." John said as he got up and walked away leaving Teyla stunned and confused about his last comment. He seemed so depressed since they left Atlantis and she didn't know what to do to make him feel any better. Actually, she didn't really even know just how upset he really was because he never shared his feelings about thigs with anyone….especially her.
Teyla heard a hum from overhead and knew that Elizabeth was back from Atlantis. She had gone there to try and plead with them for their rightful spot back. They had been there for so long and then they were just uprooted for no reason and thrown out into the Pegasus Galaxy. Teyla desperately wanted to know if there was any progress made so she made her way to the jumper after it landed. When the back airlock opened up, Elizabeth stepped out onto the cold hard ground.
"Welcome back Dr. Weir." She said as Elizabeth walked towards her.
"It's good to be back." She replied to Teyla as she walked over to a nearby chair and sat down.
"Did you have any luck?" She asked her as she sat down in a chair next to her. She needed to hear some good news after the events of the past few days.
"Not yet." Elizabeth said. "I haven't given up yet though."
"That's good." Teyla said. "I do hope you succeed soon though……some of us are not taking the move from Atlantis very well."
"By some of us I assume you mean someone in particular." Elizabeth said as she looked over at John who was once again sitting in front of the fire.
"He has not slept in three days." Teyla said. "He keeps saying that he should've done more but we all know that it was impossible for that to happen." Teyla looked to the stars and sighed. "I just wish that there was some way that I could make him realize that none of this is his fault."
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"Alright John." Carson said as he walked over and stood beside him. "How about we have a look at that wound again."
"How 'bout not." John said as he continued to stare at the fire without moving a muscle.
"Look John…..that bandage has to be changed whether you like it or not, now are you going to follow me into that tent or am I going to have to drag you in kicking and screaming?" Carson said in a stern voice. "It's your choice."
"I guess I'll take the first choice." John said as he slowly got up and followed Carson into the medical tent.
"Hold on…..this may hurt a wee bit." Carson said as he pulled the bandage off slowly to reveal a nasty knife wound on the left hand side of his stomach.
John only flinched a couple of times when Carson was taking the bandage off. He was probably too busy preoccupied with thinking about what happened to Atlantis.
"Well…..this wound is healing up quite nicely." Carson said as he cleaned the wound and began to re-bandage it. "Well…..you're going to be just fine. I just want you to take it easy for a while until it heals fully." he quickly finished bandaging it.
"Will do doc." John said as he slowly and carefully sat up.
"I mean it John." Carson said in a stern voice making John turn his head and look at him for a minute.
"There's really nothing else I can do but take it easy so you don't have to worry about me over-exerting myself anytime soon." John said in a depressed voice just before walking out.
Is he kidding? What the hell am I supposed to do here? Especially since he's got me just "taking it easy". god…why didn't I do something more to help keep atlantis? Why did we have to lose the city to them? That was the only place I've had to call home in a long time and now its gone. God Damnit!!!
"John." Teyla said making his thoughts come to a screeching hault. "You okay?"
"Yeah." John said in an upset voice. "I was just thinking."
"You know……you should probably try to get some sleep." Teyla suggested and all he did was make an angry face.
"I don't want to sleep." John said. "Not until things are back to normal."
"John….what if things do not get back to normal as we all wish it to?" Teyla asked being rewarded with the same look as before. "What will you do if that happens? Will you not sleep for the rest of your life? It is not healthy."
"I don't care." John said as he walked over and sat in front of the fire again like he did before.
Teyla looked at him and sighed. I don't know what is wrong with him. He will not tell me anything. All I know is that it has to do with us losing Atlantis. He will not tell me anything else. I do not know what he is thinking or what he is feeling and he is the one we need to help with running things around here. Oh well……he'll be this way in the morning too and im really tired so I think im going to go to bed.
Teyla didn't waste any time making her way to her tent to get some sleep. She didn't know if anyone else was going to sleep but she didn't care if they were or not. She was exhausted and needed the sleep bad.
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Teyla awoke in the middle of the night to a disturbing sound. She heard someone outside sniff as though they were crying. Thinking the worst of who it might be outside, she slowly put a jacket on over her bare arms and tiptoed out of her tent. What she saw almost broke her heart because the man she always new to be so strong all the time, was actually breaking down to tears.
She did say anything to him, she just slowly walked up to him and put a gentle hand on his back. "Teyla…..what are you doing up?" he asked as he frantically tried to wipe the tears from his face.
"John……are you alright?" she asked in a compassionate voice.
He didn't say anything, he just sat there staring at the fire. He was about to get up and walk away when Teyla gently grabbed his arm. "Stay and talk to me for a little while."
John let out a long and loud sigh of frustration. "This is all my fault." he said as he wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his Atlantis jacket.
"John…….none of this is your fault and you know that." Teyla said as she put her hand back on her back and gently rubbed it.
"Yes it is." John said, his voice a little louder than before. "I should have never let those marines fight back. We should have just took the jumpers and left. Now, because of me, they're all dead."
"Is that what this is about?" Teyla said finally understanding where his odd mood was coming from. "John……you need to stop blaming yourself for what happened. It was not your fault. You did not shoot them."
"But if I could have just done something else…."
"John you were injured." Teyla said. "There is no way that you could've done anything to stop what happened." She could tell she wasn't making any headway. He hadn't had any sleep in three days and that was contributing to his mood also, but she couldn't convince him to get any sleep.
"It's all done anyway. They are all dead and Atlantis is in someone elses hands right now so there's nothing I can do." John said. The tears stopped falling from his eyes but he was still upset and she could tell.
"You should try to get some sleep anyway." Teyla said in a compassionate voice. She knew that he wouldn't want to but she suggested it anyway. "Once you get a good night sleep you will feel much better."
"Probably not but thanks for the concern." John said. "You should probably go back to bed. I know that I woke you up."
"It was no problem at all. You know that I will always be here." Teyla said. "Try to cheer up some." She gave him a gentle rub on the back and she walked off to her tent.
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So there is chapter one. I really hope that people like it. Its still in the works so if something doesnt make much sense, I plan on explaining it somehow, some way in another chapter.
To be continued...
