"Childhood is not from birth to a certain age and at a certain age the child is grown, and puts away childish things. Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies."
- Edna St. Vincent Millay, 1937.
I only recall brief encounters of my childhood at least from five and under I don't recall.
Much.
I've seen doctors from the time I was eight to about the time I began my sophomore year in high school, I'm a Senior now, and after every assessment and every evaluation they all come with the same conclusion.
I simply suppressed them, my memories at least, but from time to time I catch glimpses of what life was like before them, before her, and I have to say they aren't for the faint of heart.
Who are her and them you ask?
Well her comes in the form of Mikasa Jaeger. She was the girl with the scarf who held me when she found my body bawled up in her family's barn all those years ago.
She didn't talk much and I'm pretty sure I freaked her out. I mean she was seven when she first saw me. Small, yet bigger than me, with long pretty black hair tucked into this ridiculously bright red scarf wearing a white nightgown with a brown coat. It wasn't until she got me to unwrap myself from my current position to shift myself on her lap to notice her eyes.
They weren't something I was ever use to seeing. Not blue or green nor brown, but the softest and most kindest of grey I had ever had the privilege to look at. My five year old self got lost in them for a time until voices called out for her startling me.
Mikasa, Mikasa they called. A man and a woman whose voices blended together. Their worry shown as their voices rose in pitch.
I remember burrowing myself into her body. My small frame trying it's hardest to blend in with hers. I hadn't realized until much later that she held me tightly as I did so and that she kept telling me that I'd be fine that I was safe and that they wouldn't hurt me.
What made me remember all of that was how soft and yet strong her voice was, well strong enough a seven year old could have at least, as she began to rock me when the voices grew near.
Which brings us to them coming in the form of Mr. and Mrs. Jaeger.
Grisha Jaeger, at the time, was an up and coming doctor, from what I learn later on anyways, and well his voice was rough compared to the contrast of his wife Kalura who hushed him as she eased closer to Mikasa and I.
I don't remember much else and they told me, years later, that after they found us in the barn I passed out out of lack of nutrition and fear. I had over exerted myself apparently coming a long way from where I was.
Which by the time I was ten discovered was an orphanage.
A heavily over populated one.
The first year with the Jaegers was a blur. The trauma of running from the orphanage and taking refuge in a barn does that to children at a young age so there is a year that I missed.
And then by the time I was seven it was like the lights where turned on and all was right with the world. I still had unusual habits. I would sleep walk and almost every night would be found in the kitchen eating whatever food my little hands could grab, but the Jaegers never had the heart to hurt me or take me away because of it and for that I was grateful.
Mikasa and I were close. After the lights where turned on for me I would do everything in my little power to make her smile which was a lot harder than people think. Even as a child Mikasa was stoic always hiding her face within that scarf of hers, but on rare occasions I got her to smile.
I wasn't sure what Grisha thought of me, except for a little patient to be tended to until years later, at the time he was wary but kind always making sure to keep an eye on my habits and record what he could about me. Karlura, who I began to call Mama, was very fond of me and my small frame. Often choosing to coddle me whenever Mikasa was off studying or not in the mood to be near me, though I've learned that Mama was actually quite pleased when I could bring Mikasa out of her shell.
By the time I was eight Mikasa began to address me more, verbally and physically, always at my side when I tried to do the things she did and would often get hurt in the process. I guess in all my persistence to be around her it had won her over and often she would fret over me as much as Mama, especially when I hurt myself and even more so when I started to recall events at the orphanage.
It happened around the time of her birthday towards the middle of winter in early February. We were struck with a terrible blizzard and somehow my memories resurfaced. I was told by a doctor, who was not Grisha mind you, that the blizzard could have been a trigger to something that happened to me.
The thought of what that was still causes my body to shudder even now and I rather not talk about it.
The only bright side to these horrific night terrors/memories was that Mikasa would opt to sleep in my bed. It happened after I came back from my week evaluation. I was whimpering in my sleep, or so she tells me, and Mikasa drags herself out of her bed and climbs into mine, we shared a room at the time, and would often hold me.
And so I had found comfort in knowing that every morning after I would wake up safe in her arms with the memories of the past behind me.
It continued on like that for two more years, our closeness, and everyday spent by her side brought me the utmost happiness. Everytime I saw her smile my way or find a reason to be near me caused a pull in my stomach, caused my heart to flutter uncontrollably and would overall make me ecstatic with an unknown feeling.
By the time I was eleven things change in the form of him.
Him being Eren Jaeger who was about the same height and age as Mikasa. Papa and Mama had often mentioned him saying that he was special and therefore needed time away from them to grow. I often wondered to grow into what because when I first laid eyes on the boy I knew he was trouble. He was loud and often quick to show anger. At least whenever Mikasa tried to coddle him which she did almost every moment she saw him when he came home.
When his golden honey colored orbs, much like Mama's, landed on me he threw a fit.
"Great another lousy mouth to feed," he grumbled bitterly and somewhere along the lines of ,"I thought stupid Mikasa was enough why the extra!"
Needless to say my dislike for him, at the time, was very high. I remember shoving, lightly I may add, him after he brought up Mikasa's name which earned a rather hard push from Mikasa herself.
I remember looking up at her teary eyed. I remember her mixed broken expression. I remember running away then as the pain in my tiny little eleven year old chest grew. In the time frame I had known Mikasa I had grown to love her unconditionally and when she pushed me for defending her name it broke me.
I had gotten lost in the woods and wandered in them endlessly thinking this was it that this was the end of me. The only family I had had wouldn't want me anymore now that Eren was there. That does some strange things to an eleven year old. Thinking you were going to die and the people who grew to be a family for you wouldn't want you anymore because of some rotten brat who didn't like sharing.
Part of me forgave Eren, at least for not liking me, I was a stranger in his home. Another part of me wished I really hurt him because of that push I got from Mikasa. I remember sitting down at the base of this big oak tree and due to exhaustion I fell asleep not caring about the darkness of the woods or about my safety. At the time I accepted my fate willingly.
Melodramatic and morbid as that was I had awaken the next morning in my room with a fever. Mama and Papa were hovering over me and Mikasa, Eren staring guiltily by our door, was not that far behind. Even though I was sick I was happy to be home in my bed with my parents and Mikasa near. Earlier thoughts of dying and being family-less were gone as I drifted off to sleep.
It was around the time of my twelfth birthday when I realized things between Mikasa and I would never be the same. She began to withdraw from me little by little. It started around the time Mama had said Eren would be staying with us for good. I didn't like the idea, but I was glad to be near Mikasa.
It was a repetitive day to day thing with me trying to gain her attention. I would do small gestures, do her chores, bring her books, ask her how she was, give her my food I had left over, anything and everything I could think of. Sometimes I would earn a small smile from her, which were small victories, and other times she would be as stoic as ever focusing on her studying and Eren, which were well you get the picture.
The only time I had her attention fully was when I was particularly rude to Eren or if I ended up hurting myself due to a mishap.
If I were rude to Eren she would, after him, say some rather harsh things herself to me in that soft voice of hers and when I would hurt myself she wouldn't say anything at all. She would just simply take care of my injury, being kind and attentive, and be off to do whatever she needed to elsewhere.
It pulled at my heart a lot so I did the only thing I could think of. By the time of my birthday I had asked Mama and Papa for one thing and one thing only.
A room to myself.
I figured with her withdrawing from me and the pain in my chest when I was near her that distancing myself would do the trick.
At first they didn't want to agree to that mentioning that whatever was going on between the two of us would sort itself out and all would be well again, but I was determined.
Now that I think about it I want to say it was out of spit and jealousy that my younger self had yet to have knowledge on that I was able to trick my parents into believing I was just as capable as Mikasa and Eren. That I was willing to grow on my own.
Papa being the man that he was agreed and helped me move out of the room I had shared with Mikasa for six years I had lived with them while she, Eren and Mama were away for two days.
By the time my room was finished Mama and the others came home. Part of me hoped that Mikasa would say something, anything, about me not being in there with her, but she never did.
Another part of me figured she wanted that to begin with so that night I curled into a ball trying my best to sleep in my new room on my own. I didn't and whatever part of me had hoped Mikasa would sense my discomfort and crawl into bed with me just to hold me was disappointed also.
For about three weeks into having my own room I didn't get much sleep and would lose focus on my studies. Papa was worried, so was Mama, but Papa would often ask me questions like 'how are you coping' and 'would you like to move back into your old room with your sister'.
I would just tell him I was fine and that Mikasa deserves her owe room without a childish kid to share it with. I remember being snappy with him but didn't realize that Mikasa was in the same room. I didn't know at the time why I acted that way until it hit me later.
I never thought of Mikasa as a sister my feelings, though still developing, were not sisterly at all.
Things began to improve for me around the time I was thirteen. I had gotten use to Mikasa's absence and gotten use to bumping into Eren whenever he was running away from her and honestly the two of us formed a bond when he realized she wouldn't come near me.
It was nice to have someone to laugh with, even though Eren was Mikasa's age and not mine, and I got to see a side of him that I'm sure is what Mikasa saw all the time. I could see why she was so adamant to be near him just so she could catch a glimpse like I did in those few moments of spending with him and as we drew near my birthday I was able to honestly say that I loved Eren as a brother.
Around that time also Papa had signed me up for extra curricular classes much like he and Mama had done for Eren and Mikasa.
No longer was I studying just the basics a child should know while gaining their education but I was also learning how to cook, sow, self defense, weapons control and archery.
As soon as I started to cook and sow it was apparent that of the two I was well versed in cooking but could not sow to save my clothes.
As for self defense I was persistent on learning boxing and mixed martial arts separately from the older two. Mama didn't quite like the idea but Papa came to my aid agreeing that I needed to be in an environment where I wasn't being compared to either Eren or Mikasa and that I'd be able to focus. Which I was even more grateful to have when I started out because I loved every minute of it and gained two friends, Jean Kristen and Ymir Lockhart.
Both would often tease me for separate reasons but I knew in my heart I wouldn't trade them for the world.
Weapons control was a two hour session and honestly I hated it. I was stuck with Mikasa, who was still ignoring me, and I was always compared to her. Often our instructor would point out where Mikasa excelled I would screw up. I didn't have the heart to quit even though I wanted to. Papa would be disappoint in me and even though on the outside I didn't like it my heart would swell every time I was near her.
Which left me with my last activity Archery. It was a one on one session that lasted for about an three hours. The teacher was Mama, which was a shock at first, but I was grateful and ever the attentive student. My first day learning Mama had called me a natural because I landed three bullseye and then offhandedly she comments that she wished Eren and Mikasa would learn a thing or two from me. I didn't say anything but I knew I was glowing in her praise and were I lacked with other weapons I had showed marksmanship with a bow and arrow.
For a time I was homeschooled as well, from seven to thirteen, and by the time I was fourteen I able to go to public school like the others.
It was an experience.
My first year in high school was interesting. Since having spent a whole year in my boxing slash mixed martial arts class I already knew Jean and Ymir who stayed by my side the whole day mentioning that a sheltered girl like me would have a culture shock.
Honestly, the only culture shock I had was at lunch time when I was munching on a baked potato Mama had graciously packed for me to take to lunch and this bald headed boy who was trying to gain my attention slapped the yummy spud out of my reach calling me Potato girl and well no one messes with my food so I punched him only to discover that that was against school rules, hitting people, and landed myself in the principle office.
I didn't get into any trouble after the bald headed boy, Connie Springer, admitted it was his fault for harassing me.
The next day however I had gain the nickname Potato Girl and a wide variety of tales were spun behind that name.
Some more pleasant than others.
Though I didn't like it I never corrected anyone sticking to this mask of utmost happiness and blunt honesty. Connie later in the year became one of my friends and thus became the Sasha, Jean, Ymir and Connie show and then later Armin Arlert showed up, a blonde haired girl in our year. Ymir was smitten with her, but I could tell that Armin didn't feel the same.
Mikasa and Eren both attended school with me and already had their own reputation. Thanks to that also made it more difficult for me when it came to the teachers. They were hoping that the youngest Jaeger would follow in the older girl's footsteps though many believed I would be another Eren passing barley with a B to C average.
It bothered me a lot and though I wish I rebelled I still wanted to strive. Not being another Eren or even Mikasa but to be myself. I managed to keep an A/B average which pleased all my Freshman teachers who boasted that another Mikasa will be gracing this school with her knowledge.
But unlike her I was loud and clumsy. Sure I had good grades I worked for them, but I had to make a statement. I wasn't Mikasa Jaeger I was, and still am, Sasha Jaeger and I won't be in anyone's shadow no matter how much I love them.
Summer had came along with my birthday and no longer was I this tiny little thing. I was now fifteen, standing about five foot four the same height as Armin, with a nice toned body and curves. My hair, though often trimmed, settled nicely to the middle of my back, but thanks to boxing and mixed martial arts I was already in the habit of keeping it in a pony tail. I no longer had night terrors and therefore no longer felt the need to be seen by doctors unless it was for an illness or physical injury.
Mama would always comment on my appearance saying she was proud of the young woman I was turning into. Which pleased me knowing she was proud. I had already discovered the curse of being a woman at the age of twelve, but now I was a pro at knowing my body and taking care of it.
Before school started back up Papa made the offhanded remark about the birds and the bees. I was well versed in knowing about that, though due to embarrassment didn't have the heart to tell him how, as he told me about men and women. I remember excusing myself afterwards to hide out in my room. My thoughts had drifted back to when Ymir and Jean would talk about encounters of the same sex variety and well needless to say that night I had my first sexual dream about a girl with black hair hovering over me and well I couldn't be anywhere near Mikasa at all from then on. Not that we were ever near each other much to begin with.
Luckily school provided an excellent distraction. A new student had arrived in the form of Christa Reiss. She was small, about four foot nine, and quite beautiful really. Femininity just basked off her in waves and I noticed she became quite popular in just days of showing up to our school. Ymir was practically smitten with her and I had thought sadly that this would be another Armin thing. Ymir wasn't the only one smitten with her though star quarterback Reiner Braun also had his sights set on Christa and for a time would often argue with Ymir for Christa's attention.
From the sidelines I could tell that Bertholdt Fubar wasn't quite keen on the idea and would storm off whenever Reiner would go anywhere near Christa. For a little while I thought Bert Boy had a thing for Christa as well until I noticed his eyes never left Reiner and well it pulled at my heart because I knew how he felt.
Around winter time everything threw itself into a loop. A lot of people where becoming couples. It first happened when the biggest flirt in school, my best friend for that matter, Jean Kristen walked down the hallway hand in hand with, a young man in the same year as Eren and Mikasa, Marco Botts. Ymir had finally won Christa over and the two were quite happy together despite Reiner and everyone else's general dislike for Ymir.
Eren was pursuing Armin to everyone's surprise. The two made a wonderful looking couple, but Armin wasn't quite so pleased with the idea of dating an older boy knowing that Eren would leave after next year. She was surprised that I remained friends with her after she rejected him. I couldn't fault her for how she felt so we left it at that.
Other people had made confessions and becoming couples which, after winter break, did not surprise me that Connie had asked me to go on a date with him. He was highly nervous when he asked me and though out of spite I wanted to say "yes" I did not have the heart to do it. So I told him the truth, not my feelings for Mikasa that was something I'd take to the grave, about only thinking of him as a brother. It hurt his feelings yes and for a time he avoided me but he came around saying he would rather have me as a friend that not have me at all.
Mikasa never dated or showed interest in anyone. I always told myself it was because she was focused on studying and Eren.
And since Eren had his sights set on Armin, even long after her rejection, I knew that the two would never become more than whatever they were.
Since I knew I could never be with Mikasa I stuck to loving her from afar. I did from time to time continued to do my small gestures. I was never in the same room as her though, save for dinner and when we had weapons control, so I never knew how she reacted to them. Part of me knew a small smile would grace her features and for me that was enough, at least to hope for.
When summer arrived I opted for a change of scenery. Since becoming friends with Christa we planned to visit her family's farm, which was a town away, and for the next two months I had stayed with her. To Ymir's dismay because she and her family had places to be the whole summer and I was the one spending time with her girlfriend.
It was nice to be away. I still longed for Mikasa though no matter how many times I told myself it would never work. That she only saw me as a distraction, a burden and possibly only thought of me as her kid sister like Eren did. Which always seemed to eat at me most nights and that I'd lose sleep over. Not that Christa knew she was usually on the phone with Ymir cheering her up. Their happiness was my salvation and for a time I could be happy too until I was alone with nothing but my feelings and thoughts.
As much fun as it was to be away we returned and I was flooded with kisses from Mama as she kept saying how much she missed her baby. Eren would tease me about it and Papa would smile patting me on the head. Mikasa surprised me the most though upon my returning by giving me a hug and welcoming me back. I knew it was to save face in front of our parents, but I still sagged into her body anyway holding on to her relishing in her warmth because I knew it was the only chance I was given.
When I felt her body stiffen I let go telling her I was sorry and excused myself to my room saying my clothes weren't going to unpack themselves. It was a small moment but I saw Mikasa turn to say something to me, but she stopped herself and went about her business. I smiled anyways and said in a whisper as I ventured off to my room.
I missed you too.
Junior year was much like the last.
Uneventful.
The couples that had become so were still going strong. Though Reiner did try to break Ymir and Christa up, which didn't work thanks to my help. Connie and I were still great friends for that I was grateful as we complained about all the lovey doveiness.
My grades remained in the A/B category and all my teachers commented that they were all proud to see me be among the top ten of my grade much like Mikasa who was for four years in a row. Only she was first in her grade and I ranked second in mine for three consecutive years thanks to Armin for being ranked first.
Armin had agreed to one date with Eren. Who kept asking until she said yes and though she did not want to admit it she had the time of her life. I was happy for my brother to see him get a chance with the girl he had feelings for as I, just as always, only admired mine from afar.
Much to my delight however Mikasa never dated. Even after countless confessions she would simply and politely shoot them down. I never had the nerve to ask her why though.
Before I knew I was sitting on the bleachers with my parents watching the seniors one by one accept their diplomas and much to their dismay Mikasa did not say anything when asked to give a speech pushing Marco, who ranked second, up to the microphone her silent way of telling him he deserved it.
It struck me then knowing that even though she worked her hardest she would willingly give it up to someone she was certain who worked just as hard. It made me admire her all the more and love her just as deeply.
I was in to deep anyways to begin with.
They stayed for a month after as Eren babbled on and on about the college they would be going to which was an hour away from here. I had already sank into a strong depressed feeling by then. They were leaving already considered adults and I would hardly seem them once school started back up. I was more depressed by the fact that things remained the same with Mikasa and I. Eren of course I would miss, he was my big brother despite everything, but it was breaking everything in me knowing that I'd miss Mikasa more.
Two weeks before they would depart Mikasa had surprised me on afternoon by standing in my doorway. I hadn't really noticed because I was cleaning my room so I wasn't sure how long she stood there, but by the time I was ready to go into my bathroom Mikasa, awkwardly, cleared her throat and for the first time in years she spoke directly to me without any hostile words laced in them.
I stopped mid stride and turned my head to look at her. She still wore that ridiculous red scarf, I found out by Mama that Eren had given it to her, so I couldn't quite make out what she was trying to say at first. So I asked her kindly to speak up.
"May I come in," she repeated with a huff looking away from me. Her cheeks held a faint blush to them which excited me though I kept myself in check because she was often like that when she was in a state of discomfort or nervous. I chose the latter nodding my head with a kind smile as I turn around completely to face her.
Sure.
I tell her and once she was in my room she took a seat on my bed looking at her hands.
For the next five minutes my room was filled with silence. She never once broke contact from her hands and I, not knowing what to say, shifted every so often on my feet.
I thought she wasn't going to say anything but was soon enough I was startled, slightly, when she offhandedly told me that my room looked nice with that ever stoic expression of hers. I thanked her right away which made her look at me. I couldn't quite read her expression and nearly jumped when she moved from her position from my bed to stand, four paces, in front of me.
At the time I was two inches shorter than her, standing at five foot five, so I craned my neck slightly so that our eyes were locked. My heart nearly burst when she told me she was sorry for what she did all those years ago and for leaving me alone. Her face was masked of course, but her eyes could never really lie to me so I smiled telling her it was water under the bridge.
She mentioned that she wanted us to be close like we use to be. So that way Eren wouldn't have to avoid her as often as he did and realize that we could all be a family like we should be.
Though the words twisted at my stomach and heart painfully I nodded my head. Mikasa wasn't the only one that was able to use a mask so I smiled telling her that I liked that.
So for those two weeks we spent them together, all of us when Eren was around.
Mama and Papa were quite pleased with this development and even though it wasn't much it was more than I'd ever get so I accepted it with all the happiness that I could really muster.
But like all good things those two weeks ended.
Eren was blubbering like a baby this time much to everyone's delight. Mama coddled him and Papa patted Mikasa on the shoulder asking her to keep an eye on her brother which she agreed to with no problem. I hugged Mikasa first, it was brief, I didn't want to indulge in any more contact knowing that it would hurt me more than help me. I smiled at her surprised expression telling her good luck before I turned to Eren hugging him longer than intended as he cried on my shoulder. I told him it was going to be okay that he'd like college and he'd only be an hour away.
He asked me to tell Armin that he wouldn't forget her, that little shit right? Then after he wiped his eyes told me that he loved me and even though when we were younger he was a little shit to me he's was glad I stumbled into his family when I did. I wiped the tears from my eyes before they could fall and lightly jabbed him in the arm telling him that I loved him too.
Mama and Papa were going to take them to their college to help them settle in and I opted to stay home to avoid anymore water works. They had yet to leave though when I excused myself to my room telling everyone that I need to start on my summer homework.
I was half way through my door when I was spun around and embraced in an almost bone crushing hug by Mikasa.
I guess she didn't like the brief one I gave her.
I stood there tense for a good long moment bewildered by her behavior but chose to think nothing of it. Not wanting to hope for more than what was given. I wrapped my arms around her neck pulling her tighter to me.
We stood there like that until Mama had called for her. I unwrapped my arms from her quickly but Mikasa seemed almost reluctant to let me go.
"I'll make sure to write you," she tells me then as she removes her arms from around my waist. I tell her I'd like that and that I'll make sure to write her back. Before I know it she was down the hall descending from the stairs and a faint click told me that she was gone.
I bite my bottom lip to stop from crying out as I turned to go into my room. I pause though when I notice a wore out black teddy bear sitting neatly by my pillow. Upon moving closer I realized it was a Christmas present I had given to Mikasa when I was nine. I told her that it reminded me of her.
But why would she leave me this ol' thing?
I thought as I picked up the bear holding it gentle to my chest. It couldn't have been by accident because Mikasa was never the forgetful type. A thought stuck me then, my heart hammering in my chest, she must have wanted me to have something to remember her by.
For a moment I allowed myself to indulge in the idea that she loved me the same way too. Which made me sink into my bed as I cried my eyes out clinging to that bear as all the pent up emotions within me spilled out.
What if she loves me too?
Summer had finished quickly for me with Eren and Mikasa gone. My summer homework finished and turned in the first week landing me for a change in the first ranked position. I guess that Armin didn't take it to well with Eren being gone, but I had told her that he wouldn't forget her. I guess that did the trick because three weeks later we were back to being neck and neck with our grades.
I wasn't as cheerful as I usually was though which caused my group of friends to worry until well into the second month of school Mikasa wrote to me and thus became our back and forth thing of telling each other how things were.
I found happiness in knowing she thought of me too.
Fast forwarding to around now.
I have two months left of high school and was given good news from Mama. A break was presented to Eren and Mikasa, and the other college students, which allowed them to come visit us. I was excited to be seeing them to be seeing her.
Because half way through my Senior year I realized since we weren't related and since my feelings never morphed into anything relatively sisterly and with the little hope that Mikasa felt the same I was going to finally tell her how I feel.
I was at school that day they came home. My happiness was genuine throughout the entire day and I was just a bundle of nerves.
Since they left I managed to grow another inch I was now almost as tall as Mikasa which made me feel better knowing that and I towered over Eren.
I didn't see Mikasa when I came home however I did manage to bump into a short blonde with sharp blue eyes. I didn't know who she was nor did I ask out of fear she would hurt me, which was silly since I could defend myself, and that maybe she was a friend of Eren's or Mikasa's.
I gave the blonde a quick apology as I ran to my room. The thought of her being Mikasa's friend gave me an odd feeling in my guts.
I didn't like it.
Mama had called me to dinner about an hour later. It was interesting enough at our seating positions. Papa as always sat at the head of the table Mama to his right. Armin had stopped by along with Jean to visit me and Mama roped them into staying for dinner being the hostess that she is.
So to Papa's left I sat, then Mikasa, the blonde who I found out was named Annie sat by her, Eren sat by Mama with Armin beside him across from Annie, the two kept glancing at each other, and Jean sat at the end.
Mama had asked how Mikasa and Annie met.
Neither spoke not even when Eren shouted that the two were dating.
I tensed.
So the blonde, Annie, I nearly knocked over in my excitement to see and finally tell Mikasa how I feel was not her friend at all, but her girlfriend.
I felt the excitement drain from me. My heart drifting to my stomach making the desire to eat nonexistent. I was never known to not eat my meals and I was always the one to happily call for seconds and thirds, but in that moment food seemed off putting.
Much like sitting next to Mikasa.
I stood then taking everyone by surprise.
I smiled dismissing their worried expressions, save for Annie who looked bored, I excused myself saying that I needed to be studying and thanked Armin and Jean for visiting me.
Mama and Papa looked at me funny but I simply smiled telling them more was expected of me since I was still ranked first. I heard Armin mumble her agreement as she stood also along with Jean.
I guess the two didn't feel right staying knowing that I'd be in my room. They went with me into the kitchen and after we cleared and cleaned our plates we hugged. I thanked them again for stopping by and then went to my room ignoring the looks from the dinner table as I went.
I didn't have the heart to look in their direction without breaking down into pathetic little sobs. I didn't cry until much later into the night actually.
Telling myself that's what I get for hoping.
Auther's notes: And end scene.
Now I have stated on my Tumblr account that this will be at least twenty or so chapters, and it will. This is just the prologue to allow everyone the feel of Sasha. To know where Sasha is coming from and see the various stages of her growing up.
I also threw in other pairings.
Ymir/Christa, Jean/Marco, Eren/ Female Armin( briefly), and Mikasa/Annie.
There is a method to my madness and I hope I have gained some attention with this story. I plan on making this first person through Sasha's eyes as she goes through her last few months of high school, preparing for summer, her birthday and the rocky effects of her love for Mikasa.
As I've mentioned on Tumblr this is going to be a Mikasasha story. It'll be eventual and I have no plans to break Mikasa and Annie apart anytime soon even if it isn't one of my pairings.
Since this is an AU I've changed a few things such as everyone's ages, Armin's gender, Eren's height ( I've made him five foot five) and of course the setting.
I'll be featuring more SnK characters as the chapters progress and would like to point out there will be a Female Levi. I saw a genderbent picture with Levi having long black hair and having it shaved on the sides and it looked rad so yeah inspiration came there.
It should be more detailed next chapter as we go through the motions with Sasha as she
Anyways disclaimers are as followed I do not own the characters of SnK/ Attack on Titans, but this story they are participating is stemmed off of my own creative flare.
Until next time,
Cap'n Lynn.
P.s I'm looking into trying office so soon I won't have to worry about the mishaps and misuse of grammar. Until then all mistakes are of my own doing.
