Chapter 1: The First Day

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Disclaimer: I don't own Ed, Edd n Eddy.

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He could feel the freezing morning air bite at his nose as he waited for the bus, thinking about what this new semester might bring while trying to ignore Eddy's hawking of merchandise again. He wondered when the shorter boy would ever get the hint that they didn't want anything. Looking in the opposite direction of Eddy attempting to pawn a faulty cell phone he found in the junkyard to Rolf, Kevin spotted Nazz walking down the street with a smile on her face.

"Hey, Kev, what's up?" she greeted.

"Not much," the redhead replied, returning the smile back. "Just waiting for the bus, like usual."

Lame, he thought to himself, pondering how boring the conversation was. A part of him just wanted to go to where Rolf was and rip the boy away from Eddy's latest scam.

"So, are you excited for class this year?" Nazz inquired with a smile.

"Nah, I just wish that winter break was longer. Now I'll have to wait another nine weeks before we can have more than just a day off," he responded.

"So, see anyone else from school since it's ended?" the blonde asked.

"No way, man. I called Gabe, but he was constantly working with this guy who's now sharing a room with him, shoveling sidewalks on snow days and whatnot," Kevin answered. "I guess he's been making good money, it's just the new guy sounds way too much like Eddy for my tastes."

"Oh wow. At least that kept him busy."

"What about you?" Kevin asked in return as the bus pulled up.

"Jenna and I hung out a couple times," Nazz responded as the two of them walked onto the bus. "Winter's kind of lame, though. There's not much to do this time of year, especially since we live too far away from any ski resorts."

"No kidding," Kevin agreed as he and the blonde sat down in the back of the bus. He felt happy around Nazz. Someone was already there in the back of the bus before them: a friend of theirs from school named Shawn. He was a black boy who kept his hair short and wore a blue shirt. "Hey, how's it hanging?"

"Hey, man, I haven't seen you all break," the boy replied, coolly. "Great! How about you?"

"You know, the usual wintertime hijinks," the redhead responded.

"Cool, cool," Shawn remarked. "You hear from Gabe at all?"

"Dude, he's been busy all break working for this guy named Hans who he's sharing a room with," Kevin answered with a sneer. "I guess they've been shoveling people's driveways and getting all the snow off their rooftops."

"Yeah? Man, he better be making good money off of that or else I'm going to kick this new guy's rear end." Just then, Rolf sat down in front of the redhead.

"Don't tell me you bought that phone from him," Kevin told the foreign boy.

"Oh no. Short Ed-boy could not make the apparatus work properly," Rolf replied. "Rolf hopes to get one of those strange, bewitched devices sometime soon."

"Dude, I just got an iPhone for…" Nazz began to say.

"An iPhone? Please! Everyone knows Android's where it's at!" Shawn exclaimed, receiving a glare from the blonde girl. "Hey, hey, I was just messing with you. That's all! Still you've got to admit: at least Android lets you access your files."

"Dude, I don't even have a cell phone yet, so I don't really care," Kevin responded.

The bus started to move after the last of the kids in the cul-de-sac got on. After a few minutes, it stopped again and some more kids got on the bus, including a heavyset boy with black hair and blue eyes, wearing a heavy, blue coat and one of those Russian hats. He sat down in front of Shawn, his back the window and his backpack in his lap. "Hey, how's everyone doing?" he greeted in a voice with a slightly higher pitch than usual.

"Pretty sweet, man," Kevin told him. "You? How's the business, Gabe?"

The black-haired boy gave Kevin a look of bewilderment. "Honestly, I feel like I'm working a full-time job around Hans. Even working for my dad as a pencil pusher last summer wasn't this bad."

"So, how similar is he to Eddy McGee?" Shawn inquired.

"Not that similar," Gabe replied. "He's just always got to be doing something and, since he asked me to help him shovel sidewalks for fifty percent of the pay, I volunteered. Of course, what he didn't tell me was how he was going to have me get up at six in the morning just to shovel sidewalks. I like my beauty sleep, man."

"Yeah, dude, I couldn't do that," Kevin told him. "So, what? He'd go and bill the homeowners later on?"

"Yeah. The first time, he got their permission to shovel their driveways and then shovel it for them every time it snowed after that for five bucks a pop." Gabe sighed. "Yeah, that's not my idea of a fun winter vacation. I'd hate to see what Hans does during the summer."

"Wow, this boy sounds like he'd be right at home in the old country," Rolf informed the group.

"Yeah, no kidding. I guess his ancestors were all Mennonites or something like that," the black-haired boy explained. "It explains the work ethic."

"Man, I can't imagine being one of those," Kevin told him.

"Yeah, dude, they can't even wear makeup!" Nazz exclaimed. "I wouldn't be able to survive that."

"Yeah, and all those ladies look like something out of the eighteenth century," Shawn added. "Dude, that reminds me of this one time I saw a big, black girl dressed like one of those."
"Well, they have black Jews," Gabe replied.

"True that!" Shawn responded as the bus continued along the road to school. Kevin glanced outside at the cold, white landscape, somewhat glad to be out of the house for once. He didn't even get a chance to snowboard during winter break, which was a bummer, but he figured he'd at least try to have some fun at school with his friends.

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When the group of friends arrived at their first class, Kevin sat down toward the back with Gabe in front, Shawn to his left and Nazz to his right, just like before Winter Break. They sat and talked for a few minutes before class started.

"I wonder what's taking Hans so long," Gabe commented.

"Dude, I probably wouldn't even know if he walked into the room," Kevin remarked. "For all we know, he's probably not in the same class."

"Yeah, that's true, though he said he was going to try and take the same classes as me since we know each other and all," the heavy, black-haired boy replied.

That was when an equally heavy blond boy walked into the room and sat down next to Gabe. "Hey, buddy!" he exclaimed, his speech fast and clipped. "So sorry it took me forever to get out of the counselor's office. I thought I was going to get stuck in there all morning or something, man."

"So, you must be Hans," Kevin guessed.

"Oh yeah, Hans is the name. And you must be… Shawn."

"That's me, man!" the black boy informed the new kid.

"Oh, my apologies then, dude. You're Kevin, then. Good to meet you!" the blond said, shaking Kevin's hand hurriedly.

"So, did you get all the same classes as me?" Gabe asked him.

"Uh, no. I have Mr. Duncan for English instead of Mrs. Allison." Some dogs went crazy barking outside when he mentioned the first teacher's name.

Gabe immediately frowned. "You're kidding."

"Ouch man," Kevin said with a grimace.

"Yeah, man, so I guess Mrs. Allison's class was completely full because people were transferring from Mr. Duncan's class to hers." Again, dogs went crazy outside, barking. "Why do they keep doing that?" Hans asked, his eyes narrowing.

"Nobody likes that teacher, man," Kevin explained. "Even the animals are afraid of him. I had him for a week last year and I had to transfer out because he was just so mean, yelling at everybody."

"Ouch, man, that sucks." Hans paused for a second. "Man, I don't think there's any other English teachers here with seats available. Of course I get stuck with the bad one even though English is practically my third language."

"Rolf cringes at the time he had that teacher," Rolf said, shivering.

"So, what were your first two languages?" Kevin asked, curious and suspicious.

"Oh, Low German and…" His second language was obscured by the teacher ringing her bell and calling for class to start. Kevin didn't have a chance to ask his new acquaintance to repeat himself. Now it was another boring start to Math class and he would have to wait until later to ask the blond.

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"Wow, that girl's hot!" Hans exclaimed, checking out a dark-haired girl from across the hall.

"Yeah, don't look at her," Gabe warned his friend as they walked down the hall. "She and her two sisters are trouble."

"Dude, you don't know the half of it," Kevin told his black-haired friend. The girls in question were, of course, the Kankers and Hans was struggling not to look at Marie, who noticed his roving eyes and gave him a dirty look. Hans immediately looked away.

"Yes, Rolf still remembers that time when they destroyed the cul-de-sac over a ship in a bottle," Rolf told them.

"Dude, nobody will ever forget that," Kevin responded.

"Wait, what?" Hans asked. "You're telling me those three girls destroyed the street you live on?"

"Yeah, Kevin told me about that one," Gabe replied as they moved on. "Personally, they ganged up on me and stole my shirt. It was pretty embarrassing. After that, everybody gave me an annoying nickname: Mr. Tits."

"Yeah, they tied me up to a tire, spun it around and asked embarrassing questions," Kevin added. "I couldn't get the phrase 'What color is your underwear' out of my head for weeks after that."

"Wow, man, those chicks are crazy," Hans remarked. "I'll try to keep as far away from them as possible."

"Yeah, please do," Kevin told him. "It would be a pain to bail you out, man. Nobody wants to go anywhere near the Kankers."

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"So, what did you think of Gabe's friend?" Nazz asked while on the bus on the way home. Kevin was just allowing his mind to wander.

"Dude, that is one weird dude, Nazz," he told her. "Man, I wish the weather would warm up just so I could ride my bike."

"You're obsessed with that thing," she told him.

"Nah, I just like sports in general. You know how we should keep in shape, right? Unless we want to end up looking like Gabe."

Nazz chuckled. "You remember when I was chubby, right?"

Kevin's eyes bulged. "Dude, I don't even want to think about that."

"That's okay. Hey, at least we were still friends anyway, right?" she asked with a smile.

"Yeah, dude, you're so right."
"So, what are you going to do this afternoon? Just homework?" the blonde inquired out of curiosity.

"Pretty much, man," Kevin replied, leaning back and not looking forward to it.

"Not much else to do," Shawn commented, looking over the syllabus for health class. "Man, I'm really not looking forward to week 13." He showed his classmates the syllabus.

"Dude, I don't think anybody is," Nazz replied, shuddering.

"Oh man, that reminds me of that time Jimmy and Sarah…" Kevin reminisced.

"Dude, that was, like, so embarrassing. I'm surprised their parents hadn't talked to them about that," the blonde remarked.

"Oh man, are you guys telling me that Ed's evil little sister and her weakling friend actually asked about…"

"Dude, yeah," Kevin replied, clearly uncomfortable about the situation.

"And Rolf told them that it wasn't time for them to learn!" Rolf exclaimed. "Now, Kevin, Rolf is expecting some help with this Algebra goobidy goop."

"Dude, did you at least try solving for x or am I going to have to help you every step of the way again," Kevin asked.

"Or I could help," Nazz offered.

"Rolf would be grateful if trendy Nazz-girl assisted him with his homework," the tall foreigner accepted.

"Hey, when am I going to get any help with math homework?" Shawn asked with a grin.

"Dude, you already got an A in that class last semester," Kevin told him with his eyes narrowed.

"Hey, a man can dream, can't he?" the black boy remarked with a grin. "Just messing with ya."

The group heard some commotion in the front of the bus. Sarah was smacking her older brother on the side of the head for some unknown offence.

"Yeah, definitely an evil sister. I'm just glad I don't have her as a sibling," Shawn said, grimacing at the beatdown the poor boy was getting. "I just wish the bus driver would do something."

"Dude, he's probably scared of her too," Nazz said, looking away. "I mean, I would be."

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Later that evening, Sarah heard something out her window while she was finishing up her homework, so she walked downstairs to investigate. She saw nothing out her backdoor and was thankful that she still had her clothes on even though it was about time for bed. Her parents were in their room, doing who knows what, so she didn't have to worry about them coming across her walking out the back door without their permission.

Then again, if they caught her, she could always blame it on Ed. She smiled at the thought, glad to have a way of getting away with murder if she needed to. She slid the door open and walked out after putting her shoes back on, moving toward where the strange thump had come from.

There were footprints in the snow, something that was somewhat unusual considering that neither she nor Ed had been in the backyard since it first snowed. She realized that someone had jumped the fence, but didn't know who. She felt it didn't matter, since they were probably long gone anyway, and turned toward the house.

That was when something came out of the bushes and bolted straight for her, piercing her in the back with a needle. The figure was wearing a white hood that obscured their face and they held her as she lay back, in shock at what had happened. Whatever the person had injected her with had paralyzed her for the most part.

"Am I going to die?" she asked.

"No, you're not," the hooded figure told her. She couldn't see anything except the figure, the background fading to black. "Still, you must pay for your sins. You are a horrible little girl."

"Yeah right! You don't know me!" Sarah told the person.

"You blame your brother for your own crimes, escaping Scott free in most situations. In addition, you treat everyone around you like garbage with the exception of your friend Jimmy, who you are starting to rub off on."

"How dare you," she said weakly, wanting to scream but not able to get it out.

"Fettuccini alfredo ravioli macaroni. Requiescat in faecibus," the person said, pricking her with another needle to inject her with more fluid before closing her eyes.

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A/N: Cue the Assassin's Creed jokes. Hehe.

Anyway, it's been awhile. In fact, I'd say the state of Ed, Edd n Eddy fanfiction has been degrading a bit over the past few years. It seems like almost every fic is KevEdd and there aren't any decent adventure stories out there. This one's a bit weird, being told mostly from Kevin's point of view, though I'm hoping it turns out well. At least it's different from the rampant, out-of-control shipping of one single crack pairing.

Anyway, the assassin's actually not going to kill anyone, preferring to just perform a bunch of character assassinations on various people (particularly characters I think deserve it or who I don't like. And Mr. Duncan. Oops, spoilers). As far as the time frame, it's between Season 6 and the Big Picture Show, though elements from another fanfic, an AU will appear later on, not that I'm saying which.

On the OCs: I don't plan on having that many of them in the fic, just having some of them be Kevin's friends outside of the cul-de-sac. I don't plan on having them take over the story either, especially since it's mostly from Kevin's point of view, with a little bit of Eddy on the side (and another character in Chapter 3). Still, I don't plan on having any of them be perfect. They've got flaws.

So, let me know what you think of this story. Please. It's been awhile.