I can't believe he is gone. Edward. The name still feels surreal, like a dream from long ago. I can't believe he ever was here. Forks, of all places, to meet an angle. A god. No. A vampire. A filthy blood sucker! Who left. I thought it was real. Real love, but I was wrong. So wrong.
He left. He left me. When I needed him most.
But I don't need him now. I don't need that. That traitor. That… That… Filthy blood sucker, who left. Tears prickle my eyes, and stream down my face. I must be real with myself, I am not over it. I still long for him. The cool ice of his caressing touch, his wonky smile and clear bright laughter.
But I know, I know it is time to move on. Move on to those who care. *He* wouldn't leave me, I know he wouldn't, he couldn't- because he cares. Jacob Black. Jake... The Jake... My Jake. I take a deep breath and smooth down my dress, a striking royal blue. I stare into the mirror at my reflection- examining the contours of my face. My jaw line and cheek bones, the soft curve of my lips. It has been so long since I have worn makeup, but tonight it is time to move forward. I turn from the mirror and walk out the door.
Classically Forks the rain is coming down in sheets. I can't help but question what I am doing here. I look up at the revving of a motorcycle engine, Jacob playfully grins staring up at me. It all comes rushing back to me, a landslide of emotion. Who could not love a heart that big? The only thing to pull me through life these last few years. He walks up the steps towards me, nodding at Charlie- staring from inside the house.
"Hey" I hesitantly say, running my fingers through my hair.
"Hey Bells," He says, his face breaking into a grin, "You cold?" He asks glancing at the goose bumps lining my shivering arms. "Here take my jacket." He drapes the fabric across my shoulders. I inhale his soft musky wood sent and snuggle into the warmth of his jacket. Jacob laughs and drags me towards his motorcycle. He gracefully swings his leg over. I slipover in attempted imitation, his smile widens as his hearty laughter fills the eerie night. He pulls me up next to him and tells me to hold on. I love the unnatural warmth of his skin against my face. I can feel the soft contours of his muscles under the thin fabric of his shirt. He kicks off and we surge forward into the darkness.
"Where are you taking me?" I ask, my voice full of curiosity.
He turns back and raises an eyebrow at me and laughs, "That's a secret".
I fake a glare back at him and sigh which only makes him burst further into laughter.
It's not long before we arrive at a clearing in the woods, and Jacob cuts the engine. He jumps off and helps me to me feet as he declares that we are here, wherever here is. We sit in the clearing, staring off the cliff overlooking the ocean. It's quiet, but not to quiet, a comfortable silence. We stare across the ocean and discus the comings and goings of life.
The sun starts to set, and I whisper, "It is beautiful."
"So, beautiful…" He mutters under his breath "…Just like you."
My head jerks up in alarm as I stare across into his eyes. The deep chocolate brown of his eyes don't shy away when I stare back. The golden light of the setting sun reflects of his gleaming bronze skin. His dark brown hair ruffled by the breeze. I glance away at the sunset and back at his eyes. I feel myself falling into the depths of his eyes, as his gaze caresses my face. I never thought I could feel this way again. His delicate lips part as he whispers, "I love you Bella". I feel myself falling towards him, his strong arms catching me and pulling me up close next to him. Our eyes meet and his lips gently press against mine. My eyes close as I thrust myself back against him. Surprized or shocked he wraps his arms tighter around me and pulls me up onto his lap, his hands gently resting on my hips. My hands traced his chest as we moulded into one. The suns last raise sunk below the horizon and I slipped my head into his lap as we watched the gentle lapping of waves against the shore below. Jacob lay on his back and I rolled next to him, my head in the crook of his arm as he pointed to the stars above, listing names unknown to me. I was comforted by the sound of his voice alone and the warmth penetrating from his chest. He sighed lost in thought staring to the heavens above. A rested my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat and the rise and fall of his breath.
He got to his feet and lifted me up. Carrying me like a baby to the back of his motorcycle propped against a tree. He gently set me on and started the engine, driving back towards the town. When we arrived outside my house he got off and walked me to my door. He took my hand in his and leant forward to kiss me fair well. His starry eyes sparkled as he stepped down the steps and said, "Thank you Miss Bella." And left, his engine leaving a trail of smoke.
I opened the door and walked up the steps to my room in a trance. A trance of love. I told myself I never wanted to be crushed again, but this time I wouldn't be. I trusted Jacob. I'd known him since I came to Forks when I was a kid…. but this was the best night I had ever had with him.
I looked into the mirror and wondered whether I was looking at the same Bella. My finger tranced my lips, still warm, and my cheeks flushed with a newfound colour. A colour of warmth.
