Okay! This is my new story, and I really hope you enjoy it. I've realised from my previous one: Clarinderella, that I'm a lot better at writing anger and sadness, but I will strive to make you happy. :) internet cookie for all the reviewers!
This party is actually quite good. I had expected it to just be guys muttering among themselves and girls loosely dancing in the middle, but there are drinks and the music is really tasteful. I came here with Izzy, just to please her because I'm a rubbish best friend like that. I hate parties and frats and all that weird stuff. It's not like I spend all my time in my flat doing work, but I don't see the point of going out clubbing where nothing happens. Anyway, the only people who go clubbing are people who want to find a relationship (however no-strings-attached), and I am quite happy with mine.
Jace and I have been dating for four years, and we're still growing strong. Admittedly, we had a bit of a rocky bit when he went away for a year on tour, but we still managed to have a long distance relationship and I love him all the more now. It's funny, a year into us being together, I realised quite how much I loved him. I hate to be apart from him, so that's why I'm going out with Izzy, because he's away at the moment and I need some cheering up.
Izzy is next to me, weaving her way through the crowd and greeting various nameless people with bright faces and empty-drink glasses. I feel breathless and excited, but most of all I need a drink.
"Where's some water?" I call over the music.
"Over there, I think!" she points towards another door, and when I look bemused she tugs me through it.
We fall into the room, laughing at each other but the laughter dies immediately when I see what's inside it.
There was a sink, which looked relatively clean, and a table pushed to the far end of the room. Several cupboards were littered around, and there was an oven pushed into a corner. Finally, a fridge stood proudly next to the sink but it was masked by two people who were locked in a passionate embrace. There was a woman with blond hair, but it was dip-dyed so that there were unprofessional sprouts of green colouring the tips. She had a black cropped top on, baring her taught stomach and pierced-belly button. The mans hands were curved around her denim-clad waist, and her legs looked endless as they were topped by five-inch heels.
The man had a white shirt on, with a pair of jeans that looked quite crumpled. His golden-blond hair brushed a pair of wide shoulders, and his skin looked tanned, like he had just been on holiday. I couldn't see his eyes, and they were closed whilst his lips were connected with the woman's lipstick covered ones. I didn't recognise the woman, but the dread and anger in stomach tells me that I know exactly who the man is.
Izzy gasps theatrically, and her eyes flash with fury, but I'm sure they look nothing like mine. I wrench his arm away from the woman and spin him so that he can see me. He looks shocked at my actions, and then terrified at my identity. His hands go to his hair, and then to my shoulders. He places a fake smile on his face and looks between the three of us with surprise.
"Baby!" he says nervously, and bites his lip. "What a surprise."
"How dare you." Izzy hisses. I'm still silent, and I regard him with distaste and disgust. "You were supposed to be in Spain."
"I was, Iz. I just got back today." he tries to explain. "Alec went straight to Magnus, naturally." He grins, like it's a big joke.
The woman seems to realise what she's got into, so she rushes past us into the crowded room behind us. The man is now backed against the sink, whilst Izzy and I stand alert watching him. I feel my teeth gritting and my temper is about to burst.
"What, what are you doing here?" the man gulps for air. I shake his hands free of my shoulders and crash my hand against his cheek.
I lean into his ear, and inhale softly, smelling his scent for the last time. "I started our relationship with a slap. I'm gonna end it with one. Fuck you, Jace Herondale." I turn and open the door. Izzy follows me wordlessly.
"Clary! I'm sorry, baby." He sways drunkenly.
"I've got enough fucking problems without you, I'm not going to listen your excuses, asshole." I flee from the room like an angry wasp, with Izzy trailing sadly.
I guess I'll never be going to a party again.
Jace POV - Four months later
I wake up in my bed with a headache, and tears are pooling in my eyes. It's not my bed, because my bed is a bigger one, and I share it with a passionate pixie. This bed is a constant reminder to me of what I've lost, because of my own stupidity. I'm living in Alec's flat now, because Magnus has to live on the other side of campus, so he'd like some company. It's alright, I guess, but he doesn't hide his feelings about what I did, but he's more discreet than others.
Isabelle can barely talk to me without spitting in my face, and Simon just regards me with contempt, and our frail friendship has died. Maryse is disappointed, obviously, because she really liked Cla - her. I haven't heard from Robert since the day he left us, and I hope I never will.
I cry out, as if someone has hit me, so Alec comes rushing into the room. His blue eyes are frightened, and his arms outstretched as if he would catch me. I grab hold of my head and rock backwards and forwards. Alec sits next to me and puts his arms around me.
"Jace." he says gently. "This has to stop. You're - you're not well. You need to get some help."
I shake my head slowly. "I don't need help."
He sighs; we've been through this so many times that it's grown old. "Fine. But get up, and go to work." he says shortly.
When I get back from training, I'm sweating and grumpy as usual. Alec is clearly out seeing Magnus, so I look into the fridge and see some tomato sauce and pasta that can be reheated from a meal a week ago. Once it's set in the oven, I lie on the couch staring at the ceiling. I've already cracked open a beer, and I down it in a gulp. Then I look closely at the can and realise how much it disgusts me. Because of this liquid, I lost Clary.
I hear the door snap open and see Isabelle walk through it confidently. She has her long hair in a messy bun, and she's wearing a long velvet dress with a coat. I clear my throat and I see her eyes go to the couch.
"Alec?" she calls. By now her bag has been thrown to the floor and she's walked towards me.
"Nope, it's me."
She stops and glares at the back of my head. "You were meant to be at work." she hisses.
"No, got back ten minutes ago. Why?" I stand up and actually look at her. She looks more drawn than usual, and very tired.
"None of your business."
"Then get out of my house." I shoot back.
"It's not yours - it's Alec's!"
I miss her, I miss the way we used to laugh together, and go on double dates. I wish that we could make up, but she has not forgiven me for that night. God knows I have not forgiven myself.
"Iz, I share it with him. Please, why are you here?"
She sighs dramatically and clears her throat. "I was going to pick up some things."
"Oh."
"With Clary." she says nervously. My heart drops, and then soars. Clary's here! Without my permission, a blinding smile lights up my sullen face. Isabelle gazes at my happy face for a moment, and shakes her head. "Jace, you know she hasn't forgiven you, don't you? Don't expect her to come in and fall into your arms."
I'm shocked by her kindness, but I nod submissively. "I know." I say quietly.
"Then, why don't you go to your room?"
I don't want to, but at the same time I know that I must. Clary will not be happy if she sees me suddenly after all this time. "Okay."
Clary POV
I plod into Alec's flat and glare at Izzy. She smiles blandly at me.
"Why couldn't you have just asked Simon?" I whine. "Then you guys could make out when you're finished."
"Clary, you need to get out. You've been locked in your room for months!" She leads me down a corridor and opens a plain-white door. Inside there's a plain bed piled with silk cushions. My guess is that Alec has been sent these by Magnus, who is extremely extravagant. Alec's relationship has straightened up completely with Magnus, in fact they're adorably engaged. Their wedding is supposed to be in Spring, and Magus is completely beside himself with glee. I've already been dragged into a wedding-planning session. Or WPS, as my jubilant friend explains.
"Alright, let's get to work,"
We spent the next few hours cleaning out Alec's room. He's moving in with Magnus shortly, so he needs to pack all of his stuff and throwing out all the junk. Unfortunately, he's really busy with college and his job, so we said we'd do it. I didn't realise quite how much mess he makes, though! His white-painted room is spread with underwear and old essays. His laptop sits proudly on his bed, and it pings every now and again (probably an email from Magnus).
"Uh," I say in distaste as I hold up yet another pair of boxers. I look at them and then avert my eyes, feeling a pain spread in my gut. Jace never used to have a dirty room, I would never find anything of his crumpled on the floor; it would always be obsessively folded away into one of his thousand draws. Just thinking about it makes me flinch. In our shared flat, where we loved each other. Or at least I thought we loved each other; but then again, I rarely saw him...
"Washing." Izzy interrupts my wallowing with her usual brief answer. I throw a grin at her and chuck them in the larger pile.
Half an hour later and we've made his room look like a new, cleaner, more inhabitable place. I gaze at it in relief, and also pride. It's a nice feeling to know that when he comes back he'll be pleased.
"Okay, we've got to do the living room now." Iz moves on quickly, giving me no time for a rest, or a cup of coffee. Mmm...coffee... "Clary!" she says sharply.
"Fine, I'm coming." She leads me to another plain white door, and opens it a crack so that I can't see what's inside. Her posture changes to be more relaxed and she opens the door all the way so I can see that it's decorated in the same modern way as the rest of the flat. There's a coffee table strewn with paper, and a TV that's still on. It's showing a soccer game. Iz clucks and searches underneath the mess for the remote. She clicks the television off and turns to the bookshelf. There are a few novels, but mostly it's filled with books on physics, and some words that mean absolutely nothing to me.
"Okay, I'll do the table, you do the shelves." I say. She nods in agreement, and turns to the task in hand with ease.
In ten minutes, I've nearly finished sorting out the paper and books and junk on glass coffee table. Izzy is still desperately reaching up to get a book.
"Iz, look," I say to her, and walk over. Naturally, I don't mean that I can reach it - I'm a midget, she's a giant slim goddess - but I am more flexible. I pull a chair out from nearby and hop on top of it. Izzy stands back and sighs. I smile down brightly at her, "Which book is it?"
"Pride and Prejudice" she says, naming one of my favourite books. In the past few years, I've come to really love Austen, and the Bronte sisters. I easily locate the book and flex my fingers around the smooth spine. I get it, and look down fondly. Suddenly, the chair topples and I would've fallen, if not for the hand that caught mine. I breath out a laugh and thank God for Izzy.
I look up into the eyes of the person who I've been avoiding for two months. I gasp and wrench my hand from his grip, and feel revulsion pour through me. I look to Izzy, who has gritted her teeth, and looks vaguely surprised.
"What in God's name is he doing here?" I rail at her, ignoring the man in question completely.
She holds her hands up as if to say I'm sorry and she smiles uneasily. "He lives here."
I stare, uncomprehendingly. "Alec lets him stay here?" I say in disbelief. I had thought that Alec's feelings were the same as Izzy's towards their adoptive brother.
"Alec is a little more soft-hearted than I am." Izzy grumbles.
"Yes, but-" I pause, trying to process the situation. "Why didn't you tell me?" I ask angrily.
"I'm sorry, but you wouldn't've come and you know that Simon's really busy and no one else would do it and I'm sorry can we go now?" she says in a jumble.
I grit my teeth and turn to the door. Isabelle gulps nervously and follows my anxious retreat. I'm about to open the door when a pleading voice erupts the silence.
"Clary." It's so soft that I barely heard it, but I've heard that word so many times, and said in so many ways that I know who's saying it.
"Jace." I sigh, my hand paused on the handle.
I feel a warm touch on the small of my back, and I look at Jace long and hard. I think that Izzy has discreetly left the room, but I'm not sure. I'm just immersed in his golden eyes that overflow with emotion. I feel as if I'm seeing Jace for the first time - not as a high-school jock, or even my god-like boyfriend, but as a man who truly regrets a mistake he's made.
But I don't think it's quite enough. Not yet. Not while I'm still hurting.
Hastily, I shake him off and face him with my arms crossed. "No, Jace. I'm not having this conversation now, not after all this time." I say firmly, hoping to god that I sound less pitiful than I'm actually feeling.
"What, all of two months?" he scoffs. My eyes narrow dangerously, and he hastily changes his facial expression to repentant . "But surely this is the perfect time to talk?"
I swallow, and try to regain my equilibrium. The world was spinning around me, and the only thing that would stay still was Jace's perfectly sculptured face. I tried to focus on it, but found my cheeks reddening, so being forced to look away. "No. All I want to do-" I gulp for air, and for clarity. I continue cautiously, "all I want to do, is to run home and cry in my bed."
His eyes soften, and he gazes warmly at me. "Oh Clary…I wouldn't want you to cry."
"Maybe you should've thought about that before you stuck your tongue down another girls throat!" I snap angrily. His kind nature retracts immediately into something anxious, and also terrified. I almost retract my sharp words, but I remember the nights of burying my head into the cushion to muffle my screams of agony. I sigh and look down at my fingers. "Well, there you are. We're talking about it."
He smiles bitterly. "Yes we are."
We stand in silence, each looking anywhere other than each other.
"Dear God, I've spent the past two months thinking about what I would say to you, and now I've no idea what to say." He runs his quivering hand through his hair, and laughs nervously. "Where to begin?"
My pride kicks into action. "Why were you even at the party? You were supposed to be going home to me."
He closes his eyes briefly, as if imagining what would've happened if he had done just that. We would still be together. I would still madly love him. "On the way back from tour, we opened a few beer bottles - nothing big. And then….Meliorn persuaded me to go to the party. He said that it was more like a welcome back party, and that we did't have to stay long."
"And you went?" I breathed.
"Yes." he says bashfully.
"And then what?"
"I had only been at the party for about half an hour until you…arrived." I snort. He allows a small smile to appear on his face, but I scowl so it disappears. "I had drunk too much, and the world was a blur. I couldn't focus on anything, and my head ached."
"And some leggy blond just happened to be playing tongue-hockey with you?"
"To that, Clary," I flinch at his use of my name, "I have no idea. Honestly, one moment I was going to get water and the next she was there."
I narrow my eyes. "But you still kissed her." I say quietly. "You still chose a loud party, and a nameless girl over your own home and your loving girlfriend. And I can't forgive you for that. Because it still hurts, and do you know what hurts the most?" He shakes his head mutely. "That you didn't chase me. That you haven't tried to contact me, and that I basically had to do it for myself."
"Clary-"
"No, Jace. Two months, and the last thing you said to me was: Clary, I'm sorry baby. You were sorry? Sorry? Sorry that you severed our relationship? Sorry that you made me retract back into a shell of distrust? Why the hell haven't you tried to speak to me!" I yell, tears pouring down my face. It's as if all the pain that I've had no one to take out on is suddenly appearing, and every word I say is like a dagger to his heart.
"Please-"
"I have one messed up, depressed and drug-addled brother who can barely remember I'm his sister, one cruel and abusive stepfather, one pitiful and stupid mother and a father who clearly has no idea how to help me. I'm at college, surrounded by thousands of other people but I'd never felt as alone as when I walked into that one damned kitchen."
"Yes." he sighs, knowing that he can't stop the onslaught.
The door opens slightly and Isabelle peeks through nervously. "You guys, uh, done here?"
"Yes." I say shortly and exit.
"Bye, Jace." Izzy says.
"Goodbye." Jace answers dully.
I stalk out of the door, and for the first time I feel as if a weight has lifted off my heart. Now, I can work on rebuilding my happy lifestyle. Without him.
Okay, so I've just finished this. Sorry for the really long wait, but I've got exams coming up so I might find it difficult to update. But enjoy all the same xxx R&R xxx
