Army of Darkness Vs. Anyone Who Shows Up

A/N: My original title was Freddy Vs. Jason Vs. Ash Vs. Alien Vs. Predator Vs. Marvel Zombies Vs. Everything Else, but it was kind of lengthy. I then thought of Army of Darkness Vs. Everyone Who Feels Like a Chainsaw to the Face, but it was unwieldy. Either way, Ash is the main character. P.S. I added Dante later, saw the Evil Dead section is... dead, so now Dante and Ash are the main characters.

In a Super Ultra Mega S-Mart, a small town called Sew Imiar

All hell was breaking loose. In the Housewares Department stood two men. They were surrounded of all sides by rotting corpses. The two didn't really seem to care, though. I mean, who fears zombie? They're slow and weak!

The older of the two wore the uniform of an S-Mart employee. What seperated him the rest, however, were three things.

1. He was currently blasting zombie heads open with a Boomstick.

2. Two words, Chainsaw Hand.

3. His sharp wit.

"Zombie repellent, aisle 4! Same shelf as the shotguns!" This brings us to our first hero.

Ashley "Ash" J. Williams. Bruce Campbell lookalike, and Sales Clerk. This isn't his first time facing the Undead. For Ash is the Chosen One, destined to destroy the Necronomicon Ex-Mortis, The Ancient Book of Dead. After many adventures (including time travel, dream demons, mutant serial killers, superhuman zombies, warrior princess, and the like), Ash returned to his S-Mart job.

Unfortunately for Ash, The Evil Dead hasn't given up. And it dragged a lot along with it.

Our other hero, a silver-haired man in a red-trenchcoat (shirt not included), was currently slashing and shooting his way through the flesh-eaters.

"So, Ashley, this happen here often?"

Dante, Half-Demon Son of Sparda. One of the twin sons of the Legendary Dark Knight Sparda, Dante is the owner of Devil May Cry, a Demonic Elimination Agency with questionable success, most likely because of his workplace's tendency to collapse every other customer. Thrice daily doses of pizza probably doesn't help his budget much either.

"More than I would like." A zombie exploded over Dante's shoulder.

"I only came for the excellent prices on frozen pizza and milkshakes, and look what happens!" Dante proceeded to pull his trigger when... nothing happened.

Dante's heart very nearly stopped. "Um...Ashley, I'm out of ammo."

Ashley pressed his boomsticks barrel against a zombie's face. "Ha! Should always come with more ammo than that! Doesn't matter. I have more than a enough to-" His pull of the trigger was not accompanied by a reassuring explosion.

"Ashley, I never run out of ammo."

"This is kind of a new experience for me too. Well, I still have the chainsaw..." Ash looked at his fuel gauge. "Oh shit. That's not good."

"What this mean, Ashley?"

"It means, my friend, that the world is over." Ash then just sat cross-legged on the ground, waiting to be eaten.

Dante held up one of his swords. "We still have these. I could let you use one. If you say please, anyway."

"In that case, groovey. We might still get out of this ali-"

Ch-Ch-Ch Ah-Ah-Ah

"Ashley, did you hear that?"

Ch-Ch-Ch Ah-Ah-Ah

"Yes. It's not a good sound."

Ch-Ch-Ch Ah-Ah-Ah

"It means what, exactly?"

Ch-Ch-Ch Ah-Ah-Ah

"It simply means we're totally and royally screwed."

CH-CH-CH AH-AH-AH!

A/N: Them actually hearing the sound is a reference to Freddy Vs. Jason Vs. Ash where it was actually a sound effect.