Evan slumped up his shoulders against the locker trying desperately to hide the fact that he was madly in love. Clutching a book to his chest, he felt like some lovestruck teenage girl in some trashy romantic comedy, but he couldn't help himself. Not with the pink and red paper heart decorations hanging from the ceiling. Not with the subtle jazz music playing. Which he couldn't tell if it was from his imagination, or if it was the jazz band warming up in a nearby classroom. And certainly not with Zoe Murphy, looking beautiful as ever, who just smiled at him. At him. Not at someone behind him but it looked like she was smiling at him, but no it was just one of her friends who was right behind him and so he smiled back but then tried to hide that he smiled back by looking down at his phone so he didn't look weird or stupid or lonely and definitely not already so in love with her. No, that wasn't from an actual experience.

But she actually did smile at him. He wasn't imagining it like he had so many times before. Okay, that sounds creepy and kind of stalker-ish. He'd wished she'd smile at him. He'd wished she'd notice him. He'd wished she'd actually find him interesting and cool and think that he was someone she'd really want to hang out with and become friends with and then slowly grow to love him as much as he loved her. Because let's face it, he was lonely. He was lonely, and sad, and felt worthless. But the thought of her loving him. Just the slightest glimpse of someone actually giving a damn about him gave him a tiny flicker of hope. All of his hope was pinned on her. And that tiny smile ignited the flame.

It wasn't anything romantic or even special, and Evan knew. Well, it probably wasn't special to Zoe, but for Evan, it meant everything. The moment kept replaying in his head, over and over. A beam of sunlight reaching through one of the skylights that hit her face just right so her eyes glowed and he could see every freckle on her nose in perfect clarity. A smile forming as she looked over her shoulder to laugh at some joke one of her friends made. She pushed a lock of her dirty blonde hair behind her ear as she pulled the strap of her guitar case further over her shoulder. Clutching the handle of her backpack, she swung her arm back and forth as she walked down the hall.

A shared gaze. Evan met her eye contact, his face turning a bright red. He thought she was going to frown at him for staring at her, or laugh at him, or any of the infinite numbers of bad possible situations that ran through his head. But no, she did the simplest thing in the world. She smiled. She gave him one of her perfect smiles and he almost melted right then and there. After a moment of being dumbstruck, he smiled back. And there they were, smiling at each other. Until she broke their eye contact as she walked into the classroom where the jazz band practiced. And that was it. A few moments exchange that she had probably already forgotten, but Evan still was reminiscing in.

"What's the problem, Hansen, lovestruck?" Jared chuckled as he crossed his arms and walked behind Evan. Evan raised his eyebrows and turned slowly towards Jared. "Well shit. Did you finally tell Zoe Murphy about your mildly stalker-ish crush on her?" Evan blushed a bright red and shushed Jared.

"Not so loud!" Evan frantically looked at the people who passed them. "And one, I'm not a stalker, I'm just too afraid to talk to her, and two, no I didn't tell her."

"Well then what is it?" Jared raised his hands up.

"You're gonna laugh at me," Evan said, looking down at his feet.

"No, I won't."

"Yes you will, I know you."

"I promise I won't, just tell me!"

"She- smiled at me," Evan said softly, smiling to himself a little. "And I smiled back, and we just kind of met eye contact and smiled at each other. I know it probably sounds stupid, but it was really cool because she like, actually acknowledged my presence and like, in a good way too, not like she made fun of me or anything, she like, actually smiled at me. Sorry, I'm rambling. Sorry." Jared smirked a little at him.

"Ah, young love, how sweet. How pure. So what's your next step in your plan to woo Zoe Murphy? Say hi to her?" Evan raised an eyebrow at Jared.

"N- next step?"

"Yes! You gotta keep up the momentum, so maybe you can hold her hand by Valentine's Day." Evan rolled his eyes. He knew Jared was mocking him, but that actually sounded nice.

"How do you expect me to do that?" Evan chuckled. Like I'd actually be able to talk to her. I'd get ready to, then chicken out at the last moment like every damn time I've tried before. Jared threw an arm around his shoulder, using his free hand to gesture off into the distance.

"You see, you just gotta follow the 'Jared Kleinman Path to Romance.' It's foolproof!" Evan bit his lip to stop from laughing. He knew Jared meant well, or at least he thought he did, but he'd never seen Jared be in a relationship that lasted for more than a week. You've never been in a relationship, flat, dummy. He told himself. He probably knows at least a bit more than you. "First things first, you gotta tell her how you feel. Be upfront about it, you gotta let her know that you're confident and ready for love!" Jared moved his hands to his hips and turned to look at Evan. Evan smiled a little. "That might take some work." Evan frowned. "But from then you can go ahead and like get to kissing and stuff."

"That seems a little bit forward," Evan said.

"Nah, it's the 'Jared Kleinman Path to Romance.' Trust in the process." The subtle noise of the warning bell rang over the voices of all the teenagers in the hall. "Well, have fun with your blossoming romance. I guess I'll see you in AP Gov." Jared shot finger-guns at him, to which Evan mimicked shyly. Jared spun on the ball of his foot and turned the other way.

He's crazy, Evan thought. There's no way I could tell Zoe how I feel. She'd reject me. We've never really had like an actual conversation. She probably doesn't even know my name. Evan sighed as he began to walk to his next class. He entered the open door of his AP English classroom and made his way to his seat in the very back row. He set down his backpack on the floor next to him.

As the door opened again, all the heads in the classroom turned. It was just the ASB representative who came to give announcements. The girl (Evan was fairly sure her name was Alyssa) walked up to the front and looked down at her page of notes.

"Hey guys, so just a few announcements, there's a meeting for baseball tomorrow night at 7 if you're interested, and we have another college planning night on Thursday if you missed the last one." Evan started zoning out. The announcements were always the same. Sports. College. Spirit Days. Things Evan either didn't want to attend or wanted to attend but couldn't. "And starting next week we've got all of the Valentine's Day festivities. If you've got a secret crush, now's the time to tell them!" The rest of the class chuckled, but Evan blushed, dipping his head down to hide his face. "And wrapping that up we've got the Valentine's Day Dance on the day itself, the Friday after next."

Evan looked at his hands. He was never really one for dances. Too many people crowded in one area. Plus he usually had to go with Jared (i.e. Jared's mom and his mom made them go together), and he usually stuck around for a bit but ended up abandoning him at some point in the night. He always hoped he could ask Zoe to dance with him at one of them, but for obvious reasons that never happened. He was really close at last year's homecoming, but due to an oncoming anxiety attack, he never did. He instead spent most of his night in the bathroom crying and trying his best to calm down.

But then he had an idea. What if there was a way to tell Zoe how he felt without actually telling her himself. Like a sort of secret admirer. He thought. Pulling out his notebook, he flicked through a few of the pages. Some notes, some doodles, a couple failed letters to himself. Hey, there's an idea. Write her a love letter. You've always been pretty good at writing. Finally, he got to a blank page. Evan smiled. Glancing once more up at the ASB girl, he grabbed a pencil from his backpack and started to write.

Dear Zoe Murphy, He began at the top of the page. You probably don't know me, we've never really had a real conversation, so please don't take this in a weird way, because I mean it in the best way possible. I like you. A lot. I think I might even love you. But we're a million worlds apart, and I don't know how to reach you. I'm too afraid to say this to your face. I'm too afraid to let you know who I am. But I want you to know that I think you're amazing. You bring a glimmer of hope into my otherwise hopeless life. You can ignore this letter. You can rip it up and forget about it, I won't care. But if you do read it, know you are loved. And maybe one day I can overcome my fears and talk to you. But for now, I'll stay anonymous. Sincerely, Me.

"Evan?" At the mention of his name, he quickly lifted his head up from the paper and blushed a bright red. His teacher held the attendance sheet on a clipboard and was scanning the room.

"Oh, uh here," He said as quietly as he could, but just loud enough so his teacher could hear him and he wouldn't have to repeat himself. He'd mastered this volume after far too many near anxiety attacks during attendance. Once the teacher moved on to the student after him, he took a look down at the paper. Can I do this, can I actually go through with this? He thought. My name isn't actually on it. And this could be your first step towards actually talking to her. He began to rip the page out of the notebook. Examining it one last time before folding it up, he wrote Zoe's name on the front and slid the paper into his pocket.


Glancing from side to side one last time, he pulled the paper out of his pocket. His hands quivered as he slid it between the openings of Zoe's locker. He took a deep breath as he stepped back. It was obvious enough that she'd notice it, but not too obvious that someone else would take it. He ran a hand through his hair and walked back to his class. He handed the bathroom pass back to his teacher and returned to his seat. The rest of his class flew by quickly, and before he knew it, the bell rang. As he headed to his AP Gov class, he made sure to go the long way around (aka the path where he'd low-key pass by Zoe Murphy's locker) so he could see if she took the note.

He kept his head down as he walked by, only tilting it up slightly so he could glance at her locker. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Zoe holding the opened note in her hands. Oh shit. He quickly pulled out his phone and pretended to look at a text. Evan continuously switched his gaze from his phone to Zoe, surprised to see that she wasn't looking at his letter in disgust. She was smiling. And was she blushing or was it just the lighting? Twice in one day, she was smiling because of him. Except she didn't know it was him the second time. Maybe this isn't insane, he thought. Maybe this could actually work. Maybe for once in my life, I've done something right.

Realizing he'd been staring too long, he returned his phone to his pocket. He took one last glance at Zoe, at her smile, before continuing down the hall.