'Over the years, Rodney had gotten used to playing God…but this time, he knows he's taken things one step too far.'
Authors Note: This could be considered a squeal of sorts to 'She Never Sleeps' and 'He Blames Himself' but can easily be read as a stand alone.
He shouldn't have done it. He knows that. He shouldn't have even suggested it but Doctor Meredith Rodney McKay hated accepting defeat even in the face of certain death.
She was gone, and she'd taken parts of him with her. She had taken parts of them all with her, if he was perfectly honest with himself.
Particularly Sheppard.
He wasn't the same. They all knew that. The cocky self assuredness the Colonel once had an abundance of had been subdued. He did his job, and he did it well, but he didn't take the risks he once had.
No. It was worse than that. He seemed all out to get himself killed now. The risks before, despite their supposed levels of recklessness, were calculated. Sheppard had always known what he was doing.
But now? Not so much.
For all his flaws, though he'd never admit them out loud, one thing Rodney wasn't was oblivious. He knew people thought that of him but he was a scientist. Trained to see what others couldn't. Acutely aware of what was going on around him.
He knew Sheppard was suffering and he knew that he was part of the reason for his friend's pain.
And for all his 'up his own arse-edness' as his sister had once put it, he knew he was part of the reason Sheppard had taken it upon himself to deliberately put himself in harm's way every single opportunity he got. He knew that every mission with him left the risk that they'd lose him too…
And that he would be partially responsible for the bullet, blade or blast that took him from them.
A small part of Doctor Meredith Rodney McKay desperately wanted to tell Colonel John Sheppard that he was sure he had an answer.
A way to bring her back…
A way to bring her back to Atlantis, to them…
To HIM.
But Rodney McKay knew what had happened to John Sheppard the last time he'd played God.
And he wasn't sure his friend would survive him trying it again.
