Hey!
I'm a big fan of Mass Effect 1-3, played the games so many times I know them by hand,
Been wanting to write a fic for a long time by favorite pair
I'll have to admit, when I first found out about Garrus being able to be a love interest I was taken aback, but it drew me in, and I guess it was the same for Shepard.
All rights belong to BioWare, and I applaud to them for this amazing game
Hope you'll like it, let me know what you think =)
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Chapter 1 - Awakening
A gasp broke the silence, it hurt…It hurt every part of her body, as she inhaled her throat felt like it caught on fire, the cold air pushing down, forcing to the lungs and filling them, and it hurt…Fuck it hurt, her eyes teared as she looked up in between the ruins, they were on her, pressing her tightly to the floor, her chest free as she was able to breathe in, she could feel blood trickle down her temple, down to the cheek and into the suit as it went over her neck, she shakily let out the breath she had taken and it felt like her body was crushing into itself, with agony and pain
Bright eyes were scanning the area, which was no use as her eye sight was blurry, feeling helpless…she hated it, she hated it and it made anger bubble at the pit of her stomach, but she knew she'll make more damage than any good if she moved
The silence was eating into her mind, licking her lips shakily; she felt the dry skin, mixed with blood and sweat…probably tears. She slowly digested what had happened, and it took all she had in her to choose the fate of the galaxy, stepping right into the red orb and shoots it straight to hell before it shattered on her "Fuck…" her voice raspy and low, she knew the consequences and now she was going to die with it
She had killed millions, syntactic or not, she had ended their lives, decided their fait and it drilled into her head like a torture as she remembered Legion, her promise…her words to the geth…EDI…God she hoped…She hoped…
As she breathed again it wasn't as smooth, coughing blood as the air stimulated her air pipes, the burning making her itch inside out, she knitted her eyebrows and groaned as her ribs were completely wrecked and her legs felt numb under the weight
'Shepard' she thought to herself 'fucking saint of the galaxy…' bitter 'and now you're left here to rot, in your own blood, in the most lonely place…'
She was completely exposed to the galaxy, watching wryly, first sit in the house…that's what they'd said…when Anderson and her sat there…expecting death…
Grief took over her as she bit her full bottom lip and knitted her eyebrows, tears rolled down her cheeks as she cursed, Anderson, who was like a father to her…who's last words were that he was proud of her…'I'm proud of you, kid' she could still hear it echo in her head, she clenched her hands tight, one arm trapped under the ruins as one was loose "Fuck" she cursed again with agony as her voice was shaky
Shepard's thoughts drifted, and she tried not to focus on anything, tried to stay blank, tried to just….Die, can't that even be fucking easy? But when it came to her, nothing was really easy.
It felt like hours, in between she'd pass out, her mind taking her places she didn't want to go, she didn't want to see or think, for the first time she wanted to be ignorant.
after drifting off she woke up, startled, screaming, her throat throbbing, making her clench her hands tight as her body stiffened with pain, her heart speeding and throbbing hard in her chest as her mind ran the dream again in her head;
Loud music, people were dancing, laughing…Touching each other, as if there was no war, no threat…It was over, they could rest. A drink in her hand, she looked around as she sipped from her glass of whiskey, knitting her eyebrows as it didn't burn the usual way she remembered…Actually, it didn't burn at all. tucking a few soft strands behind her ear as she looked down her feet, boots, an armor, she didn't fit, she was odd to the scenario as everyone were dressed with what seemed their best clothes, eyeing her hand as she held the glass and didn't notice as someone sat and made himself comfortable in front of her.
"Staring your drink to death, Shepard?" The low voice went through her like hot water and a small exhale, shaky and weak came out of her parted lips as her blue bright eyes focused on "Garrus…" she said softly…shaking her head slowly she knitted her eyebrows, anxiety started to rise up, this…It couldn't be, she realized now where she was.
Garrus eyed her closely, putting his hand on the bar, his armor completely ruined, damaged, fresh out of battle…He didn't fit either, them both weren't "You don't seem happy to see me up here" he said softly, watching her….Taking her in with those goddamn blue…Amazing eyes, and it made her heart break, it made it shatter, if nothing had by now…
Shepard shook her head "No" she demanded "You're not dead yet, you can't be" she eyed him through glossy eyes, her vision blurry "I pushed your ass out of the way when that tank almost buried you into the fucking ground!" she argued
"Shepard" Garrus eyed her with a stern gaze, trying to gain her attention "We did agree to meet up at the bar" he reminded her
"Don't…" she shook her head and slammed the glass into the bar, breaking it with force as she was shaking with anger, he couldn't be here…What a fucking failure, she wasn't even able to save him…Him
"Jane" Garrus snapped and grabbed her bleeding hand tight with his own three-talon hand, he squeezed it tight till it hurt, but she felt as if a pulse was sent through his touch and straight into her heart, making her unconscious body arch
Their eyes locked and tears rolled down her cheeks, the music was dull now, the dancers disappeared…the bartender also, and there was only him
"I'm sorry…." She said softly, her heart hammering in her chest, pain taking over her whole body as she held tight onto his hand
"There's no Shepard without Vakarian" Garrus reminded her as he pulled her close, pressing his lips to her cheeks as he gathered her salty tears, each touch of his plates on her skin sent more pulses through her body, straight to the heart. It translated to her unconscious body that was left on what was left off the citadel, it rocked and arched at the touch, like electricity to her heart, and it made her slip, knowing she'd wake up soon…She didn't want to go
"Stop" she pleaded and held tight onto him "Just stop" she pleaded again as she buried her face in his neck and a choked sob was let out "Don't leave me…" she pleaded "I don't want to be alone…" she rambled "Garrus…." She whispered his name like a prayer
As she said that, the Turian wrapped his arms around her body and held her close "You've built a career of doing the impossible…" he soothed her
She realized…Those things he said, they'd been said by many throughout her life…This…Was a fantasy…One last fantasy…and it hurt because this wasn't Garrus, not really. She pulled away, watching him with glossy eyes, slightly red nose and bruised full lips from the abuse of biting them to stop the sobs, she slowly smiled and nodded, cupping his cheeks, one scarred and the other not, Wanting to fee him with bare skin she slowly pulled off her gloves…And as she touched him a cry tore through her throat as she snapped out of the dream
Her throat throbbed…Her eyes were sore and her head was killing her…It was only a matter of time till she'd fade off, no food…No water, no Medi-gel, unable to recover fully, even with the cybernetics Cerberus had given her…Too much blood was lost…and she wondered when, when will it end?
Again, she had faded away, dreams concluding her teammates, friends and foes…But Garrus was no more, he wasn't there, her rock…Her best friend, he didn't come to visit her in her last hours anymore…
When she opened her eyes again, she wasn't able to move any longer, barely breath, the galaxy looked the same, beautiful and dreading, mocking her as she was stock in that view, alone…
She squinted her eyes as a light passed her sight and she didn't even bother to think of the possibilities of what that was, her eyes half lidded, she was ready…god, she was ready…Just fucking do it…she pleaded
Again, the light passed and along came more, she knitted her eyebrows…Was it happening? Were they right about the bright light? Fuck…That was hysterical…
They light was now coming closer, bright and annoying, taking it's sweet fucking time, she gathered all she had to finally yelled with a raspy, broken voice "Just fucking do it!" she snapped, and then the light was completely focus on her and blinded her sight.
#Garrus#
Waking up with a loud gasp, Garrus was panting as his hands twisted in the sheets, mandibles twitching as he tried to calm down, looking over the empty bed, he could still smell her on the sheets. He angrily got up, it was driving him crazy, where was she? He knew she made it…She stopped the Reapers, they dropped like flies after that insane wave of red, but they weren't fast enough and the Normandy was caught into it, which sent the ship crashing into an unknown planet, and now they were stuck.
He was uneasy, he needed her, he needed to hold her and keep her safe, and when he was so far it felt like he was going bit by bit crazy.
Unable to sleep or eat, he was cranky and he knew the crew was walking on eggshells around him, but he didn't care, he'd go and demand them to work harder, faster, to get to her, to get things moving.
When they crash landed, They gathered in front of that wall -The wall where they hung the names of the heroes that had fallen for the cause, his eyes scanned Anderson's name as it was hung there by Liara, and he knew he was next; holding his lover's name in his hands, he eyed her name as everyone were waiting and he shook his head "She's…She's not dead…" he whispered, still shaken, still…Agonized by pain, by how she had ordered him to go, to leave…Saving them all as she cleared them from the field and ran into that beam. His mandibles stiffened and held tight onto her name, holding it to his chest "I'm not hanging it on the wall"
"Garrus…" Liara said softly and touched his arm, trying to sooth him, trying to be there for him, them all a wreck, them all couldn't believe she was gone…But the cold hard truth was that the citadel was completely ruined
"No" Garrus demanded "Her name doesn't belong there" he growled at her, and then at the other's as they eyed him with pity, and he hated it, he fucking hated it. He stormed out of the Normandy, unable to stand it
As he walked out he inhaled deep, the air clean…Fresh, and it seemed like fate was mocking him as the place was exactly like the one they had talked about before they had gone to the last suicide mission down at London; he suggested to her that after all the hell they'd gone through they'll go somewhere tropical, make her domestic and raise babies, Krogan babies…and all she did was laugh, the smile didn't' reach her eyes and he could tell she was terrified, so he went on…promising her that if they won't make it they'll meet up there, at the bar, then they had kissed and held each other for the last time…he shook his head and shut his eyes as his heart ached, the need to hold her…His hands, his body, it needed her, to feel her. And it hurt, it hurt not having her here – there's no Shepard without Vakarian…God, it was so true it burnt into his body, his mind taking him dark places with grief.
He swallowed hard and looked down at the name tag, his bright eyes tired, hurt "I'm coming for you" he assured her, slowly looking up at the sky, hoping they'd take off of here soon.
But it didn't happen, they'd been here for what seemed weeks, Tali already kicked him out a few times from the engine room, claiming he was a nag, Liara politely excused herself whenever he tried to dig for results…Even EDI brushed him off a few times by claiming she had glitches as a result from the crash.
He was impatient, trapped…He hated it, and he needed out soon.
#Shepard#
How did she get here; to this position?
So much was dependent on her; it was so heavy to carry
It felt like her chest was being crushed with the responsibility that was dropped on her, countless of lives hoped she'd succeed, each time she went out there and gave her whole, nothing mattered but them, her needs were last, everyone came first…
When she was young, sixteen in fact, the colony she was born at and grew up in; Mindoir was attacked by slavers, all of her family, her friends…She watched how they slaughtered them, took away all she had known and made it disappear in a matter of minutes. To her luck an Alliance patrol saved her.
They took her in, she had met Anderson then, he was…Always so warm to her, still distant enough to be considered her superior but he cared, and she owed him so much, cause without him she'd been lost and never joined the Alliance.
She wanted to make him proud, joining the N7 and actually graduating, she never believed but he did, he told her he knew she could do it.
And then they were sent to Akuze, and it was hell.
So many had lost their lives, the mission went down and a lot of soldiers haven't returned.
They called her a war hero, but she was not, all she did was throw all she had into it, she had nothing to lose, she knew those men and women had families to go back to while she had nothing, she owed it to them, she owed it to her friends and family, the people that lived on Mindoir, she just went berserk and managed to stay alive.
That all led to how she was signed up to the Normandy SR-1, a human ship designed by Turian technology.
