Caged
By
Inky Shades
I feel trapped, cut off from everyone I love. As I sit on my bed, I see frost creeping along the walls. The frost travels towards the door, creating a thin layer of ice around its frame. I'm a prisoner in my own room. Why did this happen to me? I bring my knees to my chest as I sink back into my pillow. Glancing up, I can see icicles forming on my bed's canopy. They look like the teeth to one of the beasts in the fairy tales that Mama reads to me. I never wanted any of this to happen.
It was an accident. They believed me, right? I never meant to hurt Anna. That's the last thing I'd ever do. If… if she just listened to me. If she'd just slowed down… I shake my head. No, it is my fault. I should've known better. I shouldn't have used my magic. If I had just stayed in bed then none of this would've happened.
As much as I try, I can't get the images of my magic hitting Anna as she fell through the air out of my head. I only wanted to save her! I never meant to hit her. In desperation, I clench the sides of my head.
"Please make them stop!" I beg looking up into the air, hoping some spirit would hear my plea.
But if there was some great spirit up there, then they didn't hear me. Or, perhaps, they want to leave me too. For the images wouldn't go away. Anna would fall and my magic would hit her head. Anna would fall and my magic would hit her head. Over and over, like some horrifying play I'm being forced to watch. I just want it to end. My body shakes as a half-choked sob escapes my lips. The worst part was about to play.
I'm holding Anna in my arms, but it isn't right. She doesn't respond when I say her name. I look at my palms. Flexing my fingers, I remember the feel of Anna's skin. She was so cold, colder than ice. My powers did that to her. I did that to her.
Blinking back tears, I look back into the air. "You can have my powers back," I say. "I don't want them anymore. They hurt Anna." I pause, waiting for a reply, hoping for a reply, but nothing comes. "Did you hear me? Take them back! Take them back! Take them back! Take them back!" I find myself slamming my fists into the freezing blanket. "What did I do to deserve this? Why did you give me this curse? Why did you make me a monster?"
Even my parents think I'm a monster. I remember them entering the ballroom after hearing me cry out for them. The look in their eyes as my Papa asked what I'd done. It was like they thought I hurt Anna on purpose. But it was just an accident! I love Anna! They know that, right?
"Mama, Papa, do you still love me? I swear I didn't mean for any of this to happen. Please tell me you still do. I'm not a monster!" Hot tears roll down my cheeks and fall onto the frozen blanket, creating more frost.
I bury my face in my hands. Maybe I am a monster. Wiping my eyes with the back of my hands, I gaze around my room. Every exposed surface is covered in frost. A quiet knock on my door gets my attention.
"Elsa, hey Elsa, are you awake?" a small voice asks.
A warm feeling spreads through me. "Anna? Anna!" The frost around the door recedes.
"Do you want to play?" Anna asks.
I want to say yes, oh how I want to say yes! I want to embrace her, feel her warmth, tell her I'm sorry, but I can't. A chill travels through me. What if I hurt her again? The frost overtakes the door once more. It… it's too big a risk.
"I can't," I say. The words burn my tongue as they leave my mouth.
"Why not?"
I blink back tears. "I just can't!" Please don't make this any harder for me.
"But—"
"Anna, go, please." I can hear my voice crack.
"Elsa, are you okay?"
"Anna…"
"Okay, tomorrow then? Goodnight, Elsa!"
"Goodnight, Anna," I whisper tears streaming down my face. "I love you." My lip quivers. Don't feel. Don't feel. But I feel everything. I feel cold.
Curling into the fetal position, I crash into my pillow. My sobs create steam in the air. I'm trapped, stuck in a dungeon of ice, a dungeon that hurts everyone I love. There's no way for me to escape. But if it means keeping Anna safe, I'll keep myself caged because she's my sister and I love her and never want to hurt her again.
