Saw you screaming but no one can hear. You always feel ashamed that someone could be that important that without them you feel like nothing. No one will ever understand how much it hurts. You feel hopeless like nothing can save you. When it's over, when it's gone you almost wish you could have all that bad stuff back so that you could have the good.
It just another day. Another fight to make it through the day without falling apart. The fight is fresh in her head. She rolls over expecting a warm body and is met with nothing but cold air. It just makes everything real and the tears begin to fall down her face.
She keeps telling herself she has to pull herself together. Today was the day she was going to get her girl back she was going to tell her everything she should have told her all along. In the shower she lets the shower overtake her while she recalls what got her to this point of breaking down like she's never broken before.
The night before.
"You are so beautiful baby." The blonde whispers against the brunette's neck well kissing just the right spot knowing full well what affect it would have on the girl.
"Mmm you know I hate when you do that Heather. You can't hold my next actions against me. You started it." The Latina looks into her best friends deep blue eyes wondering how she got so lucky to have her in her life. She gets this devilish look in her eyes and attacks the blonde with tickles.
"Nayaaaaaaaaaaa. Stop! This is not what I thought you would respond with." At least that's what Naya thought the blonde had said it was really hard to hear her through the giggles. She loved seeing her laugh and smile and cry and breath, hell she loved everything about her blonde best friend.
"But you are soooooo cute when you laugh….OUCH Heather that really hurt" Naya said rubbing her arm that Heather had just punched.
"Ok but in all seriousness we should probably start that movie you wanted to watch because we have been making out for the last hour and the movie hasn't changed from the title screen…" Heather giggled out as Naya started tickling her again.
With the two girls everything just came so easily. They fit perfectly together. Their hands seemed meant to hold one another's. It's as Naya said the first day the girls had met, 'fate had laid a hand'. Many would say they are soul mates but the girls are just best friends.
Heather got up to get the remote to start the movie but as she was leaving the couch she felt a hand on her arm. The touch alone sent shivers down her spine so the kiss that Naya placed on her lips made her whole body go numb.
"You are so easy Heather Elizabeth Morris." Naya whispered into Heather's ear as she lightly bit and then kissed it. She continued kissing down the dancer's neck leaving traces of lipstick along the way.
"Mmm you do crazy things to me Naya." Heather managed to get out it was getting harder to breathe as Naya kissing trail was now leading down her neck and her hands were slowly making their way to the bottom of her shirt pulling it above her head.
Brown eyes met blue and both girls smiled shyly as Heather's shirt was thrown into a forgotten corner of the room. Naya then continued attacking the blonde's perfect dancer's abdominals with kisses .Soon her tongue and lips were making trails just above Heather's jeans and the blonde was starting to get really flustered and this was not lost on Naya as she continued teasing her friend.
Heather was quickly becoming very aroused and couldn't handle the teasing much more as she wrapped her fingers around brunette's hair pushing and pleading with her to just do it already.
Naya took the cue from Heather and began undoing the blonde's pants when suddenly the world they had been living in was ripped through with the sound of an oh so familiar ringtone.
Naya immediately quit what she was doing rolled her eyes and pushed Heather off of her and went to make popcorn in the kitchen while the blonde fixed herself and settled herself before taking the phone call.
It was the elephant in the room that they never spoke of, Heather's boyfriend Taylor who currently lived thousands of miles away making the girls little affair easy. They never spoke his name as it always ended in a fight and it didn't matter because they were just friends fulfilling each other needs right? They had a deal that whenever the other needed a 'release' they could call each other up. It what they call a friends with benefits and even though many of their friends told them it never works they had been doing it for two years now and it worked perfectly until Taylor came up.
Naya walked back into the room with a frown on her face and Heather looked into brown mocha eyes and mouthed "I'm sorry" to the brunette, who in turn just rolled her eyes. This was all Naya needed on a Sunday to sit and listen to Heather baby talk with her boyfriend. The next couple minutes passed slowly until she heard final words of the conversation, which only pissed her off more.
"Yes babe I love you forever and ever. You really are the best boyfriend I could ask for." Heather spoke into her phone before making kissing noises into the receiver. Naya rolled her eyes for what felt like the hundredth time since the call had come in.
The room got awkwardly quiet and Naya was now sitting on the opposite couch. To make an awkward moment even more awkward Heather was still sitting in her bra with Naya's lipstick stains all over her body.
After what felt like hours when really it was only seconds Heather finally broke the silence. "Hey Nay sorry about that He was just calling to tell me about his game." Heather said noticing the brunette was really fighting not to look her in the eye.
"Whatever Hemo. Let's just watch the movie." Naya said still avoiding blue eyes.
"Naya look at me." The Latina avoided this at all costs afraid the blonde would see the anger burning in her eyes. She didn't want to fight. Not today. "Naya, what's wrong?"
After a long wait furious brown eyes met confused blue and both girls knew this wasn't going to be good.
"Nay why don't you come back over here, I'm cold and need someone to keep me warm."
"Why don't you just ask your boyfriend to come over here and cuddle with you? He is the best ever after all." Naya said with so much anger that the blonde actually recoiled a little bit.
"Oh come on Naya let's not go there." Heather wanted to avoid a fight at all costs. Seeing that Naya wasn't backing off Heather asked, "Why is this bothering you so much?"
Naya looked down at her hands studying her cuticles before answering the blonde, "If you really don't know the answer to that then you really are as clueless as everyone says you are. You don't know me as well as I thought you did."
"Naya what are you talking about? Please for once do not talk in circles. Give me a straight answer."
Naya had been thinking about this for a long time and was trying to find the courage to say what she should have months ago, maybe even years ago. "Heather, I can't do this anymore. It's not fair to me, it's not fair to you, and it's really not fair to your amazing boyfriend either."
Heather was so taken aback by what her best friend had said that she just sat there not saying anything. She couldn't look up, but if she would have she would have seen that a single tear was making its way down Naya's cheek. Naya picked up her purse from the coffee table and started to head towards the door. Heather still hadn't spoken and though Naya had hoped that Heather would fight for her she thought maybe this was what was best, maybe she could finally move on with her life.
Heather finally looked up to see that the brunettes hand was on the door knob. She was actually leaving. She really meant that this was over, whatever this is.
"Naya…wait. Don't leave. I—I just need..." Heather wasn't sure what was going on. Naya never acted like this, not even the other times Taylor's name had come up.
"You what Heather?" Naya spit out tears streaming down her cheeks now.
Heather now saw that her best friend was crying. She got up to give her a hug, she hated when Naya was sad, but she never thought that she would be the one causing the sadness. As she wrapped her arms around the girl she said, "I'm sorry Nay I will never take a call from Taylor again."
Naya pushed Heather's arms away with such force that the blonde fell back a couple steps. "You think this is about Taylor?" Naya screamed out. "I wanted to do this before and the phone call just gave me the strength. It's what I need to do, and I hope you respect that. I am done with this. Whatever this is." Naya said crying harder then she thought was possible.
"I just don't understand. Are you saying you don't want to be friends anymore?" Now tears began to fall from blue eyes, which are met with tear filled brown eyes.
"I don't know Heather. I just need some time and space to figure stuff out for myself and I suggest you figure stuff out with the best boyfriend in the world because you have been cheating on him a lot and I don't think that's fair." Naya said finding the strength to finally open the door and start to leave Heather's house.
"Nay…please don't leave me. I—I just want…" Heather wasn't sure what she wanted.
"As long as you have Taylor you can't have me too. It's a choice that only you can make, and I don't want to pressure you so take your time. In the meantime I think we shouldn't talk." With that finally said Naya turned her back to Heather and walked out the door.
After her shower Heather checked her phone for the hundredth time. Naya still hadn't returned her ten missed calls and voice mails. She hadn't responded to any of her desperate texts and Heather was slowly falling apart. She went to her closet to get dressed for work. As she was choosing her outfit she heard her phone ringing and ran so fast to pick it up that she almost tripped over the jeans she was in the middle of putting on.
She was disappointed when she saw it was Taylor who was calling and not Naya. She pushed the ignore button and continued getting dressed for work. Today she was filming a scene with Naya's character Santana where she tells her she loves her and the characters kiss for the first time.
Today was going to be a long day.
