(The setting is toontown)
mickey (voice): This is toonown, a city full of old and new cartoon characters setting of the movie rodger rabbit, where wild animals rome free [cringer from he man roars]. Beneath my manly sized thirteen rogues, eighteen teams are arriving at this historic train station to embark on a race around the world. I'm your host, mickey, and this is... THE TOONTASTIC RACE! (He smiles into the camera causing a flash into the camera, starting the intro)
(toontown Train Station)
mickey: Welcome to the toontastic Race. Right now, eighteen teams from across the country are readying themselves to embark on a race to the death! (Is told something on his earpiece) Not to the death? Okay. Let's meet the team that aren't (winks) racing to the death.
jenny and brad; Best Friends.
jenny: I met brad when his little brother found me while playing baseball, and we haven't spent a day apart since! If anyone can win this race, it's us!
brad: Yeah, I know jenny so well, it's like we're... uh... w-what are you doing?
jenny: Oh! Uh... lint check! For the camera! Whoo! Race!
lois and meg; Mom and Daughter
meg: So, A; I'm really hot, obviously. And B; I'm pretty much the best at everything I do. So unless my mom messes things up, we're totally gonna win this race.
lois: meg and her friends love when I hang with them. I'm know as the 'cool mom'. *giggles* We're so tight! People always mistake us for sisters!
meg: Wait; what?
elsa and anna; Actual Sisters
elsa: I'm studying international law, so that's gonna give us a real edge. Which is good, because we're here to win.
anna: And to see the world, meet hot guys, and have some fun-
elsa: If there's time for that, which there won't be. So, let's focusing on winning, okay? Good.
abe and joan; two clones of famous historic people. Okay, that's just unnerving.
chowder and rigby; Seasoned Reality TV Pros
chowder: Yeah! Whoo! Don't leave me hanging! rigby and I met on Total cartoon, and we've been on tons of reality shows since then, like americas next top surgen, and the lex factor, and tater tots an tiaras...
rigby: Don't know how he got on that one...
chowder *laughs* I'm just so psyched to be reunited with my little buddy! Come here! *hugs rigby very tight*
pixie and dixie; Identical cartoon mice Who Are Used to Overcoming Adversity
pixie: We've both been through a lot, but we're not cursed. Whatever's right before cursed. That's us.
dixie: Like, when I was 6, I fell into a owl's nest and a baby owl flew into my ear, and to this day, everything sounds like... *makes owl sounds*
dixie: We're constantly fighting adversity and... overcoming it.
pixie: I'm sorry; we gotta switch sides. You're just... *makes owl sounds*
The Totally in Love Daters; petunia and handy
handy: petunia and I met when i made her that treehouse 16 years ago, and we've been going steady ever since!
petunia: We're so excited! None of us have ever traveled before! There's so much to discover, like 'What do chocolate protein bars taste like in the valley of peace?'
handy: I was just wondering that!
petunia: No way! *two of them make out*
rarity and spike; unicorn and dragon
spike: We know how to win! we find a jewel everywhere!
rarity: Except that one time; i was kidnapped by the diamond dogs so spike and my friends had to save me.
spike: AGH! I don't want to talk about it! *flies off*
rarity: spike! he still cant get that memory out of his head.
gil and johnny; Lifelong Friends and Surfer Dudes
gil: *laughs* Going around the world on someone else's dime! Sweet! Hey dee dee Love you, babe! dee dee and I did Total cartoon; but she's dancing around townsville right now! So boom! Entree; my bud johnny!
johnny: Yeah, guy! Bros forever! J and G for the W-I-N!
mickey: Right this way, teams! Also competing, ridchard and darwin; Father and Son
richard: Oh, I spend a lot of time not working cause i dont have a job, so this race is a perfect chance for darwin and I to squeeze in a little father-son bonding time. Right, son?
darwin: Uh, yeah... sure dad. Hey; are there any kids my age in this thing?
richard: Oh! Uh...
starfire and raven; teen titans
raven: We're tough as nails and we'll go to the extremes to win this thing!
starfire: Definitely; as long we don't break any of the international laws.
raven: I'm okay with breaking a few.
phineas and ferb;Stepbrothers
phineas: we use to be friends until a science fair mishape last year; we now hate each other! So our parents are making us do this! Jerks!
ferb: Don't call our parents a jerk, jerk! *shoves phineas*
phineas: Shut your word hole, jerk! *shoves ferb*
Also racing, josh and liz; two couch potato roomates with a taste for social media
liz: Hey hey to all our social media followers out there! Wish us luck!
josh: I bet liz we would win the race, but I didn't think she'd actually take me up on it.
liz: I put my mind to something and it happened!
murdoc and 2D; the virtual band members
murdoc: 2D wasn't sure about doing this, because he not super-fit or good at much at anything. Except rocking out! *plays air guitar* So I said, 'You just rock, bud. I'll carry you!'
littlefoot and ducky; leaf-Loving, dinosauer Friends
littlefoot: We want to win so we can feed our dinosauer friends; like petrie, spike, chomper; and other dinosauers!
princess bubblgum and ; Scientific princesses Who Say They Will Use Their Winnings to Support the candy kingdom
princess buublegum,: the land of oo is overfunded. Reality shows offer monetary prizes. Conundrum solved.
lord tourettes and stacy; two animated stick figures from the adult animated web show dick figures
lord tourettes: Pahkitew Island was GOD DAMN! tough, but with stacy's new spells, MOTHER F**CKERS! We'll claim the F**KIN! eye! That's swear talk for one million. *stacy smokes her bong*
And mario and sonic; video game mascots and Friendly Rivals
sonic: wear both very competitive, but for half a million each? game on or Gameover! *he and mario laugh*
mario: Maybe we can make cameos in upcoming video games. Anyone need a video game character for another smash brothers game...
Both: Call his agent! *laughs*
mickey: Welcome contestants! This is the starting line for your twenty six part race around the world. Each part ends at a "chill zone". Get there fast because the last team to stand on the "Carpet of Completion" may be cut from the competition. (The contestants begin to frown and show worried faces upon hearing this news.) But the first team to reach our last chill zone will wine ONE MILLION DOLLARS! (This news causes the contestant to cheer in excitement.) Look over here. (The contestants shift their attention to mickey who now stands by a miniature replica of him with a red button on top.) This is our toontastic tip box, also know as "The mickey Box". Press this button to get your tips that will lead you through the toontastic Race around the world. Ready teams? (All teams get ready to start) On your mark... Get set... RACE! (The teams race toward him) Watch the face! Not the hair! (They all trample over him)
(Teams begin to reach the first mickey Box and pressing the button. A tip comes out from the mouth of the Pidgeot Box.)
gil: 'Race on foot to toontown tower.' (him and johnny run)
richard 'And find the mickey Box to get your next tip.' (him and darwin run)
(richard/darwin, gil/johnny, and rarity/spike are running to the next mickey Box)
darwin: Look! There's the mickeyt Box!
spike: And here comes the competition!
richard: (turns around) Huh, where? (Hits a garbage can) Whoa! (The trash can then hits rarity and spike, covering them) Oh! My bad.
gil: (him and johnny stop to check up on rarity and spike) Whoa! Are you guys alright? (Frarity and spike lift the trash can off of them and keep on running) Whoa! Radical! (The trash can lands on the two)
johnny: Go! (They keep running with the trash can on)
(toontown tower; Some of the teams reach the studios where the mickey ]
richard: There's the mickey Box! (Presses the button)
darwin: (reads the tip) It's an "either or". What's an "either or"?
(toontown tower)
mickey: An "either or" gives teams the choice of two challenges. They either climb one hundred forty-four flights of stairs to reach the world's tallest observation deck in toontown. That's just under a billion stairs. Or scares. Take the elevator, and get the scare of a lifetime by doing a sky walk all the way around the outside of the tower. Not to worry though, they'll be wearing helmets. As an extra precaution, we had a safety rail installed. (The rail falls halfway) Ehhh, I'm sure they'll be fine. Teams must finish either task, and find this local guide for their next tip. (wile e coyote the guide is drinking slurm a drink from futurama)
(toontown)
starfire: (reads the tip) Climb one hundred forty-four flights of stairs? (Laughs) We'll do the scares. (Runs with Arcanine)
josh: Scares.
liz: Scares.
phineas: (fights with ferb fight for the tip) Scares! (Lets go, causing ferb to fall) Called it.
pixie: Stairs.
dixie: pixie gets nose bleeds when he goes up too fast. Kinda makes it hard to take flights or go up really tall towers. (Takes the tip from Weedle, causing him to get a paper cut.)
dixie: GAHHH! Paper cut!
(toontown Tower; elevator)
richard: First in! Alright! Way to go, darwin! How about giving me a high- (darwin dodges, causing richard to hit all the buttons. The two stare at all the buttons.) Hehe... whoops...
(gil/johnny, phineas/ferb, rarity/spike, handy/petunia, josh/liz, starfire/raven, Glalie/Froslass, and mario/sonic arrive at the elevator and notice all the buttons have been pushed.)
gil: Hey, who pushed all the buttons?
raven: Gotta take the stairs then. (All the contestants run to the stairs except josh/liz and starfire.)
starfirer we can just wait.
raven: (voice) HUSTLE! (starfire runs to the stairs)
liz: Meh, this will probably be faster. (The elevator closes)
mickey: (voice) As half the competition commit to climbing the infinite amount of stairs, the other half chose scares but they are in for a long wait.
(The camera shows inside the elevator where josh and liz are stopping on each floor. They stop one a floor with a henry the janitor from hong kong phooey.)
liz: Hey, hey facebook and twitter followers. We would like to talk about today's faux pas. Which is...
josh: looking at my grandmothers porn! Ewww! (henry notices and growls) that was disturbing to watch!
liz: I know right! Like, get with today!
(Observation Deck; The elevator reaches the observation deck where a few cartoon characters are watching the view. josh and liz exit with a mop and bucket on their heads.)
josh: (takes off mop from his head while liz takes off the bucket) Well, that happened. (Looks around) Huh, where is everyone?
liz: I don't see any of the other teams. We're in first place! (Squeals)
josh: Let's walk to the winners circle! (They casually walk as wile e coyote the local guide points them in the right direction)
liz: We're so the team to beat! (They walk outside)
(Sky Walk; josh and liz have gone outside to find the Sky Walk. It is incredibly high, windy, and dangerous. The safety rail has fallen halfway. josh and liz freak out)
liz: We have to walk out HERE?! (Her and josh gulp)
mickey: (voice) Oh yes, you do. The toontastic Race will return!
(Stairs; The teams that chose stairs are climbing the large amount of stairs. mickey's voice is heard to the viewers)
mickey: (voice) Those who abandoned the elevator are in for a painful climb, and frankly, that's more fun to watch.
pixiw: (him and dixie take a break) On the upside, we're not in last place. On the downside, that probably won't be true for long. (they resume running)
(Bottom floor; The teams that chose elevator wait for it to return at the bottom. The teams converse among each other. meg and lois arrive last)
meg: (looks at the other people) Ugh... great! (to lois) Thanks for being slow, now we're gonna race for last place! When we get home, hire brian as your personal trainer!
lois: Great idea, sweetie!
meg: I know; that's why I thought of it!
(Stairs; The camera now cuts to the teams that chose the stairs.)
gil: (he and johnny pass pixie and dixie) Sweet form dudes!
johnny: Keep it up!
pixie: They seem nice...
dixie: No alliances. We're soft meat, remember?
dixie: (sighs) Really soft meat. (They keep running)
starfire: (stops and leans on the railing) Thighs on fire. So queasy. (Nearly hurls)
raven: (comes back to her and carries her with magic) So you're one of those skinny fat people who can't climb ten flights of stairs without spewing chunks? What do you do, yoga? (Runs)
starfire: (hurls on the stairs) Great...
mickey: (voice) As half of the teams continue to climb or wait... and wait... and wait some more, the fashion bloggers are the first to reach the observation deck, but the scare might be too much for them.
(Observation Deck; josh and liz argue about doing the scare with wile e the guide. They hug each other in fear.)
josh: W-we can't go out there on the death walk! The wind will blow me away! (wile e the guide rolls his eyes)
(Bottom floor; The elevator has returned and is now available to the rest if the teams.)
mickey: (voice) With the return of the elevator the competition is heating up. (some teams enter the elevator and close it immediately)
meg: (groans) Rude!
chowder: (goes up to lord tourettes) Are you really from a web show aimed for adults?
lord tourettes: But of course! Observe. (Raises his stick like hands) shall i sing a F**CK for you?
chowder:um... okay.
(Observation Deck; we return to josh and liz, refusing to do the Sky Walk. wile e the guide holds up a box with helmets.)
josh: Helmets?! Are you crazy?! Now you want us to ruin our hair too? No, I did not sign up for that. (He and liz cross their arms)
liz: Plus, that isn't my color.
josh: It's not. Trust.
(Stairs; Now we check up on the teams that are taking the stairs.)
gil: (he and Simisear run) Doing great bro! Our calves are going to be so toned after this!
johnny: Totally! We're going to look like canadian gods from the knees down! (gil/johnny continue to run as rarity/spike stop behind them.)
rarity: (she and spike wave) Hello to all our bronies! (Blows a kiss) We love you!
starfire: (still being carried by raven) Put me down, I can do this!
raven: I beg to differ, chicken legs. (continues)
raven: It's all in the gluts. I only use the stair machine at the gym. I'm basically 80 percent glutes at this point. They've taken over the rest of my muscles. (Flexes her arms) See this? It's glutes. It's all glutes. (starfire facepalms)
mickey: (voice) After an hour of stair climbing, some of the contestants are really losing it.
phineas: (he and ferb are panting and climbing slowly) If we come in last place, it's your fault... doofus!
ferb: Hurry up and climb faster, slowpoke!
phineas: Stop breathing on my back, sweatball! (Sighs)
pixie: (he and Weedle are drenched in sweat) Stay with me Weedle, eyes wide.
dixie: (his eyes are wide open) It's okay mommy. I don't need a new elephant. (Laughs weirdly)
dixie: (deadpan) This is why we don't go to any high towers.
