Dear Johnny,

I miss you. It's hard to believe that ten years has gone by and I'm proud to say that I've been good. I won't lie there have been as much hard times as there have been good. After you were gone I went through what Darry like to call a lapse in judgment. I started skipping school, hanging around guys that I knew was no good, and I even started drinking and doing drugs. I'm ashamed of that now and no doubt if you and Dally were here today you would've knocked me upside my head. Which Darry had to do so often. I bet you're thinking that 'no way would Ponyboy Curtis do something as stupid as drugs'. Well, I did. Drinking and the drugs helped numb the pain and guilt. God, Johnny there were so much that I felt guilty for. Darry and Soda, hell even Steve and Two-bit tried to knock some sense into me, but I just didn't care. It finally took me almost dying to see what I was doing to the rest of my family. I don't really know what happened; only what Soda told me later after being released from the hospital. He said that when he came home from work he found me lying unconscious on the floor with both my wrist slit. He rushed me to the emergency room and while he waited he called Darry and the others. When the doctor was done treating me he told them that I had apparently took five lethal combinations of drugs which caused me to have a mental breakdown. Man, Johnny never do I want to see Soda looking the way he was when I was let out and Darry his face wasn't any better. They made me see a therapist and sad to say I'm still seeing one. I was never allowed to be in a room by myself or go places. Even though I'm now away from home and attending college they call everyday to check up on me. That how little they trust me now. Sometimes, I just want to yank the phone off the wall, but when I see the scars on my wrist I remember and feel bad for being a bad brother and friend. Some days are good and others can be just as bad, but as long as I remember that my family will always be there for me I know I can pull through. Thank you, Johnny for being my friend; I know that it wasn't always easy to be friends with someone as absentminded as me. I promise to continue to be gold and live my life the way you would've wanted me to. Say hi to my mom and Dad. Oh, and Dally too.

Truly yours,

Ponyboy Curtis

Forgive me my friend

For I have sin

I never meant to go this far

But the guilt made it hard

To live day by day

It was enough to make me crazed

It wasn't until the floor was dyed red

That I finally came to understand

It wasn't my fault

That you and he were dead

And as I looked into my brothers' faces

I saw their tears and fears

And knew that I couldn't leave them here

I'm glad to say that I'm finally awake

And plan to live day by day

With them I can finally forgive and live.