Title: So Much For the Afterglow
Author: Courtney
Email: courtneystovall@yahoo.com
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Mine . . . all mine!!! evil grin Oh, but I stole the title from a kickass song by Everclear.
Category: Jake/Hamilton
Summary: It's just before fall semester begins and Jake discovers she has bigger problems than hiding her gender.
Distribution: Required Reading, of course; and anywhere else, as long as you email me to let me know and keep these headers with the story.
Author's Notes: This was originally the start of an X-Files fic but I changed it around a bit to conform it to Jake and Hamilton because, frankly, I suck at writing Mulder and Scully. Oh well . . . sigh.
Thanks: To Jean, for beta reading this. Thank you, thank you, thank you! And to everyone else who keeps writing YA fic; you're going to end up saving my sanity if we never see the show again so thanks!
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Part One
Blue. It was blue. The color of his eyes, the color of the waters they'd spent the whole summer together in, the color of her bedroom back home . . . blue used to be her favorite color. Not anymore. Blue just became her worst enemy.
Jake looked at the stick in her hand one more time. 'It could be wrong,' she reasoned. These things weren't 100% accurate, after all. The damned thing could very well be defective. She wanted to believe that. She didn't want to be sitting here in a stall of the boys public restrooms at Rawley Academy at the age of 16, all alone, staring at this dreadful little stick and wishing it to fade from blue to white.
She sighed as she finally set the thing aside and rested her head in her hands. Why was this happening now? She felt like there couldn't have been a worse time. Still though, there had to be worse things than being pregnant. She was sure she could think of a few if she could just focus for a moment. Nope, not a one. What could be worse? She was too young, too inexperienced, too scared . . . she'd never be able to deal with this.
"How in the hell did I let this happen?" she wondered aloud. She groaned again, already contemplating her next move. She needed to tell Hamilton. That was the next logical step. He deserved to know. And she needed to get herself to a doctor. She was pretty sure that the home pregnancy test was right, but she still needed to be absolutely sure. Maybe Bella knew of a free clinic in one of surrounding towns; one where no one knew her . . .
"Jake, you in here?" she heard outside the stall.
Damn, it was Hamilton. She scrubbed stubbornly at her tear-streaked cheeks and called back, "Yeah, hang on a sec." She took a few deep breaths in an attempt to regain her composure, then she returned the test to its box and stuffed it inside her backpack. When she finally emerged from the stall, she tried her best to smile at her boyfriend. "Hey," she said meekly.
"Hey baby," he grinned as he approached her and, taking advantage of this moment alone, gave her a quick kiss. She stiffened at his touch, though and Hamilton immediately noticed. "What's the matter?" he asked.
"Um, nothing, nothing . . . I just have some stuff on my mind is all," she said quickly. She knew that she had to tell him about this, but she just needed a little time to think about how she was going to break the bad news.
"Anything you'd like to talk to me about?" he asked. His eyes focused on her and the concern she saw in those pools of crystal almost made her start to cry again. Instead, she swallowed the lump in her throat and just shook her head no. "Okay, well you know I'm here whenever you need me, right?"
"Of course," she replied. She wondered to herself if he'd stay this supportive once she told him about their new problem. "Well, look, I have to go," she said quickly. "I, uh, I'm supposed to meet Bella in a little bit. We're going . . . shopping. So, I'll see you around?" She nodded to him without even waiting for his reply and bolted for the door.
Hamilton was left standing alone in the boy's restroom, a stunned and worried look on his face. He knew something was going on. Now he just needed to find out what that something was.
* * * * *
"Bella! Bella, are you in here? Bella!!" Jake called through the garage. Oh God, if Bella wasn't here she didn't know what-
"Jake?"
"Oh thank God!" the dark haired girl cried as Bella Banks appeared in the doorway. "I was afraid that you wouldn't be here."
"What's going on? You having another problem with your bike? Need to make a fast getaway?" her mouth quirked into a half grin, but when she regarded her friend and saw the look in her eyes the grin quickly faded. "Jeez, something's really wrong, isn't it? What's going on, Jake?"
Jake stepped further into the garage and sat down on a foldout chair. She put her head in her hands and sighed. "I'm totally screwed, Bella. I fucked up *so* bad this time . . . Oh my God . . ."
Bella took a seat beside her friend and laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. "What is it?" she asked softly.
"Remember I told you that Hamilton came to see me in New York in August after I left?" she began, her head still down.
"Yeah . . ."
"Well," she finally raised up to look Bella in the eyes, "part of the time he was there, my mom was out of town." She looked hard at Bella, who still didn't seem to get it. "And we slept in the same bed," she added. "Things . . . happened."
"Oh my . . . really? Wow, Jake, I . . . well, so that's the problem? You regret going that far with him and now you're not sure how to act?"
"No, no, not at all. I mean, yeah in light of the circumstances I guess there are things about it that I regret, but overall I don't wish that we hadn't. I mean, I'm glad he was my first. I really love Hamilton. It's just . . ."
"Wait, circumstances? Are you saying that--" Bella's eyes were wide with shock by this point.
"I think I'm pregnant," Jake said miserably, then hung her head again as she began to cry. All that Bella could do was comfort her friend . . . and try to think of what to do next.
* * * * *
"Hey Ham, what's going on?" Will Krudski asked as Hamilton sat down on one of the sofas in the lounge. School still wasn't starting back for a couple of days so the campus was pretty empty and the two boys were the only ones in the lounge.
"I wish I knew," Hamilton replied.
"Trouble in paradise?" Will asked with a grin. "You and Jake didn't have a fight, did you?"
"No . . . at least I don't think we did. She doesn't seem mad. She seems . . . upset. And I'm not really sure why. I just hope it's nothing that I did," he sighed.
"Well, when did she get back? You think maybe something happened with her mom while she was home? Or maybe the Finn thing is still bugging her," Will said, trying to offer any help that he could.
"Nah, I don't really think it's got anything to do with that. She's been back for almost a week so if it were something with her mom then she would have told me by now. And besides I was in New York with her for two weeks and things with her mom seemed fine. As for the Finn thing, he's being cool about it. I had a cryptic conversation with him last week where he sort of told me he knew without *telling* me, but in the end he asked if Jake was coming back to Rawley and I said yes and he said he was glad to hear that so I guess that's a good sign. Jake thought so anyway. She definitely isn't worried about that. I just don't know what it is, Will, but it's freaking me out."
Will nodded. "Yep, girls have a funny way of doing that," he agreed.
"You seen Caroline since you got back?" Hamilton asked.
"Nah, she's probably still on vacation. No big deal, if I see her I see her and if not . . . well, I'll survive. I'm just glad to be back. I can worry about my relationship woes anytime."
"True," Hamilton replied. "And I'm glad you're back too buddy." He slapped Will's back lightly as he got up from his seat. "But, speaking of relationship woes, I better go find my girlfriend and make sure I haven't messed anything up."
"Good luck, man," Will called after him.
"Thanks," Hamilton said, then started away thinking, 'I'm probably going to need it.'
* * * * *
"God, this sucks," Bella said as she handed her friend a glass of water. They were sitting at the kitchen table together now. Jake had finally stopped crying, but she still looked miserable.
"Tell me about it," she replied with a heavy sigh.
"I'm really sorry . . . I just don't know what else to say, Jake," Bella admitted.
"Yeah, me either. I mean, it's not like I've ever had to deal with this before. I just . . . I guess I thought I'd have a while before this would be a concern. It's not like we didn't use protection. And it only happened a few times anyway . . . It's just not really fair, Bella. It's not fair at all," she sighed as she looked down into the glass of water, as if the answers to all her problems were floating around in there with the ice cubes.
Bella reached across the table and squeezed Jake's hand. "You're right, it's not fair. I'm sorry this is happening to you, I really am," she said sincerely.
"Thanks, and thanks for being here for me. If I didn't have you I'm not sure what I'd have done," Jake said.
"I'm just glad that I could be here," Bella replied. They sat in silence for a few minutes, both thinking the same thing but neither venturing to say it first. Finally, Bella broke the silence. "So, when are you going to tell Hamilton?"
Jake sighed again and shook her head. "I . . . I have no idea. I mean, how do I tell him? This screws up everything. And I feel like it's all my fault somehow. I just don't know what to say . . ."
"It's not your fault, Jake. It's no one's fault. It was just a mistake; a mistake you made together. And it's just as much his problem as it is yours."
"I know . . . my brain knows that, it does. It's just . . . I'm not feeling exactly rational lately, ya know?"
"Yeah, I can understand that," Bella conceded.
"So, I guess I'll tell him this weekend before school starts back. I just need to get him alone and think of some way to tell him. He has a right to know," she said in a tone that was trying to convince herself more so than Bella.
Bella nodded and squeezed Jake's hand again. "It'll be okay. I know it feels like that can never happen, but somehow things will work out okay," she said. Jake nodded as more tears filled her eyes. She hoped with every fiber of her being that Bella was right.
* * * * *
Author: Courtney
Email: courtneystovall@yahoo.com
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Mine . . . all mine!!! evil grin Oh, but I stole the title from a kickass song by Everclear.
Category: Jake/Hamilton
Summary: It's just before fall semester begins and Jake discovers she has bigger problems than hiding her gender.
Distribution: Required Reading, of course; and anywhere else, as long as you email me to let me know and keep these headers with the story.
Author's Notes: This was originally the start of an X-Files fic but I changed it around a bit to conform it to Jake and Hamilton because, frankly, I suck at writing Mulder and Scully. Oh well . . . sigh.
Thanks: To Jean, for beta reading this. Thank you, thank you, thank you! And to everyone else who keeps writing YA fic; you're going to end up saving my sanity if we never see the show again so thanks!
----------------------------------
Part One
Blue. It was blue. The color of his eyes, the color of the waters they'd spent the whole summer together in, the color of her bedroom back home . . . blue used to be her favorite color. Not anymore. Blue just became her worst enemy.
Jake looked at the stick in her hand one more time. 'It could be wrong,' she reasoned. These things weren't 100% accurate, after all. The damned thing could very well be defective. She wanted to believe that. She didn't want to be sitting here in a stall of the boys public restrooms at Rawley Academy at the age of 16, all alone, staring at this dreadful little stick and wishing it to fade from blue to white.
She sighed as she finally set the thing aside and rested her head in her hands. Why was this happening now? She felt like there couldn't have been a worse time. Still though, there had to be worse things than being pregnant. She was sure she could think of a few if she could just focus for a moment. Nope, not a one. What could be worse? She was too young, too inexperienced, too scared . . . she'd never be able to deal with this.
"How in the hell did I let this happen?" she wondered aloud. She groaned again, already contemplating her next move. She needed to tell Hamilton. That was the next logical step. He deserved to know. And she needed to get herself to a doctor. She was pretty sure that the home pregnancy test was right, but she still needed to be absolutely sure. Maybe Bella knew of a free clinic in one of surrounding towns; one where no one knew her . . .
"Jake, you in here?" she heard outside the stall.
Damn, it was Hamilton. She scrubbed stubbornly at her tear-streaked cheeks and called back, "Yeah, hang on a sec." She took a few deep breaths in an attempt to regain her composure, then she returned the test to its box and stuffed it inside her backpack. When she finally emerged from the stall, she tried her best to smile at her boyfriend. "Hey," she said meekly.
"Hey baby," he grinned as he approached her and, taking advantage of this moment alone, gave her a quick kiss. She stiffened at his touch, though and Hamilton immediately noticed. "What's the matter?" he asked.
"Um, nothing, nothing . . . I just have some stuff on my mind is all," she said quickly. She knew that she had to tell him about this, but she just needed a little time to think about how she was going to break the bad news.
"Anything you'd like to talk to me about?" he asked. His eyes focused on her and the concern she saw in those pools of crystal almost made her start to cry again. Instead, she swallowed the lump in her throat and just shook her head no. "Okay, well you know I'm here whenever you need me, right?"
"Of course," she replied. She wondered to herself if he'd stay this supportive once she told him about their new problem. "Well, look, I have to go," she said quickly. "I, uh, I'm supposed to meet Bella in a little bit. We're going . . . shopping. So, I'll see you around?" She nodded to him without even waiting for his reply and bolted for the door.
Hamilton was left standing alone in the boy's restroom, a stunned and worried look on his face. He knew something was going on. Now he just needed to find out what that something was.
* * * * *
"Bella! Bella, are you in here? Bella!!" Jake called through the garage. Oh God, if Bella wasn't here she didn't know what-
"Jake?"
"Oh thank God!" the dark haired girl cried as Bella Banks appeared in the doorway. "I was afraid that you wouldn't be here."
"What's going on? You having another problem with your bike? Need to make a fast getaway?" her mouth quirked into a half grin, but when she regarded her friend and saw the look in her eyes the grin quickly faded. "Jeez, something's really wrong, isn't it? What's going on, Jake?"
Jake stepped further into the garage and sat down on a foldout chair. She put her head in her hands and sighed. "I'm totally screwed, Bella. I fucked up *so* bad this time . . . Oh my God . . ."
Bella took a seat beside her friend and laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. "What is it?" she asked softly.
"Remember I told you that Hamilton came to see me in New York in August after I left?" she began, her head still down.
"Yeah . . ."
"Well," she finally raised up to look Bella in the eyes, "part of the time he was there, my mom was out of town." She looked hard at Bella, who still didn't seem to get it. "And we slept in the same bed," she added. "Things . . . happened."
"Oh my . . . really? Wow, Jake, I . . . well, so that's the problem? You regret going that far with him and now you're not sure how to act?"
"No, no, not at all. I mean, yeah in light of the circumstances I guess there are things about it that I regret, but overall I don't wish that we hadn't. I mean, I'm glad he was my first. I really love Hamilton. It's just . . ."
"Wait, circumstances? Are you saying that--" Bella's eyes were wide with shock by this point.
"I think I'm pregnant," Jake said miserably, then hung her head again as she began to cry. All that Bella could do was comfort her friend . . . and try to think of what to do next.
* * * * *
"Hey Ham, what's going on?" Will Krudski asked as Hamilton sat down on one of the sofas in the lounge. School still wasn't starting back for a couple of days so the campus was pretty empty and the two boys were the only ones in the lounge.
"I wish I knew," Hamilton replied.
"Trouble in paradise?" Will asked with a grin. "You and Jake didn't have a fight, did you?"
"No . . . at least I don't think we did. She doesn't seem mad. She seems . . . upset. And I'm not really sure why. I just hope it's nothing that I did," he sighed.
"Well, when did she get back? You think maybe something happened with her mom while she was home? Or maybe the Finn thing is still bugging her," Will said, trying to offer any help that he could.
"Nah, I don't really think it's got anything to do with that. She's been back for almost a week so if it were something with her mom then she would have told me by now. And besides I was in New York with her for two weeks and things with her mom seemed fine. As for the Finn thing, he's being cool about it. I had a cryptic conversation with him last week where he sort of told me he knew without *telling* me, but in the end he asked if Jake was coming back to Rawley and I said yes and he said he was glad to hear that so I guess that's a good sign. Jake thought so anyway. She definitely isn't worried about that. I just don't know what it is, Will, but it's freaking me out."
Will nodded. "Yep, girls have a funny way of doing that," he agreed.
"You seen Caroline since you got back?" Hamilton asked.
"Nah, she's probably still on vacation. No big deal, if I see her I see her and if not . . . well, I'll survive. I'm just glad to be back. I can worry about my relationship woes anytime."
"True," Hamilton replied. "And I'm glad you're back too buddy." He slapped Will's back lightly as he got up from his seat. "But, speaking of relationship woes, I better go find my girlfriend and make sure I haven't messed anything up."
"Good luck, man," Will called after him.
"Thanks," Hamilton said, then started away thinking, 'I'm probably going to need it.'
* * * * *
"God, this sucks," Bella said as she handed her friend a glass of water. They were sitting at the kitchen table together now. Jake had finally stopped crying, but she still looked miserable.
"Tell me about it," she replied with a heavy sigh.
"I'm really sorry . . . I just don't know what else to say, Jake," Bella admitted.
"Yeah, me either. I mean, it's not like I've ever had to deal with this before. I just . . . I guess I thought I'd have a while before this would be a concern. It's not like we didn't use protection. And it only happened a few times anyway . . . It's just not really fair, Bella. It's not fair at all," she sighed as she looked down into the glass of water, as if the answers to all her problems were floating around in there with the ice cubes.
Bella reached across the table and squeezed Jake's hand. "You're right, it's not fair. I'm sorry this is happening to you, I really am," she said sincerely.
"Thanks, and thanks for being here for me. If I didn't have you I'm not sure what I'd have done," Jake said.
"I'm just glad that I could be here," Bella replied. They sat in silence for a few minutes, both thinking the same thing but neither venturing to say it first. Finally, Bella broke the silence. "So, when are you going to tell Hamilton?"
Jake sighed again and shook her head. "I . . . I have no idea. I mean, how do I tell him? This screws up everything. And I feel like it's all my fault somehow. I just don't know what to say . . ."
"It's not your fault, Jake. It's no one's fault. It was just a mistake; a mistake you made together. And it's just as much his problem as it is yours."
"I know . . . my brain knows that, it does. It's just . . . I'm not feeling exactly rational lately, ya know?"
"Yeah, I can understand that," Bella conceded.
"So, I guess I'll tell him this weekend before school starts back. I just need to get him alone and think of some way to tell him. He has a right to know," she said in a tone that was trying to convince herself more so than Bella.
Bella nodded and squeezed Jake's hand again. "It'll be okay. I know it feels like that can never happen, but somehow things will work out okay," she said. Jake nodded as more tears filled her eyes. She hoped with every fiber of her being that Bella was right.
* * * * *
