There's this perfect moment, one where you just... know. You know, you understand. You accept. Accept your fate, accept your immenent death. Truth be told, we should only have this moment once.
Before said imminent death.
I'm listening to the banter on the radio, listen to J talk to Lady Une. And I know.
I accept.
I understand.
I can, I will.
I must.
I am expendable.
I am a soldier, nothing more, nothing less. I was trained to be the best, and if this is what J wants to do with eight years of training, so be it.
I won't have another sleepless night, running from nightmares. Running from the dead.
I won't have another day of fighting, training, running. No more lies, no more masks. I hurt. I really do have feelings. And I act on them, when prudent.
Just because I don't laugh like 02, or coddle like 04 doesn't mean that I don't feel.
I am just as devoted to finding "justice" as 05.
Just being quiet doesn't make you any less friendly, or any less knowledgable.
Look at 03. He never really "shares" but you can see the glimmer of trust. The smile in his stance, in his movements. You can see his devotion to the pilot of Sandrock.
I know what J's asking, even before the rest do. I can almost hear 02's yelling.
"Stop it Heero! God, you don't have to do this! You're just throwing yourself away for nothing!"
And I smile, because that isn't true. I'm throwing my life away so that I never have to face them.
The people I've hurt.
Killed.
Loved.
Yes, the perfect soldier loves...
But I'm no white knight, coming to the rescue of some fair maiden. I'd more likely kill the maiden than save her. I'd point a gun at her head and tell her that I'm going to kill her.
And she'll follow me around.
Annoying pacifist.
