Sitting, Waiting, Wishing…
***
I cant always be waiting waiting on you
I cant always be playing playing your fool
I keep playing your part
But its not my scene
Wont this plot not twist?
I've had enough mystery.
Keep building me up, then shooting me down
Well im already down
Just wait a minute
Just sitting waiting
Just wait a minute
Just sitting waiting
~Jack Johnson
***
Chapter 1
"So it's over?" I asked. It was so unexpected. I could not believe that this was happening. My worst fear had become reality.
"Bella, this is just not working for me."
His words seemed to cut through me so deeply that for a moment I could not speak. He was so cold. He never had been this way before. It was still unbelievable, he was calling this off. We'd been married for three years and he's calling it off. "What's the reason?"
"There is no reason. I just feel that this was never meant to be."
"I cannot believe you!" I hissed. "You pushed me into this, damn well knowing that I didn't want to do it. You knew how afraid I was of this."
"I had to push you the entire way, all the way onto the altar. I thought that that's what I wanted but it's not. I'm not happy."
I was so angry at this point that I just couldn't even look at him. I couldn't stand the sound of his sweet voice or the radiance of his eyes. I walked to our bedroom and grabbed a suitcase. I wasn't going to let him leave me. I wasn't going to give him that satisfaction. I had given him this power, it's true, but it ends tonight.
I threw everything I owned and that could fit into the suitcase. I brushed past him on the way out and headed towards my car.
"Bella!" He yelled after me. "Wait, you can't go just like this."
"Edward…" I managed to say with utter distaste. "You called this off, I'm giving you what you want."
"I'll go, you stay."
"I'm fully capable of taking care of myself."
"I'm fully aware of that." He retorted. "I spent all this time trying to take care of you and you wouldn't let me. This isn't all me, you can't blame this on me."
"Where were you when I lost our baby? Where were you when my mother died? Where were you all those late nights when I yearned for some kind of human contact?"
"Don't throw that in my face. I let you follow your dreams and you said you'd let me follow mine. I'm sorry that I wasn't there when…when our baby died. I'm so sorry, it didn't hurt only you."
"You didn't show up until the next morning. You were in the same hospital."
"I was on call and there had just been mass casualty in a bus accident. I was an intern. My career was on the line. I couldn't just walk away from that."
"I'm your wife. I should've mattered and I didn't, not to you. How long were you planning to use the 'this is my career' card?"
"This is all I've ever wanted. I worked hard as hell to get here, this is my first year of residency and I won't screw this up."
"I'm glad that that sort of dedication exists, I'm sorry it doesn't apply to our marriage. For the record, it was you who called it off and it won't be me who'll beg for you." I got in the car and slammed the door shut.
I began to drive towards the highway. I wasn't sure where I was going but I knew it was going to be far away from this city and far away from Edward. I decided the safest place would be my hometown, Forks. I drove all night, so mad that I wasn't even tired. I didn't stop and I didn't pick up my phone, I knew it was him.
I arrived to Forks at two in the morning but I drove through it to La Push. My father was probably asleep and there was no use in disturbing his sleep. I went to La Push in search of Jacob, the friend I had strayed away from because of Edward. He was jealous of him and he told me that he'd do the same thing I ever asked, the thing was that I never had the guts to. The relationship always seemed one sided, I always made sacrifices for him.
I left my home for him, I married him despite how terrified I was. I learned to depend on myself because I knew he had no time for me. I did everything right and that wasn't enough for him.
I drove into Jake's drive way, there was a light on. I guess it wouldn't be that shocking for him to be awake at this time. I walked to his doorstep and noticed another car in his driveway. He lived alone, to my knowledge. His parents gave him this house. It was his mom's parents' house. They lived in another house that belonged to his father's descendants. He was really big on ancestry and what not.
Despite my hesitation I knocked on the door. I waited a long moment and there was no answer. I realized this was ridiculous and so I began to walk away and that was when the door swung open. Jake emerged onto the porch wearing nothing but a pair of jeans that hung loosely on his hips. He flipped on the switch to the porch light. "Bell?"
I took a deep breath.
"Jake! Who the hell is out there at this time?" A high pitched voice said. When the girl peeked out I saw what had happened to Jacob's shirt. She was a pretty girl, I had to admit. Jacob's shirt didn't leave much to the imagination.
He turned and gave her a slight push. She stumbled back inside the door and he hissed something very quietly then proceeded to close the door behind him. It was like he was hiding her.
"Hey." I finally said.
His eyebrow twitched. "So it's like that? Your pathetic excuse for a husband forces you to alienate yourself from me and then you show up in the middle of the night to say 'hey,' can't help but think there's something up. What do you want from me?" Maybe it was because Edward's cold voice was imprinted in my memory but Jacob sounded frigid, it was a little painful to hear. I had already received all the rejection I could take.
"I'm sorry, clearly you're…in the middle of something. I'll go." This had been a mistake. It was stupid of me to think I could just walk back into his life without suffering the consequence of my decision. I chose to do what Edward asked of me, I simply ditched my best friend because he told me to. He had every right to be upset, I know I would be.
"Bell, wait." There was a smile threatening to form. "I…I can't be mad at you. Not even after this, I find it troubling but I'm sure you're happy to hear that."
I had held it in for too long. I began to tear up and I tried to wipe away the tears but they kept on coming.
"Are you okay?"
I nodded. "Yeah…I'm just…I missed you."
He looked at me closely. "Why are you here?" He whispered.
"I'm here to let you rub it in." I replied bitterly. "He…Edward…asked for a divorce."
I was bored and decided to take this idea out for a spin, review if you want to read some more.
~Toodles.
