Star Wars Takes Itself Too Seriously - An epic rewrite by a Family of Fans
The Force Awakens left our entire family overflowing with questions. Big surprise, huh?
Mom, of course, was totally devastated by The Big Character Death and the Casual Discarding Of the Most Epic Romance in Cinema History.
Teenage Daughter was deeply concerned about the huge, gaping plot holes, including why in the name of the Sarlaac would anyone in the Galaxy Far Far Away ever walk out onto a bridge over a big giant pit when nothing bloody good ever happens on one, and why did a bunch of the guys from the prison in Guardians of the Galaxy show up in this movie? Also why is Force Tantrum Boy mad at his parents anyway, did they send him to his room without dinner?
Meanwhile Small Boy was wondering how come everyone in this movie knows how to use a lightsaber if they don't believe the Jedi are real? Also why are the squids called "raptors", isn't that a dinosaur? (actually I think they are called "rathurs" but you get his point).
And Dad? Well, Dad wants to know where Darth Emo got his grandfather's helmet from, and why the Big Head Dude looks like Gollum on steroids. Also is it true that Jar Jar got blown to bits and if so which scene is he in? And how soon can we go back and watch it again in 3-D Imax?
Because of who we are, we immediately began to write about it.
Be prepared.
The Snark has Awakened.
