Sleep is Overrated

By Ange de Socrates

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling, Warner Bros., et al own Harry Potter. My deluded imagination and babbling are my own. I get no money for writing this, obviously.

WARNING: Rated M for a reason!

Chapter One – The Beginnings of Sleep Deprivation


Hermione yawned, the reflex temporarily supplanting the aggravated frown on her face. She had been locked out of her room by a horny Weasley twin and his paramour of the night, and all she wanted to do, more than anything else in the world, was sleep.

These Order parties were beginning to get way out of hand.

It had started with Voldemort's death. Naturally, the members of the Order of the Phoenix had wanted to celebrate the downfall of a villain whom they had been trying to defeat for decades, and the party had gone on for a week. Even a one-month and two-month anniversary celebration hadn't bothered Hermione, though she would have preferred a bit of peace and quiet in which to complete the coursework she had missed in her seventh year.

But it was today's gala, a Two-Hundred-Forty-Seven-Days-And-Thirteen-Hours-Since-We-Whacked-Voldemort party, which had finally severed her last remaining nerve.

"I swear to Merlin, Fred, if you don't get out of my room immediately, I'll use your bollocks as dice for my rearview mirror!" Hermione hissed in as threatening a tone as she could muster, pounding on the door and fiddling with the handle.

The only reply was a low tone that she was sure was mocking her and a high-pitched giggle from the flavor of the week.

Hermione growled fiercely and tromped down the hallway to the stairs, where she sat morosely on the top step. Exhausted, she rested her head on the banister and sighed.

"Why me?" she moaned, her eyes fluttering as she fought to stay awake long enough to figure out how best to remove Fred's testicles.

Hermione slid off the step she was perched on as she nodded off, landing ungracefully two steps down with a painful thud, which could barely be heard over the din of the party going on downstairs.

The library, she thought. I could get some rest on the couch, I suppose. Surely the party hadn't spread into what was, in her opinion, the most sacred room in 12 Grimmauld Place.

Rubbing the spot on her back that had smacked into the lip of the step she had landed on, Hermione got to her feet gingerly and made her way downstairs.

Laughter and loud music could be heard down the hall, where the witch was certain the alcohol was flowing freely. She stood where she was and listened, trying to gauge whether the footsteps she heard were coming toward her from the basement kitchen or from upstairs. They soon faded away, and Hermione let go of the breath she was holding and continued down the corridor.

Hermione made it to the library without encountering any tipsy partygoers and found it blissfully empty. She smiled contentedly and shut the door softly behind her.

The sofa in the library looked more inviting to Hermione than any bed ever had before. She made her way over to it and curled up on the brown suede cushions, letting her eyes fall shut the second her head hit the couch pillow.

She slept for about twenty seconds before her slumber was rudely interrupted by the door being flung open. The witch sat bolt upright to reprimand whoever it was, and found herself face to face with Sirius Black.

Hermione was just about to tell him off for interrupting her much-desired beauty sleep when he crushed his lips to hers in a needy kiss. She squeaked a bit, not sure whether to push him off or pull him closer in her sleepy state, but found herself enjoying it more by the moment.

Well, who'd've thought it? Sirius Black definitely knows how to use his tongue. Mmmm, delicious… Wait, what's that hand doing? What are YOU doing?!

The witch pushed Sirius' chest away from her, simultaneously detaching his right hand from its position between her thighs. It was then, after the immediate shock wore off, that she smelled the alcohol.

"You're pissed," she said matter-of-factly, unable to quell the disappointment that suddenly reared its ugly head in the corner of her mind.

Sirius grinned. "Yes I am." He winked. "How else do you think I'd have gotten up the nerve to snog the living daylights out of the Gryffindor princess?"

Hermione pursed her lips in a mixture of irritation and amusement. Harry's godfather was definitely an attractive man, no question about it. However, he was still just that – Harry's godfather, and many years older than her. At least, he was older physically if not mentally.

"Look," she said, sighing. She hoped he was too drunk to really comprehend what she was about to say. "I'm not going to tell you I don't find you incredibly sexy, because the truth is, I do."

"Brilliant!" He leaned forward to continue with the previous merriment, but Hermione held him at arm's length.

"But the fact remains that you're my best friend's godfather. And that I am incredibly tired because no one in this dratted house can go for three seconds without throwing a bloody party!" She crossed her arms and pouted.

"I see." Sirius sat back on his haunches thoughtfully, only to fall flat on his arse. Hermione winced and tried to hide a righteous grin.

"Need help?"

"It's all right, I'm much more comfortable like this." He shifted so that he was sitting cross-legged. "Well, it looks like I can't convince you to enjoy the festivities, so I suppose I have no other choice but to be a gentleman and offer you my bed."

The witch looked at him suspiciously. "And I'm sure your intentions are absolutely noble, aren't they?"

Sirius tried, and failed, to look innocent. "Of course, m'lady."

At that moment, the door to the library opened with a crash, and a flailing mass of entwined limbs came hurtling toward the sofa. Hermione jumped up just in time to avoid a very intoxicated Harry and Ginny as they fell onto it, oblivious to anything and anyone around them. She bit her lip in agony as she surveyed the stacks of books around the couch, hoping the hormonal couple wouldn't disturb them.

Hermione raised an eyebrow at Sirius, who waited with a hopeful look on his face. She would honestly rather get some sleep than play chaperone to a couple of teenagers who were currently unaware of her existence, let alone her irritation at their disruption of her rest.

"Fine. Show me your bed."

She rolled her eyes both at the words coming out of her mouth and at the lecherous look that crossed Sirius' face.

"I thought you'd never ask."

Grabbing her hand, Sirius led the way out of the library and up past the house-elves mounted on the wall to the fourth floor of the house, which was strangely quiet.

"Why isn't anyone up here?" Hermione asked, looking up and down the corridor for any sign of randy couples.

Sirius shrugged. "Takes too much effort for a drunk person to climb three sets of stairs, I suppose." He tripped over the moth-bitten rug that ran down the length of the hall, and Hermione just barely caught his arm in time to keep him from falling back down the stairs.

"Yourself included," she panted as she struggled to keep him on his feet.

Without too much more difficulty, they made it to the last door on the left. Sirius turned the serpent-shaped handle and motioned for Hermione to go in.

It was a beautiful room, though the decor was a bit outdated. The dark cherry furniture had intricate scrolls carved along the legs, and the green- and silver-striped wallpaper was peeling at the edges. On a table against the wall was a lamp shaped like a coiled snake and a painting of a vast Gothic manor.

The bed, however, was glorious. Hermione looked at it hungrily, sleepiness once more setting into her bones and brain. Without waiting for an invitation, she walked over to it and kicked off her shoes, then crawled underneath the covers, chilled from exhaustion despite having on jeans and a cream-colored knit sweater.

As her eyes were closing and she fell into the place between sleep and consciousness, Hermione heard the door close gently and, a few moments later, felt the other side of the bed dip. It creaked as Sirius' weight settled on it, and Hermione realized that it was the only noise she could hear; the sounds of the party downstairs were drowned out completely up here.

Suddenly, for a reason her she couldn't quite ascertain, Hermione felt very awake. She rolled over to face Sirius, who she found was watching her intently. He reached out and brushed a stray curl out of her eyes. Her breath caught in her chest and she let her eyes fall shut.

"Still tired?" Sirius said in a low tone.

Hermione shook her head, opening her eyes once more. "Not one bit."

He had rolled her onto her back and was on top of her before she knew what was happening. Damn. The man's got skill. She stared up into his eyes for a moment, which were glazed over -- and not because of the alcohol.

"Sirius," she whispered. "If this is just a one-night stand..."

He leaned down with a smile and kissed her neck. "I don't have one-night stands with people I care so much about," he said as his lips grazed her earlobe.

"But you're drunk," Hermione said feebly, running out of reasons to protest.

"Just tipsy, love. Not drunk."

"Harry will--"

"--get over it," Sirius finished for her. "I've had my eye on you all summer, Hermione. Both eyes, actually." He met her suspicious eyes with his sincere ones. "Trust me."

Hermione thought quickly. Harry would get over it, surely, and Sirius had never been anything but trustworthy and a loyal friend -- he wouldn't hurt her. Would he? Plus, she had been so stressed of late, and sex certainly did wonders for easing one's troubles when in the hands of a professional. And Sirius certainly seemed to be a professional...

"Think of the possibilities," he whispered. "What if forever starts tonight?"

The witch blinked. Impossibly cheesy though it was, he was right. Why not see how this turned out? She bit her lip nervously, making up her mind, and then pulled his head down to hers in a heated kiss.

An hour later, Sirius rolled off the witch, his arms remaining wrapped around her torso. A tired smile formed on Hermione's face as he pulled her up against his chest and stroked her hair.

"You cuddle?"

Sirius kissed the top of her head. "That's the best part, love."

Hermione sighed happily, snuggling her head underneath his. Everything that was worrying her -- the twin's takeover of her bedroom, the seemingly insurmountable pile of coursework she had left -- no longer fazed her. "Can I sleep now?"

The wizard laughed softly. "Of course."


Hermione woke with an arm wrapped around her midriff, slightly confused as to how it got there and whose it was. And then she remembered.

"Bugger bugger bugger," she whispered, wondering if Sirius would be sober enough when he roused to realize what a horribly drunken mistake he had made. She gently wiggled herself free of his arm and slid to the floor, pulling on her jeans and sweater.

"And where do you think you're going?"

Hermione froze, her hand on the doorknob. "Well, I... I suppose back to my room."

Sirius stretched in all his naked glory, and Hermione almost blushed. "You'll do no such thing." He pointed at the now-empty spot next to him.

The witch giggled, feeling quite relieved, and crawled back into bed fully clothed, at which Sirius grunted unhappily.

"So why am I naked and you're not?"

"I'm just lucky, I suppose."

Sirius traced his hand over the curve of her waist and brought it to rest on her denim-clad hip. "We'll just have to remedy the situation after breakfast, then."

In a stroke of lusty inspiration, Hermione pushed Sirius sideways onto his back and rolled on top of him, feeling his reaction to her sudden change of position. She leaned down over him, her lips nearly touching his, and smirked as his breathing grew labored and his eyes became hooded.

"I'll see you in the kitchen," she said in a low voice, laughing as she rolled off the bed and walked to the door. A pillow narrowly missed her head as she closed it behind her.

Hermione made her way down the stairs to the second floor, where she slipped quietly into her bedroom, which had finally been vacated of any and all Weasley twins. Only Ginny remained inside, though from the suspiciously human-shaped bump lying next to her sleeping form, Hermione was fairly certain that Harry was in there as well.

The witch quietly rifled through the dresser to find a clean set of clothes and took them into the bathroom, changing quickly and brushing her teeth. She was absolutely starving after last night's festivities and quite eager to see what Mrs. Weasley had cooked up this morning for breakfast.

Hermione was halfway through her toast and eggs and in the middle of a riveting conversation about illegal dragon crossbreeding experimentation with Charlie when Sirius walked into the kitchen. She continued speaking as her eyes followed him to the stove, where he loaded his plate, and back to the table, where he seated himself directly across from her.

"I personally think the crossing of a Welsh Green with a Puffskein would be adorable," Hermione opined. "It'd be exactly the kind of dragon that Hagrid undoubtedly believes them all to be – cute and fluffy, but fanged."

Charlie laughed. "Actually, a scientist in Bulgaria attempted exactly that. His daughter wanted a pet dragon, and he decided he'd take a stab at a friendly, pink, puffy one."

"And?"

He shuddered. "He got a ferocious pink fluff-ball that breathed flames."

Sirius snorted as he buttered his toast.

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "I bet Hagrid would pee himself if he had one of those."

Charlie chuckled, standing to take his plate to the sink. "He must've asked me a hundred times if I couldn't sneak an egg out of Romania for him. I guess since he's larger than most wizards, he just doesn't realize how big and dangerous they really are." He stretched and yawned loudly. "I'm going back to bed for a bit before I track down Mundungus. See you all later."

"Bye," Hermione called, spreading some jam on a piece of wheat toast. When she looked back at Sirius, she wasn't surprised to see him looking at her lasciviously.

"Sleep well?" he asked, a devilish gleam in his eye as he picked up his mug of coffee.

Hermione leaned forward with a grin. "Not a wink." She kicked off her right shoe and began to run her foot up Sirius' leg.

Sirius choked on his coffee, and Mrs. Weasley turned from the stove with a frown. "All right, dear?"

The wizard nodded, flustered, a tinge of red in his cheeks as he struggled for breath. "Fine thanks, it just went down the wrong pipe."

Hermione snickered, inching her leg farther up as she grabbed the Prophet and flipped it to the classifieds, scanning each column quickly before turning to sport.

"Falmouth lost to Puddlemere," she commented off-handedly. "Looks like Wood's been performing spectacularly."

"Funny, mine's been doing pretty great as well," Sirius murmured, smiling inanely as Hermione's foot struck gold.

Hermione rolled her eyes and continued reading with a smirk.

A moment later, there was a loud clatter as Sirius jumped to his feet, nearly knocking his dish off the table.

"For heaven's sake!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed, throwing her hands up in exasperation. "Are you quite well?"

Sirius plastered on a reassuring smile. "Of course, sorry Molly. I just completely forgot to feed Buckbeak this morning." He turned to Hermione, a hungry look in his eyes. "Want to come help, Hermione? I'm sure he'd love the female company."

The witch suppressed a giggle and nodded. "Sure, why not?" Slipping her shoe back on, she stood and took hers and Sirius' plates to the sink. "Thanks for breakfast Mrs. Weasley, it was delicious."

They had barely made it up the stairs to the main floor when Sirius pounced on Hermione, pushing her against the wall and kissing her fiercely. Hermione moaned and thrust her hips up to meet his.

And then realized they were in the open hallway.

Hermione looked around, picked a door, and pushed Sirius through it. She locked the door behind her and was whirled around by a strong set of hands.

Sirius kissed her again, fumbling madly with her knee-length skirt and ripping open her white blouse, buttons flying everywhere.

Hermione reached down and tugged at the zipper of his pants. With a low growl, Sirius literally tore off her panties and tossed them over his shoulder, scooting Hermione up on the wall and hitching her legs around his waist.

Sirius sucked on her collarbone as he began to thrust in and out. He hissed when he felt Hermione's nails digging into his back, feeling blood trickle down his spine. Licking his lips, he pressed his forehead against Hermione's and stared silently into her equally heated eyes.

Hermione came hard, shaking and biting Sirius' neck to stay silent as the shudders rocked her body. With a few more shallow thrusts, Sirius was coming silently inside Hermione.

After a moment, Sirius gently removed Hermione's legs from around his waist and set her back on the floor, wrapping one arm around her back to keep both of them from falling shakily to the floor. Hermione held him loosely around his waist, unsure if she could function properly yet.

"You're going to be addictive," Sirius finally said, his chest rising and falling heavily. "I can tell."

Hermione flashed him an exhausted smile. "And you're going to wear me out."

Sirius gave a barking laugh. "I'll certainly try." He kissed her forehead, and they lapsed back into silence.

Once both had caught their breath, they began to clean up. Hermione fixed her shirt and stuffed her torn panties into her waistband while Sirius smoothed out his hair and righted his pants. As he turned around to snatch a popped button off the floor, Hermione gasped and felt herself going red.

"Oh Merlin, I'm so sorry…"

Soaking through his shirt, Sirius had several lines of blood down his back where Hermione had clawed him. She rushed forward to do something about them, but Sirius stopped her with a grin.

"Souvenirs, love."

Hermione blushed deeper and gave him a sheepish smile. "I guess I got carried away."

"I think I like it when you get carried away." Sirius winked. "Say, what are you up to today?"

Hermione thought for a moment. "Probably a bit more schoolwork, help Ron and Harry with theirs as well… And Ginny said something about going shopping."

Sirius frowned thoughtfully, observing the ceiling tiles as he mulled over her words. "Keep tonight free, will you?"

The witch smiled. "Absolutely."

Checking once more to make sure clothes were intact, Hermione and Sirius walked back out into the corridor, which was beginning to fill up with the sound of late risers.

"See you later," Hermione said in a low tone, placing a ghost of a kiss on his lips.

As Hermione headed up the stairs, Remus came down them, yawning loudly.

"Morning Hermione," he greeted sleepily. "Have you seen Sirius?"

Hermione feigned deep concentration. "I saw him at breakfast, but he left the table before I was finished. I'm sure he's around here some… What?"

Remus was giving her an odd look. "Are you getting a rash?" He pointed at several red spots on her upper chest and neck.

Hermione prayed she didn't look as guilty as she actually was. "Oh, those," she said dismissively. "I was cleaning out some cupboards for Mrs. Weasley this morning and the dust must've gotten to me."

The werewolf raised an eyebrow, but said nothing else. "All right, well, I believe I'll go down to breakfast myself. I'll see you later on."

As soon as Remus had descended the staircase and was out of sight, Hermione dashed up the rest of the steps to her room and threw the door open, shutting it loudly behind her and trying not to giggle madly.

There was a high-pitched shriek and disgruntled mumbling as Ginny woke and knocked Harry to the floor with a thud.

"Oh my God, what time is it?" Ginny exclaimed, gathering the sheets around her and leaving a naked Harry to fend for himself on the cool wooden floor.

Hermione averted her eyes and grimaced. "Oh my… Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you guys…" She shuddered. "I'll just hop in the shower then?"

She walked quickly into their private bathroom, leaving Ginny very red and Harry with a small throw pillow covering his dangly bits.


A/N: Well, I hope you all enjoyed that! And this is only party (typo and it stays) one; the next parts will follow soon. Very soon, in fact, if encouraged by reviews (hint hint). Pointless as this fic may seem right now, it really is going somewhere!

I've been working on this story for quite some time, and I posted the original (UNCENSORED!!!) version on AFF. The link to my AFF profile is in my bio on this site – go check it out! (If you're of age, of course.) I really feel like I've butchered this story in censoring it, but hey, gotta keep it clean on this site. There's actually a lot less obscenity in this story (and all the others, for that matter) than you'd see in an R-rated film. Oh well. That's why I've got it on the other site. Enjoy, if you're of age!