Shinji Doesn't Give a Fuck

In the Matou household, goodtimes were had all around.

"Shinji. Rape Sakura," Zouken ordered.

"Ew, no," Shinji said, making a disgusted face. "She's all wormy 'n shit. Probably got aids too."

Well, good times for some anyway.


"Look! Look, Nii-san! I hit the bull's eye!" Sakura said, smiling proudly.

"I'm so proud I could shit," Shinji said, his face deadpan.


"Oh no, they've destroyed our bounded field, oh the hu-manatee," Shinji said in badly accented english. "What will I do now? Oh no I've dropped the book that's working as my command seals!" he said, very obviously and noticeably throwing away the book in question.

Rin blew it up with a flame jewel from a distance, just to be safe.

Shinji stuck his hands in his pockets and walked away.


"Shinji, you knew about this?" Shirou asked, somewhat insulted and betrayed. "You knew Issei was in danger! You knew Caster was there!"

Shinji put a hand around Shirou's shoulders. "There, look over there," he said, gesturing to the vast, empty park that commemorated the Fuyuki Fire. There was nothing in the area he gestured towards. "You see them? All over the place, can you see them?"

"Uh, Shinji... there's nothing there," Shirou said.

"You can have them all," Shinji said. "All of those fucks... I give them to you."

Shirou frowned. "There's nothing there," he repeated.

"Exactly."


"Oh, you're gonna kill me now?" Shinji asked. "I'm so scared," he said, sounding as bored as he looked.

"... I admit, I am intrigued by this. Usually by this point the victim is either spewing obscenities, making one last desperate plea for mercy or just emptying their bowels. You have piqued the King's curiosity, mongrel," Gilgamesh admitted. "What is your major malfunction?"

"I just don't give a fuck," Shinji said.

"It's almost pointless to kill you," Gilgamesh said. "But I don't like your face, so you're dying anyway."

"Oh noooooooo" Shinji drawled, doing the worst impression of terror ever seen.

Then he died and went to hell.

The end.