Ever after
Fuuma has several explanations to offer of why he decided to become the sakurazukamor's apprentice after Kamui sacrificed his life to save him and the world. The first one is that after everything that happen, did anyone expect him to go back to school? He tried for a while and he felt like he would go insane. Surrounded by people who understood nothing of what had happened during the last year, who lost family and friends because of him. Trying to find companionship among the seals was equally impossible. They claimed to not hate him but in truth there was too much bad blood to ever be overcome. Fuuma remembers everything he did as Dark Kamui, as well as the perfect clarity he felt back then. The clarity is lost now, but it's still hard to feel sorry for the horrible things he did. At the moment it felt like the only choice he had. Maybe it was. The current sakurazukamori passes no judgement. It fits Fuuma perfectly. Besides, it was harder than he thought to lose the magic 1999 brought. The sakurazukamori still has magic and Fuuma finds that deeply unfair.
"I studied all my life,"
Subaru had commented with distain. "Power doesn't come for
free."
"Teach me your magic then," Fuuma had said, mostly
out of desperation. He didn't want Subaru to walk out of his life.
"Why not?" And then it was settled. Why Fuuma stays with Subaru is a more complicated question than why he went there in the first place.
Subaru might try to lay claim on the sakurazukamori's typical lack of emotion and Fuuma applauds the effort. Whatever happens Subaru speaks softly with a slightly bored tone. Around Fuuma he is slightly more animated. Every feeling he has is muted and quiet, easy to miss if you don't know what you are looking for. But he needs to work on the actual words. It's obvious that Subaru still cares. For a certain definition for 'care', that is. The letters from Seishirou is one example of that. Subaru treats the letters he found in Seishirou's old apartment like they were love letters. Fuuma read through them while Subaru was away and was not impressed. They were filled with detailed instructions of the responsibility of the sakurazkamori as well as descriptions of rituals so nasty that Fuuma felt ill. Subaru must have taken the fact that Seishirou bothered to write anything as a good sign. While not dreaming of Seishirou Sakurazukamori Subaru deals salvation and death with equal care and ease. Fuuma has seen him comfort grieving ghosts and send them away with well-wishes. He has also seen Subaru rip the beating heart of a vengeful woman who claimed she didn't care if she lived or died. Careful what you wish for. It's ironic that Fuuma has a problem with this. But as Kamui he could see into the hearts of humans. Subaru simply takes their word for if they want to live or not.
"I hate you," Fuuma had said after such an incident. He didn't mean to say it, it just slipped out in the confusion.
"It's only appropriate," Subaru had agreed. "The proper order of succession is for you to kill me. I will not get mad if you try."
Fuuma had tried once, a couple of weeks later. Subaru had killed a little girl because she was on the sakurazukamori hit list. It had ended badly for Fuuma. Subaru had beaten him down without even trying.
"I though you wanted to die," Fuuma had said, not without bitterness. He had been certain that Subaru was going to kill him.
"I do," Subaru had said, looking surprised over how anyone could doubt it. "But it would be an insult to Seishirou and the legacy of the sakurazukamori if I died too easily. You are welcome to try again when you get stronger."
Level up and try the final boss again. Fuuma had almost laughed. It was all so unreal.
"Seishirou thought it was a beautiful thing to be killed by the one you love, someone who loves and hates you with equal passion. I don't think I can live up to that part of the sakurazukamori tradition."
Subaru always gets talkative when he had a little to drink. Fuuma can't stop himself from asking questions. It's like poking an infected wound.
"But maybe you get stronger again," Subaru continues, more cheerful this time. His hand reaches for the glass eye with something that might have been longing. "I think I would like if you were able to hurt me again. Sometimes I am such a bad sakurazukamori…"
At moments like that Fuuma regrets his decision to tie himself to a masochistic assassin. He doesn't want to be dragged down in Subaru's psychosis of self-loathing and strange sense of obligation. Yet, he goes nowhere. He hands Subaru another drink while the older man keeps talking. Fuuma knows he played his part in making Subaru into what he is today. Strange, after all he has done it's Subaru he feels regrets about. No one else Fuuma met wished for as unhealthy things as he did. Fuuma gave it to him without hesitation when all Subaru really needed was someone that would care about him without conditions. He owes it to Subaru to see it play out to the bitter end. Beyond layer upon layer of excuses and explanations that is the real reason he stays. Is he going to get stronger and kill Subaru, like the sakurazukamori so obviously wishes? Or will Fuuma's corpse be buried under a cherry tree as so many others? The future isn't decided anymore and somehow that fills Fuuma with hope. Maybe there can be a third ending, even if Fuuma can't see how at the moment.
