Something, something, something… dark side… Once upon a time there was a magical fairy boy who was British and liked Scotland. He owned his own Loch Ness Monster that lived in a pool in his backyard and was named Misha Collins, Misha for short. Oh, and the fairy boy's name was Ryou Bakura. Ryou was also gay, so that makes him a gay British fairy boy. Hot stuff!
So one day Ryou went to his pool to say hi to his Loch Ness Monster. He flitted his way to the side of the pool and started waving. "Hi Misha! How are you today?" cheered Ryou as he put on a straw hat.
Misha flung his head out of the depths of the pool and started to sing his every word as usual because he was once on Broadway. "I'm very good today, Ryou! I was just wondering when you were coming to visit."
Ryou chuckled a pansy-like laugh. "Oh Misha, aren't you quite the charmer? Perhaps you would like to enlighten me to one of your stories from when you were a raging monster that enjoyed destroying towns and slaughtering hundreds of people? You know I love listening to your stories as I bask in the sun and tan my pasty British skin and expose my glittery wings to warm them up!"
"Ooh!" cried Misha excitedly as he flailed around a bit. "I'd love to tear off your leg, rip out your spine and shove it up your anus!"
Ryou halted with total shock slapped on his face as he stared at the beaming Loch Ness Monster. "You're joking, right?" questioned Ryou in his feeble little English voice. "I mean, you're my best friend. Right Misha?"
Misha just stared into the soul of the fairy boy with a toothy grin. "What? Did you actually believe all that barmy I said about becoming friends? Dear Ryou, you are quite the gullible fairy!"
Ryou was totally horrified. "You're telling lies and slander! I'll slap you hard if you don't stop this nonsense!" He stood boldly yet still gaily with his hands on his hips. Ryou flicked his white fringe out of his face, sort of like Justin Bieber. "You are my best friend, Misha Collins! With the power of friendship I shall erase those bloody ridiculous thoughts!" Ryou stretched out a hand towards the slimy creature in the pool, and with a strong 'ahh!' he rid Misha of his deranged thoughts. You know, because he's magical.
Ryou waited for a moment as the mighty Loch Ness Monster remained stiff as a plank, still staring into his soul. Ryou waved his hand in front of the monster's face but it still did nothing. He thought he must have killed Misha until he started wailing and thrashing about like a Pikachu having a seizure.
"Ryyyoouuuu!" screamed Misha in fury. "Your friendship powers are useless against me! Now fairy boy, prepare to die!"
"Oh bollocks!" cried Ryou as he raised a fist in the air and started to flap his glittering wings to carry him away. Misha thrashed around some more, he leapt high into the sky with his mouth snapping after the Brit. All of a sudden Ryou felt terrible pain in his back as Misha bit into his wings and dragged him back to the ground beside the pool again. Ryou was trapped because the pain in his back totally stopped him from getting up and running away. He cowered with an arm raised in front of him as the Loch Ness Monster made a freaky hissing noise and went in for a final strike.
"Noooooo!" bellowed a familiar annoying voice over the top of Misha's intense roaring. Right before Misha was about to maul Ryou to death, a tanned dude in very feminine clothing holding a gold stick (aka, Millennium Rod [it has new magical powers]) and thrust himself in front of Ryou and pointed his stick in Misha's face. "Avarda Kedarva!" he screamed. A bright green light erupted out of the dude's stick and hit Misha in the moustache, causing it to fall off and therefore kill the beast. Misha's corpse slowly slid back into the pool and when he was satisfied that Misha wasn't coming back out, Ryou's saviour turned around to face the injured fairy.
"M-Marik!" stuttered Ryou in surprise as he did the Mexican wave on his own.
"Yes Ryou, it is I, Marik Ishtar!" cackled Marik like a crow. Marik was Ryou's ex lover who happened to be a wizard, or maybe it was a nurse, Ryou couldn't remember. But anyway, they used to be lovers who liked eating ice cream together and going on ships. They broke up because Ryou felt that he wasn't British enough for Marik, he then ran away and never spoke to the wizard-nurse again. That and Marik had an insane yami that was bloody terrifying. How coincidental it was that Marik would show up just in time before Ryou was going to be killed by his pet Loch Ness Monster.
Ryou sorely got to his feet and leant against a giant iPod to stabilise himself. "Marik, what the bloody hell were you thinking? You killed my prized Loch Ness Monster!" Ryou had his angry face on, no one messes with his Misha even though he turned out to be a raging lunatic.
Marik looked sad, he even did puppy dog eyes. "I only wanted to protect you…" Ryou no longer had his angry face on, instead he began to cry. Marik pulled an ice-block from his pocket and offered it to Ryou to wipe his eyes with. Ryou took it and listened as Marik began to speak to him. "I miss you Ryou, we never got to drink that final cup of tea and discuss world domination."
Ryou sniffed and tossed away the used ice-block. "But I'm not British enough to make you tea."
Marik placed a caring hand on Ryou's shoulder. "You are British enough, Ryou. You're oh so British, so British that I can almost taste it."
At queer display of minor affection from Marik, Ryou pushed Marik aside and fled into his house where he sat in the corner of his teapot room and cried his little eyes out. Everything had gone so wrong, he'd only wanted to say hi to Misha and now all this had happened. Ryou felt his back and sadly discovered that his fairy wings had been torn off during Misha's crazed rage. He cried even harder because he knew that the wings would never grow back and he wouldn't be able to fly to the gay bar ever again. Not even magic could bring them back. Ryou remained in his teapot room for the rest of the day and wouldn't answer the door because he knew that it was Marik knocking. He couldn't deal with not being British enough for him at the moment even though Marik had reassured he was.
