Title: Feelings of Betrayal

Word Count: Roughly 15,266

Rating: PG-13 for language and mature themes

Warnings/Spoilers: All of season 1 and minor season 2

Summary: Their fingers intertwined, and all Chuck was he never wanted to be without her again.

Official Disclaimer: All Gossip Girl plots and characters belong to Cecily von Ziegesar, Josh Schwartz and the CW. I do not own the company or the people. The characters in this story are not mine.

Author's Note: Hey guys. This is my first ever full-length fan fiction I've started, so I'd really appreciate your comments and suggestions. I've completely the first three chapters of this story and outlined the rest, but I am open to any suggestions on how to make this better. I'm not sure if I'm portraying the characters correctly or not: you'll see that in this story Chuck seems more vulnerable and weaker, but that was necessary to the plot. This story is going to be mostly fluff, because it's fun, but I promise more drama in later chapters. I really have no idea if what I'm doing works for the story, though, so I'd love reviews. Love, love, love :) And excuse any mistakes I've made with grammar or if something doesn't make sense: obviously this story isn't beta'd yet, but if anyone would like to help with that, that would be awesome. Again, please review. I really want to know what you think.


Hey, Upper East Siders. This summer's looking hotter than hot and it's hardly even started. But will the hotness come from kisses on the beach or kisses goodbye? Only time will tell for our favorite couple. Weren't B and C supposed to be in Tuscany about now, kissing and canoodling in couple-dom all over the city? Well, after their, dare-I-say-it, adorable kiss at a certain UES wedding, we'd certainly think so. But think again. B was spotted getting into the Bass's private jet, as planned, but not with C. A tall, handsome stranger seems to have caught her attention…at least for now. Same goes for C…he was spotted eying a mystery blonde in his family's new apartment. Is it the end for them? I think not. B is going to visit S and her new stepfamily in the Hamptons later this week, and word is that C will be there too. Looking forward to some steamy arguments from you two, C and B. Keep us occupied. And I'll keep you satisfied. With all the latest gossip, of course. You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl.

Blair Waldorf tossed her last few silky dresses, sweaters, and pairs of heels into her already overstuffed suitcase. She pushed it closed, tugging at the zipper until it finally moved. When the suitcase was zipped and her oversize purse was ready for the plane ride, Blair collapsed next to them on the silk comforter. She was tired: so, so tired. She felt as if she'd hardly slept the entire time she'd been in Tuscany, and she was partly right. Every night she'd toss and turn, closing her eyes after every startling movement, but then opening them for fear of the memories playing back at her.

Chuck. Chuck Bass. He was all she could think of, and honestly, she didn't know why. She didn't miss him. She couldn't miss him. He betrayed her over and over again, and when she finally gave him a real second chance, a shot to finally make it work, he had to stand her up. She assumed it was for another girl. It had to be for another girl. But who? And why? And most importantly, did he cheat on her? She thought he'd changed, she really had. She thought he was ready to focus on her and only her. She should have known she'd be wrong.

Blair closed her perfectly made up eyes, trying hard not to think. She wanted to think of anything, anythingother than him. But it was hard. It felt as if there was a tape replaying in her head, a tape that was impossible to erase. She thought back to several months ago, in Chuck's limo, coming home from his club, Victrola.

No, Blair, no, don't. Blair squeezed her eyes shut tighter, trying to stop the pain that slowed her heart to a dull beat, the pain that made her whole body ache. But it was coming on, faster and faster, and she couldn't do anything to fix it.

"You were…amazing…up there." Chuck's husky, charming voice sounded so smooth, like velvet, as he leaned across the seat towards her. Blair stared into his dark, piercing eyes, which at that moment looked warm and tired, like a little kid up past his bedtime.

Without thinking, she slid closer and closer to him. Leaning in, all she could smell was his spicy cologne. The smell was homey and oddly comforting; the same smell she'd smelled since Chuck started wearing the cologne in seventh grade. But never before had she smelled it like this, her mouth so close to his lips, his face right next to hers. His eyes were closed, and she slid hers shut as well. There was no hesitation from either of them as their lips touched.

In that brief moment, Blair felt more electricity and adrenaline surge through her body than she'd ever felt before. She leaned closer, pressing herself against him. But Chuck pulled away. Blair looked at him dazedly, her eyes barely open, the electricity causing her heart to beat faster and faster. She was tired and drunk and so was he, and they both knew this was the wrong time and place. But it didn't stop them.

Chuck's eyes only opened part of the way as he whispered, "Are you sure?" It was so unlike Chuck to ask that question that Blair just couldn't help herself. Looking deep into his eyes, she leaned in again and pressed her lips to his, pushing herself against him.

The rest of the ride was a blur. Blair could only remember that familiar electricity from his kisses, his hands moving over her body, her hands on his chest. She remembered pleasure and pain, and remembered Chuck whispering to her, kissing it better.

It wasn't how it should have been, and it wasn't how Blair had ever imagined her first time. Her first time was supposed to have been with Nate, in a candlelit bedroom. His lips were the ones that were supposed to be kissing hers; his body was the one that she was supposed to be touching. That was why, the next morning, Blair made a vow to never think of that moment again; to pretend it never happened.

It was impossible.

Blair sat up from the bed, opening her eyes to find there were tears streaming from them. Here she was, crying like some pathetic, scorned girlfriend, when Chuck was probably off doing it with another girl. He had that reputation, after all. She'd been stupid to ever think he would change.

Besides, it had been partly her fault in the first place. She could have run to his apartment…no, scratch that, taken a taxi, or a town car, or something, and showed up at his door and demanded an explanation. But she hadn't, and she'd gotten on the plane with Ben, a guy she'd met when she was waiting for Chuck. He was good-looking, sure, and they'd had plenty of nice conversations on the way to Italy. He was a perfect gentleman, but he was no Chuck.

Blair wanted to lie down and close her eyes again. She was exhausted. But she wouldn't let herself. One memory was enough for today. Besides, she was off to the Hamptons to see Serena. She could relax there, and maybe she'd be so busy thinking about other things that Chuck wouldn't even cross her mind.

Doubtful, B, very doubtful.


Chuck Bass sat on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands. He was nervous, depressed, tired, and hungry as hell. But he couldn't seem to get himself to move.

Reaching into his back pocket, Chuck pulled out his cell phone for what had to be the hundredth time that day. The screen was blank. No messages.

Chuck sighed, sliding his phone back into his pocket. He was such an ass. He didn't deserve a call from Blair. He didn't deserve a voicemail, or even a text. And it was all his fault.

He clenched his hands into fists, fighting the temptation to hit something. He'd never been a violent guy, but right about now, he really, really, really wanted to punch something. How could he have done that to Blair?

Blair. The girl he was in love with. The girl that he'd betrayed again and again. The girl he'd cheated on just a week ago with his family's interior designer, for God's fucking sake. He shouldn't have done it; he knew he shouldn't have. He knew it then, too. But his father's words…Chuck shuddered, thinking back to his speech in their new apartment, as Chuck was packing for his vacation to Tuscany with Blair.

Chuck remembered the conversation from start to finish. Every detail, everything he felt. How could he not? That was the moment that changed everything.

"Polite…modest…" his dad, Bart Bass, was fawning over him, something that hadn't happened since he was a baby. Chuck tried not to show his happiness that his father finally approved, but it broke through, his wide, slightly crooked smile lighting up his face. "You really are growing up," Bart concluded, nodding.

"Let's not get carried away." Chuck felt like laughing. Growing up? Never. "I plan on holding on to my youth for as long as possible."

Bart's face grew serious. "Sometimes that choice isn't up to you."

"That's the best thing about Blair. She knows me. Knows I'll never change." Chuck suddenly felt an overwhelming appreciation for Blair. She did know him. She knew him better than anyone else. He tried to keep his face composed, but on the inside all he could think of was Blair.

"Yeah…until you take her away to Europe in a private jet." Bart's face gradually grew harder and colder, back to his usual expression. Chuck smiled cockily, trying not to let his father's obvious disapproval get the better of him. "That is going to change everything," Bart continued. "But…that's a good thing, son."

Chuck was suddenly confused. His dark eyes stared at the floor, looking off into space, gazing at some unknown object. A little smile played at his lips, for he was still thinking of Blair. Her tiny, delicate body. Her soft curls. Her fiery brown eyes that were strangely similar to his. Blair, Blair, Blair. Blair.

In the background, Bart was still speaking. "Having a real girlfriend will force you to think about responsibility. Sacrifice. Being faithful."

Chuck's eyes grew darker, so hard he could feel the change. He was confused. His eyebrows knit together, and his heart beat too fast. Where was this conversation going?

"…taking into account someone else's feelings. Not just your own." Chuck narrowed his eyes, trying not to worry.

"Feelings." He sounded like a fucking asshole, he knew, but he couldn't stop the word from coming. His voice was softer than a whisper: hoarse and dry. It hurt to talk. To think. Why was his father doing this?

"All the partying…the women…" Bart shook his head slowly as he listed Chuck's various faults, all of which he'd heard too many times before. But then his father said something that surprised him. "You will come back from this summer a new man. Take my word for it." Bart squeezed him on the shoulder. Even through his button down and sweater, it still stung.

Or maybe it was the pain of the realization. He was just going to let Blair down again. His father was right. He couldn't handle it. The last thing he wanted was to let Blair down, and that was exactly what was going to happen if he didn't do something. He didn't realize then that he was overlooking one little detail: how Blair would feel if he did do something.

"Oh, I will." Chuck responded late to his father's words, his voice the same low whisper as before. He continued staring into space, and then she entered. All he remembered thinking was he had to do something, something to prove to himself, and his father, that nothing would ever change.

As his parents left the room, Chuck turned slowly, picking up the bouquet of roses he'd bought for Blair, pulling one out, and tossing the rest into-

"No!" Chuck shot upright and looked around. He realized he'd fallen asleep, and dreamed of that conversation with his father. "No…" Chuck murmured weakly. Chuck Bass? Weak? What was wrong with him? What was he becoming?

He stood up carefully and made his way over to a mirror. His face was pale and covered in a cold sweat, and his hair was messy. But what bothered him the most were his eyes. They seemed harder, colder, meaner than they had a week ago.

Chuck turned away. For once in his life, he didn't want to look at himself. Lying down on his bed, he grabbed his iPod and stuck the headphones in his ears, turning up the volume until every thought should have been blasted out of his head.

But the one thing he couldn't shake was his father's words. "You will come back from this summer a new man." Chuck didn't want to be a new man. Couldn't he be himself and still be with the girl he loved? Or was that really, truly impossible, like his father had made it sound?

Nothing's impossible, C. You just have to believe. Or...so they say.


Author's Note: So, there's the first chapter. Hope you enjoyed it. It was a little hard to get things started, so I'm sorry for all the flashbacks, although I admit those were fun to write :) So leave comments on how you feel I portrayed the characters (or the ones that have appeared so far). I'm especially curious as to what you thought of my Gossip Girl voice. Her little sarcastic comments aren't exactly my strong point, but I had fun with them. So...enough rambling. I'll let you go now. Just remember...click that little purple button and...review :)