Author's notes: This is my take on why we never had a goodbye scene between Abby and Susan. Her sudden disappearance was addressed so lamely, that I had to do something about it.

Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. ER is the intellectual property of Constant C Productions, Amblin Entertainment, and Warner Brothers Television. No copyright infringement is intended.


It's a rather uneventful game despite Luka's excitement and cheering. Sure, Joe looks adorable in his little blue jersey but you can't really stay focused on what's going on so you play with your cell phone instead.

"Offside! Referee! Offside!", Luka yells and stands up, startling you.

"Okay… what's going on, would you calm down?", you try to reason but the other team scores and Luka resorts to that Croatian gibberish he uses when he wants to curse without you giving him a hard time.

"That kid was way offside!" he looks at you like it's the most obvious thing in the world.
You smirk "What's that, soccer rule?"

He can't keep his eyes off the field but retorts "You use your foot and a ball, this is football. Not soccer".

You chuckle at his bad mood "Whatever you say, sweetheart…" and you notice her name straight away in your email inbox, the title "Guess who's in town? ;)" making you smile already.

"Hey Mrs. K.,

I'll be in town till Friday, so you better clear your schedule and take me out;)

Miss you.

Susan"

Luka notices you smiling at your phone screen "Who's that?"

"Susan's in town, she wants to meet up", you smile.
"Susan Lewis?".
"Yeah …"

"Invite her over for dinner" he says before standing up and yelling some more at the referee.

"Wanna come over for dinner tonight?" you type. Then you add "Miss you too" and tap the send button again.

"No can do" she adds with a crying emoticon. "There's this work thing I have to attend".

"What about tomorrow, I'm off at 7PM. We can go somewhere and catch up", you send. Add a smiley face.

"Can't wait." she answers and adds 2 little hearts and you feel yourself flushing a little.

"So, is she coming over?", Luka asks when he finally sits down after the final whistle.

"No, she has some work function tonight. I'll meet up with her for dinner tomorrow then, ok?"

"He nods "I'm on tomorrow night. I'll call Ashley and ask her to stay over. Tell Susan I said hi", he smiles.


You comb Joe's hair with your fingers as you two watch SpongeBob Squarepants nestled on the couch. Nothing beats these moments with your son and you can't help feeling guilty for the days he's already down when you get home.

Your impending dinner with Susan makes you realize how much your life changed in the last years, how being a mother changed you. You knew right from the start that Luka would be an amazing father, but in your darkest hours, you feared you couldn't do this, that you'd mess it up. There had been some downs – that night with Moretti springs to mind – but you don't remember feeling this content since… ever, really.

But you do miss Chicago, it still feels like home. You do miss County, even if you won't be caught saying it aloud. You miss the camaraderie that can't be replicated in a hospital the size of Boston Medical Center.

You miss your friends there - even if most were already gone by the time you left.

And you really miss Susan. You never really had another friend like her in your adult life. Someone you could laugh with without worrying if you'd hurt their sensitivities with your dark humor; someone who would be there for you without imposing; someone who would listen to you without pity in their eyes.

"We're friends, Abby. If you want to talk, you know where I am and if not, that's ok, too".

She's the only one who never once tried to fix you. The only one that didn't seem put off by your drinking.

You chuckle as you remember her comment when you first met Neela.

"I'm beginning to hate her", you frowned.

Susan replied nonchalantly "She's a med student".

You stared at her "I'm a med student".

And she flashed you that smile of hers that disarmed you "You know, now that you mention it, she's pissing me off too. Come on, let's hate her together!".

Ironically, you and Neela became really close after Susan left but it was not the same because Neela was almost like a little sister.

You love Luka, there is no doubt.

But you can't help but think what if. What if you two had acted on it that afternoon after you were abducted? This feeling lingers on after all these years and you're not sure it will ever go away. What if you hadn't shut her out? What if that kiss had led to more? What if Susan hadn't left so hurriedly, without a proper goodbye?

After your abduction she left messages on your answering machine for days, worried about you. You didn't want her to see you so terrified, you knew you would crumble down because she got you and she'd see behind the bullshit.

She'd see you weren't ok.

But there was this one time, weeks later, that she came knocking at your door. You stood quietly behind the peephole but she whispered softly "Abby. I can see your feet under the door…".

She enveloped you in her arms as soon as she stepped in and that was it. The hard facade you had kept for everyone at work came down full-fledged and you wept in her arms for minutes.

Susan never said a thing, just held you and soothed you.

When she sensed you were calming down she gently took your face in her hands and whispered "It's okay, now. You are safe, Abby".

You'll never forget that moment when the energy around you changed, the air grew thicker and you could hear the wheels in your head turning.

With her hands still cradling your face, you pushed yourself on your toes, your eyes never leaving hers. You stopped inches before her so she could retreat. But she never did.

She looked at your lips and slowly leaned in.

When you felt her responding, her hands still cupping your face, something shuddered in your chest, like a panic attack rising. It was insane that you were kissing Susan Lewis in your living room and not wanting to stop. Your arms came to rest around her hips and she did this almost imperceptible sound in her throat, almost a moan, that left you floored and flushed.

When you both parted for air, you leaned against her forehead and stuttered "I'm sorry…".

She smiled gently, her green eyes twinkling at you "Don't. That was… wow".

You backed her against the wall and resumed kissing her, afraid that she would change her mind and that you'd never summon up the courage again.

Things got more intense, her hand was now behind your neck keeping you close and your mouth wandered on her collarbone, careful not to leave marks.

Her pager buzzed between you two and you were kind of grateful for the interruption. The want you felt radiating in the pit of your stomach terrified you.

She cleared her throat "Uh… It's the ER. I'm on call. I gotta go…".

You nodded, looking at your feet "Yeah…".

She clutched at your hand, sensing your discomfort "Abby… Promise me you'll be okay. Call me later".

You never did and you avoided her the following weeks, terrified to be alone with her again. What should you do with these feelings?

The day you found her letter in your locker, you cried silently in the lounge not really bothering that you weren't alone.

Susan was gone.