Hello People this is hopefully the first in an ongoing series of short stories featuring Ultimate Spider-Woman. I feel that Marvel isn't really taking advantage of a very interesting character and I decided to use this format to try to tell the best story that I could. The writing isn't perfect at all but I hope it's readable. I wrote this as is Jessica Drew was writing it in a journal so hopefully that won't be too much of a bother to my readers. Now this is a bit slow but other stories will be faster. I don't know when the next one will be but hopefully soon. I hope you guys enjoy the story.

1

[ENTRY 1]

I don't know how to begin this... Really I don't. I could write about how screwed up my life is, how I wounder every second of everyday if I'm dreaming. I could write about how I have the memories of Peter Parker, his thoughts and feelings, his hopes and dreams, and how I am just a clone created from his DNA. Oh and I could also write about how I am a woman cloned from a male's DNA.

Yeah but I don't want to write about that.

Currently I am sitting in my room on the S.H.I.E.L.D. Helicarrier writing this on my lap top, though I kinda wish that S.H.I E.L.D would have provided me with an Ipad instead (Angry Birds is very addicting). I have been ordered to by a S.H.I.E.L.D psychiatrist to start up a journal in order to help me clear my thoughts. Nick Fury has been worried that I am falling into a very deep depression, he tells me that I need to get out more instead of just staying in my room all day. But I do get out (on missions at least) and I am not falling into a depression. I am fine.

Though there are days where I begin to miss my... Peter's old life. I miss Aunt May, I miss my school, I miss Gwen, and I really miss... M.J.

M.J. I find myself thinking about her a lot, her long red hair, her smooth pale complexion, her green eyes, and her unconditional love for Peter. I know she has been through a lot since he died. Everyday I feel insane amounts of guilt for not being there to help him fight Norman Osborn and his Sinister Six. I can't help but wonder if I had been there would Peter had lived? Could this have all been prevented if I had decided to be in New York instead of going on some stupid mission?

And now some stupid 13 year old kid decided to take up his mantel and fight as Spider-man. God Miles is in way over his head.I almost feel responsible for him. I don't want to hear that he died while fighting super villains. If only he knew why I try to push him away from this lifestyle, if only he knew how good it is just to be normal, and to live a life where his biggest worry is his family and not the entire world.

Enough about Miles.

I am looking at myself in my bedroom mirror, my light brown hair is getting long, it's almost long enough to touch my thighs, this could be very dangerous, I probably should put it up in a pony tale when I do my missions. My eyes are red from lack of sleep, just so many thoughts that go through my mind that keep me awake, all week I have probably had less than 10 hours of sleep, that's like two hours a night. I am in my PJ's right now, just an extra large shirt and shorts, I'm not too crazy into girly pajamas.

I am looking at my room right now and it is so empty: Just a closet with what very little clothing I own, a small TV, and my bed that I am on right now. This place sucks. I mean for a top secret military base that flies in the sky I would have figured that there would be cooler bedrooms like the ones on Star Trek or something. I need to get out of here...

[Entry 2]

I am currently sitting at some random skyscraper in Manhattan. It 's a hot night and I am all sweaty. I currently have my mask off in order to get some air, my hair is wet and so is my costume. I need to rethink my wardrobe. A red spandex costume that can tear easily is really not the best idea to wear. I need to get something that is bullet proof and can absorb sweat better.

Taking a second I am looking at the city view. It is beautiful, probably one of the most beautiful sites I have ever seen. I have swung these building many times before but I haven't really taken the time to admire the beauty that they hold. Bright light coming out of man made giant concrete monsters. So many people living here don't even realize what they have.

[Entry 3]

So I told Nick Fury that I needed time away from the Helicarrier. I told him that I needed to find myself and that I needed to put to rest many thought keeping me awake at night.

"No," he said.

"I'm 18 you can't legally keep me here if I don't want to be here." I responded.

"I can if it's your job."

"Tell that to Captain America."

"What?" He shouted.

"Look it's just..."

"What?"

"I need to find myself, I need to find out who I am." I said.

"You're Jessica Drew agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. What more needs to be said?"

"I'm sorry Nick. I need more."

Nick Fury got this annoyed look to his face. He then rubbed his eye and looked at me and said, "This finding yourself crap better not take long."

"It won't," I responded happily.

[Entry 4]

I am currently in my hotel room. I am thankful that S.H.I.E.L.D gave me a fake I.D. Because most places wouldn't let me check into a hotel until I was 21 or 25. And I am back to where I was three days ago, sitting in my room alone with my thoughts.

A part of me wants to see Aunt May and talk to her, and tell her my whole story. But I am afraid that it would give the poor woman a heart attack or what if she doesn't believe me? What if she thinks I'm crazy? God.

I also wanna see M.J. But that might be even more awkward. I mean it might just send her over the edge, "Hey I'm a female clone of your dead boyfriend!" yeah that would go over very well.

But just to give me some ease I am going to go check on them from a distance, creepy I know, but that seems to be the only way. Well the best way. Well it will work for me anyhow.

[Entry 5]

So far so good. Aunt May and Gwen are safe at home. Everything is quiet in my... His old neighborhood. I guess the place deserves quiet times ever since Peter died and the media rushed in. Gwen and Aunt May seem to be developing a good relationship, and that makes me really happy. They need each other badly, two people who have nothing left in this world but each other. God how I just want to run up to them and embrace them, how I want to be in their lives so badly, and how I just want to say that they are not alone. I just want them to know how much I care for them, and I much I need them.

M.J. On the other hand seems to be doing okay. Not great, but okay. She's all gothed out or emo'd out or something like that. She's wearing all black and it just doesn't seem like she's herself. She seems distant and disconnected with the world. I think I need to get closer and find out more. I need to know if she is okay, not just physically but I need to know if she is okay mentally.

[Entry 6]

I went out in my civilian garb- a t-shirt and jeans with slip on shoes. I would have worn shorts but I haven't quiet gotten used to the whole shaving my legs part of being a girl, I need to work on that.

I followed her to a Starbucks where she ordered a hot chocolate, I just ordered a black coffee, Nick Fury said that he doesn't know how I drink it straight up, I told him that it usually taste fine to me.

I grabbed a paper and tried to make it look like I was reading (again creepy I know). She was writing in a note book. I couldn't make out what she was writing but I assume it was homework. I sat and spied on her for a good 20 minutes before some crazy shit happened.

Okay please bare with me here as I don't tend to be very descriptive when I write: Two masked men with AK 47's (why those guns at a Starbucks? I have no idea) ran in and held the place hostage while they robbed the store. Well instinct kicked in and it was Spider-Woman to the rescue.

I didn't bring my costume, not that I would have been able to change into it, so I had to hold back as much as I could. I jumped on one of the men and broke his wrist and kicked the gun out of the way. The other man grabbed an employee and threatened to shoot her. I ran up and kicked the gun out of his hand and then punched him in the face knocking him out. I turned and looked at the crowed and they all cheered me on.

After the police showed up and we all gave accounts of what happened. The cops thanked me for my service and that was that. I left the place and waited outside to see M.J leave. Once she stepped outside of the place she noticed me and then walked up to me.

"That was amazing," she said to me.

"T-Thanks," I responded. I was nervous, I didn't know what I was gonna say to her. Hell I wasn't actually planning on talking to her, but I wanted to.

"Thank you," she said.

"You're welcome," I responded.

M.J began to walk away.

"Hey!" I shouted, which surprised me.

She turned around and looked at me.

"My name is Jessica... Jessica Drew."

"Mary Jane," she then shook my hand.

"I'm kinda new to town, maybe as a reward for saving you, you could maybe show me around?" I said half jokingly.

She smiled. "Come on."

It was amazing. She took me around places that I had already knew thanks to Peter's memories, but with M.J everything seemed new again. We went to Queens and she was telling me about getting ready to graduate and the colleges that she was planning on going to. Boring conversation to many but it was the best conversation in the world for me.

After several hours of hanging out we exchanged phone numbers. (Thank you S.H.I.E.L.D for my Iphone) And agreed to meet up again later on that week. I totally needed this. I think everything is going to be okay.

[Entry 7]

I visited Peter's grave today and left some flowers. I sad a few words regarding our missed opportunity for a "brother/sister" relationship. If there is a God and if there is a Heaven, Peter is there looking down on me. I hope I will never disappoint him.

I then walked over to see Uncle Ben. While I never actually got to meet him it was nice to see his grave. I know Uncle Ben's memories are Peter's but I still feel his guilt for Uncle Ben's death. With Great Power must also come great Responsibility, words Peter lived by and died by. I will also live by those words.

Later that day I checked on Aunt May again. She was grocery shopping and seemed to be fine.

I then checked on Gwen at school, she seemed okay as well.

I think I should go talk to them. Maybe if I slowly build a friendship with them then maybe I can finally let them know who I am.

[Entry 8]

Okay so this is how my day started: Rhino robbed a bank in Queens. I fought him for three hours straight. Hitting him and kicking him with everything I had. I had to eventually use my surrounding as a weapon: Stop signs to the face, trash cans to the back, and using a manhole cover as a flying shield (thank you Captain America). Eventually I knocked him out by webbing his nose and mouth shut so he couldn't breath. Don't worry he survived. After he was down I made a web cocoon around his body so that he couldn't move when he woke up, or at least I hope he wouldn't be able to. My webbing is organic so I needed to replenish myself and drink as much water as I could. At least I think that's how it works.

I then decided to call up M.J and see what she was up to. I asked her if she wanted to go see a movie or hang out at a park or something.

We decided to just go for a walk in the park tomorrow. I am super excited.

[Entry 9]

Oh God, I totally screwed up big time. Why couldn't have been Venom attacking or Reed Richards causing another crisis? I am ashamed of myself I haven't stopped crying since! Oh god what have I done?

I-I tried to make out with Mary Jane!

Okay we were hanging out at some park and just walking around talking about, I can't even remember, some girl stuff I know that, but I don't know what came over me I swear! We stopped our conversation and looked at each other for a few moments and I couldn't stop myself. I kissed her right on the lips hard, I hugged her tightly and... and... she didn't like it.

I backed off of her and apologized repeatedly over and over again. She laughed an uncomfortable laugh and said that she "Doesn't swing that way."

I turned my back towards her and bent my head down to the ground.

"I-I'm not into girls," she said. "I'm sorry if I led you on. I still want to be friends."

My eyes watered and my throat swelled. Tears ran down and I felt my world crumble. She walked up to me and asked, "Are you okay?"

"I-I'm sorry," I said crying my eyes out.

"Whoa I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"No it's not that. I-" I paused to get it together. "I need to go"

"Jessica!" she called as I walked away.

I couldn't turn around and look at her. I am such an idiot! I'm so stupid! God I just want this day to end.

[Entry 10]

So I haven't left my hotel room all day. I am completing using this fake I.D to get some alcohol, not that I have ever drank the stuff before but it sound nice now. M.J has sent me some text messages asking if I was okay. God she is such a good friend checking up on me even after our awkward moment together. I should respond, but what am I going to say? I should tell her the truth. No that's a bit... I know she can handle it. But the question I should be asking is, "Am I ready to reveal my secret to her?"

I don't need alcohol, it's not good for me, epically in this state. I'll settle for Ben and Jerry's instead.

[Entry 11]

I met up with M.J at a mall food court and decided to tell her everything: The fact that I am a clone of Peter, my memories I share of him, me wondering trying to find myself, and my confusion.

"Holy crap!" she said.

"I know it's a lot to take in," I said.

"I-I, how do I even know if-"

"What I'm saying is true?"

She looks at me unsure of my words.

"You don't. But I think you know deep inside that what I am saying is true." I said quietly.

M.J looks at me for a long while.

"I think I'm gonna faint," She finally said.

"I'll leave if it's too much."

"I thought all of his clones were dead."

"No just me, and his scorpion clone."

"Wait what?" she said shocked.

"The original scorpion is a clone of Peter, a perfect clone."

"Where is he?"

"He's in S.H.I.E.L.D custody, he's not mentally stable. I'm sorry."

M.J looks down with sadness.

"I'll take you home," I said.

[Entry 12]

I have decided that today is going to be the day that I finally talk to Aunt May and Gwen. I am not sure what's going to happen or how it's going to go down. I am afraid. But maybe this will give me the piece I need to create my own life. I just need to talk to them.

[Entry 13]

So here I am in Peter's room. I am on his bed writing this entry in my journal. I will explain how I got here in a second. I just have to mention how surreal it is to be here. It is exactly as I remember it, the posters on the wall are the same, the carpet looks the same, and it smells the same. I am home. I feel like I woke up from a long nightmare and I am finally in MY room but it's not my room. For a second I thought I was Peter but then I looked down and saw that I had the body of a woman still.

It was early yesterday and I swung through the city. I stopped a few crooks here and there but nothing too major. I came here to Aunt May's house and went in through the window like Peter used to. I knew she wasn't home but I needed a few moments there alone in order to figure out what I was going to say to her. I felt like a creep. Like some crazy person breaking into a poor woman's house to say that I love and miss her. God I was scared.

I was in my costume, I felt that it was important that she see me in costume because I once rescued her during Magneto's attack on the world. She needs to see that I am a friend and not foe.

I looked at all the pictures of Peter as a child with Uncle Ben and Aunt May. I started to choke up. This wasn't my life and these aren't my memories, I had no right to be here, but yet I was here.

Hours passed and I was sitting on the couch when I heard Aunt May and Gwen pull up. I took in a deep breath knowing that this was it. All of this my feelings, my needs, my fears, and everything will be out there. I will be vulnerable and if I'm rejected that will be it. All of this would have been for nothing.

The door opened and Aunt May and Gwen entered. They looked at me in shock.

"Who the fuck are you?!" Shouted Gwen angrily.

I removed my mask and then looked at Aunt May and said, "My name is Jessica Drew, we met once during Magneto's attack on New York, I saved you and I called you Aunt May."

"Alright I'm calling the cops," said Gwen.

"Wait," Aunt May said to her. "Why are you in my house?" She then asked me.

"I... I needed to see you. It's a long story but, God I don't know if you are going to believe me but here it goes: I'm a clone of Peter Parker, I have all of his memories, abilities, and feelings. I have been trying to live a life of my own for two years, I didn't want to intrude on your lives. I have helped him fight Dr. Ock a few times, and I became a member of the Ultimates. But I just feel so empty inside I feel like I'm living a lie. I again have all his memories, I have the same guilt that he had for letting Uncle Ben die, I have the since of great power and great responsibility, and the overall determination to make this a better world. I remember when I was... when he was little and he was having some horrible nightmares because he was dealing with the loss of his parents, you would hold me/ him in your arms and let me/him cry. You helped me over come so much tragedy and you didn't deserve any of this."

I sat down on the couch. Tears begin falling down my face.

"I am not Peter, I will never be. I don't know why I came here other than the fact that I just miss you. You don't even know who I am, I am just some creep who broke into your house just to lay this shit on you."

May took a seat next to me. Gwen stayed standing unsure of what to make of the situation. May lifted my face and looked at my red eyes. "Dear, please stop crying."

May looks at Gwen.

"We have been through a lot, dealing with super villains, civil wars, alien invasions, and so many other things I can't think of at the moment. My heart tells me that you are telling the truth."

She studies my face.

"You look so much like him."

About an hour passes and I am having dinner with Gwen and May.

"Just so you know breaking into our house like that was so uncool!" said Gwen.

"I'm sorry, I wanted to be discrete about it." I said.

"Still not cool."

"Thank you for dinner Aunt May." I said.

"You're welcome. Jessica where are you living right now?" Aunt May asked.

"S.H.I.E.L.D Helicarrier base. I have a room that they let me stay in."

"Sounds pretty cool," said Gwen.

"It gets boring after a while."

"Are you going to go back tonight?" Asked Aunt May.

"I have a hotel room I am spending the night in actually."

Gwen then paused and looked at me.

"So I talked to M.J the other day and she told me about her new friend Jessica," said Gwen.

"What did she say?" I asked.

"Nothing really."

"Oh okay."

I looked at May and said, "I'm not here to replace Peter or anything like that. I just needed to see my... his family. I have no right to be here I know. Please forgive my intrusion again. Thank you for welcoming me in your home. I think I can move on with my life now."

I get up to leave and May stands up and says, "Please stay the night, I insist."

"I can't."

"Please."

"Where am I going to sleep?" I asked.

"In Peter's bedroom." She said.

"I'm sorry that is a bit much. I can't do that it feels disrespectful."

May walked up to me and smiled, "Peter would be okay with it. I have been thinking about what you have been saying about having his memories and how you don't feel that they don't belong to you. Let them belong to you. Cherish all the lessons that you have learned from them, enjoy the good memories that you have been given. They are yours now, they are Jessica Drew's memories now use them to build your life Jessica. That's what he would want, that's what I want."

I hug her tightly. "Thank you, I needed this."

And here I am now. I don't plan to stay here past this night. Tomorrow I am going back to S.H.I.E.L.D and going back to business as usual. But now my head is clear and now I can move forward. Now I know I have a family thinking of me.

End.