Title: Terrified – or what Buffy should say to Spike in the finale.
Author: Xionin
Rating: G
Pairing: Buffy/Spike.
Feedback: Sure, why not?
Disclaimer: ME dropped the ball. I picked it up.
TerrifiedOk,
before you say anything just listen.
Alright?
Thanks.
You want
to know if I'm terrified?
Hell yeah…I am.
I can't
go back.
I can't go forward, so…
Which way do I go?
I've
been standing still for so long that I'm afraid, if I move, I'll fall.
Fall in…fall out…just fall.
The
kiss. It was…familiar and yeah I was a little surprised, but that's no excuse.
You know how, when you trip, you try to fall backwards because you think it's
easier;
that it won't hurt as much?
As if
not a day has passed.
As if 4 years haven't gone by.
It was
funny.
Only…not.
And it was familiar, b-but again with the 'not'.
I felt
like Sleeping Beauty or something, y'know?
One kiss and something in me woke up, only not what you think.
I didn't
know you were standing there,
but somehow when you walked away…I knew.
The air changed or something.
I just knew.
And then
the kissing stopped.
And I think he knew.
We
danced around it for a while, trying to recapture some
of what our memories still held for us; Memories so
sanitized by time and trauma that we both had to laugh.
But the fairytale is over.
Sure, we
said 'someday', but that's as slippery as 'anytime.'
I might not even get a 'someday'.
Odds are I don't. I only get today.
And tonight.
So I
have to ask myself...'self', I say, 'what if there's a tomorrow?'
What if there is a tomorrow?
Do I keep standing still?
I know I can't go back.
Even though it feels safe, I know it isn't.
And 'safe' isn't what I need.
'Safe'
is in the eye of the beholder, isn't it?
It's an illusion.
I know that now.
I'm done with fairytales.
I'm done
with Dark Knights in tarnished armor.
I want something real.
Does
that make me a grown-up?
Well...I don't feel very grown-up.
All I
know is...when I'm with you...
and last night...and...
When you
look at me
the way you are...right now...
Spike...
Yeah. I'm terrified.
fin
