Too old.
Well, that's a first.
Messed up how a guy of seventeen can be considered too old for something, isn't it?
I took it as a joke, at first. It wouldn't have been the first time my peers had tried to trick me. So it came as one hell of a surprise when they actually stopped me from entering the operating theatre. And they told me. Too old. Seventeen? Nope. Too late.
I don't know what the experiments do to you. All I know is they make you a better SOLDIER, a stronger, swifter fighter, all the stuff I expect the higher ups have pushed into my head, but nonetheless I still believe. I have to, really. But there's one thing I'm wary about…
My sister talked about the experiments all the time, telling me all the rumours, the horror stories she'd heard about what they turned people into. To tell you the truth, I was always kind of scared of her finding out the one secret I couldn't ever bear to tell her. She spent all her time slagging off SOLDIER and anyone who worked for them… Tifa hated ShinRa since she was tiny. I don't think even she knew why… Maybe she just had a strong sense of justice, something none of the rest of us had, especially me. Because even though I knew it would break her heart, I thought I could get away with lying to her. I joined the organisation she hated so much, behind her back. It didn't take long for her to start to get suspicious, especially when I stood up for the SOLDIERs sometimes. I could take her making jabs at what I was, because I wasn't exactly happy with myself anyway, but whenever she picked on the other members, especially after the experiment came into full swing… I had to answer back. I just couldn't stand by and let her talk about my friends, my comrades, like she used to.
What kind of experiments only work on kids? Because that's all they are, really, isn't it? Under sixteen. Children. As I passed them, all heading into the operating room with barely concealed nerves plain on their faces, I realised; even though I was only a year older than the majority of them, I felt much further away. That's just how SOLDIER works, how they rank us.
A glimpse of gold inside the throng of boys broke me out of my reverie, and despite everything I felt my face break into a grin as I watched him struggle his way out of the lingering crowd. The golden hair fell into his eyes as he pushed his way clear of the others, heading towards me.
Cloud.
My smile faded when he looked up at me, and I saw the mingling fear and disappointment in his eyes. Poor kid. I'd only known Cloud a year or so, but something had just clicked when we met, and becoming friends was no effort for us. It helped, of course, that we'd first met when he saved my ass on his first proper mission; most people found it funny, the very idea of a guy who hadn't even made SOLDIER properly saving the hide of a second class. I took a lot of stick for that one. In the end, though, Cloud stuck with me and stuck UP for me, telling everyone the monsters around at the time were out of control, and I'd been in the middle of a bunch of them when one got me from behind… We had a lot more missions together, and the day he finally made it into SOLDIER is still clear as yesterday. It's been practically eight months now, and I've never seen him look so happy as he did when he made 3rd class. Good memories, from all the way back then. We'd gone through a hell of a lot together, and we'd both thought that the new experiments were going to be another milestone we'd face together…
Funny the way things turned out. Me being too old. I don't think either of us even thought of that being a possibility.
"Zack…" He took a deep breath, still looking up at me, then his gaze dropped to the floor. His dejection, the way he portrayed it… made me think about him. He was more a kid than any of the others, barely looked his fifteen years. Especially while he was downhearted about something…
All I could tell him was that I was sorry. That was all.
Crap friend I make. I just felt too awkward to talk much, when he was clearly in a bit of a state, even though he was trying desperately to hide it.
Someone called his name, and we both jumped.
Cloud glanced up at me, one last time, his azure eyes wide, face blanched of what little colour he usually had.
"My turn." He said, quietly, then flinched as I reached out to grip his shoulder. Trying to be reassuring, trying to make up for the fact he was going of to have some surgeon mess up his body or his head… and I was safe. Free because of the eighteen month age gap between us.
All I could do was watch as Cloud walked off down that corridor, away from me and towards the… experiment.
If I'd known what it would have done to Cloud…
…would I have stopped him? Could I?
