Cut to Wawanakwa Island. Chris stand on the Dock of Shame.
Chris:Hello, viewers at home! You aren't dreaming, Total Drama is back, and stronger, brutal-er and beautifuller than before. Last season, zombie cracked-head Shawn wins it all and brings the prize home. Well, that's enough spoilers, check out Pahkitew Island if you want, that season was quite the bomb!
So, following the Ridonculous Race, which was ridiculous and missing some crispy Chris…Honestly, a returning team is winning? Stealing people from my show!? The producers decided to let me a last chance. And since Total Drama Revenge of the Island, Total Drama Zoke and Total Drama Pahkitew were so beloved, I decided to continue in this league. It is why I present you today
TOTAL
DRAMA
….
….
SUBMARINE!
(Firs seconds of Total Drama song)
Cut back to Chris.
Chris: Like you I just said, this season is gonna be the best ever. Why? Because it takes place on the mighty Mclean Subamarine! (An old submarine appears at the surface, in front of the Dock of Shame.)
Chris: This year, no new contestants. Yeah, we take back some overly used contestants from the past seasons. Welcome back slippy geeky pervy Cody! (Cody appears on a boat.)
Cody: Chris, where the girls at?
Chris: In my pants.
Cody: Since when have you start making sex jokes?
Chris: This is a fanfic, let's make it awkward!
Cody: I guess I can live with that.
Chris: Yes, now shut up. Speaking of sex, here is the bomb itself, heartbreaking Lindsay!
Lindsay: Sometimes, I wonder in my bed…am I more stupid or more sexy?
Chris: You are both! And keep the good job, girl!
Lindsay: Thank you so much Zane, I am so happy!
Chris: Zane? What the fuck, it isn't even near my name.
Cody: At least she's beautiful.
Chris: That's right. The next contestant prefers books over boobs, it is Noah.
Noah (embarrassed): Dude, I love balls.
Chris: What?
Noah: …boobs, I meant boobs! My tongue slipped! Don't you start on the gay subject!
Lindsay: Navi, you are gay? That's so cute! I'm gonna tell all my friends.
Noah: You don't even remember their names.
Lindsay: …My friends have names? (Noah rolls his eyes)
Chris: Not that I love hearing you speaking, but I prefer you with a full mouth, Lindsay! Let's… (Chris gets cut by Noah).
Noah: Since when are you a perverted bastard, Chris? You look like a fanfic character. Oh, yeah, we are in a fanfic.
Chris: Shut up! How can you say such a cruel thing?
Noah: The sex jokes? The hyper used clichés? The swears? The idea of basing an entire season on a SUBMARINE? Characters that are out of character?
Chris: Zip it! Let's welcome back our dear sister, Leshawna!
Leshawna: Did I gav' you the right o' my name, brotha? Call me Leshawna again and I stick my gun in ya arse.
Cody: Leshawna is now a ghetto girl? Wow, such developments!
Leshawna: Wha' are ya saying, scrawing head? Speakin' o' old good Leshawna in her back? Guess what? I'm gonna kill ya, me and my hoodies.
Chris: This is not out of character, I guess? Oh, here comes the incroyable athlete and the worst winner of Total Drama, Lightning!
Lightning: Sha-this is sha-Lightning for sha-you! Sha-bam! I will sha-win once again.
Noah: What is wrong with you? Can't you speak like a normal human being?
Lindsay: I can't!
Noah: We already know that, Lindsay! But seriously, what's wrong with you?
Lightning: Sha-Lightning has sha-Tourette! So, sha-don't laught at sha-me! Lightning is the sha-man!
Noah: Whatever.
Cody (intrigued): Wait, you are a shaman? I can really use some of your magic tricks to make Gwen love me!
Gwen: I heard that.
Chris: Coming back from the winning seat, here is Gwen!
Gwen: I have lost at both Action, World Tour and Zoke, Chris. I wasn't in the winning seat.
Chris: But you did win season one!
Gwen: Against Owen? Is it a joke? And that was the worst season ever, I don't want to hear about it. Still mad I couldn't compete in Pahkitew Island.
Chris: Oh, isn't that adorable? Speaking of adorable, here comes Tyler!
Tyler: Extreme! Hahaha!
*Confessionnals*
Tyler: Since World Tour, I have trained myself to be the best athlete for my return in Total Drama. This year is my year! Hell yeah!
*End of Confessionnals*
Tyler: Hi babe.
Cody: Hi.
Tyler: I wasn't talking to you! I was … (He see Lindsay making out with Lightning).
Lindsay: Oh, Tyler! It has been so long! I don't know why you are black now, but you are so strong.
Lightning: Sha-bam! Sha-Lightning get the sha-bomb! Sha-sucks to be you, sha-jock!
Leshawna: Wait a minute! (She steals Lightning from Lindsay). No way I am letting a white chick take on the ghetto boy! Ya lucky to be alive, gurl. Lil princess should stay in tha castle, or else, I shot them right in tha mouth.
Lindsay (crying): Why are you stealing my Taylor? I love him!
Tyler: But I am here! It's me, Tyler, your boyfriend!
Lindsay: Tentacool? Never heard this name before. Nice meeting you, but I want to stay alone till I get my boyfriend back. (Stars crying.)
Tyler: But I am your boyfriend!
Chris: That is some drama! Let's do more by welcoming back the Starbucks chicks, Katie and Sadie!
Katie: EW
Sadie: EW
Cody: Hi, beauty!
Both girls: AAAAAH
*Confessionals*
Cody: Like my dad always say, go to the easy pickings.
Gwen: I heard that.
Cody: Gwen? What are you doing here? Oh, I guess you want some…
Gwen: What the fuck, Cody? I was the first one here, minding my own business till you arrive! Get out now!
*End of Confessionals*
Chris: After these nine contes…
Trent: NINE! I am back in the game.
Chris: It wasn't your turn! Go back in line!
Trent: You should say "go back in NINE".
Chris: Since when have you started doing terrible puns? This fanfic is worse than Total Drama Island!
Trent: No it is not.
Chris: How can you say no? You weren't even there!
Trent: Well…euh…NINE!
Chris: Shut up for God sake!
Trent: It is to relieve my stress. It is very important to me. I have to believe in the power of Nine. Each time I say Nine, something good would happen to me.
Chris: Ah yeah? Well take this! (He kicks Trent in the nuts).
Trent (in pain): Oh my splendid kiwis.
Owen: Kiwis? I am hungry!
Chris: Stop appearing out of nowhere! You aren't even a contestant, Owen!
Owen: Why not?
Chris: We already have enough fatties for this season. Go back home.
Owen: That's very mean. What if the viewers are fat or chubby?
Chris: I couln'd care less about the viewers! Go back home Owen, you are drunk!
Owen: Can I have a last speech before my departu…
Chris: NO! Gosh, I know this favor was too much in Total Drama Action!
Owen: But I kinda like that. Could you bring me back in the final Five for a second time?
Chris: NO! GO HOME! (He kicks Owen to the moon. Owen dies.)
Noah: At least, he is gone.
Cody: Wasn't Owen you friend?
Noah: No, he was my dog. Now, don't ever speak to me again or the NoCo fics will spread. Go humiliate yourself alone.
Chris: We are on a tight schedule, just like my pants, so let's continue. Welcome back Izzy!
Izzy: Hi, tiz iz good to be here. I am very hapy to be zone of uz.
Gwen: Don't tell me Izzy is now French? Wha the hell.
Izzy: I woulda like you to call me mizz Gonorrhée now.
Sadie: Ew…that is, like, so gross!
Izzy: You are a pig, shut up. Thiz iz you the grossest thing here. I can't wait to zpit on your tomb.
Katie: Don't talk to my friend like that!
Sadie: Yeah! Don't you dare!
Chris: Enough! Let's welcome back our last contestant, Ezekiel!
Ezekiel: Meow.
Chris: And yes, Ezekiel is now a cat. He has taken some treatments for his…state from World Tour, and he is now a big old cat.
Ezekiel: Meow meow.
Chris: So, this is all for the contestants this year. Exceptiong our special contestant in the final Five, but that's not for now! This season, you will be on an adventure in the superb Mclean Subamarine!
Everybody: YEAH!
Lindsay: I always want to take the plane!
Chris: But first of all, some littles rules. Each challenge will be an elimination one!
Gwen: Oh my god! It wasn't this difficult before.
Chris: Yeah, and that's line is stupid.
Cody: Don't insult my girlfriend!
Chris: I didn't insult your left hand, Cody, so let's continue. So, at the end of each challenge, there will be an elimination for the losing team. But what are the team? I will tell you right now! Team 1 will consist of…
Lindsay!
Lightning!
Leshawna!
Noah!
Izzy!
And….
…
….
…..
TYLER!
Tyler: YEAH! Same team that my girlfriend!
Chris: Sorry, I have made an error. The last teammate for Team 1 is actually Ezekiel.
Ezekiel: Meow.
Tyler: What? You can't do that, Chris! I am an athlete!
Chris: Zip it. Team 1, you will be known as the…. Incroyable Syphilis!
Izzy: Dizguzting.
Chris: And now, for Team 2, we have….
Cody
Gwen
Katie
Sadie
And Tyler!
Trent: Chris, you haven't name me.
Chris: Ah yeah? Well, you are part of team Incroyable Syphilis now.
Gwen: Are you kidding? They already have six players and we only have five!
Chris: That means that less of your team will be eliminated, no?
Sadie: He has a good point.
Katie: A very good point.
Tyler: I am okay with that.
Cody: Without Trent on the team, I have more chance with Gwen.
Gwen: Fuck you guys.
Chris: So, Team 2, you will be known as…. The Delicious Lyme Decease!
Noah: Now I wanna puke.
Leshawna: Don't puke on ma team, yo scrawned eggs!
Lightning: That's sha-right! Sha-not in sha-front of my two sha-girlfriends!
Noah: Oh great.
Chris: Thanks for sticking with us, next episode is the departure! Don't miss the incredible begginign of Total
Drama
SUBMARINE!
