A/N: So here goes - my own fix-it, summer hiatus fanfic. I'm not sure exactly how long this will be yet, but I'll try to update at least once a week. This is going to be Shamy-related, of course, but it will also feature the whole gang (except that it won't be exactly whole... let's just say that the "Absence" part of the title does not necessarily refer to who you think it might refer, but that's for later.)

A big thank you to Stefania (teoriapostmoderna) and koops for giving me their opinion on this prologue, and to Katie (What's a hickey) for correcting my mistakes and looking out for my Briticisms.


Prologue


From the moment he had sent an e-mail – the first since his departure – informing his friends that he had started the last leg of his four months long voyage, Sheldon had imagined a wide array of possible "welcome back" scenarios.

The first one – his favorite even though he would never admit it – featured all six of his friends, anxiously waiting for him with flowers and presents. Leonard would hug him, and he would pretend not to like it; Penny would kiss him on the cheek, and he would pretend not to like it; Raj, Howard and Bernadette would pat him on the back, and he would pretend not to like it. And Amy...well, he would walk up to Amy, he would put his hands on her hips where they belonged, and kiss her full on the mouth. They would walk out of the train station hands in hands, ready to catch up on four months of lost intellectual conversations, tea drinking sessions, and passionate good night kissing. They would discuss living arrangements and, after a while, he would convince Amy that this trip had opened his eyes and they would end up sharing his old flat.

The only problem was – Sheldon wasn't sure the four months he had spent on the road had opened his eyes to anything other than the fact that his love for trains had been widely overrated.

The second scenario had only Leonard and Penny waiting for him, wedding bands on their fingers and smiles on their faces. They would take him to eat an ice cream and, after he'd filled his stomach with the strawberry and vanilla delight, they would take a deep breath and tell him about everything that had changed in his absence. They had gotten married, obviously, and had decided to live in 4A. "We've moved all your stuff to 4B," Leonard would say, and Sheldon's face would turn into a grimace. "Don't worry, we've packed the comic books with extra care," Penny would explain, misreading the expression on Sheldon's face, and Leonard would nod enthusiastically. "You're going to love it, there – Penny even agreed to properly clean up the place." Penny would then proceed to tell she'd found an amazing role, maybe something on the next Avengers movie, or the upcoming season of Game of Thrones, and that once she had finished shooting, Leonard and her would try to make a baby. Leonard would then inform him that Siebert had said that once he had finished goofing off on the railways, Sheldon was expected back at Caltech to resume his work on String Theory. Sheldon – literally livid at this point of the conversation – would protest that he had found a new field of study he liked, but Leonard would dismiss that, "Siebert won't care," and Sheldon would whimper. The last straw, though, would be Penny saying "Amy moved on, too. She had a make over, found herself a new boyfriend a week after your departure, and they're now expecting twins."

That was the scenario that kept him up at night, the one that twisted his stomach in knots, and that he didn't like to think about, like, at all.

The third scenario – perhaps the most likely of all, as Leonard and Penny were probably too busy sucking off each other's face or discussing wedding cakes – involved only Amy. Waiting for him with her arms crossed beneath her chest and an unreadable facial expression, she would silently help him take all the things he had accumulated on his travels to her car. The ride home would be silent and uncomfortable and, whenever Sheldon tried to talk, she would just glare at him and not answer. After a while, Sheldon would realize she wasn't taking him to Los Robles Avenue, and that scenario had several possible endings.

The first would be a literal ending, as she would drive him into the desert, shoot him, and bury him deep in the sand, revenge for walking out on her and breaking her heart. It was highly unlikely, but Sheldon had awoken from that nightmare covered in sweat and shivering like a leaf more than once over the last few months.

The second ending was much less deadly, although it still involved unnecessary amounts of bodily harm. She would take him to her place, and start hitting him everywhere – each punch to his arm, his face, his stomach a day he had spent far from her, not calling her. Sheldon would take the hits stoically, knowing deep down that he deserved them, and would then walk out of her life, finally setting her free to move on. This was what a Buddhist monk he had met in New Jersey had told him he should do (minus the hitting part – that one had been inspired by re-runs of Without A Trace on TV) – "This woman obviously wants more than you will ever be able to offer her," he had said. "Staying with her is a selfish act. If you truly love her, you will let her go." It was heartbreaking, somehow, but Sheldon knew it was probably what would have to happen. If there was one thing he'd realized on his travel, it was that he loved Amy very much – he just wasn't sure it was ever going to be enough for her.

The third ending to that scenario was a happier, and thus highly unrealistic one. After arriving at her Glendale apartment, Amy, ever the dutifully perfect girlfriend, would cook him a meal of spaghetti with little pieces of hot dog cut up in it. This would be the last proof Sheldon needed, the one he had known he would get even if he had been half hoping he never would – the proof of Amy's unconditional love for him. No matter what, she would always be there for him, even through the changes, a constant in his life that he would never let out of his sight ever again. Following the advice of a hippie who had talked his ears off in Oregon, he would sneak behind her while she was stirring tomato sauce in a pot, sliding his arms around her hips, and he would kiss her on the neck, nibbling at her skin, inhaling her scent, nuzzling her hair. He would let his hands travel her curves, mentally comparing her breasts to the mountains he'd failed to climb and the small of her back to the lakes he'd almost drowned in on his own journey. But he'd know, then, that Amy's body would never be dangerous like these mountains and lakes had been. It would have taken him four months – four years, really – but he would know by now – Amy was the key to his happiness. He would turn her around, and she would look at him, hope, uncertainty and love dancing in her green eyes, and he would kiss her long and hard and firm and he would unbutton her cardigan without letting go of her lips, only breaking off their kiss to take off his own shirts. He would push her to her couch – the one that had seen their first kiss – and have his way with her there and then. Four years of pent up frustration, both emotional and sexual, that would culminate there and then, as he would finally slide home. Amy would come first and he would join her soon after, and they'd be spent and happy and finally, finally free.

Sheldon never really liked to dwell on how much he liked this scenario, a scenario that had sometimes plagued him in the shower or in bed late at night. He always tried to reason himself – Sheldon, hippies and psychics know nothing. If Amy really were the key to your happiness, you'd know it because you are smarter than anyone will ever be – but it was still there, at the back of his mind.

Truth be told, four months after his departure, Sheldon wasn't quite sure how he felt yet, but he figured that whatever feeling would surface when he first saw his friends and/or Amy on the platform would be the one he was going to act up on. These scenarios were just that, after all. The reality of the situation would drive him more than fantasies ever would. Especially since, as he stepped down onto the platform, the reality turned out to be one he had not expected at all – no one was waiting for him.


A/N: thank you for reading! Want to know a secret? Reviews make me write faster. ;)