Chapter One
It Cannot Stay the Same

I hugged my legs closer to my chest and bit my lower lip, holding my breath as to not show how weak I am. I know I'm stronger than this, yet even here in a public place I can't seem to control my emotions.

Could these tears be any colder, as they cruelly sweep down my red face?

I hope no one can see me. It's really dark and frozen in this movie theater. Even though I want to be ignored, I somehow secretly want someone to notice me. I'm so lonely right now. But I'm a fool for wanting what I can't have. In this world, everyone is only out for themselves. If they find someone who needs help, they'll never take time out their day to give that assistance. This was the world my creator selfishly brought me into…

I really have no reason to cry. I guess this movie is a bit sad. For a girl who just had a tremendous break-up, I suppose a romance movie was not a pleasant idea. I need to get out of here, when is this going to end?

I closed my eyes and rested my head in my knees, hiding my face with my arms. I'm pathetic, I already knew this. I probably look like a mess to everyone around me, my hair down and thrown on clothing. Or perhaps they just don't care.

Before I knew it, the lights in the theater came on. I grasped my knees harder as people began shimmying passed me to get out. I waited until the large room was completely empty before I dared to lift my head. Looking around, it was bright but oh so silent. My feet touched the floor below, and I struggled to get up. I needed to get out before someone came to clean.

I almost ran up towards the double doors, and they started to open. I pushed myself passed the man, and ran all the way out of the theater and down to my car, which was waiting patiently for me in the front of the parking lot.

When I stepped into the driver's seat and shut the car door, I paused to breathe. I began to wonder if all girls felt like this when the person they loved just up and left. Someone who's been with them for over four years, suddenly deciding they were bored and sick of them.

I started the car and pulled out of my parked state, turning and pushing forward to the main road. Once getting on, I tried to stay focused on my driving, but my mind kept wandering to the memories I had with the one I once called "lover."

I really wonder what he's doing right now. Is he regretting what he said? Is he trying to reach me by the cell phone I shut off? Is he missing me as much as I'm missing him?

Suddenly I hear a woman's scream, and I snap back to it. What I see before me is a moving scene too fast to completely register. Am I driving straight into a tree?


Beep

Beep

Beep

Beep

Those irritating sounds in repetition… the only thing telling me my heart is still pounding against my ribcage. Everything is numb. I can't open my eyes, and all I can hear is the constant shouting of the machine.

Where am I?

This feeling of being unable to do anything whatsoever… it's kind of sad. Unhappy are the feelings I felt before I ended up here… yet I can't remember why I felt that way. Is anyone here with me, or am I in solitude? I don't… I really would not like to be alone. I wish someone would say something to me. Anything. Just let me know I'm not here, feeling like this, all by myself.

Suddenly, as if someone heard my request, I began hearing muffled whispers. Maybe it was just my ears working better to hear more than the beeping from the machine, but it made me feel better and it gave me hope.

"I'm surprised she's survived this long," I managed to hear a low voice from who I figured was a gossiping male nurse. No way would a doctor be that straightforward, right?

"Doctor Grant, please refrain from saying such things once that daily visitor arrives," a kindly female chirped in a bit angrily at the one before. A doctor really did just confess he had no hope in me.

"It was shocking when he said he was just a friend," a third and most feminine voice entered the conversation, "the way he visits her and stays by her side is so romantic!"

"Just get back to work," the man whom I've recognized at Doctor Grant scolded the nurses and then there were footsteps, telling me he left the room.

Who's visiting me? It can't possibly be the one who broke my heart only a week ago, can it? If so, why'd he say he was just a friend?

I'm so lost…

After awhile of silence I lost consciousness again. I woke again to the machine's loud and constant noises that rang to the rhythm of my heartbeat. Still I was unable to open my eyes or move.

"Wake up," a sweet, gentle voice like an angel's rang in my ears. "Wake up and tell me why you did this."

I wanted more than anything to tell this person what happened, that it was an accident and not an act of suicide, but my lips would not open for my words. I knew this voice. I know it's not my ex-boyfriend, but who the heck is it?

I wish I could see him.

"Ah, sir, visiting hours are just ending," one of the nurses from before approached my bedside.

"Please, can't I just-"

"You ask this every day without hesitation," the nurse sighed. "I'd love to let you stay, but sadly it's against the rules. You're a kind lad; I look forward to see you again tomorrow. If anything happens we'll let you know.

The boy whose voice I've forgotten sighed. "I wish to be here if something happens," he said, and I heard him get up from his seat. "I want to be the first person she sees."

"I understand, sir. Let me guide you to the way out."

N-no… please… don't leave me here… alone

Beep

Beep

Beep

Beep

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep…