A bottle of Scotch,

A broken phone,

"Bas?" Kurt's voice echoes through the apartment as he pushed open the door. He'd been expecting Sebastian to at least make an appearance at his birthday party, if not for him than for the discount tequila shots and the promise of getting laid after, but the boy had been missing for over a day, ignoring all their friends, and not even responding to Kurt's texts, on his birthday of all days. Kurt shuts the door quietly, leaving his key and the bag of leftover food and alcohol he'd brought with him on the counter.

"Kurt?" The reply is quiet more a confirmation of what Seb must already know than anything. Kurt follows the sound down the narrow hallway into Sebastian's living room.

He stops short when he steps into the room, his mouth dropping open wide. Sebastian is sprawled in the middle of his floor, a half empty bottle of scotch on the floor beside him. The cup he'd been drinking from is smashed on the floor by the wall, the shattered remnants of his phone cradled in one hand. He blinks up at Kurt a few times, eyes cloudy with alcohol, before what day it is and what he's missed seems to dawn on him.

"I-Shit. Kurt, I'm sorry, I forgot." His voice is quiet, flat and empty sounding, nothing like the snark that Kurt is so used to. Kurt raises an eyebrow, kneeling down and picking up the bottle of scotch.

"Forgot about my birthday or about your promise that you were going to share this bottle of scotch with me?" Kurt asks, his gentle teasing doing nothing to stop the note of concern from bleeding into his voice.

"Both." Seb replies quietly, squeezing his eyes closed, doing his best to block out the world.

"And the phone tried to remind you?" Kurt knows he's prying, knows that Sebastian has to have a good reason for being so stupid.

"The phone kicked off the whole mess." Sebastian goes to sit up, wincing as he puts pressure on his hand. Kurt shifts closer, gently opening his fingers. All of a sudden Sebastian's eyes are open again, his head snapping around so he can stare at the few drops of blood gathered in the centre of his palm. He pulls his hand away quickly, curling his hand back into a fist, his eyes flicking up to Kurt's face.

"Bas, what happened?" Kurt says slowly, fixed on the way that Seb's eyes widen almost fearfully before he turns away.

"Phone call, nothing special." Seb replies, tearing his eyes away from Kurt. He looks down at his feet for a second, taking a few deep breaths, steadying himself and willing the world to stop spinning.

"Sebastian, nothing would not have you finishing half a bottle of scotch alone in your apartment when you knew it was my birthday. What's wrong?" Kurt's words are clipped and his final question comes out as more of an order than a query. But he knows how his boyfriend gets, how he locks his thoughts up inside himself, only communicating by lashing out.

Sebastian turns away, wrapping his arms around himself with a shiver, despite the fact that the apartment is warm enough that Kurt is itching to remove his sweater (which is, as he's realized before, quite possibly Sebastian's intention. He doesn't reply though, choosing instead to curl up tighter, visibly pulling in to himself.

"Bas..." Kurt tries again, taking a deep breath before continuing. "Just tell me something, sweetheart." Sebastian is silent for a few more seconds, his shoulders tightening before he rolls them, relaxing his arms down to his sides.

"Ku-urt." When Sebastian does speak it comes out as more of a sob than anything, his whole body shaking with it. At first Kurt doesn't know how to react, this is Sebastian. Sebastian who holds himself so close, always teasing and prodding at everyone else, always careful to keep a guarded smirk in place. Sebastian who had it had taken a month to utter a genuine moan during sex, rather than the staged almost pornographic sounds he normally uttered. Sebastian who would never, ever cry in front of his boyfriend.

Kurt shifts closer, wrapping his arms around Seb's shoulders and pulling him to his chest. He cards his fingers through his hair, humming and making little shushing sounds until the boy in his arms stops shaking. They stay like that for a few minutes, Kurt humming quiet melodies and Sebastian resting against him. Seb takes a few deep breaths, steadying himself, before he tries to speak.

"I thought I'd get a chance to prove him wrong. I thought he'd get to see just how fucking wrong he was about me." Sebastian's words are quiet; shaking with a silent fury that Kurt can feel radiating out from him. He doesn't stop the motion of his hand, only shifting the lower one so it's pressed against Sebastian's chest instead of his waist. He doesn't need to ask about the he in question, he knows all about his boyfriend's rocky relationship with his father.

"And then he had-" Sebastian's body tightens, another sob breaking free from his throat. Kurt just holds him, silently urging him to continue. "He had to go and fucking die on me. Without giving me a chance to prove that I can do this." Sebastian pulls away, looking at Kurt with wide eyes, tear tracts staining his face. "He never fucking gave me a chance to show him how much I love you."

"Bas, I'm sorry." Kurt, of all people, knows how little that phrase means, know that it is never enough, that it doesn't help that someone is sorry when your whole world is shaking. But he has nothing better to say, because what means anything in the face of a loss.

"It's not your fault. None of it is your fucking fault, Kurt." Seb snaps back, swallowing another sob.

"I know." Kurt says quietly, brushing a tear from Sebastian's cheek.

"I just-" Seb starts after a minute, biting his lip and looking down at the floor.

"What?" Kurt prompts.

"I wish I actually hated him. It would just..." He shudders, breathing deeply, his mind whirring with the attempt to put his thoughts into words. "Things would be easier if I didn't-if I hadn't loved him so damn much." Kurt doesn't have an answer for that either, instead he just pulls Sebastian back to his chest and soothes him.

They stay like that for what feels like hours; Sebastian curled into Kurt's side, Kurt's fingers working through his hair. Eventually they climb into the bed, barely separating on the way, settling beneath the sheets without a word. They fall asleep tangled together, Sebastian's head still on Kurt's chest. It doesn't really help, nothing but time does, but it's a start.