You Serious?
A/N: It took me a long time to like this pairing, mainly because the Joker hasn't really been depicted as the world's handsomest man much. But then I saw drawings by thundertori on deviantart (check them out), so as long as I imagine the Joker looking like that (hubba-hubba), I'm fine with the whole thing. Alright, I'm done ranting now. Enjoy my new story!
BBB
Batman swung from rooftop to rooftop, looking for Gotham's first correctional facility. The Joker had recently escaped Arkham, again, threatening to kill a young female intern if they didn't let him walk out the front door. The damn clown was still holding the intern hostage, as he made very clear over the radio this morning, and demanded to see Batman at the old asylum. Only Batman: no police, no military, no sidekicks. If Joker saw anyone other than a man dressed as a bat, he'd kill the young lady. Typical Joker.
Typical, yet always confusing. The Bat could never quite figure out the crazed man's ultimate plan, and this one was no exception. Why was Joker so insistent on meeting only him at this place? Batman figured it to be a trap, but decided to go along with it anyway. He told the police and Robin to stay out of this and leave it to him.
He didn't feel good about this. It should be just a simple rescue mission, but the Bat felt like it was something more. After all, the tone in the clown's voice was… different. He couldn't tell how.
He found the old, dilapidated building on the far east side of the city. He landed in front of it and read the sign: "Cross Corrections". It was the asylum that preceded Arkham, founded by a woman named Monica Cross. It might have been an ancient place, but Bruce heard the technology and methods used here were far ahead of its time. And with the Joker fixing up the place, the machines were probably working better than ever.
Batman used his detective vision to look around. There were no thugs outside the building or looking out the windows. Batman tried opening the front door. It was unlocked. What is going on here? He thought. He carefully walked into the foyer, and as soon as he did the lights came on.
"There you are, Bats. I was getting worried I'd have to blow this little lady's brains out." The Batman heard that grating falsetto voice through a microphone. "Come here, Batsy. Follow the sultry sound of my voice." The Joker giggled. Batman used the computer in his glove to track the sound. As Bruce went through the building he made sure to check every room with detective vision to make sure he wouldn't miss anything. There were no henchmen to be found. Batman was worried; what if there was no one here and Joker led him on a wild goose chase? What if the girl was already dead? Batman started running now, looking for any signs of life. Finally, he saw people through the walls. Three armed thugs, and two people sitting in chairs – no, one person sitting in a chair and one person tied to a chair. The Bat burst through the door.
"Let her go, Joker!" Batman was surprised to see only Joker sitting in the room when he turned off the detective vision. The clown sat by what seemed like a one-way window in a mostly padded cell. Someone closed the door behind him and locked him in the room with the crazy man. "What is this, Joker?" Batman tried kicking the door open, but to no avail. "Where's the girl?"
"She's right there, silly bat." Joker motioned to the window and a light came on behind it, revealing the poor intern tied to a chair and gagged, makeup running down her face as she had been crying for hours. Three of Joker's men surrounded her, their semi-automatics pointing to her head. "I tried to give the girl makeup tips but she wouldn't listen." He laughed. Batman already had enough, and leaped at the Joker, curling his fingers around that pale neck.
"Let her go, or I'll…"
"Or what? Kill me?" Joker coughed out. "That's exactly what the rules are! If you don't kill me, I'll have my stooges kill the lovely lady."
"What are you talking about?" Batman asked. He never heard the clown say that before, at least not so blatantly. What kind of joke was this? What was the trick?
"I'm serious, Bats. Kill me, and the lady lives, as well as everyone else in this shithole of a city. That's what you want, right? A world safe from the big bad Joker. All you have to do is squeeze a little harder, or use a batarang to carve out my heart."
"What's the matter, Joker, finally had enough?" Batman asked. Why does the Joker suddenly have a death wish? No, Joker knows that Batman will never kill. He's just playing, as usual. "I'll never do that." Bruce let go of the clown's neck.
"You have no choice, Batty." Joker smiled.
Batman accessed his situation. The window was most likely bulletproof. The rest of the room was heavily padded, even the door, which he already tried opening. There was only one knob on the door and it was on the outside so he couldn't pick the lock. There were no vents, either. None of that mattered anyway, because if he tried doing something the henchmen would shoot the girl. He couldn't alert the police or Robin, because they wouldn't get here in time and the Joker would know if he did. They were in the middle of the building, so he couldn't call the Batmobile to break down the walls and take out the henchmen. The Batwing would destroy the crummy building and everyone in it. He was stuck. He either had to murder the madman or have the girl shot instead. Difficult choice, right?
But Batman couldn't do it. He wouldn't dare become a murderer for the sake of the human race. It would curse him forever. But maybe he could suffocate Joker long enough to just make him unconscious?
"I can read your thoughts, you know." Joker broke the silence. "This wonderful facility has heart monitors built into this room. My boys will know if someone's really dead in here or not."
"Why aren't you killing me instead?" Batman balled up his fists. "You got me trapped in here with you. You could kill me instead of her. A much bigger prize, don't you think?"
"Good point, but what fun is life when you're not around?" The clown smiled.
"I wish I could say the same, but even so, I won't take a life." Bruce looked at the girl. She was no longer crying, actually, she seemed to be coming to terms with her fate. It was painful to see that look on someone's face. Don't give up… He said to himself, and silently to her. "That won't stop me from beating you until you're half-dead."
"Oh Bats, I knew you'd make this difficult. I guess I have no choice…" He raised his hand to a thug, signaling him. The biggest one pressed a button on the wall and blinds for the window came down.
"No!" Batman pressed his hands on the Plexiglas. "Don't do it!"
"They can't hear you, and will you let me finish my sentence?" Batman glared at the evil clown. "I guess I have no choice… but to give you another option."
"And what would that be?" The Bat had that bad feeling again.
"Fuck me." Joker said bluntly. Bruce blinked a few times, not sure if he heard that right.
"Excuse me?" The Dark Knight asked, almost squeaking.
"You heard me." Joker stood and took off his purple jacket. "Must I tell you of the birds and the bats?"
"With you?" Batman tried not to flinch. "You can't be…"
"But I am…" The Clown Prince of Crime's face was inches away from the Bat's. "… Serious. I've been very serious, lately. Especially how I feel about you. It took a while to understand what it was. Hell, I thought it was just another mental issue to tack onto my résumé." He circled around the caped man. "But I can't help it. I'm attracted to you, Batsy. And whether you like it or not, you're gonna have to do something about it. Or kill me. Or kill the girl. Whichever you prefer."
Batman was at a complete loss for words. Joker attracted to somebody is quite a feat in itself, since he's so self-centered, but to be attracted to Batman was the most unbelievable thing. And the Dark Knight did not believe. Oh sure, a madman could have sexual needs, but why not use a girl? Why not Harley? She's willing to open her legs for her Puddin'. And if Joker was gay, why not one of those thugs out there? Why in love with… wait, Joker didn't say love, he just said 'attracted'. Maybe the clown was playing him after all.
"My offer has a time limit, Bats." Joker snapped Batman from his thoughts. "If you don't decide, the pretty girl's gonna get a shave and a haircut." He raised his fist to the window, as if about to knock on it. Batman grabbed Joker's arm and swung him into the chair, leaving wooden pieces everywhere with the pale man in the middle.
"You're sick. I'm not playing games with you."
"It's no game." Joker sat up. "But we could make it one! Maybe, a king and his slave? Cop and his prisoner? Husband and wife?" He held his stomach as he giggled.
"That's enough." Batman gritted his teeth.
"Oh, I see." Joker put a hand to his chin. "You've never done it with a man, have you?"
"And you have?" Why did Bruce just ask that? He felt his face get hot.
"A few times. With women, too." The clown said casually. The Bat knew it. Uses and loses. "But who cares about my little black book? I have my eyes set on a big, black-clad bat."
Batman stared at the Joker, simply dumbfounded. Maybe he was serious. But it's true; Bruce never had sex with a man. He never wanted to. However, he wasn't homophobic or anything and it's not like he didn't know how it was done. But… the Joker, of all men, was forcing this upon him.
The Bat, for the first time, looked over the crazed clown assessing his attractiveness. The Joker was a handsome man: tall, slim body yet still fit, very pale but still flawless skin, and pointy yet esteemed facial features. His hair was green but it always looked nice. He tried imagining the Joker smiling normally, instead of like a lunatic, and he liked what he imagined: a slight curve in the red lips and brightness in those perfect, white teeth. And his eyes… his eyes were a problem. Yes, they were a lovely shade of green, but the glow in them was that of a homicidal maniac, not a lovesick man.
"I don't believe you." Batman folded his arms.
"I don't believe me, either." Joker shrugged. "But you will believe two bullets through that dumb blonde head of the girl's." He grinned. "Hey, fucking's not as bad as killing, right? I'm trying to help you, here! You can end it all…" He turned over and stuck his ass out. "With mine!" He laughed hysterically. "Unless you want me to fuck you, which would be pretty strange if you ask me."
"Fine."
"I'm sorry, fine with what?"
"I'll have sex with you." Bruce finally decided to suck it up and do it. Feeling shame was nowhere near as bad as having blood on his hands. He took off his belt and cape and climbed on top of the clown.
"Now hold on…" Joker was surprised, but he'd have been surprised by any choice the Bat made.
"What now?"
"There are rules."
"More?" Batman cringed. He really didn't want to think too much about this. He was about to have sex with his mortal enemy. Wasn't that enough?
"You have to make me feel good." Joker purred. "I don't care if you're rough or sweet, Sweets, but you can't just put peg A into slot B. Got it?" He removed his white gloves with his teeth, revealing just as white but long, slender fingers underneath.
"… Got it." Batman leaned down and did something he would have never done before… kissed the Joker. It was a forced kiss at first, until… the Dark Knight started to like it. No, he had to like it, because Joker told him to… right? The Clown Prince kissed right back, opening his mouth slightly to push his long tongue inside the Bat's sweet mouth. Batman let it happen, and their tongues danced together slowly. Joker smiled into the kiss and put his arms around the Bat's neck, pulling him closer. He knows how to kiss… Bruce thought, lifting the thin clown a bit so his back rested on the padded wall. He broke the kiss and moved his lips to Joker's white neck, making sure to leave marks.
"Ooh, Bats, you're pretty good." The clown ran his hands over Bruce's back. Batman undid Joker's tie and quickly unbuttoned his orange shirt, leaving a trail of rough kisses down his pale shoulders and chest. His gloved fingers found the Joker's nipples and squeezed hard. "AAH!" Joker cried out.
"Are you sure they can't hear us?" Batman asked before licking the wounded nubs.
"They can't. I know how shy you are… ooh…" Joker let out a choked giggle while the Bat wrapped his strong arms around his back. Batman came across a bruise on Joker's stomach. He sat up a little and found more bruises scattered around his body.
"I didn't do this. Who did?" He asked the clown.
"Getting out of Arkham to see you wasn't easy, Bat-twat." Joker put his hands on the floor to keep himself from sliding. "Why don't you put that pretty mouth of yours to better use?" He pointed to his nether regions. "Down there."
Batman cringed a little. He reminded himself that if he didn't make the Joker feel good, he'd kill the lady. His eyes narrowed as he slipped his thumbs into the madman's pants and underwear (which was purple with green polka-dots) and pulled them down around his ankles. Joker was indeed excited, and smiled with pride. Batman wrapped his fingers around the clown's member and squeezed, making Joker groan loudly. He removed Joker's shoes and pants completely as he stroked the pale manhood so he could get in between his legs easier. He leaned down so he was face to face with it, and looked up into the Clown Prince's eyes. For the first time, the Bat actually saw some vulnerability in those manic eyes and a blush across his cheeks to match. Bruce felt confident, and swallowed Joker's dick whole.
"YAAAH!" Joker squealed, followed by pitiful laughter. "Holy shit, Bats…" He jerked his hips up into the Bat's hot mouth. He looked down and watched the Dark Knight suck his dick, and nearly passed out at the sight. The man's lips looked beautiful around him, and those blue eyes glittered with smugness. Those leather-clad hands rubbed his white thighs and ass roughly. This is what he wanted from the Bat for a long time, and he was finally getting it.
However, something was wrong. Something was… missing… but the clown brushed it off. It was probably nothing. Well, they were missing some lube and a condom, but who needs that shit, right? Joker tried putting his hands on Batman's head to push him down more, but he felt strong hands pull his wrists away.
"Don't touch the mask." The Bat ordered quietly, trying not to make Joker mad.
"Oh, right, sorry." Joker put his hands up and smiled as innocently as he could. Batman left the clown for a moment to grab his belt, finding some ointment. "Aw, how sweet, thinking of my bottom."
"It's not the right stuff, but it should help." Bruce came back between Joker's legs and opened the tube, letting some ointment out on his fingers. He coated it around his digits and carefully put one into Joker's pink opening. The clown jumped a little and moaned, starting to take deep breaths. "Does it hurt?"
"No, it's just… it's just been a while." Joker replied almost cutely. Almost, that's the key word. It could never be completely. Could it? Batman's face flushed as he thrust his gloved finger in and out of the Joker's entrance, enjoying the view. The clown was writhing and squirming all because of his finger. If this was the way he could submit the criminal clown, then that was just fine with him. He leaned in and kissed the red lips again as he added another finger. Joker moaned in the deep kiss. Batman used his other hand to stroke the clown's member again. As Joker was distracted by that, Bruce added one more digit. He pushed them in as far as they could go, finding the Clown Prince's prostate. "Fuck!" He cursed against the Bat's lips.
"If you insist." Batman joked dryly. He pulled his fingers out and took off his groin plate.
"Ha-ha, Bat-babe." Joker looked down and saw a bulge inside the grey spandex. "So you are enjoying it, huh? That thing must be dying to get inside me. By the way, that's a two-piece, right? I always wondered how you could go to the little bat's room if it wasn't."
Batman didn't respond with words. He simply pulled the lower half of his outfit down until his member was free. Joker hid his true surprise with a fake, girly gasp. The Batman had a penis to be proud of. "I-I must say, I'm impressed. I hope it isn't just for show." He grabbed the Bat's dick and stroked it slowly. Batman couldn't help but let out a groan. He didn't realize how aroused he was; he was too busy thinking of the Joker's pleasure rather than his own. But he was going to fix that now.
"Put your legs around my waist." Batman said as he applied the ointment to himself. Joker, for once, did what he was told. Bruce lined himself up to the clown's entrance, and thrust in a few inches.
"Sh-shit… oh, fuck…" Joker swore and hissed in slight pain, but soon laughed it off. He had to admit, he liked pain, especially from the Batman. The damn clown felt so good around Bruce's cock, so hot and tight. "Come on, Batman, put it all in! Fuck me!" Batman didn't need to be told again. He put his hands on thin, white hips and pushed deep inside Joker until he was fully sheathed. The two rivals both took deep breaths before the Bat started thrusting in and out of the clown slowly but with much force. "Uuh, Bats… so good…" The clown's body shivered in ecstasy, his fingers clenching the soft floor beneath them. He could hardly breathe, and could hardly believe he was being fucked by Batman… who was now his Batman.
The Dark Knight sped up his movements and began plowing into the Joker, wrapping his arms around his small waist. His cock hit Joker's prostate and the clown screamed, spouting curses and pleas out of his mouth. "Fuck me, Batman!" He fucked the Joker harder and harder until he came inside the clown while he came simultaneously, all over Batman's uniform. He nearly collapsed over the clown but used his strength to sit up and pull out.
Bruce came to his senses as the high wore off. What did he just do? He had sex with his arch-nemesis, that's what. And a man. And he enjoyed it. He felt ashamed. But he did it to save the young doctor. But he wasn't in the clear yet. "Was that good?" He didn't address the issue immediately; it might anger the madman. Yes, madman, not 'new lover' or something ridiculous like that. He took out a tissue from his belt and cleaned himself off.
"No, it wasn't." Joker caught his breath and looked up menacingly into those blue eyes, which were now showing anger and confusion. "It was… GRRREAT!" He threw his arms into the air and laughed. Batman breathed a sigh of relief.
"Then let her go." The Bat insisted.
"Oh, yeah, almost forgot." Joker pulled out a small communicating device from his jacket pocket. "Moe, unlock the door now, and then start running. The Bat might come to get you."
"Wh-what about the broad?" The thug sounded nervous.
"Leave her behind, boys. Save yourselves!" Joker said dramatically before turning the communicator off and laughing. When he looked at the Batman again, he was already dressed. They heard a click and the door opened slightly. "What, no 'thank you'?"
"Thank you." Bruce said, but hardly meant it. He still wasn't sure if the intern was still alive. Since when does Joker keep his promises?
"I hope we can do this again." Joker said, putting on his pants. "Because if we don't, I'll have to take my frustration out in other ways."
"Did you think I'd just leave you here?" Batman tried ignoring what the jester said. He went to grab the clown. "I'm taking you back to Ark…" He couldn't finish his sentence as Joker kneed him in the stomach and ran off into the corridor, though not as fast as usual because he was just fucked in the ass. Batman ran out the door to find Joker halfway down the hallway with a button in his hand. He made sure the Bat watched him press it, and they heard beeping noises from everywhere. The Dark Knight looked up and saw TNT planted on the ceiling.
"Not just here, but everywhere!" Joker called to his Batman. "You have 25 seconds to get out! It's me or the lady, Bats!" The clown laughed as he ran down the way Batman came in. The Bat acted quick, going to the girl, breaking the chair she was tied in and grabbed her, looking for a window to jump out of.
"Duck your head!" Batman told the intern. She listened, and Bruce used the grappling hook to break through the shabby window and it latched onto a nearby building. They barely landed on the rooftop before the whole correctional facility exploded.
BBB
R&R! I'll try to update real soon!
