"Hello, Berry residence."

"I've got something for you. Come over."

"Why don't you come over?"

"I can't drive right now."

"Then walk."

"Not likely."

"You're drunk."

"I'm horny."

"You're drunk."

"And horny."

"I know you're horny and I would like to help, but—"

"—Too many and's and but's, woman. I'm horny so just come over and look at my blunt tusk.

"Nice, smooth even—for a drunk— but a tusk is a tooth not a horn."

"How about this? How about I tell you I'm leaving? I'm in haste and it seems I've overpacked; come over, woman, and sit on my trunk."

"That would have worked better in the elephant's case."

"Do you like it when I'm an animal?"

"Smug devil."

"I'd prefer if you called it*, my devil."

"I must not sin."

"Berry, come on! I just want to fuck. Come over... please."

"You're drunk, Fabray; you probably can't even get it up—properly."

"I can bring things to the table most smashed men can't."

"That's nice."

"That's nice? I'm telling you that I can do it…we can do it. What's the problem?"

"The problem is: I demand finesse, dexterity and stamina. You can save your "doing it" for your fist and your socks."

"Once in a while everyone needs a quick, hard, sloppy, raw—"

"—You lost me at quick."

"God, if you come over…If you come over right now. Right. Fucking. Now. I promise your feet would never touch the floor. I'd bear the brunt of our burden; the carpet burns, the scratches. It'd only take me a few hours to show you how I ache. I'd give you such a thrashing for making me wait, for making me suffer, but I promise you, you would enjoy the pain so…fucking…much."

"Hang up the phone."

"Why?"

"I'm coming over."


A/N: o_O

Me: who's a slimeball?

Plotless Bunny: You are, cf!