The plot-bunnies assaulted me, and held me to ransom - this is what I had to write to escape their evil torture...It's a one-shot, but if I get some interest (i.e. reviews) I might continue it. Or if my many violent fluffy muses (a.k.a. the plot bunnies) decide it should be elaborated upon. I have a few ideas jostling for my attention, but it will take some motivation to get me down to work. This is my first M-rated fic, and I'm not even sure it qualifies, so feedback would be much appreciated.

Oh, and italics are flashbacks, just in case you were wondering.


It was all Naruto's fault. Naruto was the one who insisted on a party to welcome him back, a welcome back party with Lady Tsunade's premium sake, and Genma making the punch. Oh yes...it was all Genma's fault too, for sticking god-knows-what percentage alcohol in the punch, in an attempt to get Sakura into bed. Not that it worked – she disappeared off with Hiashi of all people, and then Genma had to deal with a drunk Lee hitting on him. Served him right.

But really, it was all Naruto's fault, for suggesting that in the spirit of reunited comrades, they should try one last time to see under their sensei's mask. For coming up with the oh-so-brilliant plan. For teaching him that useless, perverted, evil jutsu...though of course, he did make an absolutely ravishable girl...that was part of the problem. So his parents' faults too, for giving him his genes. And it was Ino's fault, for lending him that tight leather dress. It's not like Kakashi even looked weird under his mask – just normal, attractive man. Which was totally NOT the kind of thing he liked in a bed partner...well, except the attractive part. And since when had Naruto's plans worked before? If he'd known that the dobe had finally hit on a good idea, he would have refused to take part. He should have refused anyway...but he wanted to make a good impression now he was back at last, and Naruto's pleading eyes had been too much for him.

#

"Sasuke, you have to! He already knows what I look like as a girl, and Sakura's not his type! Come on, it'll be fun!"

"And how exactly am I meant to know about this party? It'll never work, dobe."

"I'll take you as my date! Then you can get him drunk, and it'll be easy, believe it!"

"It won't work. Kakashi won't just 'get drunk', he's a jounin."

"Awww...just give it a try Sasuke! Please?"

"Hn. Whatever. But if he catches us, which he will, I'm saying you made me do it as an act of penitence, okay?"

"Great! Right, activate your sharingan, and watch carefully."

#

It might even have been fine then, even with the leather dress, even with Naruto looking at his breasts, the pervert. Getting Kakashi drunk seemed easy, too easy, but that was before he knew that the punch was spiked. Stupid Genma. If it wasn't for his restraint-band (his main punishment upon return to Konoha – halved chakra and physical strength, plus constant tracking) he would beat the guy to a pulp for being so stupid. He was welcome to spike Sakura's drink, but the whole bowl of punch? It was funny seeing Kakashi drunk though.

#

"Kakashi? Would you like some more punch?"

"No thanks, I'll get tipsy if i have too much more. What's your name anyway?"

"I'm...um...Mikoto. So, you...err...want to go somewhere quieter? I'd like to get to know you...better."

The room was swaying slightly, but it took more then a bucking floor to knock Sasuke Uchiha down! Even with funny hips and extra long legs and stupid high shoes and the strange weight of his breasts. The mission was to see his sensei's face, through any means possible, and he wasn't about to fail his first Konoha mission in four years! He took Kakashi's hand (rough but soft, and much larger than usual...but in a good way) and lead him outside.

"Where do you want to go, Mikoto?"

His sensei's voice sounded different when he had girl-ears. Softer, warmer, and far more enticing. He could just imagine it whispering endearments in his ear, warm an breathy in the dark...why did he have to choose Mikoto as his fake identity? It was his mother's name for gods sake, and he didn't need to hear Kakashi say it so...sexily. And where could they go? Not to his house, that was for certain, even drunk Kakashi would notice the proliferation of Uchiha fans on the walls.

"Uh...is your place near? Mine's right on the edge of town..."

"It's nearer than yours. We'll be there in a flash."

And suddenly the world was spinning more than ever, and he was in Kakashi's arms, legs dangling and face buried in his chest. When did he start smelling so good? The warm chest against his nose smelt of warm grass, and heat, like the summers when he was a child, and something more...something wonderful. He snuggled closer, arms wrapping round the cloth-covered neck, just as Kakashi 'poofed' off.

#

He smelt the same now, only stronger, muskier, and all together sweatier. Still nice though, still warm and safe and lovely to be surrounded by. But definitely not nice enough to make up for the fact that it was there, emanating from the man next to him, the man who's ridiculous air of mystery had caused the whole problem. It was all Kakashi's fault too...though maybe not so much so, seeing as he probably would have noticed the henge if it wasn't for the punch. And the dress. And the simple fact that he was there, looking like an (unreasonably attractive) woman, instead of far away, a boy, killing his brother. There were going to be problems when the sleeping nin woke, the fact that his 'missing' student was in his bed instead of a hot woman not the only one. The front door might take a bit of explaining too...

#

He wasn't quite sure when holding hands had become kissing, but it didn't really matter. The point was, that the lips pressing against his were hot, firm, and oh-so-masculine. And the tongue battling his was strong and demanding, and sent shivers through his whole body, making his hands clench the rough wall. Those lips were clearly meant for kissing. Not eating, talking, or breathing, just kissing and caressing, and grazing across his chin and down his neck to suck below his ear. He wished he had a more attractive pant. It sounded too harsh, felt too harsh, ran up through his throat and back through his ears, to the point where Kakashi's teeth nibbled.

Kakashi. His sensei was giving him love-bites. They made him pant and writhe and push his hands into the messy hair. Thick, soft, impossibly angled, beautiful hair. On a man he had known since he was twelve. It was quite clearly sick...but right now that didn't matter, because the poppers of the dress were being un-done hurriedly, and he could feel those callused hands scraping lines of fire across his breasts, contrasting with the cold night air. How did girls cope with such sensitivity? Surely just running would leave them a panting, shuddering mess, as their clothes rubbed against the flesh? Maybe it was just being outside in the cold that did it...outside, where everyone could see them.

"Ka...gulp...Kakashi...can we take this...inside?"

"Of course, how discourteous of me."

Suddenly those hands found his rear, and lifted, letting the dress ride up round his waist, letting the unusually flat pad of his crotch rub against the hardness of his sensei. It made him whimper – the feeling, and the cold on his legs, and the fact that this was Kakashi, dammit! The man he'd known, and learned from, when he was twelve, was now groping his (feminine) buttocks, and grinding him against a wall for god's sake! The fact that it felt breathtaking had nothing to do with it. But before he could protest,the front door was kicked down, and he was swept inside, kisses raining down on his bard skin, to the bedroom.

#

It was definitely Kakashi's fault too. If the man hadn't been so damn impatient, he might have said something then! But after that, he was too busy feeling things to think. It all just became a blur of panting, and sensation, of the feel of having something in him, the feel of his throat vibrating as he whimpered and screamed. It was Kakashi's fault for being so damned good in bed. Or maybe that's just how it was for girls? No, he'd heard that some girls were impossible to please. He was just lucky to be one of the ones who found every movement a source of pleasure.

He sighed, and sat up slowly, shaking his long hair down his back. His long hair. Long. He stood, wobbled, and sat down again. Closed his eyes, opened them again slowly. Looked down. Breasts. The high-pitched scream that he produced only served to add to the evidence.


So, what did you think? Should I continue? Is the pairing just too sick and twisted? (By the way, Sasuke and the others from the rookie nine are now seventeen, so it's not kiddie molesting or anything.) Do you want it more graphic? More action-filled? More plot? Any comments or ideas you have, just tell me...and I might make it a multi-chapter