Chapter 1
Barnabas still could not understand it. He hoped that Trask would explain it to him, and that the explanation made some sort of sense.
It had been a simple exorcism. He had been there to complete the circle. Why had he been singled out that way? Why had he been so touched by the warmth that had enveloped them?
Trask sighed. "It would be easier if we were Catholics, then we would say that you called on saints to help, and that your prayers were heard. You, I think that in this Rome is right. We do need saints. We need to rediscover the heroic nature of love and goodness, and to know that when we say blessed are the meek, we do not mean blessed are the wimps. And for that we need to know the lives of the saints. One thing that they were not was wimps. They had a very strong will, or they would not have accomplished as much as they did. The Christian life is the heroic life if we are willing to see it that way."
"That is all right, Reverent, but how come I am now able to cross myself and all that?"
"Because you called on a saint, and he or she took notice of your... heroic virtue and let you know of it by removing that false constraint from your life."
"And what I am supposed to do?'
"Just go on as you have been doing. Only I am expecting you to come show up at evening services at least once a week."
"Go to services?'
"Is there any reason why you can't?"
"No, of course not... But what happened at the exorcism, exactly?"
"You called on the power of love to stop the anger and hurt that Violet represented. You called on people who could be trusted to show that love, people whom you respected and admired, people who had once cared for you, and who could be expected to continue to care from the other side."
"And why should I be the one rewarded?"
"Why not? Because you probably needed it most. It is not ours to questing the designs of the Almighty, only to be grateful for them."
"It is strange to able to... after such a long time."
"You will get used to it fast enough."
"I wonder if I deserve it."
"Of course you do, Why wouldn't you?"
"You meant that it is all over? That all is forgiven?"
"Yes. Why does it scare you so?"
"It does not scare me."
"It does. You believe that you do not deserve much. And now that you have been given this gift, you do not think that you are up to making the best of it. You prefer to stay outside, don't you?"
"I have learned to live with it."
"So learn to live without it. What have you got to lose?"
"You make it sound so... comfortable."
"No, it is not. But it is not as frightening as you make it out to e. And anyway, you are not a man to frighten easily. If you were, you'd not have lasted this long. You'd not be talking to me now. You have survived worse. Why does a blessing scare you so?"
"I do not know why... but yes, it does."
He had to make sure, Adam thought. He had to find out if there really was a mermaid. Then he'd be certain and...
And then what? What would it mean? Would it mean another chance for happiness, as he had not found in Collinwood?
Or maybe he was just crazy. Or would end up that way. Or catch his death from cold for going out to the beach in this weather.
Yet something told him that today he would find out. It mattered that he was out today...
It was as if he was being led, very gently, towards her. There was a mermaid there, and it was meant for him, only for him. And all he had to do was grab his chance.
There, in the water, why couldn't he see her?
Maybe if he got into the water...
It was cold. He'd catch pneumonia and die, he thought as he took off his clothes. It was madness, he thought, as he walked into the waves.
The water was not cold, to his surprise. It welcomed him, embraced him like a lover.
He swam. It was easy.. so easy... he could swim forever.
And then he knew that he had to dive. He took a deep breath and headed for the bottom.
He swam a long stretch and did not need to come up for air... Was it the bracelet of mermaid's hair that made it possible?
Now, if only the mermaid came to him...
Silvery fish darted by, and with their elongated bodies seemed to point the way in which he should go.
The seaweeds danced as he passed them, their long stems brushing against him. They invigorated him with their touch.
And then it was not seaweeds, but coral. He was in a coral palace all red and white... Bright as dead coral never looked on dry land.
And she was there, her green hair trailing after her in the current.
He went to her and extended his arms. She extended hers and their palms touched. Then their lips.
They swam together, the roughness of her fish tails grating his legs.
She let him go and swam away. He did not move. He was happy. Deliriously happy.
She was telling him that he had to go back. He understood that his air would run out if he did not. But he could come back as often as he wished.
And maybe one day he would not need to breathe air any longer...
"So it is over" Iris still had trouble convincing herself of it. "Violet will not come back."
"Yes. She no longer needs revenge."
"So it is settled. Over. Done with. I should feel relieved and I am. But I also feel a bit cheated."
"You wanted to win your fight with her." Julia said.
"Yes."
"Like her, you can't let go. Everything has to be settled to your satisfaction, no matter how long it takes."
"Is that so wrong?"
"We all want that, at one time or another. And many times it is possible. But not always. And it is best to understand that some issues cannot be settled."
"So what do I do? Resign myself to the way things are?"
"You could do worse. It is called letting go. It is not an easy thing to do, but it is necessary. For your own sake. It sounds like a cop-out, but it isn't"
"I wonder what is it that I should have done about Violet instead of what I did...Maybe all of this could have been avoided."
"It might, and it might not. We will never know. If we were all wise, then we'd always do the right thing and life would be a lot easier. But we are not, and we do the best we can. And when we make mistakes sometimes other people pay for them. It is unfair, but that's how it is. No one has come with a better system yet. I can't tell you what do to, but I can tell you about myself. I do have my own sorrows, just like you."
"You? What could you have"? No, Julia, you have it all together."
"It is not true. I do have my own sorrow, just like you, and I can't fix it. But I have learned how to bear it."
Iris seemed to think it over, then she asked. "What about Delia? You let her go, didn't you?"
"You know that I had to."
"Still, it is unfair that she walks while Violet died and I..."
"It is how it has to be. Accept it."
