Just because I was thinking and realised that it's been about a year since I became a NCIS fan, well a little over a year since I first bought the DVDs and the like, so I was inspired to write this because I started off as a massive Jenny fan...and I guess I still am.
The reason why she had been such a fearless and effective field agent back in the day lay most probably, in her inability to comprehend the seriousness of a situation until after it was over.
As such, the seriousness of how out of control she was at the moment had yet to register with her, it seemed she was now even fooling herself with the prim director façade.
Jennifer Shepard's life was one gigantic mess. A never ending cycle of stupid decisions and traumatic events.
It was made even more ridiculous when put in perspective with the fact that every decision she had ever made was in the aim of making her future as bright as possible.
And in desperation it seemed, she made even stupider decisions and let traumatic events affect her even greater than they should.
Her mother had died first, and later on she had left the man she was in love with standing at an airport, thinking she would be there when he returned, when in reality she was speeding away in a taxi, tears streaming down her face.
And then her father had been murdered, and she had let that destroy her and she acted like a hurt little girl as she obsessed over La Grenouille and risked her position, which was really the only tangible evidence of a life well lived she had, in order to hunt him down and put that bullet through his brain.
And now she was being attacked from within by some disease that she couldn't see or combat. But then again, self-destruction was nothing new to her.
Ridiculous decisions and a series of events that ate away at her until the one that finally destroyed her.
The seriousness of a gun battle never truly hit her until someone lay bleeding on the ground.
The seriousness of how out of control she was and how messed up her life had become only came to her with agonising clarity at the last possible moment…when all there was left to do was stare back at the past, horrified and filled with regret.
She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and resisted the urge to scream, as she reopened her eyes to find a handful of armed men streaming through the doorway.
This time, Jennifer Shepard felt fear.
